Emma's Secret

by A. P. Jensen

  “I made peppermint tea.”

  Ben gestured to a steaming mug in the kitchen. Emma nodded and sat at the tiny table. He leaned against the counter as if afraid of crowding her. A glint of gold caught her eye and she saw her engagement ring threaded on a chain around his neck. She felt as if she had a rock in her stomach.

  “Why didn’t you tell me?” she whispered.

  “Would it really have made a difference?”

  “Yes. No. I don’t know.” She took a sip of tea and it warmed her insides.

  “There’s no excuse for what I did.”

  He sounded so miserable that she did something she never thought she would have the grace to do. She got up from the table and went to him. He braced himself, expecting a blow. He didn’t try to defend himself. She wrapped her arms around him in a hug.

  “It’s okay. It’s over,” Emma whispered.

  He was so stunned that for a full minute, he didn’t return her embrace. She felt him tremble when he finally raised his arms and closed them around her. She wasn’t sure how long they stood there. His breathing was ragged as he dropped his face on her shoulder. She clutched the ring on his chain.

  “I don’t deserve this,” he murmured.

  “If anyone knows how you feel, I do. You were six. I don’t know how you did it. It’s okay. We both survived,” Emma said raggedly.

  Her head pounded and she felt sick. Emotional overload. She glanced at the clock. It was past one thirty in the morning.

  “Do you have something to eat?” she asked.

  He laughed and pushed her into a chair. “What do you want? I have some microwaveable meals. You know I don’t cook.”

  “Something with rice?”

  He rummaged in the freezer and produced a chicken, rice and vegetable meal. He microwaved her meal, reheated her tea and made a TV dinner for himself.

  “You want to tell me what’s going on?” he asked, peeling the plastic off his meal.

  She slumped in her chair and fiddled with a bent fork. “I don’t know what you mean.”

  He didn’t have another clean fork, so he jabbed his chopsticks at her threateningly. “Don’t even think about lying to me.”

  “It’s… complicated.”

  “More complicated than the history between you and me?”

  She blew out a breath. “I’m pregnant.”

  His chopsticks rolled across the table and he choked, “From the millionaire?”

  She covered her face with her hands. “I didn’t know how rich he was.”

  “What part of millionaire don’t you understand?” he sputtered.

  “Some millionaires live normal lives, right?” When he stared blankly at her, she growled, “I’ve never gone into his world. He always came to Bellingham so I wasn’t prepared.”

  “Prepared for what?”

  “Security guards, wealthy snobs, sapphire necklaces, all his employees, his penthouse…” She massaged her forehead, which began to throb. “I’m such an idiot.”

  “Why?”

  “We have nothing in common!” she burst out, slapping the table with her hand. “I’m pregnant and he wants to see where things go.”

  “Everyone in Bellingham expects you to announce the engagement any day now.”

  Emma clutched handfuls of hair. “We’re nowhere near that! Tonight at this ritzy party this woman waltzes up to us and tells me that Peter told her on the night of our one year anniversary that he would never marry me.”

  “Wait a minute now, she could be lying.” Ben tried to defend Peter, which made her angrier.

  “He admitted it,” Emma said and drank her tea. “You know, I shouldn’t be angry. It’s not his fault I’m pregnant and we never talked about marriage. He came after me when I tried to break up with him, but I don’t think this is what he had in mind when he got me back. He’s not obligated to me.”

  “You’re overreacting. Guys never voluntarily discuss kids or marriage unless the woman gives them the green light. Did you tell him about the baby?”

  “I was going to tell him tomorrow but,” she tapped her fingers nervously on the table. “I don’t want him to think I did this on purpose. That’s what women do. They trap men with money! What’s he going to say? I can’t.”

  “So you walked out of a party after that bitch told you this? That’s why you were on the street alone at midnight in the city? Jesus, Emma. He’s going to freak,” Ben shook his head and finished off his meal.

  “I can take care of myself.”

  Ben tossed their plastic plates away and pulled out a tub of ice cream, chocolate syrup and bananas.

  “How can you be so blasé?” she demanded.

  “You took a load off that I’ve been carrying around for two years. I feel great and that makes me hungry. Want some?”

  “No.”

  She watched him make a ridiculously huge banana split. When he sat across from her and handed her a spoon, she didn’t decline.

  “You love him?” Ben asked without meeting her eyes.

  “Yes,” she said quietly.

  “He love you?”

  “No.”

  Silence filled the small kitchen and she took a spoonful of ice cream.

  “I think he’ll do the right thing,” Ben said finally. “He wanted to kill me at the wedding.”

  She rolled her eyes. “I think I stand out because I’m the only one not chasing him.”

  “So what if that lady said he wouldn’t marry you. He can change his mind, right?”

  She looked at him. “I wish you told me about your grandpa before.”

  Ben paled a little. “I’m sorry. I just… I can’t talk about it, even after all this time.”

  She nodded. She had nightmares of the bloody car accident for two years. Ben started having nightmares of blood and death right after kindergarten.

  “You’re going to be fine, Emma,” Ben said and hesitantly placed his hand over hers. “If you and I can make it through hell, you can make it with Logan. He feels something for you.”

  “He feels for me, but I don’t think babies ever factored in his future.”

  Ben shrugged. “Life throws curveballs, you can’t avoid them.”

  “Being a grown up sucks.”

  He grinned. “I know. Let’s get you a cab before he calls the police.”

  She looked down at herself and sighed. What a bizarre day. If she could settle her differences with Ben, she could handle Peter, right? The difference was, Ben loved her and Peter didn’t, so where did that leave her? Either way, she couldn’t avoid this confrontation. A few hours ago she’d been content, deliriously happy and optimistic about their future and now… She had no idea.

  Half an hour later, still dressed in Ben’s clothes with her plastic grocery bag on her lap, Emma looked out of the taxi window at Peter’s building. The rain came down in sheets and Ben got out of the taxi with her and unfurled an umbrella.

  “It’s gonna be fine. If you need me, you have my number,” Ben said.

  She hugged him. “Thanks.”

  “I love you,” he said into her hair before he ducked back into the taxi.

  She ran up the stairs, feeling like a homeless person as she pushed open the intimidating glass doors. What if they didn’t believe she knew Peter? Maybe he wasn’t home. Even as she hesitated in the lobby, Barry, the guard that escorted her across the street yesterday rushed up to her.

  “Mr. Logan has been frantic, madam. He said to send you up as soon as you arrive,” he said in a rush and looked her over. “What happened?”

  “It’s nothing. He’s here?” Emma asked anxiously.

  “Yes.”

  Thankfully, there weren’t many people in the lobby. Barry led her to the elevator and pushed her inside. He typed in a code and the doors closed. She took deep breaths and clutched the plastic bag to her chest. When the elevator opened, she walked down the short hallway to Peter’s front door and tried the handle. It was unlocked. She pushed the door open and saw Peter looking
out the window with his back to her. It felt colder in the penthouse than it had in the rain.

  “He didn’t come up with you?” Peter asked in a neutral tone.

  “Who?”

  Peter turned slowly and she saw he held a glass with dark liquor. His movements were slow and stiff and he had that look on his face again- betrayal and rage barely controlled. She froze where she stood.

  “Ben.”

  She couldn’t speak. Peter was on the verge of exploding. She’d never seen him like this before. Her nerves, already stretched to the breaking point, began to fray.

  “He just dropped me off.”

  Peter threw the glass against the wall and it shattered. Emma jumped and stared at him as muscles shifted in his face.

  “I’ve been worried sick. I almost called the cops. I didn’t know what to think when I realized you walked out of the party.”

  His quiet voice was threaded with such menace, her palms began to sweat.

  “I’ve been calling your phone and watching the security cameras for hours and when I see you, you’re with Ben. You don’t like hearing the truth, so you leave me and sleep with him?”

  “I didn’t sleep with Ben!” she denied hotly.

  “You come here dressed in his clothes! What else am I supposed to think? What Leslie said is true. I did say I wouldn’t marry you. You and I never discussed marriage. I don’t know if I’m capable of that kind of commitment. I’m trying.” He turned his back on her again and looked out at Seattle. “But I don’t know if this is worth it.”

  She swallowed the knot in her throat. “When I left the party, Ben found me walking down the street. It started to rain and since his apartment was close, I went there. He gave me his clothes so I wouldn’t get sick.”

  “So now everything’s great between you two? You forgave him for deserting you?”

  “We talked. I felt it wasn’t just a coincidence he found me walking down the street at midnight.”

  Peter turned. “So you forgive him for all he’s done, but you can’t tell me where you are? Do you know how worried I was?”

  “I’m sorry I walked out of the party,” she murmured. “I just needed time.” Her head began to throb and a thread of nausea made it hard for her to concentrate.

  “Leslie was going for blood and you fell right into her hands. I don’t pay attention to women like her. Leslie’s the type that tricks you into sleeping with her just so she can claim she’s pregnant.”

  Emma went numb. “Has that ever happened to you?”

  “Yes. Since then, I’ve made sure it won’t happen.”

  She couldn’t tell him. Not now. These were her worst fears come true. “How can you be sure?”

  “I always use protection.”

  But that didn’t stop women from getting pregnant. They used condoms and she was on the pill and… how?

  “I’m trying here, Emma. Are you angling for marriage? Is that why you’re mad? That doesn’t make sense because when I asked to move in, you panicked.”

  “I’m not asking for marriage. It was a slap in the face to hear you tell Leslie flat out you would never marry me on our anniversary no less!”

  He let out a disgusted sound. “I can’t believe we’re back to this.”

  She blinked back angry tears. “I didn’t sleep with Ben.”

  Peter stared at her for a long minute. “How can I believe that?”

  She felt as if he plunged a dagger into her heart. “I’m not a slut.”

  Peter didn’t say a thing. She could feel bile rising in her throat. She ran down the hallway and slammed the door to the bedroom and then the bathroom before she was sick to her stomach. A tension headache made her temples pound. She ripped off Ben’s clothes, dressed in her extra clothes and repacked her duffel. She made sure she left the sapphire necklace he gave her on the bed.

  When she walked back into the living room, Peter stood in the same place, watching her.

  “If you walk out this time, I won’t come after you,” he said.

  Tears slipped down her cheeks and she nodded, opened the door and closed it behind her. Her legs trembled as she walked to the elevator and pressed the button for the garage. She fumbled with her keys, locked her doors and drove out of Seattle.

  CHAPTER FIFTEEN

  Emma stood in front of the tombstones of her parents with her arms crossed. She shuffled her feet and murmured, “I’m pregnant.”

  She waited for a long minute. She wasn’t sure what she was waiting for.

  “The baby’s father won’t be involved.” Almost as if she could hear her mom’s screech, Emma winced. “I know, but I’m going to be fine. I know what great parents are like. I wish… I wish you guys were here. I keep expecting that one day it won’t hurt as much. I’m still waiting.”

  A breeze ruffled through the graveyard and her mouth curved.

  “I saw Ben in Seattle. I forgave him. I don’t know if we’ll ever be real friends again, but I’m glad we talked. I went to the cabin in Victoria. I started drawing again, mom. I think I’ll paint the walls of the nursery myself. Anna’s pregnant too. We’re going to deliver within a week of each other. She thinks she’s going to have a boy.” Emma patted her stomach. “I think I’m going to have a girl.”

  Tears burned in her eyes. “I love the father of my baby, but it seems like no matter what I do, it doesn’t work. I haven’t told him. I can’t. He’s rich and I don’t want him to think I’d do this to trap him.” She brushed away the tears. “I’ll tell him one day. Maybe he won’t visit Bellingham for a couple of years. That will give me time.”

  She smiled. “You were a great dad to me. I want her to have a dad, but I don’t want Peter to hurt her. I know if he’s not ready, it’s better for him not to be involved. I can’t take it if my daughter waited up for him to come home like I have and he doesn’t show. It hasn’t been easy without you guys, but I’m still going. Sometimes I wonder why I’m here and you’re not.” She pressed her hands over her tummy. “It’s because of her, isn’t it? I’m excited and terrified. Sometimes I envy Anna because she has Tommy, but they love each other. I wasn’t sure what my next step would be, but fate set the path for me.”

  She hugged herself. “I stopped planning every step, mom, and look what happened.” She chuckled. “Kidding. But, I finally get it. Stop and draw the roses, yeah? I’m so tired of trying to figure everything out. I’m tired of losing people. I’m tired of being afraid to take a leap. This baby’s not a mistake. She’s a blessing. She’s mine. One day, I’ll bring her to see you guys. She’s going to be beautiful.” Tears poured down her cheeks. “I can’t wait.”

  Emma parked in her driveway and surveyed the trunk of her car, which contained mountains of baby stuff. She didn’t want to mope about what she didn’t have. In her future, there was a baby, her baby. She was entitled to splurge, right? She was a successful, expectant mother. She was scared and emotional, but she wanted to be happy and excited. She didn’t care if this was premature or if she didn’t know the sex of her baby. She believed she was having a girl, so everything was pink and purple.

  She carried everything into the living room and was breathing hard by the time she got everything into the house. She texted Anna who was so worried about her, she was driving Emma up the wall. She understood Anna’s concern, but she would get through this. She’d gone through much worse.

  To distract Anna, Emma took pictures of her baby haul. Anna sent a deluge of ecstatic texts in response. Emma began to carry the bags upstairs to the nursery. She set down her first load when she heard the front door open and close. She rolled her eyes. Anna was out of control, honestly. She attacked every baby that entered the bakery and switched between tears and screeching in a heartbeat. Emma was eternally grateful that Anna had Tommy. She wasn’t sure Anna would make it as a single mother.

  Emma began to make her way downstairs. “Seriously, Anna, you couldn’t wait until tomorrow to see-”

  She had to grab the railing so she wouldn’t
stumble down the last steps. Peter stood in the middle of her shopping bags with a duffel in one hand. He was dressed in a suit as if he came directly from work. She couldn’t read his face, but his eyes revealed he was still in a bad temper. She hadn’t heard a peep from him since she left Bellingham and now here he was almost two weeks later?

  “What are you doing here?” she asked in a choked voice.

  Peter didn’t look down at the bags. He walked over to the couch and set his duffel down before he turned back to her.

  “I said I was going to clear my schedule.”

  For a moment, she wondered if she was hallucinating, but his eyes flicked down to the packages and she lurched into action. She made her way down the last steps to get his attention and tried to figure out what game he was playing.

  “We broke up,” she stated. “You told me if I walked away, you wouldn’t come after me.”

  He shifted his shoulders irritably. “I haven’t been able to concentrate.”

  “So you came here for sex.”

  “I’m not going to say no-”

  She grabbed the nearest thing and came up with an umbrella. She tossed it like a spear. He sidestepped it easily and she didn’t appreciate the way his lips twitted in amusement.

  “Get the hell out of my house! I know you think I’m a slut, but I’m not, so hit the road!” she shouted.

  Peter sobered. “I was pissed that night.”

  She shook her head. Her heart pounded with longing, but she couldn’t afford to do this with him. He came back to her because he couldn’t concentrate on his work? Because he wanted sex with a woman he thought would betray him with someone else? “The fact that you thought I’d cheat on you shows how little you know me. I don’t want you here.”

  He ran a hand through his hair. “I didn’t think you would, but I saw you with him and… I lost my mind. I mean, you said you love him!”

  “I love Tommy too!”

  “You weren’t engaged to Tommy,” he shot back.

  “Peter, I’m not going to do this with you.”

  He took a step forward and crushed one of her bags. She let out a yelp and before he could get a glimpse of the baby items inside, squeezed it shut and tucked it under her arm. She surveyed the other bags and began to gather up as much as she could.