Free Falling (Falling Novella Series Book 2)

by Shirl Rickman

  Her eyes close and I almost kiss her. I know I can make her feel what I can’t seem to admit.

  “God, Drew,” she sighs, and I can tell she’s trying not to cry.

  I’m on the verge of tears myself. “Damn it, Rosie! It’s not fucking time,” I insist desperately. “Open your eyes! Look at me!” I shout because I’m starting to feel angry. I know she doesn’t want this to end either. My grip tightens on her shoulders.

  When she opens her eyes, tears begin to stream down her cheeks. She shakes her head, and her mouth slightly opens as if she is trying to find the words. Any words that might make this situation better. I know what she’s thinking, and I can’t give it to her. I can’t risk it. And yet, I don’t want to let her go even if we did promise to end this arrangement if things ever got hard. And that is exactly what she’s trying to do.

  Then Rosie is suddenly shouting at me, “Why are you doing this?”

  I don’t know, I think.

  She continues, “You promised! You made me swear I would tell you when our arrangement got too hard. I’m trying to tell you, and you won’t let me.” She sobs. The pain I feel at her words is excruciating.

  Pulling her against my chest, I wrap my arms around her. Wanting her to feel it. Please feel it, Rosie. God, please help me. I…I don’t know how to do this.

  “It’s so hard, Drew. It’s too hard now. It’s time. My time is up.” She cries, and I can hear her heart breaking. I wonder if she can hear mine. I’ve got to find the right words.

  “It’ll be harder when there is no us,” I try telling her.

  She pushes against my chest and looks at me. No, don’t say it, Rosie. I don’t think I can. Don’t.

  I beg her silently, but she says it. “I need more.” Her tears stop coming. “I’ve been falling slowly…so very slowly in love with you. I want more.”

  It’s exactly what I feared all along. It’s the one thing I’ve told myself I would avoid because love and commitment have never been real for me. My own tears are forming, and the pain inside grows because I just can’t do what she wants. “I can’t do more,” I whisper.

  It’s strange because when those words I’ve said a thousand times leave my mouth, I instantly know they’re a lie. Ironically, a lie is the reason I’ve never let myself do more than casual. She knew I was going to say those words; I can see it on her face.

  And it’s confirmed when she says, “I know, and that’s why it’s time.”

  When she rises on her tiptoes, I lower my lips over hers lightly. It’s the moment I can no longer keep my tears at bay. We don’t move. We stay connected by this soft, gentle kiss. We savor it. I never want to move because I know she intends for this to be our last. I won’t be the first to pull away. I can’t.

  That’s when I feel her slowly take a step back. No. “Please…” I say in a quiet plea. I want to say more, but the fear takes over. The what ifs. When I look at her, I can tell she’s hesitating, waiting for me to continue. To change my mind. What she doesn’t understand is she’s asking the impossible of me.

  Shrugging, she pushes her shoulders back, wipes away her tears, and turns and leaves. She doesn’t look back. I make one last effort. “Don’t leave me. I can’t,” I plea. She still doesn’t turn around. And I still don’t tell her I want more.

  Even when I feel my heart leave with her.

  “Paddle! Paddle! Keep paddling, Rosie! Dip!” I shout at her as we rise and dip with the waves as we make our way off shore. She’s lying across the top of the board in front of me on my longboard. It’s been forever since I’ve taken my longboard out; it’s not really my thing anymore, but I knew if I wanted to take Rosie out and get her up, then this board is ideal.

  “I am! I can’t believe you talked me into doing this,” she yells back over the sound of the waves rolling past us. I can hear both the excitement and nerves in her voice. “I’m not going to be able to do this.”

  I smack her on the ass and resume paddling as she releases a startled screech. “You will, but not if we don’t make it past the break, now dip.” We dip the board beneath the wave and continue to paddle.

  When we finally reach the spot I was hoping for, I tell her to stop paddling. “So now what?” she asks, pushing herself up and straddling the board. I follow suit and place my legs on either side of the board, too. I scoot myself closer to Rosie, my chest pressing against her back.

  Moving my lips close to her ear, I whisper, “We wait.” I feel her shiver, but I don’t think it’s from the cold air around us.

  “We wait,” she breathes. This time I’m the one who shivers.

  Remembering where we are and what I brought her out here to do, I begin to explain. “It’s all about instinct. You feel the rhythm of the water. You clear your mind, concentrate. Do you think you can do that?”

  Nodding her head, Rosie laughs. “I think I’d have a better chance of concentrating without you pressed up against me.”

  Shaking my head, I sigh. “You don’t know just how true those words are.”

  Just when I decide we should forget about this surfing thing and paddle back in to break every rule I put into place with our new arrangement, I feel it. The ripple of the water passes us, then the sound of the approaching wave.

  “This is it,” I tell her.

  “This is it?” she questions, breathy.

  “Rosie, you’re about to surf. Now lay forward and start paddling, feel it, and listen for my cue and don’t forget to pop up.” She nods her head as she moves her body forward and starts paddling. I move with her, and together we push ourselves forward, ahead of the wave perfectly. “Feel that?”

  Rosie nods her head.

  “Now,” I yell over the moving water.

  Together we pop up onto our feet. Once we have our balance, we sail across the water. I can hear Rosie giggling. “Oh my God!” she screams, her laugh vibrating through my body as I move forward on the board and wrap my arms around her as we reach the end of the wave.

  I pull her over and into the water, cradling her against me. A yelp sounds through the air just before we hit the water.

  When we break the surface again, she’s spluttering water and laughing at the same time. My own chest vibrating with happiness, I lift her up as she wraps her arms around my neck.

  “That was amazing.” She smiles and presses her lips hard against mine.

  “You’re amazing,” I say against her lips then take the kiss deeper. We’re now pressed into the sand, the tide washing up around us. “Rosie, we’re pretty incredible, too. Together.”

  Rolling her on top of me, she smiles as she looks into my eyes.

  “Yeah, we are. Thank you for this day,” she agrees. Her joy is shining in the look she’s giving me. It’s everything I want her to feel.

  “The sun may be going down, but the day isn’t quite over,” I remind her, a grin spreading across my face.

  We’re sitting quietly on one of the dedication benches, snuggled close, a cool breeze coming off the ocean. Rosie stares out over the ocean as my eyes focus on her. This moment is reminiscent of a day not so long ago. A day I’d rather forget, but definitely one that changes me completely.

  “Being at this lighthouse brings up feelings I don’t really like remembering,” I disclose to her, breaking the silence around us.

  “I was just thinking the same thing,” she admits just before she turns her attention to me.

  “I’m so sorry I was such a coward, Rosie,” I apologize.

  Her eyes shimmer with unshed tears. Tilting her head slightly, Rosie shakes her head. “No, Drew. Don’t apologize anymore. There is nothing to apologize for because you had your reasons.” Shrugging, she leans forward, softly pressing her lips to mine briefly then continuing, “Maybe one a day you’ll tell me what kept you from letting people in and what finally changed your mind.”

  Those words should’ve been the opening to do exactly what she just said. They should’ve let me know she wanted to know. That I can trust her with th
e one thing I’ve kept shut off…my heart. I should’ve told her it was her who tore down the wall I spent so much time building. Building because of Laura and the fact her lies broke my trust and the innocence of my heart a long time ago.

  Instead, the words stay lodged in my throat, and I pull her hard against me. My body quivers, shaking both of us. I’m holding Rosie so tight, trying to make her feel what I can’t seem to form the words to say.

  Just like the last time we were here on this cliffside overlooking the sea, full of possibilities. A moment for us to move forward. A time for me to move past the lies from another lifetime and start new with a girl who has nothing to do with the hurt from years ago. It’s my opportunity.

  Pulling back from me, Rosie looks into my eyes. She doesn’t say anything, only stares, like she is trying to see what I’m not telling her. Then she pecks me lightly, pulls back again, and says, “Don’t, okay? This isn’t like last time we were here. I’m not done. It’s not time, and more than anything, I’m not finished.” She places her lips against mine again and lingers a little longer this time before looking into my eyes again. “I don’t think you’re finished either. You’re not ready to tell me, and I’m okay with that. This wasn’t part of the rules. Opening yourself to the possibility of what we can and could be is the only rule. I don’t need the other now. I don’t need your past hurts. I only want your future happiness. What do you say?”

  My God, this girl. This beautiful, sweet, and honest woman.

  Placing both of my hands on either side of her face, I pull her mouth swiftly to mine. I kiss her hard, and passionately. My heart is mending, becoming whole again and beating more freely with every second I spend with Rosie.

  Someday I’ll be able to say all the things I’ve kept locked away. I’ll say them to her because she is the one who has the key. She’s the one who has my heart, and as she deepens the kiss, I can feel that I have hers, too.

  A few days later, Rosie and I walk through the same door where we first met.

  “Rosie. Drew, mate. It’s lovely to see you this morning,” Andy greets us as we walk up to the counter to place our order. We agreed to meet for coffee before work this morning. We’ve been trying to change things up, and it’s been a while since we’ve been in here together.

  “Good morning,” Rosie and I respond to Andy’s greeting simultaneously. Andy gives us both an approving grin. He has been in our corner from the beginning, so I’m not surprised to see his cheery disposition at seeing the two of us together.

  “How have things been?” he continues the conversation.

  Again, we both say, “Good.” Then we start laughing.

  “You know, this is getting kind of ridiculous that I never order something new. It’s always the same, and to think I was trying to be bolder only a few months ago. What was I thinking when I can’t even try a new coffee drink?” Rosie says, giggling.

  I shrug my shoulders as I pay for our coffees. “What does your taste in coffee have to do with who you are as a person?”

  “Yes, Rosie. Most people come in every day and order the same drink, but if you want, next time I will make a suggestion,” Andy adds before looking at the next person in line.

  Once we grab our drinks, our eyes roam over the room for an available table.

  Sitting at their usual table is the dynamic five. Lynn notices us first and shouts, “Rosie and Drew in the house!”

  Lenny lifts his cup in acknowledgment. Lorna only turns and smiles, then directs her attention back to the conversation she is having with Lenny. Colleen waves wildly. Jumping out of her chair, Marti comes running over to us, throwing her arms around Rosie’s neck. “Hey, you two. We’ve been missing you both,” she says candidly just before she pulls me into a quick hug.

  “I’ve missed seeing you, too. Work has been crazy, and when I have come in you haven’t been here,” Rosie tells her. “I’m glad I saw you today.” She’s so sweet and sincere.

  “Yes, well, I have been in and out. Anyway, I won’t keep you two. I just wanted to say a quick hello and give you a squeeze,” Marti tells us. “See you soon.” She walks away and joins the conversation of the table like she never left.

  Looking over to Rosie, I nod my head toward a table in the corner. “How about that one over there?”

  “Perfect,” she responds, leading the way to the table I pointed out to her.

  After we take a seat, we start chatting.

  “Do you have plans this weekend?” Rosie asks, blowing on her latte. I watch the way her lips purse when she blows, and it’s adorable.

  “Will you be mad if I tell you how adorable you are?” I ask her, already expecting the wrath I’ve experienced by way of the daggers shooting from her eyes.

  Rolling her eyes, she grumbles, “What could I have possibly done in the last thirty seconds to make you feel the need to call me adorable?”

  “You existing period is adorable. In fact, if I were to look up adorable in the dictionary, your picture would be next to it with see picture in italics below it,” I tease her.

  Her eyes go wide then she explodes with laughter, coffee shooting from her mouth and onto my face.

  “Oh my God!” she shouts, covering her mouth with her hand.

  My eyes are closed. I can feel the drops of liquid rolling down my face. I listen as Rosie scrambles to her feet then begins rubbing my face with napkins, trying to dry me off.

  Then she’s laughing again, so hard, I can barely understand her when she says, “How adorable do you think I am now?”

  Without warning, I grab her around the waist, pulling her onto my lap. Rubbing my wet face all over her, pressing kisses around her mouth until I finally plant a hard lingering one to her lips. We both freeze. I forgot where we were and I think she forgot too. Both of us got caught up in the moment, in the easy way being together is for us.

  “Drew? Do you think people are looking at us?” she whispers without taking her eyes away from mine.

  I allow my eyes to roam around the room; I haven’t met one set of eyes looking our way. Well, that is until my gaze connects with Andy. He’s smiling brightly and shaking his head. Then he mouths the words, “Moments in time.”

  “Nope, It’s just you and me,” I tell her, placing another soft kiss to her lips.

  Later that night when I walk through the door to my apartment, I throw my bag down on the floor near the couch. Pulling out my phone, I decide to take care of something that’s been on my mind all day.

  Drew: Yo, Parks! I think I’m going to invite Rosie to the family game night on Saturday.

  Parker: Dude! Are you fucking kidding me?

  Drew: No, is it a problem? You don’t think Mom and Dad will care, do you?

  Parker: Nope. No issue, just surprised, man. As for Mom and Dad, they won’t give a shit. In fact, Mom will be so excited that maybe she’ll lay off me about girls.

  Drew: Oh, yeah, that reminds me. What was up between you and Rosie’s friend, Abbey the other day? Do you know her?

  Parker: Not happening.

  Drew: What’s not happening?

  Parker: I’m not talking to you about that. Just let it go, Dude.

  Drew: Fine, but be nicer next time. She is Rosie’s best friend, after all.

  Parker: Ask Rosie about the party. See you on Saturday.

  Drew: Yeah, see you on Saturday.

  Tossing the phone on the couch next to me, I get up, heading for the kitchen to make something to eat. Once I make a sandwich, I take my plate back to the couch with me. Setting it on the coffee table, I pick my phone back up, taking a deep breath.

  Asking Rosie to a family get-together. It’s a big deal. It’s like no matter how slow I intend to go, everything moves at warp speed when it comes to Rosie and me. I mean, it was just a short time ago, you wouldn’t even catch me putting Rosie and me together. It was today at The Roasting Company that the thought of inviting her first crossed my mind. It’s been nagging me all day. I want her there with me. With my family. />
  Drew: Hey, Adorable. You around?

  I eat my food while I wait for a response. It’s a few minutes before I get a reply.

  Rosie: Who is this?

  Drew: Seriously?

  Rosie: Well, I don’t know. Are you seriously calling me adorable again?

  Drew: I only speak truths.

  Rosie: No.

  Drew: Fine. What are you doing?

  Rosie: I’m on the couch, watching television with Abbey.

  Drew: I’m jealous.

  Rosie: You should be, she’s feeding me Chunky Monkey and giving me all of the banana chunks.

  Drew: That Abbey is an amazing friend. Speaking of Abbey, did you ever ask her about the weirdness between her and Parker?

  Rosie: Yes, she wouldn’t spill and tried playing it off. Something is going on, but I got nothing. Did you ask Parker?

  Drew: Yep, and I basically got the brush-off, too. Oh well, that’s not why I’m texting anyway.

  Rosie: Oh? So what are you texting me about?

  Drew: Actually, are you leaving the house tonight?

  Rosie: Uh, I wasn’t planning on it.

  Before I answer her, I’m up off the couch and out the door. I’ve decided I want to ask her in person. What a jackass move to ask her out by text. She deserves more than that, and honestly, this isn’t a regular date.

  Rosie: Hello? Where did you go?

  Thank God we only live a few blocks from one another because running there just wouldn’t be as easy. Or quick.

  Rosie: Seriously, Drew?

  When I make it to her building, I run to the elevator. I don’t want to tell her I’m coming over. I want to surprise her.

  Rosie: Drew!!! Where did you go?

  Drew: I’m here.

  Rosie: What the heck? Why’d you leaving me hanging like that?