When she stole a glance towards Alex, she found herself smiling, and unable to resist any longer, Kate stood up and made her way towards him.
‘What’s so funny?’ he asked, as she snuggled against his chest.
‘Oh, nothing.’ Kate hesitated. ‘I mean, just this. Us, here together like this. I’m not laughing because it’s funny, more because it’s extraordinary.’
‘Flattery like that will get you tossed overboard,’ he remarked cheerfully.
‘I’m probably using the wrong words,’ she admitted. ‘I’m just surprised that I don’t feel more strange. It’s been a long time since—’ Kate stopped abruptly. She’d been about to say that it had been a long time since she’d been with anyone other than James, but she did not want to sully this night, nor this moment, by mentioning his name.
Alex must have understood her meaning, however, because he merely pulled her in for a kiss and murmured, ‘It’s been even longer for me.’
As they reached open water, he opened the throttle and Kate let out a yelp as the skirt of her dress was blown over her head.
‘Help yourself to a blanket if you’re cold,’ Alex offered, but Kate said she’d rather be warmed up by him. It should have sounded like the corniest line in history, but she didn’t feel embarrassed saying it. On the contrary, she felt as if she could say pretty much anything to this man. Ever since she’d first met Alex, she’d liked him for his unflappability. He was not quick to judge, as so many were. He simply took her as she was and accepted every trait, every peculiarity. Kate loved that about him. She’d become accustomed to her actions – or lack of them – being judged by everybody in her life. Alex felt like a revelation.
She nestled in closer to him as they continued on around the island, the noise from the engine encouraging the two of them to adopt a companionable silence, until eventually, the boat began to slow.
‘That’s the harbour at Stari Grad up ahead. The inlet that leads up to the town is not as busy as the marina in Hvar, but there will still be plenty of people about. Do you want to go in for a closer look, or are you happy to drop anchor here for a while?’
‘The latter,’ said Kate, and he widened his eyes, amused by the speed of her reply.
‘Whatever the lady commands.’
Kate waited on the cracked leather seat while he tied the line and fetched some pillows and bedding from inside the cabin.
‘I thought we could lay down under the stars,’ he said, spreading out a blanket.
Kate didn’t need any more encouragement.
‘I bet you know all about the stars, don’t you?’ she said a few moments later.
Alex laced his fingers through hers, gently stroking until Kate felt her breath catch in her throat. ‘I don’t know which one is which,’ he told her. ‘Terrible thing for a fisherman to admit, that is. But what I can tell you is that each of the stars we can see now are larger than the sun.’
‘Just a lot further away?’
‘Exactly.’
‘Would you go up into space,’ she asked. ‘If someone offered you a seat on a shuttle?’
‘I don’t reckon so, no.’ Alex turned to face her. ‘I reckon I have a far better reason to stay here on Earth now.’
It was on the tip of Kate’s tongue to tease him for saying something so cheesy, but she didn’t. Instead she bent her head and kissed him, meaning to pull away after a few seconds only to find that she couldn’t bear to. The two of them fitted together so seamlessly that it felt to Kate almost as if she would be breaking some kind of rule by severing the bond.
Perhaps a rule that had been written in the stars.
Being here with Alex did feel like fate; a pre-ordained circumstance that would always have happened, no matter the circumstances. Knowing it made so much of the other stuff fall away; all the pain and hurt she’d endured had been given a purpose. Without it, she would never have found her way here, found her way to him.
James felt a long way away in this moment – a distant star next to the bright, sun-like Alex. And he was like the sun. He’d brought so much warmth into her life and so much heat into her heart. And into other places too, of course, Kate thought, breaking contact in order to begin unbuttoning her dress.
‘Is this OK?’ Alex murmured. ‘Do you want this?’
Kate nodded, a smile breaking free across her face as she realised the truth.
That in this moment, with this person, right here under the stars, there was nothing in the whole world that she wanted more.
Chapter 41
Kate started work at Lovro’s coffee shop two days after Robyn flew home.
They’d spent the final part of her visit sightseeing, sunbathing and sampling local delicacies, while each night, Kate had waited until her friend was ready to sleep before venturing out to meet Alex. She was exhausted, but happier than she could ever remember feeling.
Getting her head back into work mode that morning had been a challenge, but once Kate had spread out her schedule and discussed it over very strong coffee with Lovro, she slipped seamlessly back into her creative role, marking out areas on the walls for shelving and hooks, ordering paint and flicking through homeware catalogues. She’d decided to dress the part in an attempt to appear more professional, but soon regretted her smart trousers and plain blouse when Lovro began feeding wood through his circular saw. Kate had to wipe sawdust off her glasses so many times that she eventually wore them on top of her head instead.
Having got to the shop a little after nine, by the time the clock reached six she was leaden with fatigue, and it was with mild relief that she said ‘laku noc´’ and stepped outside into the warm evening air. She and Alex had agreed a vague plan to meet at Pokonji Dol beach once Toby and Filippo – who still had no idea the two of them were spending every night together – had returned to their apartment, so Kate had some free hours to spare and on a whim, decided to pick up a bottle of something nice for the two of them to share.
The square, as ever, was alive with noise and bustle. Swallows ducked and dived between the rooftops, soaring up and around the bells of the grand Venetian tower; harassed parents pursued toddlers as they gave chase to the pigeons, both bird and child species wobbling on the uneven ground, while on the periphery, restaurant tables groaned under a cargo of food and drink, the occupants of each rosy faced after a day spent in the sun.
Kate nipped into the Tisak supermarket and spent a little more than she usually would on a local red wine, picking up a punnet of cherries and a bar of dark chocolate at the same time. The two of them had yet to drink together, and while he’d never said as much, she presumed he didn’t indulge often. Every time he’d been offered alcohol in her presence, he’d refused, and she liked that he wasn’t a habitual beer guzzler.
Liked most things about him, in fact.
Helplessly cheerful at the prospect of seeing him in just a few short hours, Kate breezed through the slender lanes and alleyways with a smile on her face, revelling in the natural artistry of gold stone walls set against an azure sky, and of terracotta pots overflowing with emerald vines. No wonder her creative spirit had been tempted out since she arrived in Hvar, an island that exuded dynamic beauty at every turn. The longer Kate spent in situ, the less she missed home; the days that had at the beginning of summer felt so cumbersome were now hurtling by, which both pleased and concerned her. Because while it was nice to be floating along in a bubble of happiness, there was always the fear that something might pop it.
Her phone rang.
Assuming it would be Toby asking her to pick something up from the supermarket she had just left – Alex never called, he always messaged – Kate let it ring out, giving in to curiosity only when her phone began to vibrate again almost immediately.
It was James.
Kate gaped down at the mobile in her hand, horror mounting like floodwater.
The last time she’d answered a call from James, they’d argued. She’d been upset for days afterwards, barely slept and fretted c
ompulsively, had messaged him and been callously ignored. When she took all this into consideration, it made sense not to answer. He did not deserve an answer.
Kate answered. ‘Hello.’
‘Kate, there you are. How are you? Where are you?’
‘Still away.’
‘Yeah, well, obviously you are – I got the foreign ringtone again.’
Kate said nothing. The tote bag containing the wine, chocolate and cherries slid dolefully down her arm, but she barely noticed.
‘How are you?’ he said again.
‘Fine.’
She did not bother to ask how he was.
‘It feels like ages since we spoke,’ he went on. ‘I thought I should check up on you – make sure you’re all right.’
Kate had reached the end of the street, but waited a moment before continuing, her arms wrapped tightly around her body despite the heat. A few weeks ago, the idea of James checking up on her would have filled her with joy, but now, that same notion rankled. Was he suggesting that she didn’t know how to take care of herself? And why now – why had he become so concerned about her all of a sudden?
‘I saw your mum,’ he said.
Oh, that was why.
‘Right . . .’ said Kate questioningly.
‘She didn’t seem very pleased to see me,’ he went on, doing his best to make light of the fact. ‘Tried to shut the front door in my face.’
‘Well, you did break her daughter’s heart,’ Kate replied, thinking how much the trailing bougainvillea petals above her looked like dribbles of paint. Perhaps a burst of colour in the coffee shop would be a good idea? One of the cacti with the bright red flowers.
‘Did you ever tell your parents?’ he went on. ‘You know, about the fertility stuff?’
‘No.’ Kate was gripped by a sudden panic. ‘You didn’t, did you?’
‘Of course not,’ said James. ‘You asked me not to and I’m a man of my word.’
‘If you say so,’ she said snippily, making her way down a flight of wide stone steps and emerging halfway along the Riva. Early evening was fading into dusk, the water in the harbour tinged gold by a sun as bright and shiny as a new penny. The lights on the yachts flickered into life as she passed, as if she was the current of electricity connecting each one to the next. She had felt like one only moments ago; had been fizzing with such hope. This conversation was draining her. James was draining her.
‘Did you have a reason for calling?’ she asked. ‘Or was it just that you saw my mum and were reminded of how badly you treated me?’
‘Now, hang on a minute,’ he began, but Kate did not want to wait, did not want to be told what to think or feel – especially not by him. It was becoming apparent that the emotional catastrophe she’d been waiting for ever since she saw his name appear on her phone was not going to come. Because sorrow was no longer what she was feeling – it was anger.
‘James, you gave up on me the moment we found out I was the sole reason we were struggling to conceive. You took eight years and flushed them, just like that, as if our entire relationship was nothing more than shit. You told me you loved me yet behaved as if I didn’t matter. If you’re calling to rub any of that in my face, then there really is no need. I am only too aware of my failings and how distasteful you find them.’
‘What are you on about?’
He sounded genuinely confused, but Kate did not let that dent her resolve. Now that she’d opened the floodgates, she couldn’t stop herself hurling accusations at him. She might have failed to give him a baby, but he’d done worse – he’d failed to forgive her for it.
‘Kate, I don’t blame you. That’s what I’ve been trying to say – it’s why I called you.’
‘Then why?’ she cried, so desperately that a passing woman veered sideways in alarm. Kate had reached the spot where the black cat always sat and washed itself, and bending to stroke it, she saw that her hand was shaking.
‘You ended things because you didn’t want to try. You thought you could dump me and find yourself another girl, one who was younger and more fertile – someone who could ensure that you stuck to that ridiculous five-year life plan. Tell me I’m wrong!’
‘There is no new girlfriend,’ he told her. ‘I can’t believe you would even think that. We only split up about a month ago, for heaven’s sake.’
‘It’s been far longer than that,’ she snapped, guilt over Alex making her temper rise.
‘Fine,’ he said. ‘Whatever. The point is, there is no one else. I went to your parents’ house because I hoped you’d be there, then when you weren’t, and your mum refused to tell me where you really were, I got worried. I am worried.’
Kate quailed. It was time to end this call. If she didn’t, she would crack.
‘I miss you,’ he said. ‘I want to see you.’
‘Don’t James.’
‘I mean it. I told your mum as much – ask her if you don’t believe me.’
‘Please don’t involve my mum in our private business,’ she said wearily, trudging up the hill so rapidly that her calf muscles burned with the effort. ‘And don’t say you miss me just to guilt-trip me into coming home. If you really wanted me there,’ she added hotly, ‘you wouldn’t have dumped me in the first place.’
‘I broke things off because we were unhappy,’ he said. ‘We both were. I know you say you weren’t, but I know you, Kate. I could tell you were pretending that everything was sound. I did the brave thing. But that doesn’t mean I stopped loving you. Of course I didn’t. I told you that.’
Kate came to an abrupt stop. ‘Are you saying that you still love me?’
James started to reply, only to hesitate, tripping over his words as he tried and failed to produce a coherent sentence.
‘It’s a simple yes or no, James – do you love me?’
Kate knew what he was going to say and steeled herself, her shoulders rigid and her free arm clamped to her side. He felt so far away from her, yet it was almost as if he was standing right in front of her on the path, his fine hair lifted by the same breeze that was rippling the fine cotton of her blouse. As much as she tried to be angry with him, she knew there was still a small piece of her that yearned for him; longed for him to want her again.
James cleared his throat. It sounded like defeat.
‘Yes, Kate,’ he said, with a small sigh. ‘Yes, I still love you.’
Chapter 42
Kate hung up the phone, staring at it as if it might grow teeth and bite her.
James missed her, wanted to see her – still loved her?
It wasn’t enough to have simply hung up. Kate pressed her finger down hard on the off switch, only letting go of the breath she was holding when the screen went dark. She could not deal with this now, it was too much.
The hostel was less than five minutes away, but instead of heading for home, Kate retraced her steps and returned to the coastal path. Half-expecting that neither Alex nor his boat would be in the usual mooring spot, she was relieved they were. But then she had to fight the urge to cry as soon as he turned around and saw her, his smile of delighted surprise making her feel even more like a criminal. He was not on the deck, but in the dinghy, a paintbrush in his hand and a small tin balanced in the other.
‘Thought it was about time I gave her a proper name,’ he called, as Kate made her careful way down the stony slope towards the water’s edge. ‘What do you think?’
Kate looked at the red letters and frowned. She had no idea what the word ‘Okretan’ meant and shook her head to communicate her ignorance.
‘I’ll come over,’ he called, his smile drooping a bit at the corners. Kate waited as he hoisted the painting tools onto the boat, trying her best not to convey how upset she felt. She should have known better, of course, because there was no fooling Alex.
‘What’s up?’
‘Nothing,’ she said, her voice high and shrill.
Alex stepped onto dry land and reached for the line, but he didn’t fasten it. ‘Do you
want to come aboard?’ he said.
Kate shook her head, unable to meet his eyes.
‘Hey,’ he said, this time putting a hand on her arm. ‘What’s happened? You’re not OK.’
‘I am,’ she managed, the lie running aground before she could qualify it with further explanation. ‘I’m sorry,’ she went on. ‘I don’t mean to be weird. I’m just . . . It’s only . . .’
Alex didn’t say anything else, nor did he step across and kiss her as she’d hoped he would. He still looked concerned, but there was a wariness in his eyes, as if he could tell that whatever was wrong with her was going to have an impact on him.
‘James called,’ she said, hanging her head. ‘Just now. I didn’t know where to . . . I’m sorry.’
She heard Alex take a breath, heard the trace of what sounded like impatience in his tone when he said, ‘Right.’
Only that morning, she’d lain naked in his arms, their legs entwined and his fingers stroking her hair from her face. Now, he felt like a stranger again.
Kate held out the tote bag. ‘I bought these,’ she said. ‘For us, for later I mean.’
Alex took it from her and looked inside. ‘That was a nice thought,’ he said. ‘But you’ll have to drink the wine yourself.’
That wouldn’t be much of a problem.
‘Do you still want to see me tonight?’ she asked, and this time Alex wrinkled his forehead with consternation.
‘Is there any reason why you think I wouldn’t?’
‘No, I just . . .’ She trailed off yet again, staring hard at a splodge of red paint on his T-shirt. As if sensing this scrutinisation, Alex lowered the bag to the ground and folded his arms, shutting her out.
‘I need some time,’ she told him, hating herself more with every word. ‘Some time to think.’
The Getaway: A holiday romance for 2021 - perfect summer escapism! Page 25
