by Max Henry
“Last night. Before my mother decided to sour the mood.”
“When she went inside,” he says quietly, as though piecing the timeline for himself. “I wondered what she was up to.”
His hands fall away, but not for long. Instead, he reaches over the back of the sofa and picks me up by my waist, lifting me high into the air to clear the furniture and hold me to him. I’m weightless in his embrace; he reminds me so often how much larger than me he is, how strong.
How safe.
I wrap my legs around his waist, linking my hands behind his head. “She’s accepting of us, you know. So maybe Dad would be too?”
Zeus shakes his head as I run my fingers through his lengthening hair. He says he’s growing it out a little bit longer, and I can’t help but wonder if that’s for me.
“It’s not the same, dove. Jodie isn’t your parent. She has that… disassociation from it all.”
“I can’t hide how I feel about you forever. Especially when Dad asks why I’ve chosen to hang around Longdale.”
“What do you mean?” He frowns, his uncertainty almost cute in that moment.
“How can I travel if it means leaving you behind?”
His arms relax as he makes a move to set me down. I tighten my legs around him, refusing to budge.
“Baby….”
“What? If you’re here, then so am I.”
“You can’t give up your dreams for me.”
“They weren’t set in stone, Zeus. I thought about travel back when there was nothing here for me. Now, there is.” I punctuate my words by leaning in and running my nose up the length of his.
He sighs, eyes closed, and kisses the point of my chin. “I feel as though I’m holding you back, dove. But no matter how many times I open the door to let you go, you keep getting back in that damn cage.”
“Because I like being yours,” I murmur against his lips.
He responds slow, and sweet at first, nipping my bottom lip between his. It doesn’t take long for desire to set in and his kiss to grow hungry.
“Zeus,” I say breathlessly as I kiss my way up his jaw to whisper in his ear, “take me to bed.”
He growls, his hands tightening on my butt. I hold on tight as he walks us down the hallway, nestling my head into my favourite space: the point where his huge shoulder meets his neck.
We cross the threshold of the room, and I take his earlobe between my teeth to give it a quick nip before he sets me down. His eyes rove hungrily over my body as I lie on the bed before him; his strong arms braced either side of me so he can lower himself to steal another kiss.
I lose myself to the moment, savouring his taste and letting the sting of his lips bruising mine make me forget what pushed me to come here. I don’t need anyone else: not a mother, a father who doesn’t know himself let alone his daughter, or a so-called best friend.
I only need the man who loves me, for me to be complete.
“Is it wrong that I want to lock you in here?” Zeus asks as he trails kisses down my neck to my chest. “Wrong that I want to come home to you every day?”
“Is it wrong that I want you to?” I stretch both arms over my head, lifting my hips as he slides his hands underneath and kisses my stomach.
“Let me taste you.”
I slide my hand between us and block his path to my pussy. “Not today.”
Zeus lifts his head, peering up at me across the length of my body. He cocks an eyebrow, unsure of what this means—I’ve never shut him down before.
I don’t plan to now.
“Fuck me like you want to, Zeus.” His eyes light up, the smile on his lips positively animal. “Strip me bare and make me completely yours.”
“Are you sure?” His hesitation is clear.
“Certain.” I coax him up me, pulling his face to mine. “I want this.”
He tangles his tongue with mine, hands roaming across my flesh as I press myself into him. I want to feel so connected, so close to him that I forget where I end and he begins. I want time to pass without consequence, for nothing to matter other than who we are and who we’re with.
“I’ll do my best to be gentle,” he whispers, kissing my shoulder. “Tell me if I’m not.”
“I don’t want you to be.” I hold his gaze as I lift my hips so he can strip my shorts and panties off. “I don’t want you to hold back.”
The smile I love so much graces his lips as he ducks his head. “Dove. If I did what I wanted to with you, you’d be feeling it for days.”
“So do it,” I urge. “Give me something to hold on to until I see you again.”
He hesitates, kneeling between my legs. “I don’t want to hurt you.”
I nudge the hem of his T-shirt with my toes. “Stop worrying so much. Off.”
He strips off his shirt, tossing it aside to reward me with the best view. I push up with my elbows into a seated position, my legs either side of his. Zeus watches in silence as I trace the lines of his body with my palms, tracking the detail of his tattoo with my fingertips.
“You always seem so amazed,” he whispers, watching my hands. “As though you’re seeing me for the first time.”
“Because I can never believe it,” I admit. “I never thought we’d have this, that you’d let me touch you like this.”
He responds by cupping my cheek in his hand, tipping my chin with his thumb so he can place a gentle kiss to my lips. “I love it.” Another kiss. “I love you.”
He braces my weight with an arm behind my back and lays me down, holding himself over me with the other. I close my eyes and draw my focus in, blocking out everything but the heat of his kiss, the tickle of his touch, as he makes his way down my body.
My shirt tugs at my waist, and I open my eyes to find him smiling as he tries to pull it off. I help, shedding the fabric, and my bra straight after, tossing them aside.
I cock an eyebrow at his jeans.
He chuckles, backing off the bed to shed them and his boxers in one fell swoop. “In there.” Zeus jerks his chin at the nightstand.
I roll to my side and pull the small drawer at the top open to find a brand new pack of condoms. Did he know I’d want this soon? Or was he simply hopeful? Either way, my hand shakes as I reach for it, the reality setting in.
“You okay?” His heat covers me as he prowls up the length of my body, his strong arms either side of me as I remain on my side.
I nod as he places a kiss to my shoulder. “Nervous.”
“Why?”
I roll beneath him, dropping the pack on the side of the bed. “I want to be perfect for you.”
“Nobody’s perfect, dove.” He captures my bottom lip between his. “Just do what feels right.”
Do what feels right. So I do.
I surrender.
I give in as Zeus masters my body, worshipping every inch of me until I can’t take another second without him as close to me as two people can be. He brings me to the brink with his fingers, the gentleness of his kiss in contrast to the strength of his hand as he leaves me writhing on the bed, searching for more.
But more what? That’s what frustrates me—I don’t know.
“You’re in control,” he murmurs as he pulls his fingers from my slick channel. “You’re my guide, dove.”
I lie breathless as he turns away to sheath himself, so much more considerate in that moment than Scott ever was. The swell of emotions overtake me, and to my horror I start to cry. Not now. Oh God, what the hell will he think if I’m a teary-eyed mess?
I swipe the traitorous escapees away before Zeus notices, so in love with him in that moment that I want to suspend time and trap the warmth in my soul forever. I reach out, brushing my fingers across his back as he finishes up and looks over his shoulder at me.
“Ready?”
Those eyes. They drew me in from the start, always so piercing, so intense. But in that moment they show something new.
They show insecurity.
He’s as worried as I am that he’l
l screw this up. Does he really think he could put me off? That anything he does could turn me away?
“I’m ready.” I reach out for him, looping my arms over his shoulders as he lowers himself over me.
He hesitates, the tip of his cock brushing against my sensitive sex as he strokes the hair from my face. “I feel as though this is new for me too,” he whispers. “It’s never meant as much as this does right now.”
“Do what feels right,” I tell him with a soft smile.
He regards me with heavy-lidded eyes before leaning down and taking my mouth with his, the kiss hungry yet reverent all at once.
I moan, breaking away as he eases himself inside, careful and gentle. Zeus kisses my throat as I push my head back, lost to the giddy sensation of his length filling me, stretching me, owning me. Part of me revels in the moment, in the knowledge that we’ve passed this final milestone in our relationship, but a part of me also laments the loss of the anticipation, the climb to reach what we have.
All I hope is that once the appeal of the new wears off, he still loves what he has.
“Okay?” His whispered word tickles my ear as he nuzzles in to the side of my head, slowly pulling himself back out.
“Again.”
Zeus starts out slow, easing my body into the rhythm before he picks up pace. I tuck my feet behind his thighs, holding him to me as he moves. My hands roam the muscles in his back, the feel of them as they work a story in itself.
I imagined a lot of things when it came to what this moment would be like, but what I took for granted is how significant each and every little detail is. I absorb them all, stowing the memories away for later so I can replay this over and over as I lie awake at night.
The way his back tightens as he lifts up on the outward stroke.
The way his hips thrust as he pushes back in.
The feel of his breath as it washes a hot wave across my neck.
The contrast of his wet kiss as he devours the sweat on my skin.
The truth in his whispered words as he murmurs, “I love you, dove.”
I cry out as my climax takes me, ripping through my languid body with enough ferocity to make every muscle clench painfully tight. And yet I still want more. I want to scream out as the intensity of the moment tears me in two, and cry as the man above pieces me back together.
So I do.
Fuck the world around us, fuck the doubts hanging on the outskirts of my mind, the worries waiting for an opportunity to sneak back in.
I live in that moment and I own it as Zeus comes apart over me, the sound of his own release music to my ears.
I love this man, and nothing or no one can ever take that away from me.
THIRTY-TWO
Zeus
If I ever had a reason to go to hell that would be worth the suffering, sex with Belle was totally it. Not sex. No. Making love. I’ve always been hesitant to use that term, thinking it was too flowery for a guy to say. But that… that was love without words. It was our bodies saying everything a dumb fuck like me can’t voice despite his best efforts.
I roll my head and look at Belle as she lies beside me, arms spread as her chest heaves with her quickened breaths. She’s everything I want, and yet I still don’t feel as though I deserve her.
“Thirsty?”
She turns to look at me, and smiles. “Parched.”
Her grin widens as I lift my hand and gently stroke the backs of my fingers along her jaw.
“What?” A nervous giggle mixes with the word.
“I want to enjoy this a bit longer.” Maybe she thinks we’ve got away with it, but spend enough time with a person and you begin to read them like a book.
John may have chosen to leave the lie where it rested last night; that the morning-after was from a mistake with this Scott kid, and that the only role I had to play was that of the sympathetic uncle figure.
But once he sleeps on it. Once he replays the night in his mind as he drinks his morning coffee, he’ll work it out. Memories are strange like that—the more you replay them, the more you see. Like an artwork that you’ve walked past a thousand times, it’s not until you actually stop and shut out the noise of everything around you that you see what the artist intended.
And intentional or not, Belle and I gave off plenty that proved John has reason to be suspicious of his best friend’s intentions.
I push up on one elbow and lean across to place a kiss to Belle’s lips. She sighs against my mouth, her eyes slipping closed as I gently cup the side of her neck. I love this girl. Love her enough to do some pretty fucking stupid things to protect her, but what scares me is that I’m coming to realise something else.
I love her enough to do what’s right for her, and not for me. I love her enough to save her from the destruction my love will cause in her life.
“I’ll get you that drink before you wither into dust, huh?”
She chuckles, pulling the sheet up over herself as I slide off the side of the bed. “We could order in and spend the rest of the day in bed, you know?”
“As tempting as that sounds….”
“Go on.” Her eyes crinkle with her happiness. I want to bottle it to save for later.
She’ll need it.
“Maybe next time, huh?” Only there won’t be a next time. Not if John does what he threatened when he phoned.
Yeah, her father called looking for her, but I only told Belle half the story. I said she wasn’t here, but he knew. He always knows; he’s my best friend.
“If she shows up, you call me. You hear?”
He knew she’d be here eventually. He’d had that coffee, pieced those parts of the puzzle together. He was getting warmer, and when John reaches hot… yeah.
“I don’t know what the fuck Cerise thought she was doing last night, but you tell me man to man, best mate to best mate, Zeus: do I have anything to worry about?”
Of course I said no.
I tug my rugby shorts on and head out to the kitchen while Belle stretches her sore muscles out. Her satisfied moan follows me down the hallway as I scrub a hand over my face.
How did I let things get this far? How can I contemplate letting her go? What the fuck is wrong with me? You work to get the things you love, and once they’re yours, you keep them. People don’t willingly give up what makes them feel good—sane people anyway.
I pull a bottle of water from the fridge for Belle and then down what’s left of my PowerAde. The bottle pops as the air rushes back in, the rattle of knuckles on the door almost lost in the noise.
Every cell in my body freezes as I stand with the empty bottle in hand and listen. Sure enough, another three raps on the door.
I set the trash down and head for the entrance. John doesn’t know where I live—I made it a point not to tell him the exact address for the reason that one day I might have his daughter here without him knowing—like now. The only other person who knows where I live is….
“Jodie.”
She looks up as I open the door, her brow knitted together as she rubs her forefinger and thumb together in that way I learnt over our years together meant anxiety. “Can I come in?”
“I guess. Wait here for a minute though, okay?”
“Sure.” She steps inside the entrance and shuts the door behind herself as I head for Belle. “She probably needs to hear this too.”
I freeze at the end of the hallway and slowly turn back to her. “Hear what?”
“Just bring the poor girl out, Z.”
I step into the bedroom to find Belle half-dressed already. “I heard her voice.” Worry etches the lines of her brow. “What does she want?”
“I don’t know. But I’m placing bets on it being about the fact your mother’s car is in my driveway.”
“Shit.” She tugs her jeans on and heads out to meet Jodie, sans shoes.
My girl isn’t ready to leave. An almost insignificant sign, but one that I shouldn’t overlook either. She’s willing to fight for this.
I
wish I could be confident that I can do the same. My loyalty is torn in two directions, and right now, I can’t tell which is the stronger.
“Hey,” Jodie greets as Belle walks into the living room, me in tow. “I came straight over.”
“Why?” I ask.
“Cerise called this morning. Gave me hell about last night, wanted to know why I was backing you up.” Her eyes soften as she looks to Belle. “She wouldn’t let up. John caught wind, snatched the phone off her and apologised before he hung up. That’s when the messaging started.”
I stand stock-still, watching as my ex pulls her phone out and swipes the screen a few times before handing it to Belle.
Her gaze shifts to me as Belle drops onto a seat to read the thread. “Cerise is on the war path, Z. She’s determined to destroy everything and everyone in her stupid crusade to make the damn girl pay for things that aren’t her fault.”
“She blames me for my twin dying, doesn’t she?”
The two of us look across at Belle as she sets the phone in her lap and lifts her chin to search our expressions for the answer I’m sure she already knows.
“Cerise told her this morning,” I explain.
“Yes,” Jodie whispers to Belle. “I think she does blame you.”
Shit. I knew Cerise didn’t handle the death well, that she struggled with motherhood at the start. John reached out after the midwife’s duty of care ended and found a not-for-profit that could help with counselling for postnatal depression. Eight weeks he thought she went before he found out the truth: she’d drop Belle with Jodie and frequent the mall alone, killing time until she was due home again.
It pissed me off at the time because all that burden did to Jodie was fuel her own jealousy over the fact she didn’t have a kid of her own. But I never once thought that Cerise would actually lump the blame squarely on Belle.
As if a baby has any control over what happens in the womb.
“So, what do we do?” Belle asks of Jodie as she hands me the phone to read.
I scroll back to the top of today’s thread and read while the other two wait.
C: I will make damn sure you go down for this as well you sick bitch.
J: There’s nothing sick about it. She’s of legal age to consent.
