by Max Henry
“What is it?” John asks.
Belle leans forward to toss the pieces in the fire. “Nothing.”
Yet her father halts her with a hand to her wrist. John peels the largest pieces out of her grasp and examines them while the rest of us wait with bated breath.
“Is this…?”
“Emergency contraceptive,” Cerise announces smugly.
I groan and bury my face in my hands. This woman…. She has no idea how close she was to pulling her “great reveal” off, and instead she’s unearthed a painful experience her daughter would rather forget.
“Belle?” John asks, lifting the scraps between them. “Explain.”
She looks my way, her brow pinched. I give a small nod, letting her know it’s time to tell the truth. Even if that does still get me in the shit for keeping secrets.
“You remember when I had food poisoning?” Belle asks, returning her gaze to John.
“Yeah.”
“It wasn’t an upset stomach from food. It was a side effect of that.” She points to the remnant of the box. “I made a mistake at Scott’s party.”
John’s nostrils flare, his jaw hard as he looks off into the darkened backyard. Cerise frowns, her master plan unravelling before her eyes.
“Zeus picked you up that night, didn’t he?” John asks.
Great. He’s resorted to acting as though I’m not here. I frown at Cerise as she smirks, clearly thinking she’s still on a winning streak. All fool her.
“Yes. He did.”
“You fucking dog,” John spits as he launches out of his seat.
“It wasn’t him,” Belle yells, halting her father before I’m forced to fight back. “It wasn’t Zeus, for fuck’s sake.”
I lift my hands and tip my head to the side. “Easy now, brother.”
“It was Scott.” Belle’s voice cracks.
Jodie massages Belle’s shoulders, hands where I wish mine were. “It’s okay, honey. You don’t have to justify this witch hunt.” My ex-wife reminds me what it was that drew me to her all those years ago as she turns her attention to Cerise. “Satisfied?” Her face is a storm as she lets go of Belle and rounds the seat to advance on her former friend. “Is this what you came back for? To accuse people of wild lies and tear your flesh and blood apart? Do you feel vindicated, you callous cow? Do you? Are your daughter’s tears worth it?”
“Oh, lay off, you cunt,” Cerise bites back. “You know as well as I do that there’s something going on between these two.” She points wildly between Belle and me while John stands in the midst looking like a lost sheep. “It’s disgusting, and it needs to stop.”
“What the fuck is going on here?” John bellows. “Will one of you fucking tell me the truth?”
“Yeah, Belle,” Cerise sneers, leaning around Jodie. “Where’s the rest of the story?”
“What part?” my girl asks. “The part where the jerk told me he had a condom on, but lied? The part where I was too drunk to know the difference? Where I thought for once somebody actually wanted me, because you know, after my mother walked out on me I kind of figured there must have been something about me that pushed people away.” Belle rises, moving to stand behind Jodie, my ex-wife the only thing stopping these two from ripping each other apart. “Or do you want to hear about how Zeus wanted to turn the car around and deal to the arsehole once he figured out something wasn’t right? Or where I told him to leave it? Or the best part of all: the next day when my best friend told me I was asking for it if I was too stupid to believe that a guy would have the decency to use protection?” The raw depth of her emotion shines its truth on her face, the firelight catching the moisture as Belle’s tears track a path down her cheeks.
Yet she cries out of anger, her fists curled in frustration. And I can’t do a fucking thing to make her feel better. I have to sit here like a grade-A arsehole while she hurts, because I’m too afraid of the consequences.
Talk about a moral dilemma.
“Why didn’t you say anything?” John asks, pulling Belle toward him.
She wraps her arms around her father, and sobs. “I didn’t want you to hate me.”
“Ssh, baby. I could never hate you.”
The look on Cerise’s face would be satisfying if the woman wasn’t an unpredictable livewire. She may have lost the battle, but this woman never gives up on the war. Jodie lets out a sigh as Cerise turns for the house and leaves the fireside while John consoles his distraught daughter.
I rise to follow her, yet Jodie’s hand against my chest grounds my irrational thoughts. There’s nothing to be gained by poking the bear. Not when I’ve so narrowly missed being flayed alive.
“Not now, Z.”
I sigh, grateful for what she did to try and help. “Thank you.”
Her eyes crinkle at the corners as she searches mine, a small shake to her head. “No. Don’t thank me.” Her lips press together as she huffs out her nose. “Just you promise that you’ll set things right and let John know the truth. Soon.”
“How did you…?”
“I was married to you for sixteen years, Zeus. I know a thing or two about what you do, how you look when you’re in love.”
I can’t look her in the eye. We wasted so many years pretending what we had could be salvaged. Years she could have spent finding the right man for her. Maybe she went about it the wrong way, but I guess my prison term gave her the permission she needed to move on. How else could she have made me face the truth when I was so used to living a lie that I thought what we had was what a partnership is supposed to be?
It wasn’t until Belle that I’ve learnt what it’s like to really love somebody. I loved Jodie, but I never needed her. And that right there is the difference.
When I thought of life without Jodie, I got angry. When I imagine life without Belle, I can’t see there being any point to mine.
“I don’t know how to do it,” I admit as I look across to where John and Belle talk.
“Like a Band-Aid,” Jodie muses. “Quick, so it hurts less.” She sighs, knocking her elbow into me to grab my attention. “The longer you leave it, the harder it’s going to be for him to take.”
“I know.” That thought runs through my mind every damn day. And yet….
“Do it tonight, while the topic is fresh.” Jodie glances toward the house. “I’ll get Cerise into bed; she’ll pass out soon if past performance is anything to go by, and then you and John have a quiet word alone while I keep Belle busy.”
“No. Not tonight.” I need time to think about how to tell him. Time to figure out what the best words to use are.
Time to warn Belle.
“Don’t delay the inevitable, Zeus. If you mean well by this girl, then you’ll do the right thing.”
If my heart constricts any tighter, I don’t know if it’ll still be able to beat. “I’m going to ruin everything.”
“Not as much as you will if he finds out about it from someone other than you two.”
THIRTY-ONE
Belle
I can’t believe the bitch’s audacity to fucking stand there in front of everyone and throw my dirty secrets around for the group to see. Show me another mother who’d be so damn heartless, because I swear to God mine is the only one who could pull off that kind of stunt and still think she’s in the right.
“I suppose you’re feeling smug with yourself this morning?”
I catch Cerise’s eye as she shakes a cigarette out of her packet. “Had hoped you’d still be passed out in bed and I might be rewarded with a quiet breakfast alone, but”—I nod toward the coffee in her hand—“I guess I’m not that lucky.”
She rests a hand against the doorframe and huffs a small laugh. “He’s no good for you. You understand that, right?”
I match her critical eye. “Somehow I don’t think that’s what you’re concerned about, is it?” In fact, none of this makes sense. “What do you want to get out of it all, Mother?”
I’m met with silence as she regards me head
to toe. “You’ve grown into quite the perfect little princess, haven’t you?”
“You almost sound jealous.”
“Since the minute you came home with me from the hospital, you were all your father could talk about. ‘My beautiful Belle’ this, and ‘my little girl’ that.” She makes a choking noise. “Ugh. It’s sickening.”
“It might come as a shock, Cerise, but that’s what a parent is supposed to do; love their child through rose-tinted glasses.”
I turn my back to her and pull a mug from the cupboard. The sooner she heads outside to have her lung dart, the sooner I get my coveted peace and quiet.
“You were a twin,” she drops so damn suddenly that I almost don’t catch it. “I never told you that, and I’m guessing your dad kept the secret all these years too.” My heart thunders as she makes a small “hmph” and then continues. “We didn’t tell you about her because your father thought you might get survivor’s guilt. I guess he didn’t say anything after I left because, well, how do you break the fact you’ve lied to your kid their entire life to them?”
Apparently without an ounce of care.
I turn, spoon in hand, and cock my head. “I was a twin?”
“She was stillborn.”
The stainless handle digs into my palm. I guess that explains some of why I’ve never felt complete, as though a part of me is missing. For the first time, I find what looks like genuine regret on my mother’s face, and I have no idea what to do about it. You can’t erase years of neglect with one heartfelt moment, especially when with my mother it has to be delivered with an ulterior motive.
“Why are you telling me this now?” I whisper.
“Because you need to know.”
“Why?” What does it have to do with me and Zeus? With Dad? Anyone?
“You asked me why I’m doing this,” she says coolly as she reaches for the door handle. “So I thought I’d tell you.”
I count my breaths, pacing the air reaching my lungs as I wait on her to continue. I had a twin.
Yet she doesn’t say another word, instead slipping quietly through the door to enjoy destroying the rest of the morning with her toxins.
My phone vibrates in my pocket as the kettle sings. I set the teaspoon down on the counter and retrieve the device, my jaw slack and my eyes still glazed.
Z: Morning, dove.
The message is laid over a selfie Zeus has taken lying in bed, shirtless. My favourite.
B: Hey, you. :*
He left last night while I was still talking with Dad, asking Jodie to let me know he’d be in touch. I guess he didn’t want it to look too suspicious if he hung about to talk with me alone. I get that. It still burned though.
Z: How’s the battlefield this morning?
I glance out the kitchen window as a wisp of smoke floats away on the breeze above Cerise’s head.
B: Full of surprises.
Z: How so?
B: Do you know I had a twin at birth?
The absence of a reply is duly noted as I finish making my Milo and lean a hip against the counter. I stare at my phone, mug cradled in my hands. The screen remains black for what seems like an age before it lights up with Zeus’s name.
“Hey.”
“Can you talk?”
“Sure.”
He sighs, making me long to reach down the line and touch him. “I knew.”
“Did everyone?”
“Yeah.” He hesitates, waiting for me to say more, but continues when I don’t. “Your dad made the call never to tell you. In hindsight, it might have helped you to understand why your mum is the way she is.”
Cerise stamps out her smoke. “She resents me, doesn’t she?”
“It seems that way. Yes.”
Knowing this explains so much, and yet, it justifies nothing. “I still hate her.”
“You don’t mean that.”
She enters the kitchen and sets her empty mug in the sink, eyeing me as she does. “I do.”
“We need to talk, dove.”
“What about?” His worried tone sets me on edge.
“Us. The future.”
Cerise leaves the kitchen, heading toward the bedroom. I wait a minute to ensure she’s far enough away before whispering, “Are you home today?”
“Plan to be.”
“I’ll see you soon, then.”
I don’t give Zeus the opportunity to talk me out of it before I hang up. Cerise’s car keys sit on the end of the counter, helping me form a plan in my head of how this could go. Snatching them up, I head down to my room and grab a sweater, toe my boots on, and visit the bathroom. No sound comes from Dad’s room; the bitch has probably crawled back into bed and fallen asleep again with him.
My heart drums in my ears as I step outside, hammering with my pulse as I start her car and let it idle out of the driveway. The fuel gauge shows half a tank, which is lucky, because I didn’t bring any money for petrol.
I drive the short trip across town with my heart in my throat, and regret deep in my veins. This is it: I’m choosing Zeus over my family, and I couldn’t care less about it. They fucking lied my entire life to me. And to top it all off, Dad took Cerise back after every goddamn thing she’s done. He made her a priority over me.
With Zeus is where I’m supposed to be. With Zeus is where my future lies. I’m ready to shake the covers off and let this love see the light of day.
I pull in his driveway and find him seated on the front step, waiting. Yet no smile greets me as I step out of the car. He doesn’t so much as stand to meet me when I approach.
“They rang.”
“What?”
“They rang,” he repeats. “Your dad, and Cerise. They heard you leave.”
Shit. “So?”
“So they know where you went.”
“I could have gone to Kate’s—”
“They rang there first.”
Double shit. “Or the shops.”
“Belle….”
No dove, no sweetness and care. Just Belle. Just the stupid little girl always making mistakes.
“I said you weren’t here,” Zeus explains, finally rising. “Which wasn’t a lie, because you weren’t then. But they’ll figure it out.”
“So then today is the day,” I say with raw determination.
His face tells me otherwise.
“It’s not?”
Zeus reaches out, pulling me to him with a hand on my shoulder. “That’s what I wanted to talk to you about.”
“Right.” My energy wanes as he leads me inside.
I step into his arms and inhale his familiar scent as he sighs. “I want to wait until you’ve moved out of your dad’s place before we tell them.”
“What?” He doesn’t try to stop me as I spin out of his hold. “That could be a year away.” There’s the bond on a rental to save, not to mention money for furniture….
And I don’t even have a job yet.
“It would be less of a blow if he thinks you made the decision while you weren’t under his roof, don’t you think?” He tucks his hands in the back pockets of his jeans.
I’ve never seen the man look so much like a nervous boy.
“He’s not stupid,” I say. “He’ll put two and two together and realise this has been going on since before last night’s near miss.”
“Still, it’ll be easier to deal with then. You’ll be almost, if not, twenty.”
I roll my eyes. “Because that’s so much better than eighteen.”
“Belle. Don’t be a smartarse.”
“I can’t help it.” I march into the living room and flop on the couch in true dramatic teenager style. “You’ve just told me you want to hide me away like a filthy little secret for years. It feels as though you’re looking for reasons to push me away.” He doesn’t say a thing, prompting me to spin on the seat and look back at him. “Zeus?”
“You haven’t had a chance to date other guys yet,” he says with a frown. “What if you think this is enough for you,
but it’s not? You might be young and able to move on, but I’m not. This is it for me, and if that’s going to be thrown back in my face, then I want to know it now.”
I scowl at the big idiot, repositioning myself on my knees with my hands braced on the back of the sofa. “Don’t project your insecurities onto me, Zeus.”
“I’m not.”
“You are. You’re telling me your greatest fear is being rejected, and you’re laying out options for me on how to do it.”
He lifts his chin and pierces me with his intense stare. “And what are your insecurities?”
“That I’m not enough for the trouble I cause. That the next best thing will come along, and she’ll be a lot easier, a lot less drama, and you’ll jump ship.”
His shoulders heave with the deep breath he draws through his nose. “You think I’d step out on you?”
“Have you?”
A smile tilts one side of his lips. “Who’s projecting insecurities now?”
“I would have said I’m being possessive, jealous even. But okay.” I shrug.
He stalks toward me, stopping to cup my face in his hands. “Fuck, I missed you.”
“It’s been less than a day,” I tease.
“Since I saw you, maybe. But it’s been a hell of a lot longer than that since I could touch you without having to overthink everything first.”
“I love you,” I remind him. “Don’t push me away because you’re scared.”
Those three words feel so much more important in that moment. A deep unease takes root in my gut; something is off, and I can’t put my finger on what. Instinct tells me he brought up this crazy idea of waiting out of sheer panic, thanks to last night’s drama. But there’s more, a reason why one near miss would spook him so bad, and I can’t figure out what.
“What else is on your mind?” I ask as Zeus runs the pads of his thumbs adoringly over my cheekbones. “You’re withholding.”
“Did you ever wonder why Jodie and I never had kids?”
This big fool. That’s what he’s been worried about? “She told me,” I whisper.
His hands still, those crisp blue eyes focused on mine. “She did?” A frown pulls his brow together.
