Moore than a Feeling

by Julie A. Richman

  Laughing, “You tell Chef my big-assed family just helped pay for his daughter’s first semester at Swarthmore.”

  “I think that might be true.” She turned to the server arriving with the first tray. “Those go to the far end of the table.” A second tray arrived, and she placed the dishes. “Natie, I will pay you five dollars if you eat something other than chicken nuggets.”

  “Okay, I’ll have ice cream.” He smiled at his favorite waitress.

  “Oh, you are too smart for me, young man.”

  “We’re going to go out and see if anyone good is playing in one of the bars after this, you guys want to join?” Zac asked Holly and Pierce.

  “Definitely. I’d love to see who’s playing out here.”

  “Anyone want to come?” Holly asked.

  Mia shook her head, “I need to get these two into a bath and to bed.”

  Yoli laughed. “We’re all thinking about shoes off and hanging out back at the house.”

  “I’m thinking about bra off.” Debbie laughed.

  “Oh, yeah. Can we leave now?” Mia replied to Debbie. Looking at Pierce, “Feel free to say anything around this crew. We’re clearly dysfunctional.”

  “You guys are really funny,” was his observation.

  Bidding their parents and family friends goodbye after dinner, Zac, Lily, Holly, and Pierce headed out in search of a bar band. As they walked, Holly’s eyes scanned the throngs of holiday weekend partiers. He’s about Aiden’s height. That haircut. Who is that smoking a cigarette in the doorway of Ocean Beach Hardware? She could barely breathe, choked by illusions existing solely for her. Where are you, Aiden? I need to see you.

  “Where are we going?” Pierce asked.

  “Want to try the Schooner Inn first?” Zac suggested, looking at his sister.

  “Your dad owns a place?” Pierce asked.

  “No. Purely coincidence,” Holly explained. “Ocean Bay Park actually has a bar/restaurant named The Schooner Inn and here in Ocean Beach is another named CJ’s.”

  When his sister’s new friend didn’t get the reference, Zac chimed in. “Our mom’s name is CJ.”

  “Seriously. Wow, that’s quite a coincidence.”

  “You want to walk all the way over to Ocean Bay Park?” Lily asked.

  “Babe, it’s a mile and after all we ate tonight. Plus, Pierce will get to see more of the island.”

  “Okay,” she acquiesced, happy to get the fresh air after long days in class and clinicals in med school, and less and less exercise as she studied more.

  “I’ll tell you what, we’ll take a water taxi back to Ocean Beach, so you only have to walk one mile. One measly mile. We’ll be there in eight minutes. Actually, seven now, since we’re already walking.”

  “We used to walk miles and miles every day,” she reminisced, thinking of their time together in Africa, walking trails on the savannah to their work sites.

  “We need to start walking more,” he threw his arm over her shoulder. “I miss our long walks.”

  “Hey, you guys! Good to see you. Been way too long,” the ginger-haired bartender greeted Zac, Lily, and Holly, spotting them as they found space along the bar.

  “Hey, Mikey, this is our friend, Pierce.”

  Mikey extended a hand, “Nice to meet you, man.”

  “Four Rocket Fuels,” Zac called over the din, pulling Lily closer to him at the bar.

  Looking around at the wood-planked walls, Pierce leaned over and shouted into Holly’s ear, “I love places like this.”

  “Me, too.” She smiled, taking a drink from Mikey and handing it to Pierce.

  Leaning over the bar, Mikey whispered in Holly’s ear, “New boyfriend?”

  “No. No. Nothing like that. Just a friend.” Sucking down a swig of her Rocket Fuel.

  Mikey’s breath was hot on her ear when she heard him say, “I saw Aiden.”

  Grabbing onto the bar to keep her knees from buckling, Holly didn’t say anything, but her eyes told Mikey every single question she had.

  “Tonight?” The word was choked as it came out of her mouth.

  “No. About a month ago. I was over in Ocean Beach, grabbing some stuff at the hardware store. It was great seeing him, but Holly, he got pretty fucked up over there. Have you seen him?”

  Holly shook her head.

  Mikey went on, “The right side of his face got chewed up pretty bad. He seemed okay and all, but he was really tense and kinda jumpy.”

  Holly’s eyes widened, tense and jumpy was not Aiden McManus. He could be intense, because he was driven, but jumpy was the antithesis of Aiden, who handled life’s issues, big and small, with a laid-back confidence and swagger.

  “I’m worried,” she finally spoke, her eyes misting over as she looked up at the ceiling in an attempt to curb her tears. From Mikey’s description, it sounded like Aiden’s internal scars rivaled, and probably eclipsed, any external disfigurement.

  “Yeah. Me too,” Mikey confided.

  “Did he say if he’d be back out?” Holly tried to slow her heartbeat as she was flooded with a myriad of emotions. Deep, deep sadness was the one that bubbled to the top, pushing anger way down the stack.

  The bartender shook his head, his concern mirroring Holly’s. Mikey and Aiden had been buds, tight for years, having worked together at many an island bar before Aiden became General Manager at Maguire’s. It now appeared Holly was not the only one Aiden had locked out of the fortress. Which made her worry even more.

  “Hey, who’s playing tonight?” Zac called over to Mikey.

  “No one. The douchebag I had booked cancelled a couple of hours ago with a totally bogus reason.”

  “We’ve got a musician right here.” Holly touched Pierce’s arm.

  “You wanna step in?” Mikey asked. He was totally serious. “Can you play covers?”

  “With the best of ʼem, but I don’t have my guitar and you don’t even know if I can sing.” Pierce laughed.

  “I’ve got an acoustic back in my office. You just need to tune it,” he offered, wiping his hands.

  “Are you serious?” This weekend just keeps getting more and more, or should I say Moore and Moore, unexpected, thought Pierce. The fact that he was even here, having drinks with people who were basically strangers, staying in their beach house, dining with their family, and now an impromptu gig at a packed, bayfront bar. He had started the day dreading going to his sister’s party, fearing Stalker Nicole might be there waiting for him. And she was. Then Jenna introduced him to her lab partner, a girl way too beautiful to be hiding away in a microbiology lab, and way too heartbroken to be anything more than a new friend.

  “Totally. I’ll pay you $250 cash if you play now and a set later.”

  Pierce looked at his hosts, was this for real?

  “Do it,” Holly urged. “I’ve always wanted to say, I’m with the band.” She flicked her hair over her shoulder with attitude and smiled.

  Back in Mikey’s office, Pierce fiddled with the tuning on the guitar, getting the pitch perfect.

  Taking hold of Holly’s shoulder, “Are you okay?” Mikey asked.

  “No. Not at all,” shaking her head. “My heart hurts. He’s never even tried to get in touch with me. Not once. And all I want to do is talk to him. See him.”

  “Not for nothing, Holly, but I think he’s afraid to see you.”

  “I should be with him through this, Mikey. I should be there for him.”

  “You know what I think? I think he’s afraid he’s going to ruin your life. And he doesn’t want to saddle you with his shit.”

  “Or he loves that other girl.” The sadness in Holly’s expressive blue eyes said she believed Aiden loved someone else.

  “Impossible.” Looking up from the guitar, Pierce added his two cents. “Holly, I’ve known you twelve hours, and I’m telling you this guy doesn’t love another girl. Trust me.” And if he does, he’s a putz.

  “Okay, let’s get you set up out on the deck.” Mikey led the way. “If w
e’ve got a full band, I put them by the dance floor. But since you’re solo, I think out here will be better.” Setting up a stool, microphone, and small amp, Mikey looked at him. “I’ll introduce you.”

  “Pierce Cooper,” he supplied the name knowing Mikey probably didn’t remember his first name, and never knew his last.

  “And where are you from?”

  “Park Slope.”

  “In Brooklyn?” Mikey looked pleased with himself that he knew that.

  “Yeah.”

  Mikey turned on the microphone, immediately met by a momentary screech of feedback until Pierce turned down the amp. The noise got everyone on deck to look in their direction, a perfect way to get everyone’s attention.

  “Are you guys having a good time tonight?” Mikey’s amplified voice boomed. “Yeah? You’re all enjoying your Memorial Day weekend?” He was met with enthusiastic shouts. “Well it’s about to get better. Joining us on guitar tonight is Park Slope’s own, Pierce Cooper.” Along with cheers, there were shouts of Brooklyn and The Slope, by fellow residents.

  “Hey, everybody,” Pierce called out to the crowd as he took a seat on the stool and adjusted the mic down to his height. “So, this is really beautiful getting to play and look over the Great South Bay. I have a confession to make,” he paused, pulling the tie from his hair, and shaking loose his thick waves, sending the estrogen in the crowd sky high. “I’ve never been to Fire Island before today.”

  “And now you’re never leaving,” someone yelled from the crowd.

  “It could happen.” He laughed and started strumming. “Have we got any Soundgarden fans here?” From the screams he knew this would be a good opener. By the time he hit the first chorus of “Black Hole Sun,” the crowd was singing with him.

  “He’s got a really good voice,” Lily said to Zac and Holly. “And the women are totally digging the hair. He’s pretty hot, Hol.”

  “He’s the guy they want to be sleeping with and not their wimpy boyfriends,” was Zac’s observation, as he scanned the crowd watching the new singer.

  “I wouldn’t call you a wimp, babe,” Lily kidded her fiancé.

  “Check out the audience,” Zac continued. “He’s a total chick magnet.”

  “Threatened?” Holly chided her brother, slurping the last of the Rocket Fuel through a straw.

  Zac laughed. Nobody could bust you like your own sister. “A few years ago, I definitely would have been competing with this guy or wanted him as a wingman. But now, I don’t care if he nails half the island, just as long as he steers clear of what is mine.”

  “I’m now a what?” Lily protested.

  “Baby, baby, baby, you’re my what.” Zac pulled her close, tipping her face up for a kiss.

  “Ugh, I can’t watch this.” Holly turned, heading toward the bar to get another Rocket Fuel. As she approached the bar, the thought struck her that she’d drank more today than she had in four years of college.

  “Your friend is really good.” Mikey wouldn’t let Holly pay for her drink. “I wonder if he can play the next two weekends. I had the guy who stood me up tonight lined up. He’s history in my book. You fuck me over on a holiday weekend, you don’t get another chance.”

  Finishing his first set, Pierce made his way to the bar where Holly was standing.

  “You were great.” She touched his upper arm.

  “That was so much fun. I don’t think I’ve ever done a solo gig before. I hadn’t even thought about going it alone with the guys down.”

  “What are you drinking?” Mikey called to him from behind the bar.

  “How about a couple of cold bottles of water.”

  “Coming up, my friend.” Placing two large bottles of Evian on the bar in front of Pierce, Mikey asked, “So, what are you doing the next two weekends? Would you want to do Friday and Saturday nights here?”

  “Thanks for asking me, but I’m just out here for the day. I don’t have a place out here or anything.”

  “Stay at our house.” The solution seemed simple to Holly.

  “Will you be here?”

  “Probably not.” She shook her head thinking how hard it was for her to be here, waiting for a moment that might never come.

  “I can’t stay at your house without you there.” He hardly knew her, to stay with her family without her, would be an imposition. The Moores had already been so nice to him, her father refusing to let him pay for dinner. “You offered. That’s a good thing and he’ll remember that. But don’t push it,” Holly had advised him.

  “My dad and Mia would be totally cool about it. They’d probably get a sitter for the kids and come watch you play.”

  “No, Holly, I can’t,” he protested.

  “Yeah, you can,” she countered.

  “Only if you’re out here both weekends.”

  “I can’t do that. I thought I was ready for his ghost. But I’m not. It’s everywhere. We’re everywhere, he and I. Everywhere I turn, I’m choked by a memory. Everywhere. And it hurts. It physically hurts. It feels like he just broke up with me all over again. And I keep looking, Pierce. Everywhere. Like he’s going to come around a corner or out from an alleyway between the shops and just be there. Just walking over here from the restaurant tonight, it felt like I was on high alert, scanning the doorways of every shop, bar, and restaurant. And I could see him standing there. But it was just a mirage. And if I keep coming out here, it will drive me crazy.”

  It wasn’t until the last words were out that Holly let go, tears brimming over her lashes. He could feel her pain and it was overwhelming. This girl he had just met, and he hurt at her heartbreak, feeling how painful this was for her. What a jerk, he thought. Imagine having a girl like this, love you that much.

  “Holly,” he pulled her into his arms. “I am so sorry you are having such a rough time and it’s because of me. I’m so sorry.”

  “Because of you?”

  “Yeah. You didn’t want to be out here, and you came so that I could experience it, and it was too soon for you.”

  “Don’t be sorry, Pierce. This is not your fault. This hurt and pain, this is between me and Aiden. I will talk to my dad and Mia when we get home. If they have the slightest hesitation about you staying there without me, I promise to let you know. But I really think they are going to be fine with it.”

  “Holly, they don’t know me. Heck, you don’t know me.”

  “I know enough to know that I just watched you doing what you love. And you should be here doing it. And we can help.”

  “You may be the single most beautiful person I have ever met.”

  “Thank you.” She smiled at her new friend, knowing full well he was not referring to her looks.

  “And I’m going to repay you right now.” His look said he had something up his sleeve. Quickly scanning the crowded bar area, he turned his attention back to Holly. “Would you say there are a lot of people in here who know Aiden?”

  She thought his question to be odd, but looked around before answering, “Quite a few, I guess.”

  “Good,” he smiled at her, taking her face in his hands. “Then we can assume this will somehow get back to him.” And with that, he brought his lips to hers for a kiss, taking a shot that while it may not be heard around the world, it certainly would be resounding throughout Fire Island.

  July 4th Weekend

  “IT’S A HOLIDAY. You should be spending it with us and not worrying about running into him. Besides, he hasn’t been out all summer, so I doubt he’ll start on the most crowded, touristy weekend of the season. Natie and Po miss you, sweetheart. And so do I.” Schooner was becoming concerned by Holly’s obsessive fear of running into her ex-boyfriend. “You should not be changing or altering your life because of him.”

  “I know. I know.” Her dad was right, and she knew that, but mourning the loss of her relationship with Aiden had become an addictive and pervasive thought pattern in her mind. She was able to push him away for short bursts of time when she was studying, but this ov
erwhelming sadness continued to creep in, cradling and lulling her, yet robbing all her joy at the same time, as she waited for something she knew would happen, eventually. But until then, she was stuck, in a place she’d never been before in her life.

  “Well, if you know, then get your tush on a train and come spend the holiday with your family. I know you don’t have classes this week.”

  “Tush?” She laughed. “We really have become New Yorkers. You said it and I understood it.”

  Holly needed some tough love. Schooner knew that. And he was going to give it to her. As empathetic as he was to losing the one you love and not having closure, their family was going to be summering on Fire Island for a very long time — this was their second home, so she needed to move past the fear that was strapping her down and holding her back. It was that reticence that concerned him, because one of Holly’s attributes, one he was extremely proud of, was her fearlessness. But this breakup with Aiden had broken her. And standing by, watching her not heal and making stupid mistakes like Tom to avoid the pain, made him want to fix things. That was something he was exceptionally good at, and yet understood it was not a good thing to do for your adult children. But to know Schooner Moore was to know that backing off, especially when it came to his family, was not an easy thing for him to do.

  “Okay, I’ll come out,” she finally acquiesced. “Is your third son going to be out there?”

  “My third son?” What was she talking about? “Should I be paying child support to someone?” he joked.

  Holly laughed. “Pierce.”

  “We haven’t heard from him since he thanked us for those two weekends. He’s your friend, why don’t you ask him? You know he’s always welcome here.”

  Any chance this is another long holiday weekend where you don’t have plans? Holly texted Pierce later that night.

  Hey there. I was just asking my sis about you yesterday. Doing ok?

  Hanging in there. Want to come out to the beach this weekend?