Forever & Again

by Allie York

  The last couple of months at school were always complete chaos. Between meetings and putting in final grades, my house and kid got neglected. Fortunately, there was only three weeks left. Then it would be fun in the sun with my kiddo. Teaching wasn’t my dream job, but I ended up loving it. My original goal was law school, but somehow, I ended up teaching first grade. When you get surprised with a baby, plans change.

  In my own list-induced daze, I ran my bright red buggy right into someone else’s. My list fluttered to the floor and the person I hit cursed me enough to make a sailor blush. Before I could launch into an apology, I looked up and my breathing stopped. I tried to suck in air, but my lungs flat out refused. I got dizzy, and the world around me slowed to a crawl. The same chocolate eyes from years before were right in front of me. He wasn’t clean shaven anymore, but the beard made him look more mature, and he was much bulkier. He was dressed casually in jeans and a light-blue shirt stretched across his shoulders. His jaw was hanging open, mirroring my expression, and for the first time in more than a decade, I muttered his name, “Jacob?” It came out as a whisper, a breath I had been holding in for nearly thirteen years. I knew it was him, but it came out as uncertain anyway.

  Jacob blinked, snapping his mouth shut. “Lydia.” His reply wasn’t phrased like a question and his voice sent a flood of warmth through me. I would never forget his deep voice, those eyes. The eyes that looked at me like I hung the moon and fucking stars for months. The eyes that filled with tears before I left for the last time.

  We must have looked like a couple of morons standing in the middle of the produce section, carts collided and staring at each other with our mouths hanging open. There were no words, nothing exchanged while we just stared at each other. Jacob looked over me with the same interest I studied him with. I thought I would never see him again, much less at the store. Not like I had really moved on romantically, but I was a little busy raising a kid. His kid.

  My body finally let me pull a breath into my burning lungs when Jacob spoke again, “You look …” He paused, and I held my breath, letting him judge my appearance. Why did I care what he thought? “You look amazing. How are you?” Jacob stalked toward me in a way only Jacob could, and my body reacted accordingly. All the things that had previously stopped—my pulse, my breathing—jumpstarted, and I broke out in a sweat. It was embarrassing as hell. I was thirty-one and getting all wet over a guy I hadn’t seen in over thirteen years. Jacob stooped, retrieving my fallen list, and smirked when he stood.

  “I, uh … I’m good …” I was stuttering like a moron, but forced a smile. “Sorry, I am just shocked to see you. When did you get back?” I swallowed the dryness in my mouth and took the list he was handing me. His half-smile was the same one I remembered—charming and drop-dead sexy.

  Jacob chuckled, finally letting go of the paper and dropping his hands to his pockets. “My mother passed away and Dad needed some help. I moved back last month.” I offered my condolences, still trying to stop the vortex going on in my mind.

  Jacob, my Jacob was back. He was standing in front of me and I was eighteen again sitting in his math class my senior year of high school. Jacob was the student teacher, tall handsome, and the object of every female student’s wet dream. But that summer, he was mine and I gave him everything.

  “It’s been a while. Damn, it’s good to see you. What have you been up to?” On cue, the squeak of sneakers on the glossy tile came toward us and Ollie jumped on my back, tossing something in the buggy. My world came to a screeching halt. Shit.

  “You always forget crunchy peanut butter.” Oliver dismounted and stared at Jacob for a moment before looking back at me. My son could tell I was upset and adjusted his posture accordingly, standing taller. Always protecting his Mama.

  “Ollie, this is my friend Jacob. Jacob, this is my son, Oliver.” I couldn’t look at Jacob. I would cry or blurt out something incriminating. Hell, our son’s name was incriminating. All the hurt and anger I had would resurface. All the resentment I had toward him for leaving me would bubble up and choke me. So, I just watched Oliver shake hands with Jacob, his father. Shit. Shit. Shit. “Can you run and grab the toothpaste we need? I’ll meet you over there, yeah?”

  I patted Oliver’s back and watched him walk away, but my eyes snapped to Jacob when he cleared his throat, watching Ollie walk off. “Good-looking boy. Very polite too.” There was no way in the seven hells that Jacob didn’t know. Ollie looked just like him and he wasn’t a stupid man. Hell, he was a math teacher so the guy could certainly add up a pregnancy. I nodded, trying to stay calm. “He’s tall. How old is he?” Oh, the man definitely knew.

  “Thirteen next month.” I chanced it and met his dark eyes. They had somehow become darker and his chiseled face was rigid. Fuck. “It was really good to see you, Jacob. I should go catch up with him, but you and I should talk again soon.”

  I was stupid to think a man like Jacob would let me get away. I backed my cart up, keeping my eyes down, and started past him. I was nearly home free when his hand darted out and caught my upper arm. I froze. With a firm grip on my upper arm, Jacob took his other hand and used one finger to turn my head and tip my chin up. His gaze pinned me, making me force out a slow breath.

  “He’s mine.” Two words. Two words and I saw my entire world crash around me. I hadn’t intentionally hidden his child. He left—nine days later I was pregnant and had no way to reach him. When I finally found him online, Jacob was getting married, doing well, and I wasn’t going to throw a wrench in everything. It was best for everyone. When I didn’t answer, Jacob lowered himself to my eye level. The smell of his favorite cinnamon gum hit me—his mouth was a breath from mine—and I bit my lip to keep from reacting. Some tiny, vulnerable part of me had held onto him for years, measured every man against him, and still loved him.

  “Is he fucking mine?” Jacob rumbled the words in my face, low and stern. I nodded numbly and jerked my chin from him, taking a step back and regaining my gumption. I was turned the fuck on by his intimidating bullshit, and it pissed me off. Jacob blinked, letting out a sigh, and I waited. Questions flooded me. Would he try to take Ollie? What would he want from me? Would he turn his back and just leave us alone? I wasn’t even sure how I wanted him to react.

  After several seconds I had to say something. “Jacob …”

  “No, Lydia.” Jacob held his hand up to stop me and my mouth closed immediately. “I can’t do this here, now.” I suddenly realized we were still standing in the middle of the produce section. Ollie reappeared, putting the toothpaste in the buggy.

  “I’m gonna be late, Mom.” Oliver looked between us, and I forced a smile, blinking back the tears stinging my eyes.

  “Right, it was good to see you, Jacob.” I met his hard glare and nodded, hoping he didn’t make a scene in front of Ollie. I motioned for Oliver to take the buggy, knowing I wasn’t getting away so easily, and trailed slowly behind my son. Our son.

  He touched my arm again, but softly said, “Lydia.” His voice saying my name again was almost painful. I played it off. All those years ago, I pretended I was being mature, doing the right thing. But my Jacob was there standing in front of me and saying my name again, and I was breaking. School girl crushes die off, those feelings don’t linger for over a decade, but with Jacob, it did. “Give me your number, and we can talk about this later.” I shook my head, glancing quickly at Ollie. I cleared my throat, composing myself.

  “I’ll take yours. I’d love to catch up.” I smiled sweetly and handed him my phone from my back pocket. Jacob took it, typed the number in, and handed it back. “I’ll talk to you soon, I promise.” He didn’t look very reassured.

  I tried to leave for the millionth time, but Jacob stopped me again by the arm. “The sooner the better.” His eyes softened when they darted to Ollie. “It really is good to see you.” With that, he released my arm and let me leave.

  I caught up with where Ollie was waiting impatiently and we went straight to the checkout l
ine. I felt him watching me, his gorgeous brown eyes boring holes in my back. He was still the most beautiful man I had ever seen, and my mind and body went to war over how to react. Jacob had just a hint of gray streaking his temples and deepened laugh-lines around his eyes. It looked amazing on him. Jacob was always cocky and pushy, never took no for an answer, and nothing had changed. I swore I would never put myself in that position again. I never wanted to be abandoned again, never going back down that rabbit hole again. Every relationship after Jacob had been nothing more than sex with no attachment, and I liked it that way, but seeing him in the store for all of five minutes set my whole body on fire.

  Chapter Three

  JACOB

  Because my life wasn’t fucked up enough, I had to run into the only woman I had ever loved, ever actually cared for, and she had my fucking son. There was not a bit of doubt in my mind that Oliver was mine. As soon as the kid shook my hand, stepping slightly in front of his mom, I knew. I stood, completely dumbfounded, and watched them leave, hoping she actually called. If she decided not to, I would have to hunt her down and it would be a hassle. Lydia owed me an explanation to say the least, but I owed her much more. She had raised my fucking kid—alone.

  Lyd looked amazing with some age on her; time had been very good to her. Her long, dark-red hair was in waves down her back and her body was incredible. The girlish figure was gone, replaced with some amazing curves, accentuated by the dress she was wearing. Memories of the biggest mistake I had ever made came back. I got a job offer to coach in California and took it, thinking it was my dream job. So, I left Lydia and my fucking heart to chase my dreams. Once I got there, it was not what I expected. So I ended up coaching the high school baseball team and biding my time. I bounced around after that and finally landed in Virginia with a teaching job and coaching job rolled into one.

  That was where I met Tera. She was the assistant principal and we hit it off. A few months later, we were locked into a tense, miserable marriage. I wanted to love Tera; we were relatively happy at first, but there was no spark, no passion, and she was fucking everyone else. When she left me after Mom died, I knew it was time to go home to start again.

  I had thought about looking Lydia up, but had no idea where to start. I assumed she was married, had moved on. She told me the day I left that I would hold a special place in her heart, but she knew from the beginning I would leave. Lydia told me she was fine—it was a summer fling and she wished me the best. But the look in her eyes, the way she looked at me, especially when I was buried deep inside her, told me the truth. She gave me everything and despite her words, she loved me. It was wrong, the way we got together, straight out of a Lolita fan’s wet dream, but it happened. Her coppery hair and piercing blue eyes caught my attention the moment I saw her, and the day she graduated, I made her mine. It was sick and taboo, but it was us. As hard as I had tried to protect myself from heartbreak, it happened, and I regretted it for the long years that followed. Then there was Oliver. I had a fucking kid who probably thought I had abandoned him.

  I waited until I knew they had time to get out of the store before I left. My instinct was to follow her, them, and never let them out of my sight again. Questions slammed into me. Was she married? That thought made me see red. If I found out some other man had raised my son, I would lose my mind. What had she told Oliver about me? Lydia named him after me, so she knew he was mine. No way him having my middle name as his first was a coincidence, and Lydia wasn’t the type to sleep around. The math said the kid was mine. Why didn’t she try to contact me? I bounced between shock and anger. How could she keep my son from me? What kind of person does something so shitty? It would have looked bad, terrible, but he was mine, and we could have worked it out. As far as I knew, no one knew about us. I hadn’t told anyone and doubted she did. I had even seen Griffin the night before and he didn’t seem to be hiding my love child.

  I loaded the bags into the passenger side of my truck and climbed in. Just as I was about to rest my head on the steering wheel, I saw them across the lot. Lydia was putting bags in the car, and Oliver was pushing the cart back to a return. He ran back to his mother, jumping on her back like in the store, and kissing her cheek. His mom shook him off and turned to chastise him, but ended up just ruffling his hair. Oliver laughed, messing with his long, dark hair. It was no surprise that a son of Lydia’s would have hair past his shoulders. She was a free spirit, never giving a shit what anyone thought. Of course her kid would be the same way.

  Our kid. Oliver was mine. Something in my mind, my soul, told me she was, too. The second chance I never thought I would have was just across the parking lot.

  I watched them pull out in Lydia’s little black car. I shook off the look in Oliver’s eyes, my eyes, questioning why I was so close to his mother. He was my spitting image, and something primal in me knew immediately before she even admitted it.

  I made it home in a fog. Dad was snoring lightly in the recliner, not even stirring when I came in. He had taken his hearing aid out again. I huffed, carrying in the groceries alone, and started putting them away. Between the pipes left smoking and taking his hearing aid out, the old man was going to drive me crazy.

  Lydia came back into my thoughts, just like she had almost every day for more than thirteen years. The pale green sundress made her blue eyes pop and her skin glow. The smell of her vanilla shampoo had assaulted me when I got in her face. I didn’t mean to be so gruff, but fuck. I wanted to be pissed, to lose my mind when I saw him, but I couldn’t. I couldn’t because my Lydia was standing in front of me again, and I wanted nothing more than to snatch her up and carry her home like a damn caveman.

  Dad came in, clearing his throat behind me, and scaring the shit out of me in the process.

  “Damn, son. You’re jumpy.” I patted his back, grinning. Dad was still a big man, not one you wanted to mess with, even at seventy. His black hair was marred with gray and his glasses sat low on his nose. His dark eyes were the same as mine—deep brown, almost black. Dad helped me finish putting away the groceries, talking about the Cubs and making small talk. He wasn’t sure how to handle having me back. William Teller was a stubborn man and even after his heart attack, he swore he didn’t need help. Once the cancer caught up to Mom I didn’t give him a choice. I tried to listen to him bitch about the neighbor’s barking dog, but my mind was on Lydia and Oliver. By the way she reacted, she felt it too. The spark that never died.

  I felt guilty. I wanted to go back and beat my own perverted ass. I took so much from her only to leave. I took her virginity and her fucking heart. Lydia said she knew it wasn’t a lasting thing, but I knew better. I knew better because she wasn’t the only one who fell in love that summer. Fuck. I had messed up. I left her with my kid, my responsibility. She was too young for the shit I left her with. I missed out on my son, my flesh and blood, but I was going to make up for it.

  I spent the entire night on the computer, tracking her down in case she didn’t call. I wasn’t going to let her run from me. She and my son would not be walking away again. We needed to talk, in private, and had a lot to work out, but I was going to push it. After a couple of hours, I had her pretty much pinned down. She lived a few miles from me, near the school Oliver went to, and she taught first grade. Her last name was still Reed; so was Oliver’s. That was like a punch to the fucking gut, but probably meant she wasn’t married.

  There were no pictures of her with any man that wasn’t her brother or her new brother-in-law, either. It was funny to see her little sister all grown and with kids. Surely, Lydia was at least dating someone. I ran my hands through my hair, trying to figure out where else to look, who to contact, to find her number. I sorted through her pictures again, trying to find anyone we had in common. Nothing. I took a different approach and finally found what I was looking for. I was giving her one week to call me or I was going after her, and if I knew Lydia, she would take her sweet time. It was going to be a week of pure hell.

  Chapter Four
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  LYDIA

  After our nightly round of Mario Kart and the phone call to my mother, I was very ready to go to bed. Mom was exhausting since I became her last single daughter. We used to all talk to her nightly, but once Reese and Julian moved in together, I was the only nightly phone call. Not that I minded talking to her, but it was only fair for my sisters to take some of the load too. I laid there, staring at my ceiling, wide awake. I finally relented to flipping through my phone. I should have called him, made a plan to meet and talk, but I didn’t. I got on Facebook and sorted through the amateur pictures of the wedding from the guests’ phones.

  Jovie was radiant and Ewan looked at her like no one else was there. Cori was right, it kind of sucked. I was four years older than Jove and eight years older than Reese, but I was in bed alone. It was my fault, of course. When you refuse relationships, you sleep alone. When I went to Torin’s, it was a quick fuck and I left. Even if Oliver was gone, I never stayed the night. Sleeping over sent the wrong signal.

  Seeing Jacob again messed me up. My heart rate was still erratic hours later when I just thought about it. I wanted to call someone to talk about it. I needed advice on how to deal, but I couldn’t. No one knew who Ollie belonged to, but all that was going to change, and if I knew Jacob, it would change rapidly.

  His attitude at the store told me everything I needed to know. Jacob was always demanding, and it was beyond sexy, but everything about him was. The day we collided at the park was like a fairy tale, but I never got my happy ending. That night, I straddled his lap with his hands in my hair and kissed him like I needed him to survive. Maybe I did. I never dated in high school, hell, I never dated at all. Before he took my virginity, we made a deal. No getting caught up.

  Sure, we were allowed to have feelings, but those feelings were not allowed to cloud our judgement. Jacob took his time with me, making everything perfect, slow and sensual. I broke our deal instantly, and it only got worse after we spent more time together. Jacob was genuinely fun out of bed, too. He taught me to play poker, and I taught him to cook. He taught me to waltz, I taught him to salsa. Then he left.