by Ranae Rose
“You didn’t call him?”
She looked down at the floor. “I can’t. I’m afraid he’ll say no.”
“Crystal… I don’t think this is a good idea.”
Her eyes stung as desperation gripped her. “Please! He’ll take care of her. I know he will. He always took care of me growing up, and he’s not like me. He’s clean. He’s successful. And if I don’t do this, I’m going to lose Emily.
“I can’t let her go into the foster care system. You don’t understand how awful it is. It’s—”
“Justine’s told me a few stories,” he said, his expression darkening. “Those stories are the only reasons I can’t bring myself to hate her for being so fucked-up.”
Every night, Crystal dreamed of Emily being taken from her and shoved into the arms of strangers. Those nightmares woke her more often than Emily’s crying.
Sometimes, during the day, she became so afraid that a knock would come at the door that she could hardly breathe. That was when she knew it was time for another pill – another pill she couldn’t afford, another pill that would be just a little less effective than the last one.
She gripped Rick’s hand and squeezed. “I’m so, so sorry for asking you to do this. But I promise – I’ll never ask you for anything ever again if you do. They have a space open for me in the program tomorrow.”
“Tomorrow?” His eyes widened.
“It’s less than a five hour drive to Pittsburgh,” she said. “And I’ll give you money. Five-hundred dollars.” It was most of what she had left.
Rick’s gaze drifted to Emily, who was napping beside the couch in her bassinette, and he sighed.
“Please.” She couldn’t hold back the tears.
“You’re absolutely sure your brother will be up for this?”
“Yes. And it’ll only be temporary. I’ll be out and on my way to Pittsburgh as soon as I can be.”
Another sigh. “Fine.”
* * * * *
Dylan’s energy levels had ebbed back to what he considered normalcy. He wasn’t sure if that was his body’s natural rhythm, or whether they’d been dragged down by the stress of seeing Ben through his trials. He was grateful for the antidepressant that kept him from sinking too low, because he could easily imagine his mental state spiraling down without it.
Dealing with Ben was hard, partially because he often resisted the help Dylan tried to give him, and partially because every day Dylan spent hovering over his brother was another day of shirking his work responsibilities.
None of the clients who’d booked sessions with him at Hot Ink were going to get the tattoos they wanted. At least, not unless they were willing to reschedule, and Jed was still willing to have Dylan back. The longer he stayed in Newark, the more he worried that Jed would rescind his offer.
From a career standpoint, he could always keep tattooing in Newark, where he’d been for four years.
That wasn’t what he wanted, though. He wanted to honor the commitments he’d made to his clients at Hot Ink, and – most of all – the promise he’d made to Crystal.
God, he wanted to see her. His thoughts had stopped racing, but they hadn’t stopped revolving around her. In fact, being back to normal gave him a chance to really focus on the memories he’d accumulated in Pittsburgh, savoring them in agonizing detail. When he wasn’t dealing with Ben, he was thinking about Crystal, living in a state of perpetual longing.
It was seven o’clock in the evening when he grabbed his phone, unable to resist the temptation of contacting her. Though he worried that she might be getting sick of him not being able to tell her when he’d be back, his desire to be in touch with her trumped that.
How’s it going? Missing you, he texted her. If she didn’t feel the same way, she’d probably let him know pretty quickly.
She responded within minutes. How’s your brother?
He couldn’t help but be a little disappointed. Still, it was good to be in touch with her. He pictured what she might – or might not – be wearing, envisioning her in her bed.
Jesus, he missed the way her hair fanned out over her pillow when she laid down. It was silky-soft and he vividly remembered the feel of it wrapped around his fingers, the way it looked after he got done fucking her.
Seems like things are finally starting to look up. He was being optimistic, although Ben had taken his medication without hesitating that morning, and had agreed to continue taking them at least until the end of the week.
I’m glad. Think you’ll be coming back to Pittsburgh anytime soon?
I want to.
Let me know when you figure out when you’ll be back. I miss you too.
His heart turned over in his chest, and his dick twitched. He hit call, wanting to hear her voice.
“Hey,” she answered on the second ring.
“Hey. Are you all right?” Her voice sounded weak and raspy. His visions of her lying in bed in something sexy disappeared, replaced by worry.
“I’ve been sick.”
“You sound like hell.”
“I think it might be the flu.”
“Have you been to the doctor?”
“No. I don’t have the energy.”
“How long have you been sick?”
“Five days.”
“Jesus. What about Emily?”
“She’s right here.”
As if on cue, the baby yelled in the background. It sounded like she was trying to say ‘mom’.
“Who’s taking care of her?”
“Me. She hasn’t gotten sick – I’ve been careful.”
He asked her why her brother hadn’t helped, and she said she hadn’t asked because she didn’t want to risk his pregnant fiancée catching what she had.
“Unfortunately, I don’t have Mary Poppins’ number,” she said when he told her she should ask someone for help.
“Maybe James could at least take her to daycare for you.” He pushed the envelope, and she seemed to get more annoyed.
“No, that wouldn’t be right. Emily might carry some of my germs into the daycare center.”
“Okay. Sorry. I’m just worried about you.” He’d been stressing all week over Ben, and it was easy to stress over her and Emily too.
“Thanks, but the situation is what it is.” She sounded defeated, and he hated to hear it.
They didn’t talk long after that, mostly because she said she had to get off the phone and feed Emily dinner. When the call ended, he ached at the thought of Crystal soldiering through the flu, taking care of Emily on her own. He’d heard the exhaustion in her voice, and he wanted desperately to do something about it.
He couldn’t not do something about it. The thought of her alone and miserable was more than he could stand.
* * * * *
A knock at the door snapped Crystal out of a daze at a quarter ‘till eight.
She didn’t want to answer – her limbs felt like cement blocks. She picked herself up off the couch anyway, leaving Emily in her play yard in the middle of the living room. After feeding her dinner, she hadn’t had the energy to carry her back to her bedroom.
She looked through the peep hole before opening the door and was utterly baffled.
“Mina?” she said, opening the door.
“Hey.” Mina stood at the threshold.
“What are you doing here?”
Crystal was suddenly aware of how crappy she looked in a dirty t-shirt and a pair of yoga pants she’d originally bought to wear for the first few weeks postpartum.
Mina looked cute in denim shorts and a green top that complemented her dark hair and eyes.
“I came to help you out with Emily so you could get some rest.”
“How did you know?” Crystal’s tired mind raced. The only person who knew she was sick was Dylan…
“Dylan Blair called Hot Ink and asked to talk to James. He told him you were sick and needed help. James would’ve come right away, but he was in the middle of a session with a client. So I decided to come over
until he finishes up and can make it.”
Crystal wanted to be mortified, but she was so grateful for relief that her embarrassment could only run so deep. “James asked you to come?”
Mina nodded. “Yes, but I don’t mind at all. And Zoe’s covering reception for me, so it’s no big deal.”
“Thank you so much.” She stepped aside so Mina could come in. “I’d hug you, but I don’t want to get you sick. Here…” She picked up the box of surgical masks she’d left by her computer.
Mina put one on.
Crystal couldn’t stop thanking her, even though she knew she was babbling. She couldn’t believe Mina had come over to help. They didn’t even know each other that well, just casually from encounters at Hot Ink and a couple group outings.
“It really isn’t a big deal. Plus, everyone likes getting to spend time with babies every now and then. Karen probably would’ve fought me for the opportunity to come over here if she’d known.” Mina approached Emily’s play yard. “She’s at her studio shooting, though.”
Crystal wasn’t so sure about everyone enjoying babysitting, but she was glad Mina was there. Even if Dylan had gone behind her back.
“Go get some rest,” Mina said, picking up Emily with confidence. She’d raised her little sister, and looked at ease with a baby on her hip. “We’ll be fine, and James will be here later.”
Crystal retreated to her bedroom and practically fell into her bed. She wouldn’t let James stay, of course, but she’d sleep until he arrived. She couldn’t resist.
* * * * *
15 Months Ago
“Rick! How did it go?” Crystal gripped the phone as bile rose in her throat. She hated herself more than she’d ever known she could hate anyone. Worse, she missed Emily so badly that it felt like her heart was made of shattered glass, jagged pieces digging deeper into her chest with every beat.
“Fine. I’m just leaving Pittsburgh. About to stop for gas.” There was definite tension in his voice.
“Emily is with James?” Her heart pounded.
“Yes.”
“What did he say?”
“Nothing to me, really. But I gave him your note.”
“Thank you.” She was flooded with a sick combination of relief and misery. “Thank you so, so much.”
“Yeah. Good luck with rehab.”
He ended the call, and a little while later he texted her two pictures – one of Emily sleeping in her car seat, and another of an apartment door bearing the number 116 in brass letters. James’ apartment.
She breathed a shaky sigh of relief and sank down onto the floor. Her episiotomy still hurt, and the pain flared as she settled on the floorboards, but she welcomed it. She deserved it.
The lights flickered, and then the electricity cut out. Presumably for good.
It didn’t matter – she was leaving for rehab in the morning.
CHAPTER 16
“James! What are you doing here?” Crystal stood frozen in her living room, staring at James, who sat sprawled on her couch, watching TV. It was almost midnight.
She couldn’t believe she’d slept so long, that she hadn’t even heard him arrive and Mina leave, let alone any noise from Emily.
“Mina didn’t tell you I was coming over?”
“She did, but I wasn’t going to let you stay. I thought I’d hear you come in.”
“Why don’t you want me here?”
“You could take my germs home to Arianna. The flu is really dangerous for pregnant women!”
She glanced at the box of surgical masks on her computer desk, but it was too late.
“Relax. By the time I got here, Emily was already in bed. All I’ve done is sit here and watch TV. It’s not like I rolled around in your dirty laundry or used your toothbrush.”
Crystal put her hands on her hips, something she wouldn’t have had the energy to do earlier that day. It was amazing what a few hours of sleep could do.
“Go home, James. I don’t want you or Arianna getting sick.”
“Fine, but I’ll be back tomorrow to check on you. I can take Emily to daycare for you if you want.”
“No way. It wouldn’t be fair to risk exposing the other kids to my illness.”
“Right. I’ll swing by around eight then and get Emily ready for the day before I head in to work.”
“Don’t you dare.”
He stood and turned for the door. “Relax. I’ll wear one of your masks, if it’ll make you happy.”
When he was gone, she locked the door behind him and returned to bed. She was still tired, but not desperately so, like earlier. Sleep would come fast and easy. Before it could claim her, she picked up her phone.
Thanks, Benedict Arnold.
Dylan texted her back immediately. No idea what you’re talking about.
Mina told me you called James at work.
His reply was an emoji with an awkward grin. You’re welcome.
* * * * *
“So, glad you stuck it out with the medication?” Dylan pulled into a parking space in front of the gym.
“We’ll see,” Ben said. “One good day isn’t enough to have me skipping and singing.”
“If it was, that’d probably be a sign that your medication needed an adjustment.”
Ben snorted.
“It took me about a week to get past the worst of the side effects, and a couple months to really get used to it. Maybe we’re the same.”
“Maybe.”
“Come on. I’ll teach you how to lift. You’ll feel even better once you start putting some muscle on those bones. It’ll help you with the ladies you’re worried about scaring away, too.”
Ben crossed his arms. “I know how to lift weights.”
“No, you think you know, just like everyone else who doesn’t. What you’re about to get is an education.”
“You’re such an arrogant prick.” Ben grinned. “You probably tell yourself you have to cut the sleeves off all your workout shirts, don’t you?”
“Sleeves hinder my range of motion. It’s why I’ve started tattooing shirtless.”
Ben’s mouth cracked open in an expression of disgust. “Seriously?”
Dylan grinned. “You’ll believe anything, won’t you?”
“You’re such a dick!” He said it with real conviction, not the halfhearted way he’d been talking when Dylan had first arrived back in Jersey.
He took that as a good sign.
* * * * *
Crystal was back at work by Friday, and by Saturday, she felt like she’d never been sick. Emily had remained healthy, and so had James. She felt like she’d dodged a barrage of bullets, and was glad to have it all behind her.
She was working on a concealer tutorial – especially easy to demonstrate, considering the dark circles that lingered beneath her eyes, the only sign she’d been sick – when Arianna called to invite her over for dinner with her and James.
“Are you sure you want to have me over? I’m fine, you know.” She sensed that James and Arianna pitied her because Dylan had skipped town, and that made her feel incredibly awkward. She hadn’t told them the details of why he’d left – she didn’t feel like it was her place to do so.
“I’m sure. I miss seeing Emily, and being around her helps me see the light at the end of the pregnancy tunnel. Sometimes it feels like I’ll be throwing up indefinitely. Holding my baby seems so far away.”
“I remember how that felt.” She didn’t mention that she’d sometimes welcomed the feeling, because she’d been so terrified of having a baby.
“Anyway, I’m making fajitas, and I know how much you like those. We’re eating in an hour.”
“I’ll be over as soon as I get Emily ready. Thanks.”
She made it to James’ place half an hour after being invited. “Are you done moving in yet?” she asked Arianna, recognizing a few pieces of furniture that hadn’t been there before.
“Halfway. We’ll have all my stuff out of my old apartment by September. James isn’t here
yet, by the way. Says he’s running a little late. It should only be an hour until we eat though, tops.”
“Do you need any help cooking?” Crystal set up the play yard she’d barely managed to lug inside, and set Emily in it.
“Not really. I’m on top of the fajitas, and other than that, there’s just the salad to make.”
“I’ll do it.” Crystal went straight into the kitchen. Having moved out just weeks ago, she of course knew where everything was. Preparing the salad was easy, and she wanted to help.
She always did, and not just because Arianna was pregnant. Arianna had helped James care for Emily while Crystal had been in rehab, and she was constantly aware of the debt. Though it felt like one she could never repay, she felt compelled to try.
They talked about Arianna’s pregnancy while Crystal shredded lettuce and Arianna stirred a skillet, filling the apartment with the mouth-watering scent of spice and sizzling peppers. Arianna was still slender, her belly too flat to be obviously pregnant. According to Arianna though, her pregnancy was obvious in other ways, from nausea to the fact that she’d recently been forced to spend a small fortune on new bras.
Crystal didn’t mind discussing maternity trials, most of which she recalled from her own pregnancy. Eventually though, the conversation circled around to Crystal’s recent bout of sickness, which led to how Dylan had alerted James, which turned into just plain talking about Dylan.
“Yes, he’s great,” Crystal said, exasperated but trying to hide it. “I’m fine though – I swear. It’s really embarrassing knowing that you and James think I’m going to die of a broken heart while he’s in Jersey.”
She wished she could explain exactly why Dylan had left, so Arianna and James would realize that it’d been a necessity, not an act of irresponsibility or Dylan’s way of ditching her. It bothered her that they might think either of those things about him.
“It just seems like you really like him,” Arianna said. “And he obviously cares about you.”
