Let Me In (The Ink Well Chronicles: Book One)

by Jordan Bates

  “Max has been coming in to see us every day this week asking about you. We told him some things you liked to eat. Movies you liked to watch. Your favorite books, which was probably why the elevator happened.”

  “What the hell are you talking about?” I looked between Erica and Lilly. My eyebrows pulled together in a questioning look. Lilly answered next, her hands wrapping around each other in a rhythmic motion, her nervous tick.

  “Well, we may have told him about your obsession with Fifty Shades and that stupid elevator scene. So he probably took that as perfect timing for a kiss in there with you.” I sat there frozen, my sub in midair, as I thought back to his kiss, him pressing me up against the corner. Who the hell knew what was going on through his mind at that point, and to think he knew what that scene meant to me. Panic struck me. Max knew things about me now. Intimate things that I didn’t want him to know yet, and I still knew nothing about him. That would have to change tonight. These weren’t fair playing grounds anymore, but then again, I tried to think back to a time when it was ever fair to play against Max.

  “I can’t believe you did that.” I tsked at Erica and Lilly before taking another bite of my sandwich. While I was upset with them, I did wonder as how this could be an advantage to me. I wouldn’t have to do too much talking tonight, and there wasn’t any excuse for Max to not already know things about me. Maybe this would make tonight an easier transition.

  “You wouldn’t get your head out of your ass and just cave in to him. Forget about Adam. Max is on a whole other playing field. Max cares about you. More than I think you know.” Lilly’s words weren’t new to me. It was almost like they had been talking to Max more about what was happening than they were me.

  “Don’t talk to me about what I do and don’t know about Max’s feelings for me. Trust me, he has made them very known.” We were all quiet for a moment.

  “He never said that.” Erica seemed shy about saying anything now. Of course he would leave out how much he had already professed to me.

  “I know how much he likes me, and if I’m telling the truth, I like him, too.” I paused, thinking about it a little more. “Just maybe not as much as he does right now.”

  Lilly sat down in the seat next to me, and each girl nudged closer. It was an Alexa sandwich. I squinted my eyes at them, getting more suspicious.

  “You don’t have to give him everything tonight if you don’t want to, but I’m glad you’re giving him a chance.” Lilly kissed my forehead and Erica patted my shoulder before leaving me alone in the conference room. The privacy blinders were still on as I sat down and ate while finishing up the manuscript I had been working on. I read the same page twice before I tossed the papers back onto the table. I needed to clear my head of Max so that I could finish this. I would be able to think and talk about everything with him tonight.

  When I finally looked up at the clock, it read ten to six. I had already finished the book and everything I needed to do for the presentation, so I cleaned all of it up and locked it in my desk. I took the stairs down to the lobby, where I saw Max talking with Chase again. Max caught my eye first and his smile seemed to light up the whole room. He said his goodbyes to Chase and came directly towards me.

  “Hi, beautiful.” I blushed at his comment. This time as we headed out of the building, I grabbed for his hand. I could see the smile form on his face out of the corner of my eye. Even though I started the hand-holding, Max was the one who led us out onto the street where the nightlife was just getting busy. He tugged on my hand as he started to walk along the sidewalk. “Come on, darling, we’re walking tonight.”

  I knew Max’s apartment wasn’t far, but I thought we would go to his other house. I guess that wasn’t this kind of date, where he swept me off my feet. My heart started to beat fast as I thought about what would happen tonight, what Max was expecting from this date. It was just dinner, something simple. That was it, or so I thought. I looked over to Max and realized that this time when I stepped into the lion’s den, it would be of my own accord. What I almost forgot, though, was that I knew Max would graciously welcome me with open arms, just like he had done before.

  Chapter 14

  “Stay here for a moment.” I snapped out of my head as I looked around Max’s apartment. I hadn’t even realized we were here yet. The whole walk over, I kept thinking about what I wanted to say to Max, how I wanted him to know that I was serious about giving him this chance, but that it wasn’t just going to be a fling. I didn’t think I could do that with my heart, just throw it around. I needed someone to protect it, but I didn’t know how to tell Max that I thought he could be the one to do it.

  The apartment was in disarray. There was trash throughout the living room and clothes thrown across the floor. When Max had come to see me last weekend, I didn’t understand how much I had affected him, but looking around, now I knew. I watched as Max quickly maneuvered throughout the place, cleaning up as much as he could. He even disappeared into the bedroom and returned with some spray, then headed into the kitchen. I heard water running in the sink and dishes being moved around. I couldn’t help but laugh at the fact that Max was just now trying to make his place look nice, but I remembered how the invitation for dinner was offered on a whim. He wasn’t expecting me to be here tonight, but I was glad I got to see this side of Max. The more I saw him come undone, the more my heart grew for him.

  “Do you need any help in there?” I giggled. I rocked on my heels, trying to peer into the kitchen without moving from my spot. I felt like a child waiting there.

  “I’m almost done. Just give me a few more minutes.” His words came out breathlessly and he came to a skidded stop in front of me. Max’s lips met mine in haste before he raced back into his bedroom, where I heard more shuffling and hangers being rummaged through. When he emerged from his room, he had changed into a pair of dark jeans and a black shirt. I loved it when he dressed down. It showed me just how much of a normal person he was, and that he wasn’t only my boss.

  “That’s not fair.” I looked down at my skirt and dress shirt. The grin on his face grew.

  “Whatever do you mean?” An arm snaked around my waist as Max held me closer.

  “It’s not fair that you get to be comfortable and I’m still in my work clothes.” I pushed away from Max before he could get more of an advantage over me. Every time this man touched me, I became jello.

  “How about you go sit on the couch? Turn on a movie, and I’ll make dinner.” He didn’t wait for me to respond, smacking my ass while pushing me towards the couch. Max made his way to the kitchen, and I plopped myself down on the couch to found the remote. When I turned on the TV, I wasn’t expecting it to be turned to Doctor Who. I tried to change the channel but realized soon enough after hitting the back button that it was on Netflix. I knew Max wasn’t the type to watch this on his own, so my first conclusion was that Lilly told him about my obsession. He was already on the second series, though.

  “Did you skip nine?” This was a serious question, because if he had, I was walking out that door right now. The rustling coming from the kitchen stopped, and Max’s head peered around the corner.

  “Hell no! My favorite by far!” He went back to whatever he had been working on and I restarted the episode he had just finished. I didn’t want to ruin his streak. I didn’t pay attention to what episode it was, but by the time it came on, I had kicked off my shoes, curled into a ball, and muted everything else in the world out. “The Girl in the Fireplace,” my favorite episode.

  My eyelids started to flutter and I felt sleep gaining control of me, just as a horse walked onscreen. I was softly being shaken awake. I looked up to see Max standing there with a smile on his face and plates in his hands. The smell of pizza wafted up my nose, and I took a plate from Max as I sat up. I looked over at him to see the plate he had only had one slice on it, compared to my three slices. The homemade pizza made my mouth water, and it was like he knew that I needed tons of sauce and cheese piled on the bread.<
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  I brought my legs against my chest, not sorry for taking most of the food. We didn’t need to talk as I stuffed bite after bite down my throat. We worked well together without words. I realized as I started on my third slice, though, that I hadn’t even thanked him. I had fallen asleep on his couch, and now he was feeding me. I was the worst kind of houseguest.

  “Thank you.” The words came out smushed together, on account of the fact that I hadn’t even swallowed my last three bites yet.

  “Oh, don’t stop eating on my account.” He was laughing at me, but instead of making me self-conscious, I laughed with him. I was probably a sight to see right now. “Clearly, you’re not taking care of yourself.”

  Max’s words brought me back to the present. They weren’t meant to be hurtful, but they made me think. I was eating, just not as much as I normally did. I ate today at lunch, but that was hours ago. Come to think about it, I normally only ate one meal a day, sometimes two. He was right though, I wasn’t taking care of myself, and I didn’t know why I had grown into this custom. Max didn’t try to move closer to me as we chatted away eating the pizza. The TV had automatically forwarded to the next episode and soon became background noise. Max wouldn’t move any closer to me, though, and I wanted him to.

  “Did Lilly tell you about Doctor Who?” I looked up just in time to see him blush before he pulled himself together.

  “She did, and I thought I would give it a chance. She and Erica told me a lot last week. I even took notes.” He reached into his pocket, taking out a piece of paper, but didn’t look up at me. It looked worn and folded, almost like he had been studying that little piece of paper. “If I’m going to win your heart, I should probably know what you like and don’t like.”

  I could only imagine what these girls had told him, but how much had they left out as well? You could only tell someone so much without leaving out some minor—or even crucial—details. Max slipped the paper back into his pocket, tucking it in for safekeeping. Even with everything the girls had told him, I knew it was up to me to let him get to know the real me.

  “Well, if you really want to know more, I’m pretty sure I should tell you the rest myself.” Max’s posture changed then, like he was all ears, eagerly awaiting the opportunity to learn more. He leaned closer to me, and I all but expected him to take the paper back out and start writing some more notes down. I took a deep breath before I started, knowing that the words about to come out of my mouth weren’t going to be the fun ones I knew Max hoped for. No. If this man wanted to know about me, he needed to know the darkest parts of my soul. The ones that kept me up at night, wishing for a different tomorrow.

  “I’ve had a lot of things happen in my life, Max, and all have shaped me into the person I am now.” I paused to gauge if he was really ready to hear the rest. His hand lay against my thigh, and he moved his whole body towards me. I had his full attention now. I looked down at my hands, I didn’t know if I could look him in the eyes as I told him this next part. “I lost trust a long time before Adam. When my father died when I was 17—” I heard the sharp intake of breath from him, but didn’t flinch. I wiped away a few tears that had leaked out. “I felt that I couldn’t trust anyone with my heart again, because I couldn’t risk having it broken like that again. The only person that I wanted to run to after it happened was the one who had left me.”

  I closed my eyes, trying to forget the memory that was seeping into me. My father lying there as I screamed for help. People telling me over and over again that it would all be okay. That he was in a better place now. Max tilted my chin up, and I finally got to see the look in his eyes. It wasn’t sympathy, or even empathy, no, they were encouraging me to continue. So I did.

  “That day, I broke. Something inside of me changed. My mother was never around for me as a child, so her not being there for my father’s death was the nail in the coffin. I couldn’t look at her, but she was my mother, and I had to. She took me in, moving me from Georgia out to California for my senior year of high school. That’s when I first met Adam, and we even ended up going to the same college.” I took a deep breath, trying to get myself in the right mindset. “I thought the only way to move past that kind of pain was to replace it with love, so that’s what I did. Well, that’s what I tried to do, but I only ever kept pushing people away. Friends. Family. I thought Adam and Lilly would be mine forever, since they were the only ones to stick around, but I guess I was wrong.”

  Max brushed a tear from my cheek, but it didn’t matter, because another one quickly followed.

  “Alexa. You don’t have to tell me all of this.” Max pulled me into his arms, but I pushed back. “None of this was in any way your fault.”

  Of course he didn’t understand what I was trying to tell him. I had lost the only people who had ever shown me true love, and by trying to replace them, all I did was learn how much love could hurt. That wasn’t something I wanted, that was why I was guarding my heart so much.

  “You don’t understand, Max.” I pushed the blanket off me and removed myself from the couch. I couldn’t do this. I couldn’t allow myself to feel such things again. Not when I knew just how bad heartbreak felt. I didn’t want to feel it a third time. “This was a mistake.”

  “Oh no you don’t.” Before I could even make it a foot out of his reach, Max grabbed me and sat me right back down next to him. “We are going to talk this out. You have your past and I have mine.”

  “Max.” A sob tore out of me, filling the room with the pain I felt. “I don’t know if I can give you the kind of love you need.”

  That was the truth. The man had said it before that he would make me fall in love with him, but as I told him about my father, I could feel it inside of me. That that kind of love was growing. I didn’t want it to, though. I had given Adam that kind of love and he’d betrayed it. My father had left me. So what would end up happening with Max? That just wasn’t a question I wanted answered.

  “When I was two, my mother died in a car accident.” I clung tighter to him as the words came out of his mouth. The tears I had been crying for me stopped immediately but were soon replaced for tears that were just for Max. He was opening his heart to me, and mine opened a little more just for him. “My father quickly remarried, knowing that I needed a mother in my life. They had a daughter about a year later. That was Melanie, who you saw at the diner today. I realized as I got older that it wasn’t a mother that I needed, it was my sister. She is a very important part of my life, and I don’t know what I would do without her, but what I do know is that if her heart was breaking like this right now, I wouldn’t have the slightest clue what to do to help her. But luckily, I think I can help with you.”

  Max tucked my hair behind my ear. It was becoming something he loved to do, seeing my whole face with nothing obstructing it. We sat there, clinging to one another for dear life, like we were the last two on earth and we didn’t know what to do without each other.

  “I never intended on loving you, but when I realized I did, I knew I couldn’t turn back. A week ago, Melanie called to tell me that she was moving across the country. I couldn’t imagine losing her, since she is the most important person in my life. We have never been apart. Even when we moved from New York, we moved together. I told her about you one day and what you had been going through with Adam. She said something that sparked my ferocious need to make you fall in love with me.” Max kissed the top of my head. I didn’t know what to say or think, but my heart was swooning. I found myself hanging on to every word he had to say.

  “Melanie told me that if I ever found the one, not to let her go. So, much to her surprise, I told her that I already had. She started asking me all of these things about you that I didn’t know, and then I realized that I had neglected you so much, that no wonder you hadn’t fallen yet.” He pulled my face closer to him now so that our foreheads rested against each other. “I’ve never wanted another person as much as I want you in my life. I’ve never had a serious relationship, so I don’
t know how to make this last, but I know I want it to.”

  I closed my eyes, letting myself relax in Max’s arms. He held me there as the silence engulfed us. His lips gently brushed mine before he continued.

  “I want to make you mine forever.” Max’s words made my head spin. “Not right now, but one day.”

  Now I was lightheaded. I was losing my sense of if this was all real, but looking up into Max’s eyes was probably the worst thing to do. I realized that even though I didn’t want to be the princess before, it didn’t mean that I hadn’t already been one. My prince was just waiting for me to see what had been right in front of us the whole time.

  “I never thought I would say that, and neither did my sister, but all she could do was smile at me. She gave me something to give you, and I thought it would be perfect for a special occasion, but what time is better than the present?”

  Max got up, his arms still wrapped around me, then sat me back down on the couch and walked back to his room. When he came back, he was holding a small blue box. I could feel my heart beating against my chest. He sat back down next to me and opened it. Inside was a green, blue, and purple stone. Max offered the box to me, and I pulled out them stone. The stone had a small natural indent in it. A worry stone.

  “It was my mother’s. Apparently, my father gave it to Melanie when she got married for whenever things got hard. She said that you would probably need it if you were going to have to deal with me.”

  I laughed, holding the stone in my hand, letting my thumb rub up and down along the hollow. I really needed to meet this Melanie. It seemed like she had all of the answers that Max and I needed for each other. I wrapped my fingers around the stone and sat there in silence with Max. I didn’t know what to say to him. It felt like everything I had told him was so trivial compared to him baring his soul to me. I had just talked to Lilly and Erica about not wanting to fall again, but how could I not? I knew it was already happening, but just as Max had said, we knew nothing about each other. I had to make a choice.