Perfectly Good Nanny

by Paty Jager

  Cindy had been an eyeful, but her tongue and attitude were detrimental to both he and Maddie. It was actually a blessing she’d left. Tate was an intelligent, good looking, little boy who would grow up in a positive environment. His heart warmed thinking of Tate—the only good thing to come from his second marriage.

  Looking back, he hadn’t loved Cindy. She’d been looking for a man to take care of her, and he’d been looking for someone to take care of Maddie. He snorted. Only it had ended up the other way around. His daughter had ended up waiting on Cindy. Just like the mean stepmother in Cinderella.

  He kicked the railing in front of him. Roscoe looked up with sympathy in his eyes.

  “Yeah, boy, that second time was a big mistake. One I’m not going to make again.” He took another gulp of beer. It would be a long time before he let another woman rule his household. The whole incident reinforced his theory he’d never love another woman like he had Beth.

  The screen door squeaked and Maddie stuck her head out. “Daddy, I’m going to bed now. Carina is putting Tate down.”

  The freckle-face and dark braids tugged at his heart. She and Tate were all he needed.

  “Come here. You haven’t given me a hug today.” He set the bottle on the porch next to his chair and opened his arms wide.

  Maddie giggled, ran out the door, letting it slam shut behind her, and jumped onto his lap. He hugged her tight and breathed in the scent of his daughter. Horse, cooking, and a faint baby powder scent from taking care of Tate. His heart squeezed.

  All the scents he associated with her mother their last years together. The ache he thought had finally faded came back to him with overwhelming clarity.

  Maddie hugged him tight around the neck then leaned back. Looking into his eyes, she asked, “Daddy, can we keep Carina longer than a month, please? She’s lots of fun and knows lots of stuff. And she was a teacher before she became a nanny. She could help me with my school work.” She batted her long, dark lashes and smiled. It reminded him of the seductive smile her mother used on him when she wanted something.

  Growling, he pulled her to his heart. He loved his children and wanted to do whatever it took to keep them happy, healthy, and together. Unfortunately, they all had to make sacrifices right now. If he couldn’t keep all his cows, and the calves they were birthing, alive they had a good chance of losing the ranch. This was the year he had to pay off the loan against his property. The medical bills from Beth’s accident had nearly cost them their home. And if he couldn’t keep the ranch, he knew good ‘n’ well Maxwell Johnson would swoop down with all his money and take away Maddie.

  The generous offer from his friend at the bank was all that kept his feet on this land. He knew several doctors and lawyers who would love to make his spread into a hobby ranch. The thought of selling his family’s legacy to one of them never crossed his mind.

  He’d work from sun up to sun down to keep this place. Just as his father and grandfather before him. And not spend a penny more than necessary. A nanny wasn’t necessary. Not as long as he could prove he was a good father.

  “Honey, I hate the burdens I’ve put on you, but right now, even if I wanted a nanny, I couldn’t pay her. We don’t have the extra money to pay someone to take care of Tate. That’s why, unfortunately, it’s fallen to you.” He hugged her tight, wishing he could give her what she asked for. “I would give anything for your mother to still be with us, and you to go to school like all your friends.” His heart ached for his daughter’s plight and the renewed loss he felt for a wife who was ripped from him so early in their marriage. His voice cracked as he added, “I’m sorry. We just can’t afford it.”

  “It’s okay, Daddy. I understand.” She kissed his cheek and crawled off his lap. Her slow steps reflected her sorrow over the outcome of the conversation.

  Damn . He hated the fact he had no skills other than raising cattle and killing people. He rubbed a hand across his face and took another long drink of beer. If he had an inclination for anything other than ranching, he’d have left long ago. He tried to learn another trade in the military, only his shooting prowess landed him a military profession of a sniper. Can’t earn a legal, profitable living off that skill . He took another swig of beer to dull the memories he’d locked away when he returned from the Gulf.

  Ranch life was hard, heartbreaking, and he couldn’t think of anything else that filled him with such satisfaction.

  “The children are all in bed,” Carina said from inside the screen door.

  “Thank you.” He didn’t look up. He knew what she wore. After getting soaked in the rain earlier and showing off her womanly attributes, she’d donned a baggy sweatshirt and sweat pants, hiding every one of the luscious curves he’d already witnessed.

  “Mind if I join you?” she asked softly.

  “No.”

  Where did that come from? He did mind if she joined him. He didn’t want to get to know her. If he kept her at a distance for the month, she would remain a stranger, and he wouldn’t wonder if Willie T’s idea had been a good one.

  The screen door opened and slapped shut. Her soft steps scuffed across the boards to the chair beside him. Roscoe stood up, stretched, and wiggle-walked across the porch to the woman.

  “I’m sorry to have shown up like this. It had to be a shock my saying you hired me. The agency just handed me my assignment.” She smiled, letting the dog sniff the back of her hand. “You have one smart daughter. She and Willie T had to give specific information about you so a background check could be done.”

  “She and her very capable accomplice are quite crafty. It almost worries me the days Willie T spends with her. I never know if I’ll find a teepee set up in the corral or the horses painted for war.” Brock should have known the two were up to something. Willie T had spent more time at the ranch than usual. “Maddie knows everything about me and the ranch. I’m sure it wasn’t hard for her to find whatever they needed.”

  “It also makes me wonder at how much time she is left alone with just Tate.” The woman’s eyebrow lifted. “Don’t you worry being so far from anywhere about the hours they spend alone?”

  “Jack or I check in on them every hour. And she knows how to work the radio. This place is big, but we figure out what we are doing each day and make sure one of us can keep an eye on things here.” He snickered. “And then there’s Willie T. He shows up at all different times and stays usually past a meal.” He looked at her concerned face. “So they aren’t alone as much as you, my ex-father-in-law, or those old biddies at the PTA think.”

  “I wondered if the school system monitored what happened out here.” She scooted forward still petting Roscoe. “There’s been some great curriculum put together for home school students. Ask the principal at your local school about it.”

  “How do you know so much about all of this?” Now it was her turn to sit back and search for answers. She watched him a minute before crossing her arms.

  “I forget you don’t know anything about me.”

  “And you know everything about me,” he said with displeasure. She smiled and a glint of mischief twinkled in her blue eyes.

  “That bothers you.”

  “Yes, it bothers me. There’s a reason I live two hours from the nearest town and have lots of land around me. I like my privacy.”

  Carina couldn’t help but grin at his declaration. She knew from the minute he leaned against the doorjamb, not allowing her over his threshold, he was a man who kept secrets.

  And a man with secrets tugged at her curiosity. That was one of the things that kept her on his porch when she realized he didn’t have a clue who she was.

  Taking a deep breath, she recited her decision to become a nanny. “I love teaching. But after a personal crisis, I needed to get away from my past and move forward. Taking a job away from family, friends, and all the memories seemed like a logical choice.” She smiled, but her stomach squeezed as his eyes studied her. It was as if his brown eyes saw she ran from guilt. Panic sque
ezed her chest. She took a long, deep breath. He didn’t know anything about her. Not even where she came from since he wasn’t the one who hired her.

  “How come someone your age isn’t married with kids of your own?” He tipped the bottle to his lips and observed her as he swallowed.

  Remorse shook her body. She was married, until the miscarriage. How much did she want to tell this man? One she would never meet again after this month.

  She cleared her throat. “I was married. But…” She gulped back the humiliation and anger. “My husband divorced me a year ago.”

  “He divorced you. Why?” His eyes narrowed. The rain pelting the roof grew in volume.

  “Not for any reason you have to fear for your family.” She couldn’t tell him the reason—failure to bring their child into the world.

  “Because of the divorce you just picked up and ran away?” His accusation hacked away at her little bit of control.

  “No. It wasn’t just the divorce. There were other circumstances surrounding the divorce that—well, I just felt I needed to move on.”

  The dog put his head in her lap as if sensing her turmoil.

  The dog’s warmth and acceptance staved off the anxiety from the conversation. She’d always wanted a pet, but living in an apartment over an antique shop, she’d not been allowed anything other than a goldfish.

  “I-I…my medical problems seemed to push us farther apart. Until one day, he decided his work was more important than our marriage.” That was all this man needed to know.

  Placing her hand on the dog’s head, she moved her palm over the smooth roundness. The warmth under her hand and the sigh from the animal sent a shimmer of excitement through her. This was her one chance to learn about animals first hand. If the man sitting across from her would allow her to stay.

  He leaned forward. “Will your medical problems be a problem this far from medical facilities?”

  Her head jerked up. She looked in his eyes. She’d only known this man for half a day, and he showed more concern for her welfare than she’d ever seen in her husband’s eyes.

  “No, my health is much improved.” Now she felt like a dolt for not telling him the truth.

  He nodded toward the dog. “Roscoe likes you. He doesn’t usually take to women.”

  “He must be a good judge of character,” she teased, looking at the animal. When Brock didn’t respond she glanced his way.

  He sat back in his chair and stared out into the dark night watching the rain fall from the sky in buckets. Petting the dog, she watched the man. He fought demons. It was clear every time lightning lit up the sky, revealing tortured features etched on his face. The children seemed unaffected. What was the father’s torment?

  “Does it always rain this hard?” she asked when the silence threatened to choke her.

  “Several times a year. We need the rain. The grass needs to last a couple more months.”

  “Why?” She’d never heard of needing grass to last. Her curiosity over everything was one of the reasons she liked to teach. In teaching, you also learned new things.

  “I don’t have enough hay to feed more than six months. If I have to start feeding the livestock too soon, then I won’t have enough to keep them fed till the spring grass comes on.” He raised the beer bottle to his lips, frowned, looked down the opening, and set the empty bottle on the porch next to his chair.

  “Can’t you buy more hay?”

  He turned dark, angry eyes on her. “No, I can’t buy more hay. I can’t afford to call the vet if a cow gets sick, and I can’t afford to lose one damn calf.” He looked her square in the face. His eyes burned with an intensity she’d not witnessed before. Fear crept up her back as the man sprang to his feet. “And I can’t afford a nanny this family needs.” He shoved the chair back, yanked open the screen door, and stalked into the house.

  Carina sat in the rocking chair, clutching the arms, and wishing the agency had handed her a different assignment. The man of the house was broke and broken. The children were in desperate need of schooling and a woman’s touch. But could she endure the man’s outbursts even for a month? Perry had never flown into fits of rage. Not even after she lost the baby. He just stared at her and walked away.

  The sound of chimes from the grandfather clock in the hallway reminded her she hadn’t called Georgie to let her friend know she’d made it to her destination. Carina pushed out of the chair. Wind hurled rain onto the porch splashing her for the second time that day. For being touted the high desert, there was sure a lot of moisture in the air.

  With care not to make a loud noise, she closed the screen door. The lightning flashed and she saw the dog sitting on the porch. “Do you come in at night?” she asked, opening the screen. The dog looked at her for a moment then turned and walked to the end of the porch.

  “Guess not.” She closed the screen and the wooden door. Out of habit, she reached up to throw the deadbolt, but there wasn’t one. All that kept the world out was a hook that slipped over a nail. Carina rolled her eyes and slowly climbed the stairs in the dark.

  In her bedroom, she pulled her cell phone out of her purse and flipped it open. Shoot, that’s right. There wasn’t any service out here in the boonies.

  Listening, she caught the sound of someone moving down the hall. He wasn’t in bed yet. Did she dare knock and ask to use the phone? If he was so strapped, he might not allow long distance calls. She chewed on her bottom lip, trying to decide what to do.

  Georgie had to be going nuts wondering why she hadn’t contacted her yet. She could just use the phone and leave him money for the call.

  No. She should ask first, it would be what she’d want a guest in her home to do. Taking a deep breath, she squared her shoulders and walked down the hall. Carina knocked on the door and waited.

  When there wasn’t a reply, she knocked a little louder.

  “Maddie, since when…” The door opened and Brock Hughes stood in front of her in nothing but his tightie whities. She couldn’t stop herself from scanning the length of him. Her mouth went dry; regions to the south became wet.

  “What do you want?” he asked, crossing his muscular arms and taking the stance of someone defending his property.

  “I-I…my cell phone doesn’t work.”

  “I know,” he said condescendingly.

  “I need to call a friend and let her know I arrived safely.” She looked at his square jaw and dark eyes. The heat building in his eyes told her the rudeness was to keep her at a distance. And that was exactly what she intended—to stay away from this man and the need he flared in her.

  “The phone’s in the kitchen.”

  “I’ll pay for the call.”

  “You don’t need to.” He dropped his hands to his side. Her gaze followed the motion, darting to the ridge in his briefs. Realizing where she stared, she looked up. His bulging pecs were straight across from her face. One step and she could kiss the suntanned skin sprinkled with dark, curly hair.

  Heat and anger flamed her face. How could a man make emotions rage so strong just by his presence? What she felt toward this man was more than pure lust. Not only did his firm, tan body set her core on fire, but his warm voice, dark eyes, and love of his children tugged at her heart.

  “I’ll pay for the call.” She made an about face and stalked down the stairs to the kitchen.

  Carina left the light off and watched the faint flashes of lightning in the distance. Georgie would hear the unease in her voice. She had to calm down before she dialed. Carina crossed the room to the phone hanging on the wall. Breathing in and out like her yoga instructor taught her, she slowly calmed her body.

  Punching in the numbers, she hoped Georgie was home and not out partying.

  “Hello? This better be Carina, or I’m going to scream.”

  “Hello, to you.”

  “Where have you been?” The desperation in her friend’s voice made Carina feel bad for not calling sooner. Georgie was the only person who knew all her fears and guil
t. Her mother was still reeling from the news her only child had left the city.

  “I’m in Boondocks, U.S.A. and there’s no cell phone service.”

  “Is that really a name of a town?”

  “No. I’m at the ranch.”

  “What’s the family like?”

  Dark eyes filled with desire and bulging briefs flashed through her senses. She shook her head and cleared her throat. “The daughter is a freckle-faced, blue-eyed, intelligent girl. The boy is adorable.” She hoped the longing she felt in her heart for her lost child didn’t reflect in her words.

  “And the father? What’s he like?” Carina didn’t miss the matchmaking tone to her friend’s voice. Georgie had tried setting her up a month after the divorce.

  “A bear who woke up too early after hibernating.”

  Georgie laughed. “No. Really.”

  “He’s a broken man who wants more than he can provide for his children.” Carina’s heart thudded in her chest. The man’s paternal tendencies endeared him to her. Even as she wanted to run from the strong attraction.

  “He can’t afford a nanny. A friend of the family actually hired me for a month.”

  “No way. You need more than a month away.” She could hear Georgie drumming her fingernails on the phone stand. “Tell him you’ll do it for free.”

  Lightning flashed and a loud CRACK ripped through the house. The line went dead.

  Three

  Carina tapped the button several times. Nothing.

  “Great!” She placed the receiver back on the phone and hugged her arms tight around her body. The kitchen grew cold and uninviting. A longing to be back in her big, snuggly bed in Chicago overwhelmed her. But she couldn’t. That was where the memories and ‘what if’s’ plagued her the worst.

  Tate let out a wail. Small feet ran down the hall, followed by heavy steps. When she heard a door close, Carina walked up the stairs and down the hall to her room. Crawling in under the covers, she listened to the tapping of rain on the window and the deep drawl of someone telling a story in Tate’s room. Her heart squeezed. Her baby would never hear a story read with a loving voice.