Fast & Loud

by Cheryl Douglas

  “A lot has changed, Cora.” I hadn’t spoken her name in so long it felt foreign on my tongue. But I got slammed by a memory. Her on her knees, taking me deep, as I groaned her name. Fuck. This had been the only woman to turn me inside out, to bring me to my knees. Literally.

  “For me too.”

  “Yeah, I heard you plan to open a restaurant here. Congratulations. I know that was always your dream.” There was a time her dreams had been my dreams. I would have given this woman anything. But she claimed blood money wasn’t the way to get it. She’d been right. It felt a hell of a lot better building a life with sweat equity instead.

  “Thanks.” She turned slightly to face me. “Living in Paris was wonderful, but I missed home.”

  “In that case, I’m glad you’re back.”

  “Are you?” She looked skeptical, not that I could blame her.

  I’d once told her I couldn’t stand the sight of her. But I’d been drunk and reeling from the news that she really planned to move forward with a divorce I’d never wanted. I’d tried to change her mind about leaving me. When I realized I couldn’t I became bitter and hateful, trying to hurt her any way I could. The way she’d hurt me.

  “Yeah, I am.” I shifted my body so we were standing close, facing each other. “I’ll ask again, the dentist, is it serious?”

  She’d told me I had no right to ask, but the way she was looking at me reminded me I’d always taken liberties with this woman. Never backed down. It took six months for her to agree to a date with me when she found out about my biker buddies, but I’d eventually worn her down. She made me work harder for her than any woman ever had and it had been worth every second of effort, regardless of the outcome.

  “No.” She shook her head. “Third and last date.”

  I grinned. I couldn’t help it. That was good news. It probably meant she hadn’t fucked him and I didn’t have to go to sleep with that visual in my head tonight.

  She lowered her head, a wry smile on her face. “You don’t have to look so happy about that, Dex.”

  “Can’t help it. You know me. I don’t hide my feelings.” And I was feeling something for her still, a realization that caught me off guard. Whenever I’d thought of her over the past few years I’d been filled with regret for the way things ended. I’d wanted the chance to apologize, to make things right and let her know she’d changed my life for the better, whether she realized it or not.

  “No, you don’t.” She brought the glass to her lips before asking, “But what are you feeling now? I can’t quite get a read on you tonight. You seem conciliatory, but that’s not you.”

  I smirked. “No, I guess it’s not. You want to know what I’m feeling.” I shrugged. “Relief, I guess. It feels good, being able to talk to you like this. I’m not proud of the way I acted when we split and I’m glad I got the chance to let you know that.”

  “I feel the same way.” She smiled as she touched her wine glass to my beer bottle. “To bygones.”

  I echoed her words, but with a dirty grin and a wink I whispered, “There are some things I’d rather not forget though.”

  She sucked in a sharp breath, laughing lightly. “I’m almost afraid to ask.”

  “You don’t have to.” My eyes trailed over her tight little body. “You always could read my mind.”

  “One of my special talents,” she said, winking. “Mind reading.”

  “I seem to recall that wasn’t your only talent.” I took a step closer, letting my body heat and scent envelop her. There was a chill in the air, but I was still hot as hell.

  Her lips twisted as though she was trying to keep a straight face. “I seem to recall you had a few talents of your own.”

  Yeah, getting her off multiple times a night. But that wasn’t the only one. I had lots of talents and this woman had helped me refine them all.

  “Glad you remember.”

  She rested her hand on my chest and my dick twitched, begging to get in on the action. “You’re a hard man to forget.”

  “Then you’ve thought about me over the years?”

  “You were my husband,” she said, softly. “Of course I’ve thought about you.” She sighed. “My relationship with you changed me. It impacted the choices I made moving forward, especially with men. It wasn’t easy for me to trust after the divorce. It was hard to let anyone get too close.”

  I knew the feeling. I hadn’t told another woman I loved her since the divorce. I refused to meet anyone’s parents or kids. Hell, I couldn’t recall more than a handful of dates with the same girl. “Do you regret marrying me?” I hadn’t planned to be so brash, but I had to know.

  She seemed to consider the question for a few seconds before she shook her head slowly. “No, I don’t regret it. I learned a lot about myself being married to you.”

  “Such as?”

  “I learned to be more tolerant,” she said, making me chuckle. “I learned to let go and not give a shit what anyone thinks. I learned to be more daring, take more risks.”

  “I like that,” I said, smiling.

  She had been a little uptight when we met, but by the time we split she was my sexy little daredevil, willing to try just about anything from driving my Harley to skydiving to experimenting with any sex toy I brought home.

  “I thought you might. How about you? Any regrets?”

  “You mean aside from the divorce?” Her eyes widened and I felt a surge of satisfaction that I’d been able to surprise her. “What? You didn’t expect to hear me say that? It’s true, Cora. You were the love of my life. How can I be happy that we couldn’t make it work?”

  “We were young and impetuous when we got married.”

  Yeah, a weekend trip to Vegas, a few too many beers, and I wound up with her portrait inked on my back and a gold band on my finger. Not that I’d ever regretted either. Sure, the women I’d fucked since weren’t thrilled about eyeing my ex on my back every time I took it all off, but it helped me to keep it real. To remind myself that it was just sex with all the others. Cora had been the real deal.

  “Yeah, but sometimes if you’re feeling it you’ve just gotta go with it, right?”

  She looked up at me, licking her lips.

  Oh yeah, she was feeling it too. I didn’t ask permission. That wasn’t my style. I just saw what I wanted and went for it. I took her wine glass out of her hand and set it down on the railing along with my beer bottle. It gave her a split second to realize what I had planned and shut me down. But she didn’t.

  I dug my hands into her long, thick, wavy hair and angled her head to compensate for our height difference. Even with heels she was almost a foot shorter than me, but she didn’t seem to mind as she tipped her head back to welcome my kiss. That small gesture, knowing she wanted me too, set me off.

  It wasn’t a gentle tentative kiss. I wasn’t testing the waters. I was taking possession of her mouth. Again. As my tongue glided against hers it felt like finding something I’d lost and never thought I’d see again.

  It was real and it felt right. Like I’d been kissing strangers for the past three years, but was finally home now. Where I belonged.

  Her eyes were glazed and she was gripping my shoulders when we finally broke apart. “Wow.”

  I chuckled. “Yeah?”

  “I almost forgot…”

  “What?”

  “That I can get drunk from your kisses alone.”

  Drunk from my kisses. Lost in my orgasms. High from my cock. Yeah, I could make her forget real life for a while. “You used to tell me I was the only drug you weren’t afraid of getting addicted to.” My hands were still in her hair. I couldn’t bring myself to break the contact.

  “That was then,” she whispered, dampening my spirits. “Now I know better. Getting addicted to you can be as bad for me as any drug.” She cleared her throat. “You may claim you’re not dangerous anymore, Dex. But you are. To me.”

  Chapter Three

  Cora

  We were alone in my best frien
d’s bedroom and she was pumping me for information about my alone time with my ex. I pressed my fingertips against my swollen lips, noting the tingle was there. He still made me feel like I’d never been kissed before, like he was the only man who knew how.

  “Oh my God,” she said, sitting next to me at the foot of her bed. “I couldn’t believe it when Jared told me you were outside with him. How the hell did that happen?”

  “Um, Jared told me you needed to see me outside, but when I went out Dex was waiting for me.”

  “Those sneaky bastards!” She huffed, waving her hands. “Forget it, I’ll deal with them later. I want to hear what happened when you saw him. Was it weird?”

  I glared at her. “A heads up would’ve been nice. Why didn’t you tell me he was going to be here?”

  She shrugged, trying to look innocent. “I’m sorry, but I thought you wouldn’t come if you knew he’d be here. I figured now that you’re back in town you’d run into him eventually, so why not now? Like ripping a Band-Aid off, right?”

  “Something like that,” I muttered. Though seeing him again felt too good to compare it to an abrasion.

  “So, what happened?” She squeezed my knee, bouncing slightly on the mattress. “Was it weird? Was he still an asshole to you?”

  “No, not at all.” I was surprised how easy it was to be with him again, how good it felt. Like all that ugliness around the time of our breakup had never even happened. “It was…nice.”

  She snorted, tucking a lock of long auburn hair behind her ear. “Nice. There’s a word you don’t associate with Dex Myers every day, huh?”

  Myers. We still shared a last name, which would probably freak him out if he knew. I didn’t know why I’d kept it. I told myself it was because that had been my last name when the Parisian restaurant hired me and I didn’t want to explain the change if I took my maiden name again. But deep down I suspected it was more than that.

  “He’s changed,” I said, thinking about his easy smile. He was less intense… but every bit as sexy. He didn’t have that chip on his shoulder, like he had to defend himself to the world. “But he’s still the same.” I wasn’t even sure I was making sense, but Cher and I had been best friends for twenty years, so if anyone would understand, she would.

  “I know what you mean.” She shuddered. “When I first met him he was scary as hell.”

  “So, you thought it would be a good idea to set me up with this badass biker?”

  She laughed. “It’s not like I expected you to marry the guy!”

  No, that had been unexpected. But life with Dex was like that. Never a dull moment. The best and worst of surprises, depending on the day and his mood.

  “No, I guess no one expected that. Least of all Dex.” He wasn’t big on commitment when we met. But I wasn’t big on keeping it casual forever either. Eventually he informed me he didn’t want another man to put his hands on me, so he decided the best way to prevent that was with a big ass diamond that announced to the world I was his.

  The feminist in me rallied against that claim, but there was a part of me that loved being protected by a big, tough guy like Dex. The kind of man you’d have to be crazy to mess with.

  “He gave me the impression he’d left that life behind,” I said, still wary of his claim. “Is that true?”

  I hated that he’d belonged to a motorcycle gang, or club, as he called it. I was terrified for him. It was dangerous and he was doing shit that could land him in jail. Not to mention all those whores hanging around the club house, auditioning to be old ladies on their knees.

  “It is. He’s in construction now. Has his own business and he’s doing really well.” She leaned back, folding her hands over her raised knee. “Jared said they can barely keep up with the demand.”

  His legit job when he’d been with the club had been in construction, so I wasn’t too surprised he was self-employed now. Dex had never been big on taking orders from a boss, making it nearly impossible for him to work for anyone. “Good for him.” I knew I had no right to be proud of him, but I was.

  “Yeah, he’s done well in real estate too.”

  I frowned. “What do you mean?” We’d rented an apartment when we were married. Dex never wanted the hassle of a mortgage. I suspected it was too much of a commitment for him.

  “He buys run down places, fixes them up and rents them out.”

  Dex a landlord? He really had changed. He was like a grown up version of the guy I used to know. “That’s… surprising.”

  Cheryl laughed. “That’s Dex, right? Full of surprises.”

  I thought about that kiss. That had definitely been a surprise, but not an unwelcome one. I’d wanted him to touch me again, maybe to see if the spark was still there. It had been. As soon as he touched me if was the fourth of fucking July all over again.

  “What’s that look about?” she asked, eyeing me suspiciously. “And don’t say nothing. I can always tell when you’re trying to hide something.”

  “He kissed me,” I said, feeling my lips stretch into a smile. “Not like a nice-to-see-you-peck. But a full-on I-want-to-devour-you kiss.”

  Cheryl shrieked, slapping my leg. “Shut up! Oh my God, tell me everything.”

  “I just did. He kissed me and it was…”

  “Yeah?”

  I fell back on the bed, sighing, “Epic.”

  “Eeeee!” More bouncing. “You still have a thing for him, don’t you?”

  Did I? I wouldn’t have thought so a week ago, but then I didn’t know how much he’d changed. “I don’t know. It was so weird seeing him again, having him touch me, kiss me…” I fanned my face. “Am I being crazy? I mean, he’s my ex-husband for a reason, right?”

  “I don’t know. I always thought you guys were perfect for each other.”

  That was funny since we were such an unlikely match. I was a chef who’d worked in five-star restaurants around the world before we met and he was a construction worker / biker who bore the scars of too many bar fights and bad decisions.

  “Really?”

  “Yeah. You kept him from being too bad and he kept you from being too good.”

  I smiled. “I guess I never thought about it like that.” But she was kind of right. Dex kept me from being a workaholic and I’d kept him out of jail. It was a win/win. Until we’d both lost it all.

  “So, where did you guys leave things?”

  “He offered to drive me home, but I’m not sure that’s such a good idea.”

  “You should totally let him.” Her eyes twinkled with amusement. “See if you can’t get another panty-drenching kiss.”

  “I don’t think I called it that.” Though it totally was.

  ***

  We were sitting across the street from the building that housed my apartment and my new restaurant. The landlord had given me a great deal on the rent for both since he’d be moving out of state and just wanted someone to take good care of the place. The only condition. I was responsible for any renovations, but the ten year lease made it worth my while.

  “So, this is it, huh?” Dex asked, looking up at the white brick building. “At least it’s in a good part of town.”

  “I know it doesn’t look like much now,” I said, trying not to get defensive. “But I’ve got big plans. The architect just finished with the drawings. Now I just need to get a few contractors in to bid.”

  “You want me to have a look?” He asked, shifting in his seat to look from the building to me. “We do both residential and commercial work, and I’d give you a fair price.” He winked. “We’ll call it the ex-wife rate.”

  I laughed. “Guess I can’t expect that from anyone else, huh?”

  He grinned. “Not likely.”

  It felt so good being able to laugh with him again, just like in the early days of our relationship. “Um, if you want to come in for a coffee I’ll show you the plans.”

  “Great.” He jumped out and rounded the car, opening the passenger’s door for me.

  I had
to admit, my jaw dropped when he reached for my hand. I couldn’t remember Dex ever opening a car door for me. It’s not that he wasn’t a gentleman. He was. He just wasn’t… chivalrous. Not that I minded. I’d take Dex all rough around the edges over a pretty boy with impeccable manners any day.

  “Thank you.”

  He slipped his hand into mine and we dodged cars as we ran across the busy street. It was late, but there were still quite a few cars on the road, given it was a Saturday night.

  I fished my keys out of my purse when we reached the main door of what would be the restaurant, but before I could open it, he took the key ring from me and did the honors.

  “Isn’t there a back entrance to this place?” he asked, unlocking the door and gesturing for me to enter ahead of him before he turned the lock behind us.

  “Yeah. There’s a small parking lot in the back too. The apartment is up the back stairwell, but I thought you’d want to see this space first.” It used to be a small grocery store that specialized in Indian food, but the fixtures had been removed and just a big open space remained.

  I turned to find him frowning at me instead of checking out the space.

  “Is there a problem?”

  “Just thinking about this setup. I’m not sure if I like you having to come through a dark stairwell late at night.” He stroked the stubble on his chin. “Especially with the parking lot right there. And there’s a bar a few doors down. I know it’s not a dive, but still. It can get pretty rowdy late at night.”

  I stepped close to him on instinct, resting my hand against his chest. “I honestly love that you still care. But I can take of myself, Dex.”

  He closed his arms around me. “Taking care of you was my job for a long time. You may have fired me, but that doesn’t mean I’ve forgotten how to do it.”

  I looped my arms around his neck, feeling so small and safe in his strong arms. “And you took better care of me than anyone ever has.”

  “Ever?” he asked, looking satisfied as his arms moved lower, resting on the swell of my ass.