Eighteen Months

by Giulia Napoli

  “Then leave, Alie. You’re wastin’ my time. Don’t bother comin’ back. You walk out that door, we’re through.”

  “I could go to the Four Horsemen’s …”

  “And not turn tricks? Yeah, good luck with that. Now get outa here.”

  He was right, those slimeballs who ran the other big place in town were worse than Roger, by a mile. What was I gonna do? I had to live! But I couldn’t be a prostitute. I couldn’t!

  I didn’t want to leave town either. I’d signed another lease on my River’s Edge house, and I certainly didn’t want to be blind in a new location where I didn’t know anyone. My only support systems, the Uptown Disability Services and its staff or the River’s Edge Handicapped Services Center, where Rina had worked, were here. Even if I went somewhere else, how was I gonna make a living? About all I could do was dance. I could, probably would, be going from the frying pan into the fire.

  “Please don’t turn me into a whore, Roger.”

  “I’m giving you an opportunity – one that’s financially attractive to both of us. You have to give me an answer now. If it’s ‘no,’ get out.”

  I had no life worth living. At that moment, I thought for the first time ever, that maybe it wasn’t worth going on. I’d lost the only real love I’d ever had. I was going to be blind forever. I would never see Rina again. I would never see anything again. Ever, ever, ever, ever.

  I had some money in the bank and investments that wouldn’t last more than four, maybe five years. Not bad, but what would I do then? If I passed this up now, I might never get another chance. Anywhere. I had no job, no disability insurance because I hadn’t been at River’s Edge Biotech for even 30 days yet. I might get a little from the state victims’ fund - if I were lucky, that might buy me a few more months tops, after my money ran out.

  “Yes or no, Alie. I don’t have all day.”

  “Alright … yes … but I won’t fuck anyone for you, Roger.”

  “Hmm … we’ll defer that,” was all he said. I heard the door open behind me.

  Everything was quiet for a moment. Then someone grabbed my arms from behind, and I felt Roger, right there in front of me, grabbing my hand and pulling up my sleeve. Before I knew it, I felt a needle slide into my arm, and he shot me up.

  “Welcome back,” Roger said. “From now on, your White Nurse is on me again. So is your Easy X. Consider it another Jolly Roger fringe benefit.”

  I hadn’t thought he even knew I was clean. Somehow, he must have. Now he was taking me back, and putting me under his control. He wanted me the way I’d been.

  I zoned in a few seconds. It felt WON … DER … FUL! An old friend come back, my favorite food, the loveliest sunset, the creamiest dessert, the most erotic fantasy. It was all those things – and more.

  While I was stoned, they took me somewhere and kept me tied up. Someone came in to shoot me up every couple hours – at least, that’s how often I thought it was. Mostly, I was in a heroin stupor; nothing much registered in my mind, including time. A little while before someone came, I would rouse some and then lie there knowing I wanted some junk. Then they’d come and I’d be fine. Better than fine.

  Do you know how long it takes to become a heroin junkie once you’ve been there before? No time at all. You get a few do ups, and you’re in the bag again. They gave me more than a few do ups.

  Three days later, I was a fully-hooked junkie again. Presumably worse than before. Then they tied me to a bed and let me sweat.

  By the next morning, I thought I was going to die. I wanted to die more than almost anything. Anything except a fix. Most of all, I wanted a fix. No … I needed a fix. I needed it more than air. I would have sold Rina to cannibals for a fix.

  I suffered beyond description all day.

  That night, Roger came in.

  “How ya doin’, Minx?”

  ”Please, Roger, I’m in terrible pain.”

  “How can I help ya, Minx?” He said with false concern.

  At that point, there was only one thing on my mind. White Nurse. I needed it in the worst way. I was in agony. Horrible, unspeakable, throbbing agony. I’d do anything to make it stop.

  “Oh God, Roger. Shoot me up. Please Roger. I’m begging you. Fix me.”

  “What’ll I get for feedin’ your habit?”

  “Anything Roger. I’ll give you anything. Fuck me right her if you want. I can be a good lover, Roger. I’ll give you the best blow job you ever had. Put your big dick in my pussy, or in my ass. You can do anything you want. Please give me a do up. I’ll fuck you for the rest of your life.”

  “Nah. I don’t wanna fuck ya, Minx. I want to collect money for you fuckin’ other guys. Or chicks. I’m not picky as long as they pay up. I want you to turn tricks for me.”

  “Anything, Roger. I’ll fuck anybody you want. Please … I beg you … please give me the smack!”

  “If I do, you’re my dancer and a prostitute who works for me. I’ll keep you supplied with your snow and Easy X, and you’ll make lots of money for both of us.”

  I was as enslaved as any person could be. There wasn’t a thing I could do. “I’ll do what you want, Roger, but I’ll hate you for it.”

  “I never asked you to like me, Minx. Alright, you start this Friday night. Let me see your eyes again.”

  He turned my head toward him. I opened my eyes. “Jesus, Alie, I can’t put you on stage looking like the living dead!”

  “My eyes were crooked before. Please Roger, I need a fix!”

  “Yeah, but your cockeyed eyes were kinda cute. The customers liked ‘em. This’ll give ‘em nightmares.”

  I started to cry.

  “Can you wear contacts? Maybe we can get some that look like eyes.”

  “I don’t think that’d work with these orbital implants. I can go for the ocular prostheses tomorrow, but I wouldn’t get them for a week or two.”

  “Let’s see what the good Doctor Riffkin can do to speed this up. See him tomorrow. While you’re there, he can insert the birth control implant and put in the tongue studs.”

  “What are you talking about?” I WAS NOT getting my tongue wired like Patti, I told myself. But I knew I’d let him do anything to me for a guaranteed fix when I needed it.

  “The tongue studs will look good on-stage, and they’ll feel good on your customers.”

  “I’m not gonna let you pierce my tongue, Roger. I don’t wanna talk like Patti.”

  “Well, then I’ll see ya tomorrow, Minx.” I heard the door open.

  “No Roger! Fix me, please!”

  “No studs, no fix, Minx.”

  “Okay … okay. I don’t care what you do to me. Cut my fucking tongue out for all I care, just fix me, Roger!”

  “Yeah, you’ll get the studs and the birth control implant too. The new ones block your periods so I don’t lose your services five days a month. On the other hand, ya know … maybe I should have your uterus removed. Be easier in the long run.”

  “WHAT IF I WANT TO GET MARRIED AND HAVE CHILDREN?” I’d always wanted to, until I met Rina and realized I loved her more than I could love any man. But I didn’t know what the future held.

  “Who’s gonna marry a whore? I’d be doin’ you a favor. If you ever want kids, they can slurp up one o’ your eggs, fertilize it, and stick it in a surrogate.”

  The man standing above me was as despicable as anyone I’d ever heard of. He had me trapped, and he knew it.

  “I will not have my tongue pierced. I will not talk like Patti.”

  “Then I’ll see ya tomorrow, Minx.” He left.

  “ROGER!” I screamed at the top of my lungs. “ROGER!”

  After an eternity that must have lasted a couple of minutes, he came back in. “What?”

  “Oh fuck, Roger. Anything. I’ll do anything. Please shoot me up, Roger!” At that moment, I would have let him cut off my tits if he’d give me a fix first. My mind was barely working now. The withdrawals were tearing me apart.

  “So you want your tong
ue pierced after all, eh? And your periods gone too?”

  “Anything Roger, I’m dying here.”

  “Beg me, Minx.”

  I was prepared to do anything. “Please, Roger, get my tongue pierced. Please. Uh … uh … As many times as you want. Wire it up too. I wanna be able to p-please my customers.”

  “And your womb?”

  “I don’t need it, Roger. Get rid of it if you want. Just promise me a fix when I need it.”

  “Well, well. Since you want your tongue pierced so bad, I’ll get it done, and see that you get your do ups. You can keep your womb; the implant will work fine. One of my people will take you to see Riffkin tomorrow. Doc’ll have my instructions, and those instructions are what’s gonna happen. He’ll let me know when you’ll be healed enough to work, and when you’ll get the - what are they called?”

  “Oc … oc … I don’t know … Oc … ocular prostheses. PLEASE ROGER! SHOOT ME UP!”

  “Yeah. Those. As soon as you get them, you can dance. Goddamn, Alie – right now you look like a fuckin’ Martian. Until you look human enough to dance, you’ll do high-class hooker trainin’. You start as soon as Riffkin gives the okay, after your procedures tomorrow. Someone will call you at home to tell you when to come to the Jolly Roger. You come in and we’ll start teaching ya how to please a customer.”

  He had me and he knew it. “What the fuck’s wrong with you, Minx?” He said as though he didn’t know.

  “THANKS TO YOU, I’M A FUCKING HEROIN ADDICT ROGER! I NEED MY FIX!”

  “Fuck, Minx, you’re just a typical junkie - always blamin’ somebody else. Bet you don’t ever wanna feel like this again, eh?”

  “No, Roger, never.” He was wrapping a rubber hose around my upper arm. I felt the needle go in. Oh God! Oh God that was so sweet!

  “Then you better do as you’re told, Minx. One time … you let me down one time and I’ll tie you down and let you scream for a fix until your lungs shoot outa your mouth. You hear me? One time and I’ll put you in hell.”

  “I hear you, Roger. I’ll do whatever you want.”

  Someone else entered the room where I was tied down. “Boss?” It was a woman’s voice.

  “You do what Glenda here tells ya, ya hear?”

  I was in outer space. “Who’s Glenda?”

  “My new whore trainer. It’s the Jolly Roger, after all. No cheap, clumsy harlots there.”

  “Please, Roger, don’t do that to me. I’ll dance my heart out for you.” I responded on automatic. I was numb and not thinking anymore.

  “You’ll turn one trick a night. If there’s no customer, you go home. The more you do, the more you’ll make. I’ll buy those ocular things for you, and pay for all the rest, and you can dance as soon as you have ‘em. But you turn tricks when Glenda says you’re ready. Are we agreed?”

  There was nothing else I could say except, “Yes, Roger.”

  “You still got all your bangles?” He asked. I thought I heard him rustling around with something.

  “Yes, they don’t come out.”

  “Good. I’ll have a contract for ya before ya leave the Jolly Roger.”

  “I want Rocco to read it to me.”

  “Yeah, sure, whatever. Hold on while I call Doc Riffkin.”

  He called. I didn’t have to wait until tomorrow. I was to be there at 2:00. Glenda would take me in a couple hours. Meanwhile, I’d have lunch with her, Phil and Patti in the performers’ lounge at the Jolly Roger. She untied me and drove me back there from wherever I’d been held.

  Chapter 21 – End of the Innocence

  Lunch was a blur; I don’t remember it much. I was stoned. Phil said something about working with me on my new routines. Afterwards, Roger gave me a contract and Rocco was there to read it to me. My mind was so messed up I had trouble following it. I wanted to talk to Rocco, and I could tell he wanted to talk to me, but we had no chance to do it privately. Glenda shot me up before we left. At 2:00 I was at Doctor Riffkin’s clinic.

  He checked my orbital implants, and told me that the right one had turned a bit inward, like my right eye had done when I still had my real eyes. It might have been because my eye muscles were damaged in the assault, or because they were that way from when I was blind before. If he placed the ocular prostheses properly on the orbital implants, my right eye would be turned in like it had been. Over time, it might wander or even move back to align with the other. Most likely, it would stay like it was, turned inward compared to my other eye.

  I didn’t care. I was defeated. Yeah, life, you threw too much at me. I’m not quite 24. I’m not that strong. I didn’t care how I looked. There was no one for me to look good for. Cynically, I could imagine that most fans of my dancing never looked at me above my chest, anyway.

  He said he’d have the ocular prostheses in a few days. He’d put them in and show me how to do it too. I would slide them out every two to three weeks for cleaning.

  He had me remove my clothes and he laid me on a flat table with a pillow under my head. I could feel him check each of my piercings, then a nurse must have entered.

  I was still high from my last fix. I was getting five or six or more a day. Way more than before. Roger was determined that the junk would control me. It wasn’t merely going to, it already was – utterly.

  I barely felt the IV line enter my arm. “What’s that?” I asked.

  “Plumbing to help you while you’re here,” the nurse said.

  I felt a warmth in my arm, a buzzing in my ears. My thoughts evaporated and my mind shut down.

  **********

  My head was spinning, then it settled down quickly. My eyes were closed but I was wide awake. I opened my eyes. Nothing changed, of course, except that my eyelids were separated. I couldn’t see anything. That was no surprise. When you know your sight is gone forever, you don’t wake up expecting to see. Not when you KNOW.

  A voice, Riffkin’s nurse I thought, asked me, “Ms. Adams, can you hear me?”

  “What’th going on?” I asked, still mostly out of it.

  “You’ve finished surgery. Everything went as it should. You’re fine now.”

  “Thuwgewy?”

  “Ha, ha. Yes Alie, surgery.”

  “What’th wwong with me?”

  “Nothing. We pierced your tongue and injected the birth control implant as we promised we would.”

  “Pwomithed?”

  ‘Yes, Alie. It’s been about three hours, so I’m going to give you your fix now, okay?”

  “Yeth, okay. Thank you. Doodowey … doodowey … doodowey … do-up.” I slept.

  When I finally, really woke up, it was early the next morning. Doctor Riffkin was apparently standing over me. I suppose he was looking down at my naked body in the hospital bed. I was still in his small surgery center in his clinic.

  I felt great. I assumed they’d given me a morning hit of White Nurse. I was high.

  “You look good, Ms. Adams. Your color is good and all your vital signs are better than on-target.”

  “That’th good,” I said. My mouth felt funny, and my inner thigh was sore.

  “What’th wong with my mouf?” I asked.

  “Not a thing,” Doctor Riffkin said with emphasis. “You’re speech is going to be a little distorted now, because of the six studs in your tongue. But not as bad as Patti, we learned some things from her.

  “NO!” I said. “You wewen’t thupothed to pierthe my tongue!” I hadn’t agreed to that, had I? I could hardly remember anything since I’d become a junkie again.

  “Of course we were, it was on the list,” he said. Oh, yeah … I’d begged Roger for a fix, and I’d gotten it after agreeing to whatever he wanted. I was weak. Given the same God-awful situation, I knew I’d be that weak again. Obviously, Roger had taken the opportunity to have his way with me. He’d continue to, and I’d continue to let him, as long as he got me the White Nurse.

  “Anyway, it’s pierced now. Six studs: two on each side, and two in the middle – all in the half near
the tip - connected within your tongue by wires. There’s no way to remove the studs, short of major surgery on your tongue. You probably couldn’t talk at all after that.”

  “NO!” I said again. “I didn’t agwee to that!” But I knew I had, under horrible duress.

  “According to the papers I have, you did.”

  I could argue, but what good would that do now? “Why ith my thigh thore?”

  “We injected a birth control implant. It should be healed in another hour or two. It’ll keep you sterile and without a period for up to five years. When you finally have a period, it’ll be time to replace it. You’ll still be safe then, but you shouldn’t wait before getting a new one.” He sounded proud.

  I wasn’t happy about that but I wasn’t devastated. “I can’t have babieth, can I?”

  “Not until the implant exhausts itself. It can’t be removed. But once it’s depleted, you can get pregnant. You’ll be about 29 then, according to my chart here. Meanwhile, for five years or so, no babies and no periods either.”

  I didn’t say anything. I was contemplating ending it all again. I couldn’t believe they’d done this to me. Why were people so cruel to me? I’d never hurt anyone. I’ve always loved people, and I treated them well. It all had started because of a few stupid tickets in River’s Edge. Now my life was ruined.

  My new hometown had blinded me for eighteen months. I didn’t give up, I adjusted to being sightless and I got a job. I earned that job. Two strangers had accosted me while I danced. Two others attacked me and ruined my eyes! Roger Junior had made me a heroin addict – twice! I’d been pierced over and over and sterilized for at least five years. They were going to make me a whore! Rina had left me, because she thought I wouldn’t give up riding the horse. But I did! I did, Rina!

  “The hyperhealants are working quickly,” Doctor Riffkin noted. “You can go home, mostly healed, tomorrow.”

  “Untiw then … I need my do upth.” I had enough presence of mind to know what the most important thing was.

  “The nurse will see that you get them, Alie.”

  The next morning, Glenda came, helped me with my morning fix, and took me home - newly sterile and unable to speak properly anymore.