Watermark (The Emerald Series Book 3)

by James, Kimberly

  “I’m saying slow down,” I said, relieved the words sounded as though I meant them. I loved Jamie. I knew he loved me, but it was hard not to be intimidated by him.

  “Is this about that kid?” His voice bit angrily.

  “No," I said surprised Jamie would bring Michael up again. "And he’s not a kid, he’s my age,” I reminded him. “He’s my friend.”

  “He’s human,” he said, his mouth slanted on a sneer, as if the word left a bad taste in his mouth.

  “I’m human,” I admitted, my voice small, like being merely human was something to be ashamed of. I’d never felt this disconnect before, this chasm of difference that seemed to have opened up between us. “You’re human too.”

  His eyes held mine for the longest time, and I knew there was a part of him that didn’t believe me.

  “I don’t feel like it,” he said and his whole countenance changed, a slow release of tension that relaxed the air. He sat on the edge of my bed and stared down at his hands as though they held the source of his confusion. I stayed huddled in my corner where I’d wrapped the bedspread over my legs.

  Two voices argued in my head. One spoke as the sixteen-year-old me and wanted nothing more than to crawl across the bed and take Jamie in my arms and give him the comfort he needed. The other voice, the stronger voice, cautioned me to take care. That one—the widow who’d lost a baby—needed to know why I had lived through two years of hell. His cage had made him a victim in my eyes, but now that he was here in my room, free and so much his old self and much more, my sense of self-preservation kicked in.

  “What happened Jamie? Where have you been?”

  “I don’t… I don’t know. I don’t remember.” A shudder passed through him, strong enough it shook the bed. His hands balled into fists and when he turned his head to look at me, his eyes were clouded with uncertainty.

  “Crying," he said. "I remember crying. I remember pain. Complete nothingness. And then I woke up, and I just was.”

  “Noah said you belonged to the Deep. That’s why you came to the school. You wanted to get caught. It was the only way to escape her.”

  “I don’t remember it that way. I only remember you. It wasn’t so much trying to escape her as I was trying to get to you.”

  “They could have killed you.” And after all that my dad had said, they still might want to.

  “I needed to know my name. I needed for you to tell me who I was,” he said.

  My stomach lurched, as though I was on the train of a roller coaster, falling, falling…

  “You’re Jamie,” I choked at the despondent look in his eyes.

  “Come here.” There was no demand in his tone, the hand he held out to me a gentle invitation. “Please.”

  I responded, laying my hand in his, and when his long fingers closed around mine, it put an end to my wild ride. He pulled me onto his lap and stroked my hair, pressing his lips to the side of my face.

  “You’re right. I’m sorry. I forget how long it’s been. Time stopped for me.”

  It hadn’t for me. Time had plodded on at an agonizing pace with me missing him, dying inside, learning to live without him.

  “I need a little time, Jamie. You’re so… different.” I ducked my head, hoping he understood when I wasn’t sure I did myself. Any differences we’d had never mattered to me before. I’d embraced them. I’d been proud of what he was.

  “You’re different too,” he said as his eyes lingered on every part of my face. His hand came up to trace a strand of my hair, and we both laughed when my hair snagged on the rough skin. “Look at you. Strong and determined, not the least bit scared of me when I’m nothing but a monster.”

  “No, you’re not. I will never see you that way.” I might not have been certain where we stood, but I was certain I would never see him as a monster.

  “They will.” He nodded to my window, indicating the outside world. “They may never accept me like this. I want the life that we had before, and now I’m afraid I’m not going to get it.”

  I didn’t have an answer for him. I had my own doubts, not because I didn’t love him. I did. But I also knew the life we had before was gone because the girl who had fallen in love with him was gone.

  We floated down to the bed with my head pressed in the crook of his shoulder, and I felt an immense sense of relief he didn’t press the issue further. He'd warned me he wasn't as civilized as he had been. That he was an animal. But he was as kind and tender as he'd always been with me. He continued to whisper promises while he held me. I must have dozed off. The next time my eyes flicked open the room was dark, the candles burned down. The sensation of lying in Jamie’s arms was so familiar. I tensed, fearing it was another dream.

  “Tell me my name again,” he whispered, his breath a warm current over the back of my ear.

  “Jamie.” My hand found his and I cradled it under my cheek. “Your name is Jamie.”

  “I love you,” he said.

  The drum of the rain combined with the warmth of Jamie’s body lulled me back into a quiet place, a peaceful place that he shattered with his next words.

  “Will you take me to see her? Will you take me to see Lyla?"

  I closed my eyes tightly and whispered, “Yes.”

  24

  Jamie took to land behind his house. Though he was growing used to it, the ground still felt odd, too solid and weirdly insecure. He wondered if the day had long passed that he would ever prefer dry land to the open water.

  The sun was out in full force. The wind still blew steadily, but the storm had waned the minute it made landfall. Jamie scanned the house. Nothing looked out of place. And from the looks of it the storm surge had been minimal. Clean-up wouldn't take long.

  He'd risen well before the sun and picked up the limbs that had fallen in Erin's yard. He'd spent so much time in the water where it was so deep and dark he wouldn't even notice the passing of the sun. He'd told Erin time had stopped for him, but what he’d really meant was time didn't exist.

  The power had come back on before he'd left Erin's house, and he'd offered to hang around and help Marshall with the rest of the clean-up. But Erin had shooed him off, insisting Noah and his mom would be eager to see him.

  Now that he was here, he felt the growing ache to see his mother and brother, to reconnect in a way that hadn't been possible while he'd been locked up with a bunch of humans watching. For the first time in a week, he felt like he could be himself. He didn't bother wondering if he knew who that was. He knew his name, and for now that was enough.

  He smelled them on the breeze while they were still hundreds of yards off. He recognized Noah's scent, could make out the bob of his blond head as he jogged toward him. He recognized the girl's scent too. He'd barely smelled one without the other. This was the same girl he’d attacked when his mind had been confused and nothing made sense. The same girl who had been with Noah on the beach that night his animal ramped out of control and he'd attacked the human boy.

  Jamie had had plenty of time to take stock of all that had changed, and while he had no real explanation, he'd had no choice but to accept the differences. His heightened sense of smell was one of them. Maybe he'd get used to it, but now it only made him feel like an animal. Shame licked at his gut as he remembered the way Erin had looked at him, huddled against the frame of her bed, hiding under the covers. He’d forced her to push him away when he'd been so driven by the need to get close to her.

  Throwing the thought aside, he watched as his little brother ran closer and picked up on the steady rate of his breathing. Noah's pace slowed when he saw Jamie, and he reached out and took the girl's hand, pulling her to a walk. Noah wasn’t so little anymore, and Jamie couldn't help the smile that broke out on his face.

  "I see you finally found yourself a girlfriend," Jamie said as he and Noah collided in an embrace that shook him to his core. He'd seen Noah briefly the previous night right after he'd escaped his prison. Noah and Jeb had been waiting for him, presumably to make
sure Jamie got out, but he'd been so preoccupied with getting to Erin he hadn't taken the time to appreciate the moment. He wouldn't make that mistake again.

  "Jamie," Noah choked out his name and Jamie held tighter. Feelings, long suppressed, resurfaced in an overwhelming rush. How could he have forgotten this? The deep-rooted love he had for his brother.

  "I didn't expect to see you so soon," Noah said, positioning himself solidly between him and the girl. Not that Jamie blamed him. He had attacked her. Jamie would have behaved the same way.

  "Felt like coming home. Looks like I'm just in time to help with some clean-up." His eyes drifted to the girl. “You gonna introduce us?”

  “Yeah.” Noah turned to the girl. There was something familiar about her, the set of her eyes, the silver that flashed in them. “This is Caris. Caris, my brother, Jamie.”

  Jamie offered his hand and Caris took it, her smile easy, her grip tight. He didn't remember her from before, and her scent was only faintly salty and hot with energy.

  "Hi, Jamie. I've heard a lot about you. It's good to see you."

  "It's good to be seen." He wondered what she'd say if he told her that all he'd wanted that day he'd attacked her was to be seen. "I owe you an apology for that day. I was a little out of my head."

  "No harm done," she said with a slight tilt of her shoulders. He wondered if she'd been responsible for the storm. He saw it in her eyes. Smelled it on her skin. Her energy sang in the air, not unlike his own. He had no idea where Noah found her.

  Noah looped his arm around her shoulders and kissed the top of her head. Jamie’s laugh at seeing his brother so enamored came out choked. He’d forgotten about laughter too.

  "What?" Noah asked, narrowing his eyes.

  "Nothing." Watching Noah made Jamie feel about a hundred pounds lighter. A sudden rightness settled into his bones along with a shred of parental pride. Jamie had carried the burden of his dad's absence after he'd died, walking the line between big brother and father figure. Like Erin, Noah had come through a hell of a time the stronger for it. It humbled him to see the man his brother had become after all that had been taken from him. First their father, then him. “It's good to be home."

  And he meant it. A week ago he’d doubted his ability to make the transition back to almost normal. He'd been desperate to try anything, even if that meant risking exposing himself. Maybe he could have done something else, something less risky, but he'd counted on Marshall coming through for him and he had. His family had too.

  "I'm gonna go," Caris leaned up and kissed Noah's cheek. "Make sure my dad doesn't work too hard cleaning up."

  “Don’t let me run you off," Jamie said.

  “We were done anyway. And since Maggie closed the shop today, I wanted to spend some time with my dad. He's been sick."

  At the mention of Maggie's name, another chamber of Jamie's mind opened. One more person he cared about who had faded to the back of his memory. He hadn't even asked about her.

  "How is Maggie?"

  "She's good. They wouldn't let her in to see you, only immediate family. I'm sure she'll be by to see you now. In fact, there're a few people eager to get a look at you."

  Jamie tried to look happy about that prospect, but he wasn't sure he was ready to face his tribe. Jeb maybe, but then Jeb was more like a brother.

  “Be careful,” he heard Noah say under his breath as he walked Caris to the shoreline.

  Noah didn’t just have a girlfriend. He was in love. They said their goodbyes with the waves rushing over their feet, and Jamie had to look away as thoughts of Erin clouded his mind. She was never out of it. He hadn’t wanted to leave her bed this morning. But he’d been forced to go to the Deep by the need pulsing under his skin. A weakness he couldn't seem to escape. He’d returned sated and spent the next hour hauling limbs into a pile only for the feeling to build back up again.

  He turned his head around in time to see Caris dive into the foamy break of an oncoming wave. The waves still churned and the roar soothed him. He’d been on land for mere minutes and already he was compelled to follow her. He still wasn't completely free of the lure the Deep held over him. He wondered if he ever would be.

  “What are you looking at?” Noah asked, a scowl on his face and a dare in his eyes.

  “She’s pretty,” was all he said, and Jamie laughed out loud for the first time in two years at the look on his brother's face. Noah might have grown up, but Jamie still knew how to push his buttons.

  “Jamie!”

  He turned at the sound of his mom calling his name. It was strange how hearing his name spoken by the different people he loved helped heal a different part of him. Her dark hair streamed over her shoulders as she made her way over, her light eyes intent on him. His heart hitched and he swallowed around a lump of emotion.

  He opened his arms and she came to him, burying her face in his chest. He held her while she shook, gently rocking her in his arms, surprised at the sting behind his eyes.

  “Don’t cry, Mom.” He met his brother’s gaze over her head and it struck him, not for the first time, how much his family had suffered. He’d been the lucky one. Half out of his mind, drifting in the oblivion of the Deep. She’d protected him from the pain of memories, the pain of knowing. Two years. Two years was a long time.

  “I can’t help it.” His mom pushed away from him and wiped the moisture from her cheeks, eyes bouncing between him and his brother. “I’ve got my boys back.”

  Jamie waited out the moment, thankful neither his mom or brother asked him about Erin. Why she wasn't here with him. He wasn't ready to explain to his family why she needed time. He would simply give it to her.

  “Yeah, well this boy is hungry,” he said, patting his empty stomach.

  “Unlatch all those storm shutters and I can fix that,” she said and they headed up the path that led to the house where he used to live.

  He put his arm around her shoulders and after a few steps grabbed Noah around the neck and hugged him too.

  Two years and nothing had changed.

  Two years and everything had changed.

  25

  The sky was gray under a thick layer of clouds, a reflection of my mood. I didn’t want to be here. I didn’t need another reminder of my failure, but I owed it to Jamie to bring him here to see her and give him a chance to say his goodbyes. Even though I knew I could never say goodbye. His hand was like a rock at my back, as hard as the tiny marble cherub that sat atop Lyla’s grave. His expression showed nothing, his body like a statue itself.

  It had taken a day or two for the community to right itself after Bertha. Jamie stayed at his house. I stayed at mine. School was back in session, but not for me and never would be again. At least not high school. Jamie had texted me earlier and asked if I would come with him to Lyla's grave. As much as I'd wanted to refuse, here I was in the one place that brought nothing but pain.

  A northerly wind picked up, scattering the dying leaves stripped from the trees during the storm. It was unseasonably cool for the end of October, and I pulled my sweater tight to my chest, clutching at a hurt that seemed to never go away no matter how hard I tried to bury it.

  Jamie had yet to say anything in the ten minutes we’d been standing here while my fingers grew stiff with cold as my icy heart pumped cold blood through my veins. My fingers had turned a light shade of blue, the way her tiny fingers had been blue. Perfect little fingers with perfect little nails.

  “I’m sorry I wasn’t here for you.” Jamie's voice blanketed me, and I let him pull me close, retreating into his warmth.

  I couldn’t be strong here, not in this place. My mouth opened to offer him some words of comfort, but nothing came out but a whimpered protest. He took my hand and crouched down, the shadow of his body shrouding her small grave. His other hand held a single purple lilac. He placed it in the arms of the cherub with such care I thought I heard my heart crack, felt the vibrations through to my arms and legs. It had been battered so many times, I sometimes
wondered how it still beat at all.

  “Noah made her a bracelet with your pearls.” I looked down at the marker carved with my baby girl’s name.

  Lyla Grace Jacobs.

  “She wore it when we buried her. I wanted her to take something of you with her.” Somehow my eyes were still dry when Jamie’s fingers curled up my arm. That beastly hand with its silky webs followed the path to my shoulder and up the side of my neck until the warmth of his light grip enveloped my cheek.

  “I will never forgive myself for not being with you when you lost her," he said. "When we lost her.”

  “There’s nothing to forgive.”

  His eyes softened as though he knew I lied.

  “All that time I spent in the Deep in complete oblivion to what you were going through, the pain and disappointment. Do you know how proud I am of you?" I blinked to shudder his probing eyes. "Instead of hating the world and everyone in it, like I would have done if I had been the one left behind, you turned yourself into this strong, amazing girl.” His hands on my cheeks increased their pressure. “But you’re not a girl anymore. You’re a woman, and I am in awe of you Erin Shaw Jacobs.”

  “Jamie…” My voice begged. I hadn't thought of myself as Erin Jacobs in months. I’d simply been Erin, a girl who'd lost so much. A girl desperate to keep her head above the churning waves of a drowning grief.

  His lips pressed to mine, the lightest of pressure, his thumbs stroking my cheeks. When he lifted his head, his eyes shifted behind me, and I turned to see Noah walking toward us. My knees almost buckled in relief. I had been so close. So close to admitting to him it was all my fault, that what he thought he saw in me was an illusion.

  Noah's hair flew on the wind like wings. He looked like an angel. An angel carrying flowers and that sympathetic smile I knew so well.

  "He was here for you," Jamie said as he watched his brother come toward us.

  "Yes," I whispered, knowing how hard coming here was for Noah. He'd lost something that night too.