Whisper of Surrender

by Melanie Shawn

  Before her aha-moment of personal growth last week, this conversation would’ve made her feel…claustrophobic. That was the best way to describe it. When your entire life is lived under a microscope-including what you eat, drink, and your restroom activities, just to keep you alive, it makes an independent person want to rebel against that kind of attention. So, when people fussed over Jess it used to make her uncomfortable and want to rebel against it.

  But now she understood a fraction, though a very small fraction, of what it felt like to worry over someone else. When she felt responsible for Ali’s health and well-being for just a couple of hours, it gave her an entirely new perspective. She didn’t know how her parents did it.

  Instead of humoring her dad, like she usually did, she spoke to him with complete sincerity. “I think you’re the amazing one. You and mom. I honestly don’t know how you guys dealt with all the things you dealt with when I was growing up, and even when I was an adult. I can’t imagine what having a child as sick as I was must’ve been like for you. You must’ve felt so helpless.”

  “Ehhh,” Her dad waved away her praises, just like he always did, unless they were compliments about his fishing prowess. “We did what any parent would do.”

  “Not any parent.” Jess distinctly remembered kids that were left in the hospital alone, and not because both of their parents worked or they had single parents. She recalled a day that the girl in the bed beside her had suffered a horrible reaction to a new protocol she’d started and when they finally got ahold of one of her parents, her mom came in with shopping bags saying that she hadn’t wanted to leave the mall because of the Labor Day sales. She wasn’t about to jog her dad’s memory about that woman because he’d been so furious that Jess’s mom had sent him out of the room to cool down. “But even if that were the case, it still doesn’t mean that I shouldn’t appreciate all the sacrifices, sleepless nights, cancelled plans, and basically putting your lives on hold for me.”

  The tears were back and his lips tightened. “I would do it all again.”

  “I know, Dad.” She pulled him into a hug. “Thank you.”

  “There you are.” She heard her mom’s voice behind her and Jess thought she must be talking about her dad.

  But when her dad separated from their hug, she saw that it wasn’t him her mom was looking at. Her mom was looking right at her and the moment Jess saw the expression on her face she knew something was wrong. Very wrong.

  “What? What is it? What’s wrong?”

  “It’s a four.” Her mom used the how-bad-is-it system that they’d devised for whenever one of them would want to talk about something. “Talks” in their house had generally involved bad news or critical life or death situations so their brains had started jumping to that expectation when someone wanted to talk, and many times it would turn out they were just discussing what was for dinner or if anyone wanted to watch a movie.

  So, one was a simple, what-do-you-want-for-dinner type level and five was basically someone was dying or dead.

  Her mom had said four. That was still pretty bad. Jess emotionally braced herself.

  Her mom used her calm, everything-is-going-to-be okay-but-this-is-serious tone. “I just spoke to Daisy, she tried you first but when you didn’t answer she called my cell. There’s been an incident. Ethan was injured and they’re taking him to the hospital.”

  “Oh, okay…” Jess was slightly relieved, remembering that he’d been shot the week before and been fine enough to show up for dance rehearsal. “But he’s okay, right?”

  “I don’t know, sweetie. Daisy sounded pretty upset. She’s on her way to the hospital now. She got a ride with Doris.”

  Jess nodded as the information she’d just been told swam in her head. “I’ve gotta go. I need to go…”

  “I’ll drive,” her dad said as he was already pulling the keys from his pocket.

  Her mom lifted her arm that had two purses hanging off of it. “I’ve got your purse, let’s go.”

  Jess felt numb as she and her parents walked out to the car. Her dad was in full I’ve-got-a-mission mode, walking with purpose toward their SUV. Her mom was in support mode, walking beside Jess with quiet assurance.

  The hospital was over an hour away, but thankfully, her parents didn’t try to talk to her. They just let her be in her thoughts and she appreciated it.

  She texted Ali, who responded that she and Kade were right behind them.

  Jess looked out the window at the trees passing by and she reminded herself that she and Ethan weren’t actually a couple, but whenever she did a small voice in the back of her head—that sounded a lot like Ali—would tell her that they were something. They might not be together, officially, but they were damn sure involved.

  “Did she say what happened?” Jess heard herself ask her mom, even though she already knew the answer.

  “No. I don’t think they gave her any information other than there was an incident, he was being transported to Grace Memorial, and that she should come.”

  “They told her she should come?” Jess could hear the panic in her voice.

  She knew that her mom had said that Daisy was going to the hospital but hearing that they told her she should come was a whole different ball game.

  Her mom turned and looked at her in the back seat, her facial expression and tone calm and soothing. She nodded. “Yeah. They did, sweetie.”

  Jess bit her lower lip as she turned her head and looked out the window again. She’d wasted so many years acting like she didn’t like him, masking what she felt for him with irritation, using the fact that she thought he’d “betrayed” her as an emotional crutch to justify her keeping him at arm’s length. And now she’d finally admitted, to herself at least, how she felt about him, what she wanted, and how incredible they could be together and it might be too late.

  CHAPTER 21

  The first thing Ethan was aware of when he opened his eyes was a blinding light. He flinched and tried to shut his eyes again, but it didn’t work. He wasn’t able to close his lids.

  “Lieutenant Steele. Ethan.”

  He could hear a voice, but it sounded muffled and far away.

  “Can you hear me?”

  He tried to nod but it felt impossible. So, he attempted to speak but found that he wasn’t able to get any sound out. He licked his lips and swallowed and if he didn’t know any better he’d think that there were cotton balls in mouth.

  “Here.” He saw the woman hovering above him motion to someone, and then suddenly there was something in his mouth. “Drink.”

  He closed his lips around the straw and sucked. The cool liquid filled his mouth and it took him a moment to remember what to do with it.

  Oh right, swallow.

  A couple of things became clear in the foggy moments that followed. He was in a hospital. There were medical personnel working on him.

  Just as those thoughts took shape in his mind, others surfaced. The ambush. The gunfire. Panic seized him.

  “Carter.” He tried to sit up, but was unsuccessful.

  “Relax, Lieutenant.” Ethan felt a hand on his shoulder. “Your partner is in surgery. I’m Doctor Prince.”

  Ethan sank back against the firm mattress when other memories floated up to the surface. Driving to Jess’s house last night. Leaving Jess this morning. Texting her he’d make it to the talent show.

  “Jess.”

  “I believe there is a Jess here. I spoke to her and your grandmother. They’re in the waiting room with a lot of other people. Just let me finish my examination and I’ll see about letting you have some visitors.”

  Ethan closed his eyes as exhaustion pulled on him. He heard the doctor detail his injuries. Two gunshot wounds. One through and through on his upper left thigh. One they had to go in and get in his right forearm. He had a dislocated shoulder, broken rib, broken wrist, and an ankle sprain.

  Even in his hazy state he was able to discern that none of the injuries he’d sustained were life-threatening. N
ot like Carter’s. Ethan winced as more memories flashed in his head.

  They’d successfully recovered and took Manny “Detroit” Simpson back into custody after he’d escaped his WITSEC detail. Manny was a piece of shit lowlife but he was fourth down on a ladder of even more violent lowlife pieces of shit. Manny was suspected of having been involved in over twelve unsolved homicides in seven states. No one was able to make anything stick until number thirteen. When authorities finally had enough evidence to put him away for the rest of his life, he bargained to give up numbers one through three on the rungs.

  The trial where he was set to be a witness was to begin the following month and Mr. Manny got cold feet. He managed to flee from protective custody and was on the run for over twenty-four hours.

  They tracked him to a remote location about sixty miles outside Chicago. Ethan and his team worked in conjunction with local law enforcement and were able to successfully recover him. One minute he and Carter were escorting Manny from the cabin he’d been holed up in to the unmarked van that would be taking him into custody, and the next they were under heavy fire. There was mass chaos and confusion as gunfire blasted from every direction. Ethan dove for Manny and the men tumbled down a twenty-foot ravine. When they’d landed, he’d opened his eyes and saw his partner lying a few yards away, blood coming from his head.

  That was the last memory Ethan had before now.

  The doctor finished up her exam and when she left, the nurse explained the IV drip of pain medication attached to him and how he could push the button if he needed a dose. He also informed him that his Captain was waiting along with his grandmother and that he’d be sending in one person at a time.

  Ethan closed his eyes as exhaustion pulled him under like a large wave and the next thing that came to his awareness was a hand wrapping around his. Using a considerable amount of effort, he managed to lift his eyelids. He saw Nana standing over him; her face was blurry but her neon green dress was unmistakable.

  “Hey.” She squeezed his hand and her voice was shaky as she quipped, “I would ask how you’re feeling but from the looks of you, I’m guessing not so great.”

  “I’m fine.”

  “I think your definition of fine and my definition of fine are two very different things.” She spoke in a casual tone but he could hear the fear and distress in it.

  “Carter?” he asked.

  “Last I heard he was in surgery. Your Captain was talking to the doctors when the nurse came and brought me back here.”

  “Jess.”

  “Jess is here. So is half of Whisper Lake. You gave everybody quite a scare.”

  “I’m fine,” he repeated.

  He heard the sound of the door opening and then his Captain’s voice. “I’ll come back.”

  “No. That’s okay. I’ll let you two boys talk.” He saw his grandma sniff and wipe her hand beneath her eyes. She leaned down, and kissed Ethan on the forehead, the same way she used to do when he was a kid. “I love you, my boy.”

  “Love you.”

  She turned to leave but he held onto her hand. “Jess.”

  Nana squeezed his hand. “I’ll send her back.”

  Ethan released his grip and closed his eyes until he heard the door shut. When he opened them again he saw that Captain Hines was standing at his bedside.

  “Carter?” Ethan asked.

  There was a moment’s hesitancy before Hines responded, and in that millisecond, Ethan knew his partner hadn’t made it.

  “How are you feeling?”

  “He’s gone.” Ethan’s voice was weak but he knew that his Captain heard his statement and was choosing to ignore it when he began debriefing him.

  “Simpson is alive and back in custody. We were able to ID two of the men that ambushed the recovery. They were mercenaries from Colombia. One was DOA, the other is alive but not talking. We’re thinking that they’re connected to the source for the H.”

  He was happy to hear that the Simpson was back in custody and that he’d done his job, but the only thing he cared about right now was getting confirmation of Carter’s condition.

  “Carter. Is he gone?” In Ethan’s heart he already knew the answer but he needed to hear it from the captain.

  Ethan had worked under Captain Hines for six years in the sheriff’s department. And when Hines was putting together a task force under the U.S. Marshall umbrella he’d recruited Carter and Steele to be on the team. The man was the poster child for stoic. He didn’t show emotion. He was even-keeled, fair, and a great leader. When Ethan saw him drop his head as he inhaled slowly, he had his answer.

  “Lori. Does she know?”

  The captain nodded.

  “Where is she?”

  Carter and Ethan had gone to the academy together and been hired by the Sheriff’s Department the same week. Over the years that they’d known each other they’d formed a bond that was closer than just friendship. Carter was like the brother he never had and vice versa. He was his family.

  Ethan had been at the bar the night Lori met Carter. He was in their wedding a year later. He was on duty with Carter when she went into labor with their first and second babies. He’d driven him to this very hospital and had been in the waiting room when both of his girls were born.

  “She’s with Carter now, saying goodbye.”

  Ethan closed his eyes as excruciating, unbearable pain speared through his chest. It wasn’t from any of his injuries. It was worse than any physical pain could be as he thought about Lori having to tell Carly and Jilly that their dad was gone. Those two beautiful girls were going to have to grow up without their dad. It was a reality he couldn’t bear to think about.

  “You did good, Steele. Rest. I’ll be back to check on you tomorrow.”

  He heard his captain but he didn’t respond.

  All he wanted to do was wake up from this nightmare. He wanted a time machine so he could go back and take Carter’s place. His mind was replaying all of the choices that were made, all of the ways he could’ve saved his partner’s life. All of the scenarios that could have, that should have played out so that his partner was still alive.

  The door opened again and he opened his eyes and saw an angel. The light from the hallway backlit an hourglass frame that he would recognize anywhere.

  When Jess entered the room, the door shut behind her and he winced at the sound. She stepped closer and as her face came into focus he saw that she’d been crying. Her cheeks were tearstained and the aqua blue of her irises were even brighter than normal thanks to the red rim around them. Seeing the pain that she was in caused his already broken heart to shatter even more. Any piece that had been in tact was obliterated when he looked into her eyes.

  She put on a brave face though. If not for her puffy, red-rimmed eyes, he would’ve never guessed that she’d been emotional.

  “Wow. You sure went to a lot of trouble just to get out of dancing with me,” she quipped.

  “Sorry.” His lips curled at the edges.

  Only Jess could make him smile at a time like this.

  “Don’t be sorry. Your plan to get out of it didn’t work. We will do that dance, even if it’s in my backyard for my parents. I worked too hard getting that damn thing down. Plus, a deal’s a deal.”

  Ethan had heard the term a sight for sore eyes before but he’d never truly understood what that meant until this moment. Jess’s hair was in soft waves that framed her beautiful face. She was wearing a dress that showcased her cleavage and highlighted her pinched in waist.

  “You look beautiful.”

  “Thanks, you look…”

  “Like shit,” Ethan filled in the blank.

  “No.” She shook her head, her face somber. “I’ve seen shit that looked a lot better than you.”

  He appreciated that she was trying to make him laugh, but he wasn’t in the mood. He didn’t want to smile or be happy. He didn’t want to talk to or see anyone. Especially Jess. After what happened to Carter and seeing the pain and fear in her t
earstained face, Ethan knew there was no future for the two of them. He loved her too much to put her through what Lori was going through.

  “Thanks for stopping by.”

  “Are you kidding me? This is the most sought-after ticket in town. There’s a waiting room full of people wanting to get in here, but I was the chosen one because I’m your girlfriend.”

  “No. You’re not.”

  And for the first time in his life, Ethan was glad that was the case.

  * * *

  The cold, detachment in Ethan’s tone hit her like a slap in the face. He’d never spoken to her like that. He’d also never tried to get rid of her. That was usually her M.O.

  This was the third time recently when her life had done a Freaky Friday and she’d ended up playing the role that was usually cast opposite her. First it was taking care of Ali, then it was Ethan not returning her messages and calls, and now Ethan didn’t want her here. She was not a fan of this new storyline.

  Okay, Universe, I get it. She hoped that admission would be enough to return everything to normal, but she wasn’t holding her breath.

  “You’re not my girlfriend,” he reiterated.

  “Well, the folks in the waiting room don’t know that so I’m just gonna pull up a chair and sit my butt down in it for the appropriate amount of time that a girlfriend would.” She did just that. “That is, if it’s okay with you, RGF?”

  Ethan’s only answer was to shut his eyes, which she chose to interpret as a yes.

  Jess knew that Ethan wanted her to leave. She knew what it was like to be the one in that bed, wanting to be left alone. And maybe conventional wisdom would dictate that because of her experience she should respect his wishes.

  Too bad for Ethan, she didn’t live her life conventionally.

  She leaned back against the chair and took a breath, happy to have a moment to collect herself and recover from the shock of seeing him like this. She wasn’t sure what she’d expected to see when she walked in, but whatever it was hadn’t prepared her for the reality of what Ethan in a hospital bed would look like. She’d thought the bruise on his ribs was bad. But seeing him like this was next-level terrifying.