When Constellations Form (Light in the Dark Book 4)

by Micalea Smeltzer

  “This is for you and Cooper.” She takes the bag from me.

  “And this is for you, Lauren.” Xander holds the other bag out to my mom.

  “Me?” She points at herself.

  “Yes, you,” I laugh.

  She hops up, leaving James for the moment, and grabs the bag before sitting back down with it.

  Cooper checks the meat and closes the lid on the grill before joining Sarah to open the bag.

  Xander and I stand by our parents to watch them open the bags—everybody else is watching too, curious to see what we got them.

  Sarah rips at the tissue paper, pulling it out and dropping it on the ground while my mom very carefully removes it.

  Cooper peers into the bag but lets his wife have her fun.

  She pulls out a binky and my mom pulls out a onesie.

  “What?” Sarah looks in shock from the item in her hand, to us, and back to the bag. She pulls out a onesie too, shaking her head.

  “Oh, my God,” my mom says, it clicking into place for her.

  Her words must break through to Sarah because she screams—like screams bloody murder, drops the bag and items, and runs at us.

  “You’re pregnant?” she asks me, looking from me to Xander.

  I nod. “We’re having a baby.”

  She screams again and throws her arms around my neck. “This is so exciting! Oh, my God! I’m so happy!” She hugs Xander next. “I’m going to be a grandma!”

  My mom comes over and hugs us too, then Xander’s dad. Even James, my mom’s boyfriend, hugs us and offers his congratulations.

  “Wait a minute,” my brother calls out. “You had sex?”

  I roll my eyes. “No, Cade, this was an immaculate conception.” He tilts his head, wondering at my sarcasm. “Of course we had sex, you idiot. That’s how babies are made.” I look up at Xander. “Honestly, how am I related to him?”

  Xander chuckles and turns it into a cough.

  “This is fucking weird,” Cade mutters. “I’m going to be an uncle. Whoa.”

  “Does he have to put a quarter in the swear jar?” I ask Xander.

  He shakes his head. “Nah, I think that’s just for us.”

  “Darn it.” I snap my fingers.

  We move further into the yard and over to where our friends and his siblings hang out.

  “Congrats, man.” Xavier claps Xander on the back.

  “Hey, Xavier. It’s good to see you. I wasn’t sure you were coming back for the summer.”

  He shrugs. “I thought about staying on the east coast, but I missed everybody, so here I am.” He spreads his arms wide.

  Xavier has one more year of school left—and since he’s a smarty-pants he goes to Yale. I’ve missed having him around. He’s a lot like me, a jokester, and the life of the party. He keeps things interesting.

  He looks a lot like Xander too, with the same mop of dark hair and olive skin. He’s a little bit shorter, though, and not nearly as built. He’s still a muscular guy, but Xander’s on a whole other level—but with his job, that’s kind of a given.

  “So, I’m totally going to be the godfather, right?” Xavier asks, looking from Xander to me.

  “Uh …” I hedge.

  “No, I am,” Cade pipes up.

  Xander shakes his head. “We haven’t even talked about it.”

  “Sit down, you fucker, I’m going to be the godfather,” Jace pipes in.

  We all look at him, because Jace is never the person to speak out, and nobody expected it on something like this.

  “What?” He blinks innocently. “I like kids,” he defends. “I’d be the best fucking godfather ever.”

  Xander shakes his head. “Between Jace and you, this kid is going to be cussing before it walks.”

  Jace leans back in the chair he occupies so the front two legs come off the ground. “That sounds like the coolest kid ever. Do we get bonus points for making it more awesome?”

  “No, no,” Xander chants. “That would not be more awesome.”

  Jace chuckles and leans over to whisper something in Nova’s ear.

  “I’m really happy for you guys.” Rae stands and hugs me.

  “Thanks,” I say, though the words are on the tip of my tongue to tell her I’m not happy.

  Cade hugs us too, and then Xander’s sister.

  Once all the hugs and congratulations are out of the way, we finally sit down.

  I let out a groan, already feeling exhausted and we just got here.

  Xander finally lets Prue off her leash to run wild in the backyard, and she takes full advantage of the freedom. She runs around the yard, chasing butterflies.

  Xander rubs my knee and rests his hand on my thigh. He watches me carefully, like he’s worried I’m going to have an anxiety attack or something.

  So far, so good.

  It’s weird, knowing that everybody knows now, but it also makes me feel better to have someone other than Xander to talk about it with.

  Our parents drag the other table over to us so that it’s almost like we’re all sitting together.

  Sarah makes sure her spot is beside me. Once she’s settled, she says, “I’m so excited for you guys. This is the best news ever. I was worried you were going to make me wait a few years for grandkids.”

  I laugh lightly, but there’s no humor in the tone. “Yeah, me too,” I mutter.

  Xander squeezes my leg lightly in warning. We never really talked about it, but it was sort of a silent agreement that we wouldn’t tell our parents that the baby was an accident. We didn’t want that fact to somehow diminish their happiness over the news—because we knew they’d be thrilled.

  Unlike me.

  I’m coming around to the idea more every day, but it still scares me.

  I can barely take care of myself, let alone another human being.

  “Have you thought of any names yet?” my mom asks, raising a glass of lemonade to her lips.

  I shake my head. “No, not yet. We’ve only known for a few weeks, so we haven’t discussed names. This is all still very new.” I gesture with my hands.

  “Wait.” Nova snaps her fingers together. “Is that why you were acting funny the day Jace and I were over?”

  I nod, tucking a piece of hair behind my ear. Xander moves his arm to drape over the back of my chair.

  “Yeah,” I answer. “I suspected, so when I ran out, it was to get a pregnancy test.”

  “Oh, wow.” Nova shakes her head, her lips parted in awe. “That’s crazy.”

  “I know,” I agree.

  That’s what I keep saying about this whole thing, that it’s crazy. Some days I feel like it’s a dream, but then I get sick and realize it’s real.

  “How have you been feeling?” Sarah asks, her voice breaking into my thoughts.

  I shrug. “I have good days and bad days.”

  “Mostly bad,” Xander mumbles.

  I laugh. “Yeah, mostly bad,” I agree. “Morning sickness is no joke—and why do they call it morning sickness? I’m sick all day.”

  Sarah smiles and pats my hand. “I know what you mean—I only experienced the all-day sickness with one kid, and it was no joke. Any guesses which one it was?” she asks, her eyes sparkling with humor.

  As a collective group we all turn to look at Xavier. “What?” He bats his eyes innocently. “I’m a perfect angel, I’d never do such a thing.”

  Sarah snorts. “My whole pregnancy with Xavier, I cursed Cooper and told him I hated him. I was miserable.”

  “And then she had him, and he never shut up,” Xander pipes in.

  Alexis laughs and looks at her little brother, ruffling his hair. “You cried all the time,” she tells him. “I remember asking Mom if we could give you away.”

  “Hey,” Xavier whines, ducking away from her hand. “You guys love me, and you know it.”

  “We do now,” Xander chortles. “But back then? Not so much.”

  Xavier frowns. They always make fun of him, it’s one of the many perils
of being the youngest.

  “When are you due?” Sarah asks.

  “February twentieth.”

  “Oh, that’s plenty of time to get things ready. Perfect.” She smiles optimistically.

  I, on the other hand, disagree. That feels much too soon. It’s crazy for me to think that in a matter of months I’ll have a baby.

  Xander rubs my shoulders, sensing the tension I’m feeling.

  I look over at him, flashing a grateful smile.

  He leans over and kisses the corner of my mouth. “Breathe,” he reminds me in a hushed whisper.

  Whenever I get nervous I have this bad habit of holding my breath. I don’t quite understand it, and it sucks, but thankfully I have Xander to remind me to breathe.

  “Food’s ready!” Cooper calls out from the grill.

  I’m thankful for the small reprieve from baby talk.

  I’m sure most women would be thrilled to talk all things baby, but not me. It makes me nauseous.

  Or maybe that’s just my morning sickness rearing its ugly head.

  Ah, shit.

  I take off running for the house, but I know I’m never going to make it. I veer off for a bush, heaving over it.

  “Aw, Thea,” Xander murmurs, pulling my hair away from my face. “I’m sorry, baby.” He rubs my back. I know he truly feels awful every time I get sick. I wish he’d leave me alone, so he didn’t have to see me like this, but he insists on being there.

  When I’m done, I stand up, tears in my eyes. “That was embarrassing,” I hiss, glancing over his shoulder to see if anyone is watching.

  They all are, of course.

  “Don’t be. It happens.” He rubs my arms.

  “Do you think your mom has an extra toothbrush I can use?” I ask.

  He nods. “I’m sure she does, but I’ll ask.”

  “Thank you.”

  I head inside while he goes to ask and get a glass of water, swishing the liquid around my mouth and spitting it out in the kitchen sink.

  The sliding glass door opens, and Xander steps inside. “She said there are some in the guest bathroom.”

  He nods for me to follow him down the hall.

  “I can’t believe that happened,” I mumble, following him down the hall past family photos. I stop, smiling at one of him in high school. He’s in his football uniform with his arm slung around my brother. They look so young.

  “Checking me out?” he jokes when he glances back and sees me staring at the photo.

  I laugh. “You’re my husband, I can look all I want.” I stick my tongue out at him. I point at the picture. “I thought you were so hot—no lie, I used to doodle Mrs. Kincaid on all my notebooks.”

  He smiles crookedly. “I’d be lying if I said that didn’t make me happy.”

  “I had the biggest crush on you. It was next level—like stalkerish.”

  He laughs, his brown eyes sparkling with amusement. “I lived across the street, so I don’t think it counts as stalking.”

  My lips tip up in a smile. “My old self would never believe I got to the guy. Let alone knocked up by him.”

  “I don’t think it counts as knocked up when you’re married to the guy,” he reasons with a raised brow.

  I shake my head. “When it’s a surprise it does. Now get me a toothbrush.” I wave my hand, urging him forward. “I don’t like tasting my throw up. It’s disgusting.”

  “You’re the one staring at my picture.”

  “You’re the one talking,” I argue back.

  “I can never win with you.” He shakes his head, but he’s smiling.

  “I know.” I grin back. “You should give up and accept defeat now.”

  He shakes his head and heads further down the hall and to his right.

  I follow him and watch as he ducks down and opens the cabinet beneath the sink. He locates a toothbrush and toothpaste and holds it out to me.

  “Oh, thank God,” I cry and take both from him gratefully.

  I feel like I’ve spent the majority of the last few weeks throwing up and brushing my teeth.

  Wash, rinse, and repeat.

  Xander leans against the wall, his arms crossed over his chest while I brush my teeth. I start to tell him he can go, but I know it’s pointless. He’s probably worried I’m going to get sick again.

  I finish brushing my teeth and leave the toothbrush on the counter, in case I do get sick again and need to brush my teeth before we leave.

  I’m kind of scared to go back outside actually—in case the smell of the food makes me sick again.

  But I know I can’t avoid food for nine months … or well, I guess it’s seven now.

  Holy fucking shit—that’s crazy to think about.

  In seven months I’ll have a kid.

  A real, live, eating, breathing, sleeping, pooping, and puking baby.

  I’m so not ready for this kind of commitment in my life.

  People joke that it’s eighteen years, but it’s a life sentence.

  “Hey,” Xander murmurs, stepping away from the wall and grabbing my arms. “What’s going on?”

  “Nothing,” I lie.

  He raises a brow. “Don’t lie to me, sweetheart. Something’s bothering you.”

  I exhale a heavy breath. “It’s just scary, that’s all.” It’s the same thing I’ve already said a million times over. I’m terrified of this whole thing. Xander says nothing’s going to change, but for once he has to be wrong. How can a baby not change things?

  He cups my cheeks in his large hands, my face nearly swallowed whole.

  “I’m scared too. This is a big change, but I know it’s going to be okay.”

  “How?” I practically whine. “How do you know?”

  He shrugs his massive shoulders. “I just do. We’re not tasked with more than we can handle. This has happened for a reason.” He moves his hand to my stomach.

  I close my eyes, ducking my head as I exhale a shaky breath. I’m moments away from crying.

  He grabs my chin and forces me to look up at him. “You’ll see,” he murmurs softly, his eyes flicking down to my lips. “This is a good thing, Thea. I know it is.” He cups the back of my neck and presses his forehead to mine. “You’re going to be the best mom.”

  I wet my lips with my tongue. “How can that be true when I have no idea what I’m doing? I don’t even know how to change a diaper,” I cry, laying my palms flat against his shirt.

  He chuckles, the sound laced with amusement. “I’ll teach you.”

  “You shouldn’t have to teach me,” I whine. “You’re the guy. I should be the one teaching you.”

  His lips tip up into a crooked smile. “Since when have we ever done anything the normal way?”

  “True,” I agree reluctantly. I sigh heavily and rest my head on his solid chest. I hear his heart thump against my ear and my eyes close. I already feel better. Something about the sound of his heart always manages to calm me. It’s my favorite sound in the world.

  “We’re going to figure this out. One step at a time.”

  He lowers his head and brushes his lips over mine. The kiss starts out soft, just barely a press of lips, but then it grows more urgent. Both of us yearning for more. My hands scale his chest, seeking purchase around his neck, and his fingers press into my waist.

  I let out a little sound and he swallows it with a groan, backing me into the wall.

  “Hey, Mom wants to know—whoa!”

  We jump apart like two kids caught doing something they’re not supposed to.

  “Well,” Xavier chuckles. “I know now why I’m becoming an uncle so young. Bravo.” He claps.

  My cheeks flame and I duck my head against his chest. Normally, I would come out with something flippant but I’m going to blame my sudden shyness on another side effect of pregnancy.

  “Anyway,” Xavier continues. “Mom wanted to know if you felt well enough to come out or wanted to stay in here?”

  Xander looks down at me, tilting his head and allowing m
e to answer since I’m the one constantly puking my guts up.

  I nod, pushing my hair out of my eyes. “I think I’m okay to go back out.”

  “Cool.” Xavier backs away slowly and then pauses. “Is everything okay?” he asks.

  “Yeah.”

  He eyes us, and I can tell he’s unconvinced, but he finally nods and leaves us alone.

  “Your brother is entirely too perceptive,” I mumble.

  He chuckles warmly. “He’s a Kincaid.”

  I know we can’t hide out in the bathroom forever so I reluctantly pull away from him and head down the hall and then out the back door in the kitchen.

  Everyone is sitting around eating, and they look up when they hear the door slide open.

  “Are you feeling better, sweetie?” Sarah calls out, shielding her eyes with her hands. I don’t know why she doesn’t just wear sunglasses.

  “Much,” I reply, and as of right now, that statement is true.

  The only unrest in my stomach is from the turmoil of worry and nothing to do with actual sickness.

  I grab a plate and make a burger with lettuce, tomato, onions, and mayonnaise. I add some chips and macaroni salad to the side.

  Xander makes his plate of food and we sit down where we’d been before.

  “So,” Sarah starts, clearing her throat, “now that you’re pregnant, are you still going to look for a job or stay home?”

  “I’m going to work,” I snap, horrified by the idea of being a stay-at-home mom. “I’d go crazy being home all the time, especially with Xander gone a lot.”

  “You might change your mind,” she warns with a knowing look.

  I snort. “Doubtful. I need to be out doing something. I refuse to stay at home as his little wifey, making dinner every night, and taking care of the kids while he goes off and works and provides for the family. I want to work too, I want us to be equal, I don’t want—”

  “She doesn’t want to feel trapped,” Xander finishes for me, giving me a knowing look.

  I’ve never talked about this with him before, I don’t think I really knew how to voice how I felt.

  I glance at my mom sadly. “Exactly.”

  “I just don’t understand.” Sarah shakes her head, her brow narrowed in confusion.

  “Sarah,” my mom interrupts, “she doesn’t want to end up like me.”