Abby's Two Warriors [Wounded Warriors 2] (Siren Publishing Ménage Everlasting)

by Marla Monroe

  “I’m sorry he’s doing this to you, Abby, but you’re his only chance at surviving this. You and I both know that if he doesn’t get moving and push himself he’s going to end up like so many others, out on the streets or worse, eating his gun.” The instant he said that Heath hated himself. It had been a low blow to do that to her.

  “Heath. Please,” she choked out.

  “If you go, I go. It’s as simple as that. I can’t watch him self-destruct and lose you at the same time, Abby. You are the only two people in the world who ever gave a fuck about me. No one bothered to get to know me, they just wrote me off as a screw-up who thought too much of himself. I can’t lose you both, Abby. You’re all that’s ever held me together.” Heath heard the catch in his voice. Just the idea of trying to live without them had his lungs seizing in fear. He wasn’t afraid to admit it either.

  “He needs you, not me. He can’t stand for me to be around him. What good is it for me to hang around when all it does is hurt us both?” she asked.

  “He’s hurting, Abby. Think about it. He believes that his life is over and he can’t do anything anymore. How is he going to support you and be a man for you when he can’t walk? It’s how men think. We want to be the breadwinners and the big strong giants who keep our women and children safe. Losing his legs basically emasculated him as sure as if they’d cut off his dick.” Heath couldn’t help but shudder and grab his own junk at that.

  He nearly didn’t make it off the couch in time to catch her before she crumpled to the floor sobbing, her body shaking as if she had a chill. He held her, rocking her in his arms and promising they’d make things right. Somehow he’d figure out a way to make good on that promise.

  Once she’d cried herself to sleep, Heath carried her to his bedroom, and after throwing a clean sheet over the top of the mattress, he gently laid her down and just stared at her for a long time. She was the most perfect woman on earth to him. Did he love her enough to let her go if it had been him back at the hospital missing part of his legs? Did he have the strength that Kermit had to have in order to push her away and out of his miserable life? Heath wasn’t sure he did. He couldn’t imagine a day without some part of Abby in it for him.

  He ran the fingers of the hand on his good arm through his hair, letting his nails dig into his scalp in hopes the pain would dull the encroaching panic. Abby’s face blurred then lost all color as he began to slip into that zone that sucked him in and held him there. He might scream for someone to get him out, but the sound never went anywhere. He couldn’t afford to do that now, but now, even Abby’s face was gone. And he fell, down, down, down.

  “Heath! Stop it! Stop it, Heath!”

  Abby’s voice cut through the fog in his head but he wasn’t sure why she was yelling at him or what he needed to stop doing. Heath tried to open his eyes, but he couldn’t because they already were. If they were open, where was Abby?

  He felt the sting of her slap, but not the pain. That disappeared when her slap knocked his sight back into focus. What he saw terrified him.

  “Abby!” he screamed and threw himself backward, not caring where the knife went as long as it wasn’t anywhere near her.

  “It’s okay, Heath. Calm down.” She crawled over to where he’d landed against the far wall of his bedroom.

  “What did I do? Are you okay? God, please tell me I didn’t hurt you!” He felt like his entire body was submerged in ice water. What had he done?

  “No, Heath. I’m fine. You didn’t do anything. I guess I fell asleep and you put me in here. Then when I woke up and got out of bed, I called out, but you didn’t answer. I thought maybe you’d left for something, but I heard something in your closet. When I opened the door, you were in there with your rifle and that knife,” she said nodding toward his Zero Tolerance blade now lying near the foot of the bed.

  “W–what was I doing?” he asked, afraid he already knew the answer.

  “I’m not sure. You were mumbling stuff about being ready and how they were always watching. You kept telling me you’d watch my back, that you wouldn’t let me down. What’s going on, Heath?” she asked.

  “Nothing. I must have had a bad dream. I still have the dreams,” he said before slowly standing up. He looked over toward the closet and noticed his rifle lying half in half out of the doorway.

  “Bullshit! Your eyes were open the entire time, Heath. You’re having flashbacks, aren’t you?” she demanded.

  “Yes! Okay. It’s PTSD. I–I’ve been seeing this guy at the hospital about them. It’s why I flaked out on Kermit the other day when I first went to see him. I was hoping they’d gotten better, but…” He just shook his head. What could he say? “Look. You need to stay away from me when I start acting funny. I’m scared I’ll hurt you. I don’t know what I’m doing when it happens, Abby.”

  The pain of telling her that was almost as much as it had been begging her to stay and help him save Kermit. God, they were all kinds of fucked up. He might deserve some of the fly back, but Kermit and Abby didn’t. They were good people and deserved better.

  “You won’t hurt me, Heath. I know that. You were defending yourself. You weren’t coming after me. What are they doing about it?” she asked.

  “They gave me some meds to take and I tried them, but I couldn’t tell a difference other than I was so groggy all the time that I couldn’t think. I have to be able to work, so I can’t take them. He just gave me something different to try that I got filled, but I haven’t taken any of it yet,” he admitted. He hated the way the meds made him feel. He didn’t want to try this one either.

  “When do you work again?” Abby asked him as he slowly stood up. He looked everywhere but at her.

  “I don’t know. Friday I think. My schedule is on the fridge. Can’t keep anything straight these days.”

  Abby turned and walked out of the room. He took advantage of her absence to pick up his riffle. He slowly checked it and grimaced. It was loaded. Heath closed his eyes, thankful nothing had happened. He quickly removed the bullets and double-checked the chamber before returning it to the mount he’d installed in the back of the closet.

  Just as he closed the door, Abby walked back into the room. He grabbed the combat knife from the floor and sheathed it before slipping it back in the drawer of the table next to his bed.

  “Here, Heath.” She handed him a cup of coffee. “You’re right. You don’t work again until Friday. Why don’t you try the new medicine today and tomorrow? If it doesn’t make you too drowsy, you can keep taking it. If you get drowsy, you’ll still have Thursday for it to wear off.”

  “I guess.” He really didn’t want to take it.

  “Look. I’ll make you a deal. If you’ll try it now then I’ll agree not to leave right away. I’ll stick around while you get used to this new medicine and work with Kermit. Maybe he’ll change his mind. If he does, I’m here,” Abby told him.

  Heath sighed. She had him. It was a fair tradeoff. Just one he really didn’t want to take.

  “Okay. I’ll take it.” He slipped past her and walked into the kitchen.

  Opening a drawer next to the fridge, Heath pulled out the bottle he’d gotten filled then promptly tossed in the drawer to forget about. He read the directions once more and popped open the bottle. When he’d shaken one out and replaced the cap, Abby was waiting on him with a bottle of water.

  “There. I took it. I’ll take it again tomorrow at lunch and we’ll see how I do, and if I’m not too loopy tomorrow, I’ll go see Kermit.”

  “Thanks, Heath. I love Kermit, but you mean the world to me, too. I don’t think I can handle losing either one of you. Please don’t let that happen, please, Heath.” She looked up at him and he swore there were tears in her eyes for him. He sure as hell didn’t deserve them. He’d caused too much trouble already.

  “You already know how I feel, Abby. I can’t change that, but I’d never do anything to put your relationship with Kermit in jeopardy—at least not knowingly. Looks like I already scre
wed that one up.”

  Abby pulled him into her arms and rested her head against his chest. He let his imagination believe she was his for a few precious seconds until she slowly pulled away and gave him one of her old mischievous smiles that always promised trouble.

  “Don’t you owe me some ice cream? You promised me ice cream when I was so upset after trying to visit Kermit.”

  Heath smiled, though his heart wasn’t in it. “Yeah. I did promise, didn’t I?”

  Abby beat him to the door as he searched the counter for his keys. This weird fucked up, three-way relationship they had was going to kill him. He just prayed it didn’t kill them all.

  Chapter Eight

  Abby closed the door to her apartment behind her and leaned against it. The sales job she’d taken just after moving to the little town of Pleasant Grove to be close to Kermit was a dream job she’d loved to have had back in Tampa, but it took its toll on her when she was already worried about both Heath and Kermit. She enjoyed helping her customers pick out the perfect color scheme for their homes. She enjoyed decorating with other people, but strangely enough, she preferred a clean, laidback home for herself.

  Her feet ached from standing on them, and the idea of soaking in a hot tub of water sounded like heaven to her. She dropped her purse and car keys onto the bar that separated the kitchen from the living area and pulled a wine glass from the cabinet on her way to the fridge. She had a half bottle of her favorite White Zinfandel she planned to finish off.

  As she poured her wine, she couldn’t help but wonder how Kermit was doing and if he and Heath were back to being best friends again. She missed him so much. He’d been her life and future for as long as she could remember. The thought of making any sort of future plans without him had her heart racing in panic. What was she going to do if he never wanted to see her again? To lose him would be to lose Heath as well. She couldn’t see one without the other.

  “No more! Forget it for a few hours and just relax. You’re going to make yourself sick if not crazy,” she told herself.

  I don’t want to ever have to think of living without them. Ever.

  Abby carried the nearly empty bottle of wine along with her full glass to the bathroom. She set them both on the counter next to the sink and stared at the overly large tub, the main reason she’d settled with the much smaller apartment than she’d wanted. It was perfect for soaking and would easily fit two.

  She and Kermit had loved bathing together. They’d put in a hot tub outside her apartment and spent a lot of time in it. They’d made love in it as well as her huge tub.

  That thought made her groan in frustration then in exacerbation for thinking about him again. She was supposed to put it all out of her mind for just a little while. Instead she was standing there staring at an empty tub and remembering things that might never happen again.

  Angry tears burned her eyes as she bent over and started her bath water. She took a sip of her wine then another one and swallowed it along with the tears. She refused to cry anymore. Not if she could possibly help it. She’d done too much of that already. Somehow she had to stop and get on with her life or she’d end up on a downward spiral along with the two men.

  Poor Heath. He’d tried the new medication and hadn’t been able to get out of bed, much less go to work. She had argued with him repeatedly about going to his next appointment with the military shrink. He didn’t see any point, but Abby couldn’t help but think that there had to be something that would help him. In the end, he’d agreed to go and talk with the man once more. She needed to remember to call him Monday and see what he found out.

  As soon as the water reached the perfect height, Abby undressed and moved her wine glass to the little table she had sitting next to the tub for that purpose. She’d already emptied the bottle with what was left into her glass and lit a couple of candles as well. Her cell phone went next to one of the candles on the little table and Abby slipped into the water, sighing at the immediate relief of some of the tension in her muscles. Once she’d fully settled into the tub, Abby leaned back and closed her eyes.

  I could stay this way forever if I wouldn’t turn into a wrinkled mermaid.

  Her eyes flew open at that thought. She’d never be able to get away from memories of Kermit. He’d laughed when she’d said that same thing, only he’d been the one to tell her she’d turn into a wrinkly mermaid.

  She finally managed to clear her mind, which she was sure the second glass of wine helped with. The soothing heat and flickering lights along with the slight buzz in her head slowly lulled her into a dozing state where she wasn’t deep enough to dream and was too relaxed to think. This was what she needed. Thank God she had no desire to try drugs or she might have easily become addicted to them. She’d been told this was a lot like what you could get on them.

  Abby wasn’t sure how long she drifted before the sound of her cell phone ringing pulled her out. By the time she’d regained a measure of control over her appendages again, the ringing had stopped. She wiped her hands on a towel and picked up her phone. She had two missed calls back to back, and they were both from Heath.

  It took two tries to get her fingers to work in order to call him back. She was afraid something might be wrong.

  “Heath?” she said as soon as he answered. “Is something wrong?”

  “No. I was just worried when you didn’t answer your phone the first time. Are you okay? Did I wake you up or something?” he asked.

  “No. I mean I’m fine and no you didn’t wake me up. I was in the tub and didn’t hear the phone right away. Did you need something?”

  “I was just wanting to check on you. Make sure you were okay. We hadn’t talked in a while, that’s all.” His voice sounded off to her.

  “Are you sure nothing’s wrong? You don’t sound like yourself. It’s been a week, is that medicine still doing something to you? I thought we read that it should be completely out of your system after thirty-six hours,” she said.

  “I think it’s just the entire situation. I had another episode yesterday only this time I was at work. Freaked the guys out at the warehouse. I’m surprised they didn’t fire me over it.” Abby heard him sigh over the phone.

  “What happened, Heath?”

  “I don’t know for sure, but one of the guys said I seemed to switch over when one of the other guys was talking about taking his son hunting and how they stalked this deer. When he pretended to aim his rifle at the target, it was in my general direction and that’s when it happened I guess.”

  Abby could hear the frustration in his voice. “What happened? Did you hurt anyone? How long did it last?”

  “I didn’t hurt anyone, thank goodness, but I made a fool of myself. Don’t want to go back Tuesday if they don’t fire me before then.”

  “Heath. They know you’re a vet and should make allowances for that as long as you’re not violent. It sounds to me like you weren’t. What did you do that you’re worried about?” she asked.

  “I yelled incoming and crawled under one of the tables we use to pack the boxes. When the guy closest to me didn’t move, I evidently grabbed him and pulled him under beside me and told him not to worry, we’d be just fine. Kermit would find us and give us some cover fire so we could get out.” The sound of him moving around told Abby he was pacing in the living room since there wasn’t much room in his bedroom. “The guy I’d rescued just talked to me, telling me over and over that we were safe and we weren’t in Afghanistan anymore. I hadn’t been in Afghanistan before, but I didn’t tell him that. It worked to pull me back and that’s all that really mattered.”

  “Oh, Heath. I’m so sorry you’re having to go through this. I wish I could help. What about that Rex guy? Didn’t Kermit say something about him being able to help?” she asked, grasping at straws for the man.

  “Yeah. I talked with Rex some. He wanted me to meet his friend, Clark, but it hasn’t worked out yet. From what I understand, he suffers from it, too. Rex said his friend was learning to
cope with it and had a line on something else that might help us both. I need to find out when I can meet him. I just haven’t felt like dealing with that. I’ve got too much else on my plate right now.” Heath’s voice had softened almost to a whisper toward the end of the sentence.

  “All I can say, Heath, is to hold on. We’ll figure it all out somehow.” Only Abby wasn’t so sure about it anymore.

  With literally thousands of men and women suffering from PTSD the chances of Heath being cured were pretty low. In fact, she wasn’t even sure you could be cured. Maybe all that could be done was to lessen the number of instances and learn to live with the rest.

  * * * *

  “Come on, Frog, ring that damn bell!”

  Kermit was ready to punch Lucifer, the therapist he was usually paired with. The man was brutal and turned all the curses and insults he could throw into badges of pride. The man had to be a closet sadist. Maybe he should ask him if he was into that stuff. Nothing wrong with it except that he didn’t like it being used on him.

  The burn in his arms was almost unbearable as he pulled himself up the damn rope until he finally reached the top and could ring the damn bell. In fact, he rang it until one of the other amputees pulled himself up to stop him.

  “Give it a rest, Frog! We get it. We fucking get it already!” Dobbs chuckled. “Race you down.”

  “That’s fucking cheating, man.” Kermit didn’t even stop to think as he slid down the rope behind the other man.

  He was sure he’d land on top of the asshole, but when he hit the mat instead of the man, he couldn’t help but chuckle. Dobbs lay next to him where he’d rolled out of the way. They exchanged grins then Dobbs turned and got to one knee to stand up. He managed it without help, but it was obvious that he had to work hard to do it.