by Shayla Black
Your duty to us is done.
Shoving aside his mother’s words, he stepped out of the car. The front door opened, and the whole family rushed out to greet him. Danny grabbed Seth first, clutching him in a bear hug before he’d even left the driveway. He stared over his brother’s shoulder, smiling at sweet Maggie, who waited patiently with one hand at the small of her back and the other cradling her heavy belly. She really did look ready to burst. How was it possible her pregnancy had progressed so much in a few short weeks? Seth wrapped her in a gentle hug, then carefully released her before the twins, Conner and Jack, latched onto him in a boisterous hug that nearly tumbled him to the snow.
As they wandered inside, Matt stepped in beside him, clapped him on the shoulder, and began catching him up on his caseload at the office.
“Thanks.” Seth tried not to sound resentful. Matt had done him one hell of a favor. Many, in fact. “I’ll head in soon to handle the paperwork and return phone calls.”
“Oh, you don’t have to. I’ve already taken care of it so you can kick back and enjoy your holiday. You know…I think I have a knack for this shit.”
It sounded like he did. Not surprising. Matt had always been both strong-willed and snoopy.
“Good for you.” The words popped out, then he winced. “I appreciate everything you’ve done.”
Forcing a smile, Seth hurried up to his old bedroom, tossing his duffel on the mattress. He scrubbed a hand over his face. He’d been here three flipping minutes and already he wanted to be alone. It was going to be a long two weeks under one roof during the holidays… Not that he wasn’t happy to see his mom and his brothers, but the usual joy had been obscured by a dark cloud. How long could it possibly take to get over a woman he barely knew?
Maybe he was off-kilter for a different reason. Jet lag. Lack of sleep. Weather change. Or…being rejected by the hottest girl on the planet. He sighed. For whatever reason, his body was in New York, but his mangled heart was still in LA, bleeding and in pieces.
After he rejoined the others, they finished decorating the tree as a family, hung stockings, and sampled some of his mom’s holiday cookies. As afternoon waned into evening, they caught up over chips and beer before sitting down to a big, home-cooked dinner. The raucous mealtime was familiar, but he felt oddly removed, as if he merely watched his brothers laughing and ribbing one another from a distance.
His mother leaned over to him. “You’re quiet.”
“I’m tired.” It was true…but that wasn’t the only reason.
Tomorrow would be better, right?
Shortly after dessert, Seth bid everyone good-night, then wandered back up to his room and stretched out on his bed. Despite his exhaustion, he only managed to stare at the ceiling.
Had Heavenly been interested in Beck all along? Had she used him to make the prick jealous? No. Anger aside, she didn’t have a manipulative bone in her body. She’d simply been honest about her feelings—more honest than he could take.
With a grunt, Seth closed his eyes, resolved to get over her, then fell into a fitful sleep.
But the next day wasn’t better. He found himself measuring every hour by how long it had been since the last time he’d seen Heavenly’s face. The bigger the number, the blacker his mood got.
By evening, he’d decided that enough was enough…and went through a couple of six-packs with his brothers, laughing about old times. He was feeling all right—until he received a text from her.
I’m sorry about the other day. I upset you and I never meant to. I just talked to Raine. She said you’ve gone back to New York. I’ll miss seeing you. Happy holidays.
Translation: Sorry, but I like Beck more than you. Merry fucking Christmas.
He gripped the phone and counted to ten. But no, resentment still simmered. He had things to say, questions to ask. But none of them mattered. He refused to give her more of his energy. And no way would he wish her luck with the sadist who’d break her spirit, her body, and her heart. Seth just wished he’d been smart enough to fuck her out of his system before he left.
Instead, he replied with, It’s fine. Same to you.
Grumbling, he deleted the text, darkened his phone, and shoved it in his pocket.
Was it possible he’d misread her? He was admittedly out of practice actually getting to know a woman.
He didn’t want to care…but he couldn’t stop wondering if he would ever talk to her again. If he did, would it change anything?
Matt leaned in, his expression concerned. “You okay?”
Seth forced a smile. “Oh, don’t act concerned about me and forget to fess up about that time you put an air horn under Sister Mary Rose’s chair in Sunday school.”
The rest of his brothers howled with laughter.
Matt gave him a sly grin. “You’re just mad because you got blamed.”
That made them laugh even harder.
And thankfully no one gave his mood a second thought.
The next morning, he tried to enjoy Christmas Eve with his family. He plastered on a cheerful mask and skated through the long, frustrating day as if he didn’t have a care in the world.
The Cooper family celebrated Christmas Day with a new dusting of snow and a lavish, chaotic, all-too-familiar shit storm of crazy. Presents were waiting to be unwrapped beneath the massive tree in the living room. The fire that never went out crackled and filled the whole house with fragrant pine. Mom had cooked a huge meal. As usual, the overindulgence of feasting, family, and festivities lasted throughout the day and well into the night.
After the winter sky had gone dark, Seth, Matt, and Danny sat outside around a roaring fire pit, sipping whiskey, smoking cigars, and talking smack. It was one of his favorite Christmas traditions…but the shitty movie where the pretty girl chose the villain kept pelting his brain.
Suddenly, Conner rushed out of the house. “Danny, hurry! Maggie… It’s time! Mom’s helping her put on a coat.”
His brother stood and spit his whiskey into the fire, looking wide-eyed and terrified. “I-I’m not ready to be a dad.”
Grace approached, a smile tugging at her lips as she pressed her forehead to Danny’s. “You’re going to be an amazing father. You had the best role models on the planet.”
Seth swallowed down a lump of emotion. She meant their father…and him.
Danny gathered his mental shit and nodded. “Let’s do this.”
Seth was really proud of him—until Danny dashed to the edge of the patio and spewed his guts all over the pristine snow.
“Way to suck it up, bro.” Seth clapped him on the back. “Don’t worry. We’ve got your back.”
Danny wiped the back of his hand across his mouth. “I’m good.”
Piling into two cars, they caravanned to the hospital. Anna Mae Cooper was born an hour later, making her the highlight of their Christmas. Mother and daughter had come through with flying colors, while the loud Cooper clan had cheered, earning disapproving frowns from the nurses.
Over the following days, the new baby filled the house with joy. It was bittersweet for Seth. He remained annoyingly unbalanced. Everyone gave him a wide berth. The extra bit of breathing room was nice, but he couldn’t shake the oppressive need for something…somewhere…or someone. Seth would have written it off since this time of year always messed with his head. But it felt as if he’d outgrown his own skin.
Things would get better after the holidays. They had to.
Finally, New Year’s Day arrived—along with a bitch of a hangover. At least his brothers hadn’t fared any better.
He packed up his belongings and prepared to head back to the city and his normal life, relieved the holiday confinement with his well-meaning family was at an end. Then he spent the weekend righting his brownstone and trying to lose himself in work. But continued emptiness rode him hard. Where was the warmth and cheer? He’d left them in LA. With Heavenly, who kept intruding into his thoughts.
How had she spent Christmas? Rung in the New Year?
Had she celebrated in Beck’s bed?
As he stood in the shower on Monday morning, his thoughts once again gravitated to the blue-eyed beauty. Even before he’d reached down to wash his balls, his cock stood at attention. Refusing to jack off yet again, Seth cranked the hot water off and let the icy spray pelt his body until, teeth chattering, his eager appendage finally gave up. When he stepped out and stared at his reflection in the mirror, an unfamiliar face with hollow eyes stared back.
“What the fuck is wrong with you?”
Nothing mindless, uncomplicated sex won’t cure.
That had to be it. Between Liam’s woes, Heavenly’s wiles, and all the family closeness, he hadn’t gotten laid in weeks. Time to fix that shit.
He walked through his workday, his mind already on the evening and what he’d do to shake this malaise. After a frozen dinner in front of some cable news, he checked his watch. Nearly nine. Time to find his leather pants, head to Graffiti—his kinky home away from home—and take control of his life again.
Twenty minutes later, he sat on a stool, absorbing the palpable hum emanating from the Doms and subs scening in the dungeon as he breathed in the heady scent of sex.
Gemma, a sub with whiskey-brown hair and pale green eyes, sidled up to him. “I was beginning to think you’d left us for good, Seth Sir.”
While he hadn’t had the chance to work her over, she’d definitely been on his radar before Liam’s distress call had taken him out west. Gemma was his type—a few years older, experienced, and not interested in a full-time Master. A few weeks ago, he’d itched to have her under his control and in his bed. His impatient cock had scraped his zipper the instant he’d set eyes on her trim, scantily clad body. Now, it didn’t even twitch.
Too bad. That fucker between his legs was going to get happy.
He nodded Gemma’s way. “Good to be here.”
“If you’re looking for someone to play with, I’ll happily volunteer, Sir.”
Yeah, he was going to move the hell on and stop giving his mental power to Heavenly. He would find the goddamn will to bend Gemma—or someone like her—to his.
“Then kneel, girl.”
The smug smile Gemma sent him from beneath her dark lashes and her graceful slide to the floor was all the consent he needed.
So how was it that, less than forty-five minutes later with Gemma still tied to his bed, looking rosy-assed and well fucked, he itched to free her, forego his usual lavish aftercare, and go home?
Because the only woman he wanted naked and at his mercy was thousands of miles away.
Right on cue, the dreaded movie in his head starring Heavenly played in its entirety again.
Clearly, settling back into his apartment, his routine, and his sex life hadn’t cured him.
What the fuck was he supposed to do now? He could pick up the phone. Hell, he could catch the next plane. But no matter how strong his feelings for Heavenly were, they didn’t change hers for Beck. He was going to have to give himself time. Suck it up and move forward.
After a seemingly endless stream of pointless days, January crept to a close. Seth avoided Graffiti and picked up a compulsive gym habit, morning and night. In between, he drowned in work, eschewing cheating spouse cases for pursuing bounties and criminals. Between the endorphin and adrenaline highs, he managed to get through each day and reach exhaustion every night.
But it didn’t take long before his cheap escape stopped working. His steady-paying business dropped off, and he couldn’t bring himself to give a shit. Instead, he began looking for some other way to fill the time and emptiness. Insomnia set in. Since he hated infomercials, he figured he had two choices: climb the walls or indulge in pointless fantasies about Heavenly.
A busy but hollow self-sex life won out.
A craptastic blizzard ushered February in. Finally, Seth’s yearning trumped his pride. He almost didn’t care that Liam would give him a ration of shit for dodging his calls since Christmas. He couldn’t stand not hearing about Heavenly anymore.
With a sigh, he dialed Liam and apologized for being “busy.” His old pal tormented him for twenty minutes with the happenings in the Hammerman/O’Neill/Kendall household, Raine’s pregnancy, and their first holiday in their new home. All the while, Seth burned with wanting news of his angel…
His old friend finally paused, letting the silence between them stretch uncomfortably. Then Liam sighed. “Go on, then. Ask me.”
Seth didn’t bother playing coy. “How is she? Tell me now or I’ll throat-punch you next time I see you.”
“You can try.” Liam gave a hearty laugh, then sobered. “Are you sure you want to know?”
“Christ, what do you want? I’ve been an idiot. A jerk. I was wrong. Just tell me.”
“Say you’re sorry,” Hammer taunted in the background.
“Fuck off,” he groused. “I need to know.”
He imagined a million reasons Liam was stalling, everything from yanking his chain for fun to Heavenly eloping with Beck.
“She’s fine. Better than fine, actually. I did warn you what would happen if you pissed off and left the gate open, didn’t I?”
Seth’s heart stopped. “Are she and Beck really together?”
“They’re dating.”
He gripped the phone tighter. The two-ton weight on his chest got heavier. “And?”
“She seems happy. So does Beck. You, my friend, might have been, too, if you’d stayed.”
So there was no hope at all. He wasn’t surprised. But it still hurt like a bitch.
“She gave me no reason to—”
“She gave you no reason to leave, either,” Liam insisted. “If you want to be a part of Heavenly’s life, you have to earn your place in her heart.”
Liam’s cutting observation hit a painful, perfect bull’s-eye. “You just told me she’s taken. I don’t poach.”
And I can’t make her want me.
His friend’s platitudes about not giving up went in one ear and out the other. Seth hung up minutes later, feeling more discouraged than ever.
Early February was full of frenetic, meaningless shit, except now he saw hearts, flowers, and lovers everywhere as Valentine’s Day approached. Seth tried not to lose his damn mind. Each monotonous day bled into a long, miserable night in which he’d fall into a fitful sleep, only to gasp awake with his fist clutched around his cock and Heavenly’s name on his lips.
After skipping out on Mass and family dinner the previous Sunday, Seth tried to shelve his surliness and visit his mom before heading to the office. He’d been avoiding her because he didn’t want her grilling…but maybe it was time for her sage advice.
As he entered the front door, he heard a feminine groan from the kitchen. Shit. Had she fallen? Burned herself? Or gotten hurt trying to move the damn refrigerator to clean behind it again?
Seth rushed through the family room, only to come to a violent halt when he caught sight of his mom in the breakfast nook bent over their family kitchen table with her flushed cheek pressed to the surface. He stood unmoving, unblinking, struggling to process the sight of her eyes closed and holding the hem of her skirt around her waist. Her panties lay bunched between her knees as a bear of a man Seth had never seen stood behind her, his big hands gripping her hips, plowed into her from behind. His mother’s moan filled the air again. The man threw back his head and groaned with her. Christ, he hadn’t even dropped his trousers, merely unzipped his fly, and—
Seth lurched. Shit, he was going to puke.
Suddenly, his mom jerked her head up and saw him.
Grace gasped, but the man fucking her mistook it for passion, because he clutched her tighter and bellowed in a feral, hoarse roar.
Finally, Seth’s body unfroze and he stumbled into the living room.
“Seth!” his mom called in a trembling voice.
“I’m on the couch. I’ll give you a minute.” Or however long it takes to pull up your panties and lower your dress. “In fact, I’ll come by tonight.”
Grace appeared in the doorway, hand across her mouth and tears streaming down her cheeks. “No. Wait. I-I’m so sorry you walked in—”
“Don’t be.”
Sure, no child wanted to think about, let alone witness, his mother sexually, but she’d never remarried. She’d never even dated when they were kids.
Embarrassment tightened her face. The last thing Seth wanted was to see her beat herself up for being human.
As he hurried toward her, she broke down in sobs. He wrapped her in his arms. “It’s okay.”
“Please understand… I loved your dad. He was my whole world and I was devastated when… We all were.”
“Mom, don’t—”
“After he was gone, I concentrated on raising you boys. I didn’t have time to dwell on my own needs. But…things change.”
Yeah, they did. That truth had been slapping him in the face all winter.
“Don’t cry. I just came to talk. I didn’t know you were…” fucking a stranger on our kitchen table. “You’re a single woman entitled to…” fuck a stranger on our kitchen table.
The man peered around the corner, regret thick on his face, before he stepped into the family room, shoulders thrust back, head held high. He leveled a worried stare on Grace, then stuck out his hand. “Carl Mahoney.”
“Seth Cooper.” He accepted the man’s shake.
Grace grimaced. “Someone please shoot me.”
Despite the situation being awkward as hell, they all laughed. Seth would have stayed to calm his mom, but Carl took over, folding her in his arms. She glanced up at the man with love in her eyes. He met her stare with devotion. It was strange to witness his mother’s affection for another man, but Seth was glad she’d found happiness again.
After vowing to call before dropping by again, he kissed her cheek and headed to work.
Hours later, he was seated at his desk, shuffling papers while trying to forget the morning’s debacle, when his phone rang. He picked it up, expecting his mother. Instead, he was shocked to hear the sweet Irish lilt of Liam’s mom.
