Hearts Rekindled

by Patty Smith Hall

  Merrilee had mentioned something about church, but with only the truck to transport them, he hadn’t seen how they could manage the trip to town and back safely. “Merrilee talk you out of your car for the day?”

  Beau shook his head. “No, we offered. Edie mentioned it might be dangerous for the kids to ride that long in the back of the truck. Merrilee said she had to talk it over with you, but I don’t know what needs to be talked about. I’m just loaning you our car.”

  But it was more than that to John. Merrilee hadn’t plowed ahead without taking his opinion into consideration. The knowledge set off a blaze of warmth across his chest. “United we stand,” she’d said, and it appeared she meant it. John held out his hand, took Beau’s and gave it a hardy shake. “If Merrilee’s okay with it, then we’ll see you Sunday morning.”

  * * *

  Early-morning sunlight sliced through a few straggly white clouds as John stepped off the porch the following Sunday morning, beads of perspiration bursting across his forehead. He blotted them away with a handkerchief. Too hot and humid this early in the spring, he noted. He could only pray that didn’t mean a scorched crop come fall.

  Shucking out of his coat, John glanced at his watch. They’d be walking in during the first hymn if Merrilee and the kids didn’t get a move on.

  The screen door slapped shut behind him, and he turned to find Billy, his britches barely stretching down to his knees, the edge of his suit coat frayed against the exposed skin of his wrist. The boy stuck a finger into the collar of the too-tight shirt and yanked. “I hate wearing suits.”

  Preaching to the choir, kid. Maybe if Billy had a suit that fit, he’d at least be comfortable. John made a note to talk to Merrilee about it. “Ms. Aurora always said that this is the Lord’s day, and part of our worship is wearing our finest for Him.”

  Billy grimaced as he tugged on his sleeve. “You’d think the Lord would have better things to do than check out our clothes.”

  John couldn’t disagree with him there. “Where are the other kids?”

  “Ms. Merrilee is helping Ellie and Claire with their hair.” Billy rolled his eyes. “Something about needing ribbons.”

  John pressed his lips together to keep from grinning. The boy may not yet appreciate the troubles his feminine counterparts undertook for their appearance, but give him a few years and those ribbons and curls would have his complete attention. Hopefully, he’d be there to guide Billy along, to give him advice. Maybe if he’d had a father to talk with, his life with Merrilee might have turned out differently.

  But I have a Father, One who is always willing to listen when I come to Him.

  The screen door squeaked open again, a little ball of pink and lace flying at him, plastering her warm little body against his leg, her giggles as soft and lyrical as Sweetwater Creek after a morning rain. “Mr. John! Ms. Merrilee put my hair up like a real lady!”

  John bent down, untangled the girl’s arms from around his legs and lifted Ellie to her feet. Her pale blond head shifted from side to side to display twin pigtails tied back with royal-blue lace. “My goodness, Ellie, you’re pretty enough to eat.”

  A lopsided smile spread across Ellie’s face, her blue eyes sparkled with girlish mischief, making John wonder. How can such a little bit of a girl find so much joy in a world that often viewed her as damaged? That was filled with people who called her names and treated her as less than a person because her eyes were set too far apart, her nose was too flat or her brain didn’t work fast enough for their liking? He may never understand the kind of joy the little girl felt, but he would do everything in his power to protect Ellie from those who would steal it.

  “What about me?”

  John glanced over Ellie’s blond head to where his daughter stood. The emerald-green dress perfectly matched Claire’s eyes; the tiny cream-colored buttons looked like seed pearls buffed to a high gloss. Her reddish-gold hair had been pulled high on her head and tied with a bit of white lace, the long ponytail falling into curls against one slender shoulder.

  A tight knot formed in his throat. What small bit of goodness had he ever done to deserve such a child? Nothing, but God had given him this blessing nevertheless. In a year, maybe two, he’d be forced to beat the boys off with a baseball bat.

  “You’re so pretty, Claire.” Billy stared at his daughter, his mouth hung open, his cheeks flushed with color. The boy blinked as if pulling himself out of a trance. “For a girl, that is.”

  A delicate pink seeped into Claire’s cheeks, and she lowered her gaze, a ghost of a smile playing on her lips. “Thank you.”

  Irritation speared through John. He might be beating the boys off sooner than he’d thought. Eyeing Billy one more time, he stepped around Ellie and walked to the bottom of the stairs, glancing up at his baby girl. “You’re beautiful, Claire. The spitting image of your mother.”

  “I’ll take that as a compliment.”

  The air in his lungs froze in place as Merrilee stepped out on the porch, shutting the door behind her. Her dress was patterned after Claire’s, only in a pale lavender, fresh and sweet like newly bloomed lilacs. A black belt nipped in her trim waist while the pleated skirts fell modestly over the feminine curves of her hips and legs. She’d left her hair down, glorious waves of golden-red curls tumbling to her shoulders, a simple cream-colored hat perched at a stylish angle near her forehead, a wisp of opaque netting fluttering just over her eyes adding a bit of mystery.

  Merrilee was beautiful, even more beautiful than he’d remembered. Not only because of her outer appearance, but also because of the lovely heart she carried on the inside, putting others’ needs before her own feelings, like she had when she’d volunteered to help him with Ms. Aurora. The way she took care of Claire. A knot tightened around his heart.

  What am I going to do about Merrilee, Lord?

  John cleared his throat. “Are we ready to go?”

  Merrilee nodded as she tugged on her gloves. “I’ve got the twins and Gail playing with Edie in the parlor, though I can’t understand why Aurora doesn’t feel like they’re ready to sit through church.”

  “Ms. Aurora likes to give the new children a month to settle in,” John answered. “Gail arrived a couple weeks ago, and the twins not too long after that.”

  Merrilee nodded. “That’s understandable, I suppose. Then I guess we’re ready.”

  “You heard the lady, kids. We’re ready to go.”

  Ellie took off running toward the car while Billy and Claire drew up the rear, their crutches helping them make up ground quickly until Billy overtook the younger girl right as she reached for the handle. The boy grabbed it, pulled the door open then as if suddenly remembering his manners, took Claire’s crutch from her and helped her into the backseat.

  John frowned. He’d have to watch that boy, all right.

  “Your grip on the railing gets any tighter and you’ll break it in half.”

  John glanced back at Merrilee, his irritation growing as he noted the sparkle of laughter shining from her light green eyes. “You find the thought of that boy making goo-goo eyes at Claire funny?”

  Merrilee’s heels clicked softly against the wooden floor as she approached the stairs. “Oh, no. What’s a hoot is watching your reactions to all of it! You look like you’re ready to pounce on poor Billy for being nice.”

  John glanced back toward the car. “Maybe we should sit Ellie in the backseat between Claire and that boy.”

  Merrilee’s laugher vibrated through him, and for a brief second, he couldn’t think of anything except the feel of her hand pressed against his forearm. “We’ve got some time before they start making wedding plans.”

  His hand settled over hers of its own volition. “I don’t know about that. I started planning how I would convince you to marry me when I was barely seventeen.”

  “I didn�
��t know that.”

  Why in the world had he said that? And why did it bother him so much that she’d never guessed how in love with her he’d been even in those early days? Hadn’t he told her? Maybe not. There were a lot of things he hadn’t shared with her, particularly concerning her father and brother, but Merrilee had needed protecting, just like these kids and Aurora did. “It’s nice of Beau and Edie to stay with Ms. Aurora and the little ones while we go to church.”

  Her disappointed sigh surprised him. “It seems my niece and nephew got together and made out a schedule. Maggie and Wesley are going to sit with Ms. Aurora next week.”

  John nodded, pressing a hand against her back as he guided her around several potholes in the yard. Merrilee had spent her youth fussing over her family, a problem that troubled John as he’d felt forced to stand by while her father and brother had taken advantage of her sweet nature. It was one of the few things they’d ever argued about, and a fight he’d never won. Maybe time had changed all that; maybe Maggie and Beau had grown up to appreciate their aunt better than their parents and grandparents ever had. “We had better get moving.”

  He hurried her into the car, noting with a bit of frustration that Billy had maneuvered his way into the seat next to Claire.

  Merrilee must have noticed, too. “Billy, would you trade seats with Ellie please? She gets carsick if she’s looking out the window.”

  “But I got here first,” Billy whined.

  “I know, but we can’t have Ellie getting sick on us, now, can we?”

  “I guess not.” Billy didn’t sound convinced, but he moved to sit behind the driver’s seat.

  Merrilee smiled up at John as he handed her into the car, her voice barely a whisper. “Does that work for you?”

  He leaned down, lifting a corner of her dress and tucking it into the car. “That depends. Does Ellie really get carsick?”

  She nodded. “Ms. Aurora thinks she’ll grow out of it.”

  “Well, until then, let’s use it to our advantage.”

  Her lips twitched. “You’re hopeless, you know that?”

  John didn’t respond, his gaze on the deep red outline of her mouth. He was assailed by memories of her sweet lips against his. Did she still taste of sunshine and strawberries? He drew in a steadying breath, his lungs filled with the light scent of vanilla that clung to her like the finest perfume. It took all the strength he possessed to straighten and secure the car door.

  John walked around the back of the car slowly to give himself a minute to pull himself together. He finally got into the driver’s seat, determined to get this morning over without making a fool out of himself over Merrilee.

  But he had a feeling Merrilee had called it right. He was utterly hopeless.

  No one spoke until they reached the end of the driveway, not that he could have added much to any conversation. He was too distracted by his thoughts. Had he almost kissed Merrilee, right here in front of the children? How could he even consider such a thing? The woman hadn’t told him about his child for almost twelve years!

  Though in all fairness, he reminded himself, she could have written about Claire in those letters Beau had mailed.

  But if she’d been so determined to let him know about Claire, why hadn’t she shown up for their divorce hearing instead of sending her daddy to do her dirty work?

  “Mr. John, you never told us what you’re planting in Grandma Aurora’s garden this year.”

  John glanced into his mirror to see Claire huddled close to her mother’s seat, her arms hugging the headrest. “You call her Grandma?”

  “What else would I call her?” Claire giggled. “She’s my daddy’s mama. What I mean is my daddy came to live with her when he was just a little boy so he grew up calling her mama.”

  He frowned. How much information about him had Aurora shared with his daughter? John glanced up at the mirror, and instead caught Merrilee studying him in his peripheral vision. Was she worried Claire might figure out the truth—that he was her father? “Why did your daddy come to stay with her?”

  “I don’t know. Grandma Aurora never told me.”

  Good, he thought.

  “You know, Mr. John is one of Ms. Aurora’s kids, too,” Billy said.

  Claire leaned closer, watching him. “Is that true, Mr. John?” Claire asked.

  John stared at Billy in the rearview mirror. Last thing either he or Merrilee needed was for Claire to figure out on her own who he was. When the time came for Claire to know the truth, he wanted to be the one to tell her. Or if he ended up in prison, Merrilee could share it with her. But until then, he won’t lie to her.

  “Yes, I lived with Ms. Aurora when I was a kid.”

  “Why? What happened to your mama and daddy?”

  Out of the corner of his eye, Merrilee turned in her seat. “Claire, John might not want to talk about this.”

  There was a sternness to her voice, but also something else, almost as if she wanted to protect him from Claire’s inquisitive questions, queries that would lead to talk of his brother. He stole a quick glance at her, met her worried gaze briefly before she straightened in her seat and went back to staring out the window.

  “I guess that makes us family,” Claire said softly.

  He glanced back at her in the mirror. “How do you figure that, squirt?”

  “Well, you’re Ms. Aurora’s son, right? And my daddy’s her son, too.” Claire gave him a brilliant smile. “So that means we’re related.”

  Family. John couldn’t keep his lips pressed into a somber line, not while joy danced along his nerve endings, infusing him with a happiness he hadn’t felt in a dozen years. The word conjured up all his hopes for the future. Claire’s first date. Her graduation. Her wedding day. Milestones he would share with her, treasures he could take out and remember.

  “You’re right, Claire Bear. We are family.”

  Merrilee’s affirmation slammed through him. Truth was he’d never envisioned raising a family without Merrilee, which was the reason why he’d never remarried. Or even dated, for that matter. His beautiful girl bride had been the only woman he’d ever wanted. He’d thought she’d discarded him for good years before, so to hear her claim him now as family meant more than he could say.

  John stole a glance at her, her gloved hands folded neatly in her lap, a watery smile playing around the corner of her mouth. She seemed almost as if she were relieved Claire had taken another step in realizing the truth. But why? Had Beau been right? Did Merrilee still harbor some love for him even now, twelve years later?

  And was he willing to risk his heart to find out?

  He’d have to think about that. And pray. But in the meantime, why shouldn’t he enjoy this moment he had with Merrilee, Claire and the other children? For the first time in his life, he had what he’d always wanted. A family.

  Chapter Thirteen

  What in the world was wrong with her this morning?

  Merrilee closed the pages of her Bible and tried to concentrate on Pastor Williams’s sermon. Maybe John hadn’t noticed she’d held the hymn upside down, but his rich baritone, so lovely and unguarded, had caught her unawares, so much so that she’d stopped singing midway through the first verse. She’d also fumbled to the wrong chapter in the Bible, so touched was she by the reverence with which he turned the pages for Claire, then Billy.

  So she’d decided to just listen to the sermon rather than follow along in her Bible, only concentrating proved almost impossible when she could look over to see Claire resting against John’s solid shoulder, her arm threaded through his, as if she could think of no place better to be.

  Claire had called him family. What was that old saying? Out of the mouths of babes. John had been thrilled, though he’d tried to hide it. Still, she’d known. His eyes had gone that stunning shade of blue that sen
t her pulse tripping and made her hands go moist under her gloves. A look he used to wear every time she’d whisper “I love you,” as if he couldn’t quite believe his good fortune.

  Well, now that Claire had adopted him into their family, there’d be no getting rid of him. Merrilee waited for the disappointment, but only felt relief filter through her. She didn’t want to be rid of him—not now, not ever. But how much easier things would be if she could truly believe that he was here for good!

  John may have bought a farm, but that didn’t mean he wouldn’t just pick up and leave again. He’d said as much. When he went away, she’d be left to pick up the pieces of their daughter’s broken heart...and maybe a little bit of her own heart, too. The knot in her chest tightened.

  Why did the man have to be so handsome? She’d almost fallen out of her high heels when she’d seen him this morning, the light gray, double-breasted suit fitting him to perfection. His skin had turned even more golden brown from the many hours in the field, the earthy smell of sunshine and freshly turned soil reminding her of happier times firmly planted in her memories.

  “Are you okay?”

  Merrilee blinked at Maggie’s soft whisper beside her. Heat traveled up her neck and burst into flames in her cheeks. She tugged on her veil as she nodded, her eyes never straying from the pulpit. Maybe the little scrap of lace would hide her heated cheeks.

  The soft thumping of Bibles closing summoned her out of her thoughts. She’d missed the whole service, wasn’t even sure what the pastor had preached on. People rose to their feet around her, and she followed suit, bowing her head as Preacher Williams started to pray. Oh, Lord, I’m so sorry. I came here intending to worship, to listen to Your word, but I couldn’t get John out of my thoughts. What am I going to do about him? And Claire? What if he breaks my heart again? She waited, trying to still her thoughts, hoping the answer would flash through her heart. But there was only a quietness, a memory of her prayers with John that morning. He’d lifted up each child by name, poured out his hopes and dreams for them, for her, for Aurora and then gave each one of them over to God’s care.