by Erin Green
They’d felt good together. They’d enjoyed each other’s sexual prowess and neither one had made false promises.
Meaningless sex. Wasn’t that the excuse Andrew had used? Or had she made that up to feel better? Either way, Jonah clearly felt the same when he repeatedly called her Emma during his climax. Seriously, could the man not remember who he was bedding!
Esmé turned sideways and watched his bare back rising and falling as he slept. There was no denying he was incredibly attractive and sexually pleasing but… how awkward would this now be? She’d slept with a housemate, her brother’s friend of twenty years.
She watched as another set of car headlights travelled across the ceiling and down the opposite wall. Should she try to sleep? Had he asked her to stay till morning or suggested she leave?
Jonah hadn’t said anything much, apart from a general non-specific ‘thanks’. As if she’d handed him a fresh coffee, a paper serviette, or sex on a plate.
Esmé lifted the duvet and climbed from his bed. Sleep wasn’t an option, especially if she snored, as Asa claimed.
She felt around the floor searching for items of her clothing, which he’d eagerly removed and flung aside during their initial passion. Esmé counted the items: underwear, socks, tee-shirt, leggings. She made no effort to be quiet, she couldn’t care less if he stirred or not.
Should she dress here or nip to the safety of her own room? Nipping upstairs would save an explanation if Jonah woke up. Though, he probably wouldn’t care less either.
Esmé bundled her clothes into her arms and stared at the sleeping figure.
A beauty with a beast inside, she thought.
Esmé eased the door open and left.
The house was silent. The landing’s frosted window permitted a small amount of light by which to see. Esmé swiftly nipped to the end of the landing and crept up the second flight of stairs, her bedroom door was slightly ajar, as she’d left it.
If Jonah could brush it under the carpet, then so could she. Two consenting adults, what’s there to be ashamed of?
She reached the top stair, crossed the small area in front of the bathroom door and was a stride away from her own bedroom door when something moved further along the darkened landing. Esmé stopped in her tracks, her clothes clutched to her torso covering her nakedness.
From the shadows, Asa rose from the carpeted floor, straightened his back and stood squarely in the darkness. His face was hidden in shadow but his body was framed by a snippet of light from the landing window. Esmé’s breath snagged in her throat.
‘Goodnight,’ he said, before slowly entering his bedroom and softly closing the door.
Esmé stood naked and frozen to the spot, horror etched upon her features.
Had Asa been waiting there all night? Shit.
She quickly entered her bedroom, closed the door, dumped her clothes into the laundry basket and flopped onto her bed.
Now what? Explain? Apologise?
She lay staring into the darkness, listening for any movement from Asa’s room. There was nothing.
So, he knows we had sex, so what? Wasn’t that what he’d taunted her about only the other day? If anything, he was probably congratulating himself on being so right. So accurate in predicting other people’s behaviour.
Esmé sat up and stared at the dividing wall between their bedrooms. Was he lying the other side of the wall, annoyed with her? What was he trying to prove by waiting for her return?
Instantly, she felt dirty. She needed to shower. She wanted the hot water to scour and cleanse her skin. Sleep was the last thing she wanted.
Tomorrow, I might be able to ignore Jonah and pretend nothing happened, pretend our night was just a run of the mill thing, but Asa… Asa was a different story.
Chapter Thirty-two
Day 21: Take a risk
The next morning proved to be unsettling for Esmé. She hadn’t slept well after her late night shower and so she left early and walked to work in a world of her own.
A bright blue sky was a beautiful back drop for the cherry blossom that was beginning to bud upon bare branches.
Her thoughts were a mish-mash dominated by Jonah and Asa. Two alpha males, who wouldn’t admit it but were alike in many ways and yet, poles apart in other respects. Jonah with his Adonis body, his perfect complexion and sweet talking contrasted with the harsh exterior of Asa, his painted face, his abrupt manner and direct talk. One beauty, one beast. And yet, one beast and one beauty where their personality, morals and treatment of others was concerned. Had Jonah cared for her during her migraine? Had Asa belittled Crystal at the breakfast table? Images of the graveyard flowers, Dancing Queen and the Chilean Rose interpreted her internal monologue. Men – what complicated creatures?
How funny; two men sharing the same house and yet, reflections of each other: social, anti-social, arrogant, humble, accommodating, defiant, sexy, intimidating, Adonis, gargoyle…
Esmé blushed.
Now, that was unfair, how shallow am I?
Esmé corrected herself.
If viewed from his right profile Asa was as handsome as Jonah. He chose to destroy it with that ridiculous tattoo.
*
‘Penny, have you ever thought of jacking it all in?’ asked Esmé at lunchtime.
‘Every day!’ laughed her colleague, biting into a crisp bread cracker. ‘Especially on days such as these when I need a broom up my arse to multitask and please the boss. Are you getting itchy feet then?’
‘Well I have been here for nine years, six months and three weeks to be precise – I’ve worked it out,’ said Esmé.
‘I’d up and be off to pastures new, if I were your age,’ said Marianne.
‘But would you?’
‘You never know what’s out there till you go,’ added Marianne.
‘Spill the beans,’ ordered Penny, as she scooted across the office on her chair.
‘There’s nothing to tell… just thoughts really.’
Esmé spent the next ten minutes explaining about her and Jonah’s conversation from Monday night’s dinner.
‘Are you sure you just didn’t take it as a rejection?’ asked Marianne.
‘No. It wasn’t about me and him. I was offended that a guy should openly tell me that my dreams are farcical. As if I was in the wrong for saying what I want. Then Asa added his bit…’
‘And?’
‘He tried to smooth the waters but he reckoned that those that have what I want aren’t really happy anyway, so why chase an impossible dream?’
Marianne and Penny nodded slowly.
‘What?’ Esmé stared at them.
‘Well… he has a point,’ said Penny, eventually, looking at Marianne.
‘Slightly brutal but possibly correct…’ she muttered.
‘Are you pair stuck for words? Because I was relying on you both to put me back on track… and yet…’ Esmé looked at each of them. They looked worried. ‘What?’
‘I don’t know about you, Penny… but there are times when I wish I could go back and…’
Penny nodded.
‘Yeah, oh yeah… I was too eager to rush into a relationship, then marriage and then the babies came along and then one morning you wake up and think…’
Both gave huge sighs.
‘I don’t believe I’m hearing this… are you saying Asa’s right?’
Marianne shrugged.
‘I didn’t know that my Jimmy didn’t want to be married… if I’d have known from the beginning,’ muttered Marianne, as she gave another sigh. ‘I’m happy. I love him. But his parents divorced, he saw a failed marriage and knew it wasn’t for him.’
‘But it’s what you want?’
‘It is, but I’d prefer to be with Jimmy as we are than married to someone else,’ said Marianne. ‘I have to accept his reasons.’
‘I have everything on your list and still…’
Eyes turned towards Penny as she stalled and stopped.
‘Penny?’ whispered Mar
ianne.
‘I do wonder if it’s all it’s cracked up to be, that’s all?’ laughed Penny. ‘Esmé… he might be right. Maybe there’s more to life than doing everything by the book that everyone else lives by. Be your own person, be…’
Esmé sat speechless. Was she conforming to set ideas about life or had she made her own mind up about the future she wanted? Esmé had never heard either woman be so frank. And yet, three weeks ago they’d been encouraging her towards an engagement. Surely, life had to follow a plan?
‘But I want to commit. I want a marriage. I want a family. I know what I want… I can’t have it because it wasn’t what Andrew wanted… and now, he’s wrecked it.’
‘So, make your own list based purely on you, leave others out of it, do as you wish… what is it they say? Go with the flow!’
Esmé blushed.
‘It’s funny you should mention that…’ said Esmé, collecting the empty coffee mugs ‘But first, I need to make a round of drinks because you’re never going to believe what happened last night.’
*
The afternoon dragged as Esmé’s mind reran her antics from last night and her colleagues’ conversation from this morning in a never ending loop.
‘You look deep in thought,’ said Marianne, during afternoon break. ‘I’ll give you a penny for them.’
‘You pair have unnerved me a little by agreeing with Asa… what is life about if really we’re just supposed to please ourselves and only do stuff that makes us happy?’
‘Exactly,’ laughed Marianne. ‘You can say that about everything.’
‘You’re just in a strange place at the minute, everything that anyone says is going to unsettle you given your circumstances. I remember when I felt like you,’ said Penny.
‘And what did you do?’
‘I foolishly slept with a whole load of unsuitable men, then hated myself afterwards, but hey,’ she laughed.
‘Penny – be serious.’
‘She is being serious,’ laughed Marianne.
‘And bloody honest… don’t do that unless you want a stint of mind blowing sex.’
‘Weren’t you listening earlier, she’s been there and done that last night!’ laughed Marianne.
Esmé blushed, as a flash back of Jonah appeared in her head.
‘I don’t intend to make a habit of it,’ muttered Esmé.
‘Never say never,’ added Marianne. ‘Anyway, I travelled during my previous break-up. Went on safari, hiked across deserts and swam in tropical waters.’
‘That was tame compared to my phase, ladies,’ said Penny, scoffing bourbon biscuits.
‘You need to do what makes you happy… take a risk,’ said Marianne. ‘You never know – it could be the making of you.’
*
Esmé sat back in her chair and looked around at her surroundings.
This three foot by four foot space, with its tea stained desk and the cardboard in-tray, which she always meant to replace, had been hers for nine years.
She watched the two females in front of her, their fingers dancing around keyboards as if their lives depended on it, their backs bent, Marianne’s half eaten lunch propped on the side for later, and Penny’s cardboard crispbread crumbs sprinkled down her front.
In five years’ time, would she be sat here staring across the same office having filed a pile of invoices?
The answer rang loud and clear in her head. Asa was right, she had to start making plans for herself rather than tagging along in life.
Esmé tidied her desk, unpinned her Johnny Depp postcard from the side of her computer screen and collected her handbag from the bottom drawer of the filing cabinet. She knew the other two had stopped and were watching her every move.
‘Esmé?’ asked Penny, getting up from her chair. ‘What’s happening?’
‘It’s now or never, ladies,’ said Esmé, her heart banging like a drum. ‘And I have a funny feeling… it’s now.’
Esmé gently kissed each colleague on the cheek, received a tight squeeze from Penny, and a bear hug from Marianne.
‘It’s not goodbye, because we’ll catch up for coffee but I’m going to go and see Steely Stylo… and let’s see what happens. I’ve got savings, I’ve got some qualifications and who knows what else.’
Esmé collected her coat and left their office. Within a minute, she was rapping on Steely Stylo’s office door and ten minutes later she’d hailed a taxi.
Esmé gave a huge sigh.
This single girl’s calendar was proving to be dangerous and yet, life changing, thought Esmé, as the taxi cut though the afternoon traffic towards home. What would her parents say?
Esmé was making plans and it felt good. She rummaged in her handbag for her mobile.
‘Hello?’
‘It’s Esmé, you’ll never guess what I’ve done.’
Chapter Thirty-three
Day 22: Donate to a worthy cause
‘I walked straight in and told her, I quit!’ explained Esmé, chomping cereal, while Russ buttered his morning toast. ‘She didn’t argue, or try to talk me out of it.’
‘So, you haven’t got to work notice… that’s it, gone?’
‘Pretty much. She was furious that I’d accepted a pay rise only last week and now wanted out.’
‘And the plan is?’ he asked, impressed by her gall.
Esmé shrugged.
‘What, nothing?’
‘Absolutely diddly squat,’ laughed Esmé, as she sipped her breakfast tea.
‘Are you serious?’
‘I have no idea what I’ll do, but I know I’ll do something. I just have to find it.’
‘Couldn’t you have done that while working your notice?’
‘Feel the fear and do it anyway!’
‘You’re a braver man than me,’ laughed Russ.
‘I’ll think of something… by the end of today I’ll have something.’
‘Listen at you, confident or what?’
‘You can mock.’
Within thirty minutes, Esmé sat alone at the breakfast table, the ticking wall clock the only sound in the house.
Esmé scribbled a list of her skills.
Good listener
Good organiser
Good friend
Decent cook
Decent baker
Decent at sewing
Slightly decent house companion
Esmé scrubbed out the last line, knowing she probably wasn’t a decent companion. She stared at her skills list – if they were to support her she’d have hardly enough to purchase her moisturiser let alone stretch to rent and food.
Esmé set about linking each skill to possible employment: counsellor, PA, Samaritans, kitchen work and homemade cupcakes.
Three coffees later, and without specific qualifications to support her employment ideas, Esmé’s list looked very different.
Good listener
Good organiser
Good friend
Decent cook
Decent baker
Decent at sewing
Slightly decent house companion
She could purchase wool, colourful felt, some quality fabrics and lace trimmings and make a whole host of pretty craft things, maybe sell them at local fêtes or open her own eBay shop.
Esmé grabbed her coat, it seemed a morning at the local indoor market was necessary.
The day was looking brighter already. And, if I see a charity collection person on the street I may well give them all my change as a donation.
*
The freshness of spring filled the air, as Esmé stepped from the bus with her craft purchases wrapped in brown paper. The tree lined roads felt sleepy and bare branches overhead spread into a canopy with a smattering of tight buds upon every branch.
She hadn’t seen Jonah since Tuesday night, so couldn’t gauge how things would be. Had he chosen to avoid her or had her change of routine made it easier, less embarrassing, for both of them? Esmé hadn’t seen Asa either but that still hadn�
��t stopped her from calling him in the taxi after she resigned. She was so eager to share her decision, she’d forgotten about the night before. How ridiculous, that he would be the one she phoned first.
As she neared the parkland on the corner, she could see the stubby little bodies wrapped in duffel coats charging around by the roundabout or silhouetted at the summit of the climbing frame. A smattering of adults, mainly seated alone but a few in pairs, watched from a line of wooden benches.
I bet their hearts are in their mouths while they climb…
Esmé focussed her attention on the couple on the second bench, clearly holding hands. Russ and Rita.
Esmé smiled.
How lovely if they could get back together… and brave of them to give it another go. The upheaval of being apart with the joint responsibility of Toby couldn’t be easy. No wonder he was coy about his date the other night, thought Esmé. He obviously didn’t want to chance his luck and ruin what they had.
She nimbly left for fear of being spotted and arrived home with a warm fuzzy feeling deep in her stomach.
The first chance I get, I’ll offer to baby sit Toby for an evening.
*
‘Dam’s just told me,’ said Asa, bursting into the dining room as Esmé worked. He expression was alight, his persona energised and his tone excited.
‘What?’
‘That you went to blood donors in the city centre… well done!’
Esmé beamed.
‘I hadn’t planned on it. I’d never done it before but I nipped to the market area and walked past the billboard advertising for new donors and I thought why not?’
‘I’m proud of you, good girl.’
Esmé blushed.
‘Have you taken the white plaster off yet?’
‘This?’ Esmé proudly lifted her sleeve to show the adhesive dressing and tape, like a badge of honour, across her inner elbow.
‘I suggest you remove it in the shower, unless you want some stinging and no hairs left on your forearm.’
It was the last thing she’d expected him to say. She wasn’t about to admit that she’d felt faint and had eaten her body weight in biscuits afterwards whilst dunking them in strong cups of sweet tea.
