Becoming Forever (Waking Forever Series)

by McVea, Heather

  “Take a right, and down the hall.” The woman’s muffled voice sounded from the back of the house. Ash wound her way down a hall, past a narrow back stairway, and then into a large kitchen. The dark walnut finish on the hardwood floor complemented the cherry finished wood cabinets. Gray granite counter tops ran throughout the kitchen, including the large center island and recessed nook that had several bottles of Glenlivet, along with a bottle of Tanqueray Ten, lined up neatly.

  Emma stood next to the built in stove top at the center island. Her hand was resting on top of a stainless steel kettle. “Is Earl Grey okay? It’s as close to coffee as I can get.” She smiled just as the kettle began to whistle.

  “Perfect, and with a bit of sugar if you have any.” Ash sat on a tall bar stool across from Emma.

  “I can swing that.” She lifted the kettle up, and turned the gas burner off. “I’m afraid I don’t have much in the way of food. I haven’t been eating in much lately, and the basics are nonexistent.” She poured the steaming water into a large mug.

  “The tea is fine.” The truth was she was starving. She skipped lunch because of the soccer game, and the events later didn’t do much to encourage an appetite.

  Handing her the mug of tea, and a stainless steel sugar container, Emma looked at Ash closely. As if on cue, her stomach let out a loud growl. Emma laughed as Ash blushed and grabbed at her misbehaving midsection. “Why don’t we order some pizza?” Emma suggested.

  Ash nodded. “That might be a good idea.”

  Emma walked around the island, to her purse that was sitting on the stool next to Ash. Pulling her phone out, she punched in a number. “I wouldn’t want that racket keeping me up all night.”

  Before Ash could respond to the implication she and Emma would be sleeping in the same bed, she heard Katy Perry’s Roar begin playing behind her.

  I got the eye of the tiger, a fighter, dancing through the fire. Ash looked up at Emma quickly, who wore a perplexed expression on her face. “Ah, Alan assigns his own ringtones.” Ash said, amused.

  She got up and found her bag on top of a round kitchenette table positioned in a small alcove of bay windows at the rear of the kitchen. She couldn’t remember Emma stopping at her Jeep to get her personal belongings, but clearly she had missed parts of the day.

  “Hello?” Ash turned to face Emma, who was on her own phone placing an order for a large pepperoni pizza. Ash knew her friend preferred vegetarian pizza, but clearly was making the choice to please Ash.

  “Christ, where have you been? Are you okay? I’ve been trying to reach you for nearly an hour.” Alan’s tone was laced with concern and hints of panic. “It’s all over the news. Is Cris-”

  Ash shut her eyes. The time with Emma hadn’t made her forget the horrific events of the past few hours, but it had dulled the sharpness of the pain. “I’m okay. Cris is dead, along with five other officers.”

  Alan exhaled sharply. “Where are you? I’m coming over.”

  Ash glanced at Emma, who was done ordering the pizza, and was pouring herself a cup of tea. “I’m not at home.”

  “Jesus, don’t they have enough cops down there? I mean you just-” Alan was clearly aggravated.

  “I’m-” Ash wasn’t sure how much she wanted to tell Alan. She suddenly felt very protective of this space Emma and she were in. “I’m with Emma.”

  There was a long pause. “No shit.”

  “I’ll call you tomorrow, okay?” Ash knew she would get grief about the lack of detail when she saw Alan next, and was willing to deal with that. For tonight though, she wanted even the idea of Emma all to herself.

  “I wait with bated breath.” Alan’s tone was suspicious.

  “Thanks, Al.” Not waiting for further commentary, Ash hit the end button.

  She immediately pressed the speed dial button for her father. Getting his voicemail, she let him know she was okay, and would call him tomorrow. She texted Michael and Jason the same.

  “Everything okay?” Emma asked as she picked up Ash’s tea and carried her own to the table.

  Ash smiled, and slid her phone back into her bag. “Just some reassurances that I’m still alive.” She took the still hot tea from Emma.

  Sitting down, Emma slid the chair next to her out, and gestured for Ash to sit with her. “The pizza should be about twenty minutes.”

  Ash sat. The interjection of her normal life into this almost surreal night, made her suddenly feel nervous. “Sounds good.” She could hear the tenuousness in her tone as she sipped her tea.

  Emma reached out and tucked a loose strand of Ash’s hair behind her ear. She smiled understandingly. “If you want to call Alan back, or one of your brothers, I would understand if you wanted someone you’re closer to-”

  The reassurance in Emma’s touch, knowing she wanted to be touching her, stamped out any uncertainty for Ash. She took Emma’s hand in hers. She stood so close to the edge, wanting to confide her heart to Emma, but feeling it was too soon, and that the trauma of the day would somehow taint the serenity of the night. “No. I want to be here with you.”

  “Good.” Emma stood up. “Would you like to watch television or a movie while we wait for the pizza?”

  Ash nodded. “Something funny.”

  Emma took Ash’s hand in hers, and walked them back toward the front of the house. They went into the small room off the entry way with the floor to ceiling book cases.

  On the far side of the room was a brown leather sofa and across from that, a large flat screen television. The room was obviously one Emma spent a lot of time in, as numerous books were stacked and opened across the mahogany desk. Papers were strewn on a sideboard table, and several empty scotch glasses sat on the desk.

  “Sorry about the mess. I wasn’t expecting company.” Emma moved several magazines off the sofa and placed them in a stack on the desk.

  Ash loved the room. It was her favorite so far because it felt lived in, and entirely Emma’s. “It’s cozy. And that’s not a euphemism for messy.” Ash pulled Emma down on the sofa with her.

  Carefully placing her and Ash’s tea on the mahogany end table, Emma then reached for the remote. “I’d never watched Golden Girls before, but after seeing segments of it at your apartment I put it on a series pass. Would you like to watch it?”

  Ash took note of the programs as Emma scrolled through the list of recorded shows. NCIS, Law and Order, True Blood, Antiques Roadshow, NewsHour, The Sound of Music, and The Rachel Maddow Show were among a few. “The Sound of Music? As in the hills are alive?”

  Emma shook her head. “You make fun, but it’s a classic. Besides, the entire story - though altered for dramatic effect - is based on a real family who opposed the Nazis and ended up escaping to Italy before coming to the United States.”

  Ash looked blankly at Emma. “But what was the point if Julie Andrews couldn’t spin in circles on a mountain top?” Emma frowned and playfully pinched Ash’s arm, eliciting a laugh from the woman. “How do you find the time to keep up with all of that?” Ash asked as she pulled her legs up under her, and settled in next to Emma.

  Emma shrugged. “I don’t sleep.”

  “I have just the opposite problem. I sit down, turn on Walking Dead and before the first commercial break I’m asleep.” Ash took Emma’s hand in hers. She couldn’t remember the last time just holding a woman’s hand felt so intimate.

  “This season has been one of their better since season one.” Emma stopped scrolling on Golden Girls.

  Ash reached out and covered Emma’s mouth with her hand. “Zip it. I’m still on last season.” As she pulled her hand away slowly, Emma’s soft lips kissed Ash’s palm. Turning Emma’s head toward her, Ash leaned in and kissed her. Just as the kiss deepened, the doorbell rang.

  “I’ll get it.” Emma kissed the back of Ash’s hand, and got up from the sofa. She disappeared around the corner, and a minute later she returned with a large pizza box. “I’ll go get plates. Do you want some wine? I have some scotch or gin, but no
beer.”

  “A glass of red, please.” Ash smiled.

  Emma nodded and disappeared to the kitchen. Ash got up and walked to the bookcases. Her eyes wandered over several newer books, mostly non-fiction medical books. Her eyes stopped, as they came to a small gun metal gray safe built into the shelf. The door was open and a book wrapped in clear plastic lay within. Turning her head to read the spine of the book, Ash’s eyes widened.

  “Is this what it looks like?” Ash asked as Emma came back in the study with a bottle of wine tucked under her arm, plates, napkins and glasses balanced in her hands.

  She put the glasses and plates down on an end table. “Depends. What do you think it is?” Emma grinned.

  “I think you have a first edition of Rimbaud’s A Season in Hell.” Ash wanted to touch the book, but her fingers hovered inches above the protected spine.

  Emma handed Ash a glass of wine. “I’m impressed.” She reached up and gently slid the book from the safe.

  “Aren’t you worried? I mean keeping it in your house like this?” Ash took a sip of the wine, and smiled at the smooth, cherry and wood flavors that coated her mouth. “Shouldn’t it be locked up somewhere?”

  Laying the book on a small pedestal, Emma opened the cover. “What would be the point of owning it if I couldn’t look at it?”

  Ash nodded. “I would have that safe locked at least.” She put her wine glass down, and stood looking over Emma’s shoulder.

  Emma tilted her head to the side, looking at the book closely. “It usually is. I was looking at the book earlier, and in my rush to get over to you, I inadvertently left the safe open.”

  Ash stopped looking at the book, and turned her attention to Emma. She studied her profile, and a surge of love and affection rolled over her. She couldn’t help but smile. “I turned silences and nights into words. What was unutterable, I wrote down. I made the whirling world stand still.”

  Emma turned to look intently at Ash. “Are you sure your degree was in criminology and not literature?”

  Ash grinned. “I had a crush on my French poetry professor sophomore year; so I paid extra attention to every word that came out of her mouth.” Ash looked back at the book, its pages slightly yellowed, Rimbaud’s inscription to his lover Paul Verlaine slanted and a little unhinged. She ran the tip of her finger up Emma’s forearm. “You made the whirling stand still tonight. Thank you.”

  Emma pulled Ash into her arms, and kissed along her neck and jaw. “I thought, when I heard, that maybe you had been-” The woman turned her head so Ash couldn’t see her face. “That you might be among the dead.”

  Ash took Emma’s face in her hands, and kissed her fully on the lips. “I’m glad you came, and I’m sorry you were scared.”

  Emma nodded and took a deep breath. “Do you want to look at the book before or after we eat the greasy pizza?”

  Ash laughed. “After, of course.”

  Emma frowned. “I fear a steep depreciation in my investment.”

  ***

  Ash felt a smooth cool hand on her cheek, and taking a deep breath the scent of lavender wafted over her. “Ash. You fell asleep. Let’s go upstairs.”

  Emma’s voice was quiet and near her left ear. She opened her eyes slowly and stretched. Wiping at her face, she realized she must have fallen into a deep sleep given the amount of drool on her cheek and chin. “Shit.” Ash sat bolt upright, wiping furiously at her face. “Please tell me I didn’t-” She looked at Emma, and then at the shoulder of her white robe that was clearly wet.

  “Oh God.” Ash got up, and wiped the last of the drool off her face. “I am so sorry. I must have really fallen asleep.” Emma sat on the couch, an amused expression on her face as she watched Ash pace back and forth. “What time is it?” Ash looked around for a clock.

  Emma glanced at the paused episode of Golden Girls. “A little after eleven.”

  Ash leaned against the desk. “This is the least sexiest thing I can imagine.”

  Emma turned the television off and laid the remote on the table. She got up and stood in front of Ash. “Well, there’s always snoring.”

  Ash’s eyes widened. “Don’t tell me-”

  Emma nodded, an exaggerated grimace on her face. “Afraid so.”

  Ash rubbed her face with the palms of her hands. “Don’t look at me.”

  Emma took Ash’s hands in hers. Lowering them to Ash’s side, she stepped closer to the embarrassed woman. “I didn’t think it was possible, but you are even more beautiful when you’re frazzled.”

  “Don’t make fun.” Ash frowned.

  “Never.” Emma pulled the woman to her, wrapping her arms around Ash’s shoulder. “Watch for the spit.”

  Ash couldn’t help but laugh. The day had been full of horrific events, tender moments, and the last thing she would have expected, her drooling on a beautiful woman’s shoulder while snoring in her ear. “Rethinking sleeping in the same bed with me?” Ash had wanted to broach the subject since Emma made the offhanded remark in the kitchen several hours ago.

  “Not a chance.” Emma turned Ash toward the door of the study, and with her hands on the woman’s shoulders, guided her toward the stairs. Pausing at the foot of the stairs, Emma turned Ash toward her. “All kidding aside, are you okay with it? You’ve had a long day, and I don’t want you to feel pressured or obligated.”

  Ash shook her head. “If I didn’t want to be here, with you - like this, I would leave.” Ash took Emma’s hand and started walking up the stairs.

  Reaching the top of the stairs, Emma took the lead and walked Ash down a long, hallway to the master bedroom. Ash noticed several numbered Matisse prints along the wall, and was in awe not only of Emma’s impeccable taste, but - given the book collection downstairs - a very expansive budget.

  The bedroom was decorated in the same British Colonial style as the rest of the house. A large king size bed piled high with dark blue and chocolate colored pillows sat against the farthest wall of the room. There was a wide, open hallway lined with sliding doors Ash assumed were closets. At the end of the hall was the bathroom. Rugs were placed throughout the room, accenting the walnut hardwood floors.

  Ash’s heart rate sped up as the realization she was in Emma’s bedroom set in. Her heart was pounding not because she was nervous. Not even because she wanted the beautiful woman standing next to her. It was beating furiously in her chest because, in that moment, she knew she was in love with Emma.

  “Are you okay?” Emma looked at Ash, and then at her chest as if she could hear her racing heart.

  Ash nodded, and swallowed the lump in her throat. The day - and the epiphanies it brought - was becoming too much. “Just tired.”

  Emma smiled reassuringly. “Let me get you something to wear.” She pulled Ash by the hand the rest of the way into the bedroom, and then disappeared down the hallway leading toward the bathroom. She was back within a minute with a pair of black cotton shorts, and a dark gray t-shirt with the word Princeton in orange, block letters across the front.

  Ash took the clothes and holding the shirt up in front of her shook her head. “I can only wear this under one condition.” She looked out the top of her eyes at Emma. “You can’t ever tell Alan about this.”

  Emma frowned. “I don’t get it.”

  “Well, regardless of the fact Princeton colors are sort of-maybe like UT burnt orange, if he gets wind I’m in anything other than Longhorn garb, I’ll never hear the end of it.” Ash started walking toward the bathroom.

  “You know that’s really a Texas phenomenon. Outside the state there are people who don’t know anything about UT versus A&M.” Emma started pulling the covers on the bed back. “Much less the whole bleeding orange thing.” Emma grimaced. “Which is off putting by the way.”

  Ash shook her head as she closed the bathroom door. “Spoken like a non-Texan.” Shutting the door, it occurred to her she didn’t know where Emma was from. The realization that she was in love with a woman who she really knew so little about ca
used Ash to cringe.

  Emma had asked her so many questions about herself over the past few weeks, it hadn’t occurred to Ash she wasn’t reciprocating. You’ll make a great girlfriend, Haines.

  As she was getting dressed there was a faint knock at the door. “There’s a new toothbrush in the drawer to the right of the sink. Help yourself.”

  Ash pulled the drawer open, and smiled. “Thanks.”

  A few minutes later Ash stood, dressed in Emma’s clothes, her breath minty fresh, and trying to work up the courage to go back into the bedroom. Taking a deep breath, Ash opened the door.

  She found Emma lying in the bed wearing a black tank top, the blankets pulled up to her waist. Ash walked to the edge of the bed, and pulled the covers back, catching sight of Emma’s bare legs as she was only wearing a pair of gray panties.

  Sliding into bed next to Emma, Ash turned on her side to face the woman, noticing no residual heat from Emma’s body escaped. “Are you cold?” Ash asked.

  Emma shook her head, and settled further down in the bed. “Nope. You?”

  Ash reached for Emma, and draped her arm across the woman’s stomach. “I’m good.”

  The tension in the room was palatable. “Are you nervous?” Emma’s voice was a whisper into Ash’s hair.

  “God, yes.” Ash jerked her head up. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean-” She stammered.

  “I know what you mean.” Emma placed a light kiss on Ash’s forehead. “It can be this for tonight.” She said.

  Ash laid her head back down on Emma’s chest. She didn’t know what she wanted for tonight, but she knew Emma holding her right now was perfect. Emma shifted slightly and a second later the room was plunged into darkness. Ash brought her legs up, and entwined them with Emma’s long muscular ones, a contented sigh escaping her lips.

  Ash’s eyes opened. There wasn’t a clock in the room, but the feeling that time had elapsed was definite. She was still lying with her head on Emma’s shoulder, and the woman’s arms were draped around her. Ash tilted her head up, and was surprised in the dim light of the bedroom, to see Emma’s eyes open.