Let Me In (The Ink Well Chronicles: Book One)

by Jordan Bates

“Actually, I was hoping to grab lunch with the girls today.” I bit my lip, nervous that he would say no. He looked up from the menus he was holding, with an expression I couldn’t quite read.

  “Oh, yeah, that’s cool. I’ll just meet up with the guys and order takeout instead.” As quickly as he had entered the office, he left. I stared at the door a little too long before texting Lilly that I would meet Erica and her downstairs in the lobby. I wasn’t sure exactly what to feel about how Max had acted. I had wanted to have lunch with the girls, but I didn’t expect him to just blow me off. Were we falling into a rut, where all we did was rely on each other? I just felt that it was too easy for him to walk away like that.

  When all three of us slid into our usual booth in Baker’s, I voiced my concerns.

  “I think something is wrong.” They both looked at me like I was crazy, Lilly with half a bite in her mouth. They waited for me to continue. “I told Max I was going to grab lunch with you guys instead today, and he just said it was cool and walked out. Like, that’s not normal, right? Is it?”

  “Well…” I didn’t like how Lilly was starting this conversation. She finished her bite and then continued. “You guys have been glued at the hip. Maybe he just didn’t know how to tell you that he wanted to hang out with the guys.”

  “Maybe. But why wouldn’t he just say that? I mean, for us not being together for very long, we have been through a lot, and communication has never been his downfall. In fact, it was the only way I said I would be with him.” I sat in silence until we were finished, letting the girls go on about their day and their food before heading back to the office.

  My brain kept working itself into a fit about what was happening with Max. I was crazy, I knew that. But it just couldn’t be that simple. I was just overthinking things. No. Something was definitely off. When I walked into my office, I stopped immediately. There were at least 100 sticky notes placed all over the walls. I went up to the first one to read it.

  The way you smile. I took it off the wall and went to the next one.

  How your eyebrows scrunch when you are thinking. What the hell were these? I heard the door creak open, and I around to see Max standing there. He looked shrunken down, slowly coming into the room like he didn’t know how I would react.

  “I know this sounds corny, but today marks 100 days since I first saw you.” He moved closer to me, taking my hand in his. We were still so far apart and I didn’t understand why. “Along these walls aren’t just 100 things about you.”

  “What do you mean?” It was then that he pulled me towards him in one swift move. We were flush against each other. I could feel his heart beating fast under my hands, which were on his chest.

  “The things on these walls are 100 reasons why I love you.” I stared around the room at all of the sticky notes again. Who in the world could find 100 things to love about me? I was baffled. Speechless. Max put a hand on my chin and tilted my head towards him. The look on his face melted me. He just kept surprising me more and more.

  “You really love me?”

  His small smile grew instantly. I could feel the tears starting to form.

  “I’ve been saying that for a while now.” As quickly as his smile came, it faded just as fast. He could read my mind, I just knew it. He kept saying this word like it wasn’t something that was huge. Like it didn’t change people’s lives, like it could change ours. I was scared shitless of saying those words to him, but each passing day, I knew I wanted to. I knew I wanted to tell him just how I felt, but I didn’t know how to.

  “Don’t.” Max’s word took me out of my head. I looked up into Max’s eyes. “Don’t overthink this.”

  He kissed my forehead and pulled me closer.

  “You don’t have to say it. Ever. If you don’t want to. I just needed you to know how I felt. How much I love you.” I relaxed against him as I wrapped my arms around his waist and rested my head on his chest. He rubbed his hands up and down my back. This man. He literally thought of everything, and what had I given him? Nothing. Yet.

  “Is this why you were acting so weird earlier?” I thought back to him not caring if I went to see the girls, being distant with me. I could feel his smile against my head, where his lips lay.

  “I didn’t want to seem too eager to get you out of the office, but you did present the perfect opportunity. I couldn’t let it pass up.” I knew he was pleased with himself, and why shouldn’t he be? This was the most romantic gesture I had ever been given. Even when Adam had proposed to me, it wasn’t anything like this; I had predicted almost everything that Adam had ever tried to do. Max, he was keeping me on my toes.

  “Well, next time don’t act so suspicious. I was going out of my mind trying to figure out what was going on.”

  He pulled me away from him, concern mounting on his face. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to do that.”

  “It’s okay. Just don’t do it again.” I slapped his side playfully, letting him know that I was fine now. I truly was. I had no reason not to trust him in what he was doing. Max amazed me at every turn. I shouldn’t have doubted him to begin with. I looked up at him, following where his eyes led. He was looking over at my desk, where I had my laptop open from when I went to lunch. I had forgotten about it.

  “I saw you were working on something.” Max released me and headed for my laptop. I knew he had probably already seen what was on there, but I didn’t need him to investigate more. He made it to the other side of my desk first, but I reached over the desk and slammed the laptop shut, right before his fingers were about to get caught. His head shot up to me, eyes wide.

  “It’s nothing,” I laughed half-heartedly. This wasn’t going so well.

  “Doesn’t seem like nothing.” Max sat back in my chair, kicking his feet up onto my desk, hands behind his head, just waiting for me to explain. I felt like today I had cotton mouth with how I couldn’t get anything out. I huffed out a breath before admitting to what I had been doing.

  “Chase told me the other day that when I finished my books, I could work on what I wanted.” I’m pretty sure he had been talking about work here at the office, but he never directly told me, so I had been bending the rules a little. One of Max’s eyebrows shot up, and that smug smile came out to play. I knew I was going to regret telling him this. “I’ve been working with some of my old clients, and new ones, for my content editing business.”

  “What?” Max’s eye brows were scrunched together, and there was no longer a smile on his face. He was trying hard to understand what I was telling him.

  “I used to have my own content editing business for romance authors. I stopped working about a year ago, but I thought I would pick it back up.” I tucked my hair behind my ears, swaying on my tiptoes. I looked down at my desk, staring at the closed laptop and thinking about all the words that were waiting for me. The ones that I wanted to devour. I watched as the laptop was opened and then spun around to me.

  “Then do it.” It was my turn to look confused. That smug smile was back on Max’s face as he stood over my desk, offering me my laptop back. It wasn’t just that though, it was like he was offering me my life, the one that I got to choose.

  “Are you sure?” I was weary, only because I didn’t know how this would work.

  “As long as it doesn’t interfere with anything you do here, I don’t see why not.” Max came around the desk and pulled me into him, my back resting against his chest. We both stared at the computer screen in front of us, and I felt myself thinking about how this was exactly the way I had seen my life one day.

  “Thank you,” I whispered to Max.

  “For what?” He kissed the top of my head, holding on to me tighter.

  “For believing in me.” Max turned me around. He held my face in his hands.

  “Always.” He kissed my nose, which caused me to giggle. He was so perfect that I wondered if he was even real. “Just remember to give me a list of authors who you have worked with.”

  “What?” His request caug
ht me off guard.

  “I want to see your side of the book world. I’ve never ventured into romance, so it’s about time I start. I want to see the world you live and breathe.” It was like he hit the nail right on the head. The romance book world was my everything. Lilly and Adam were the only people not in the book world who knew how much I loved it. I went to at least two singings a month and spoke to authors on a daily basis, like they were my friends, and some of them were. I wanted to get back to that.

  “Come over for dinner later and I’ll show you what I have,” I offered. I knew Max was someone who could appreciate my book collection, and I wanted to see his face light up like I hoped it would.

  “Are you going to cook for me?” There it was again, Max’s eyebrow quirking up to match his question. We were still learning a lot about each other, but I felt like he didn’t think I could cook. I laughed a little. I hadn’t shown Max my skills yet, but I was hoping I would be able to impress him.

  “I’m actually a really good cook.” I could see the wonder in his eyes when I looked up at him. “I’ll surprise you with my favorite dish.”

  “I look forward to it.”

  I found myself rushing around the kitchen trying to get things ready for when Max came over. I had asked Chase if I could leave work an hour early in order to get started, and I had practically ordered Lilly to not come home tonight. She had laughed at me but thankfully agreed. My homemade sweet and sour chicken could take up to three hours to make, especially when I pan-fried the chicken myself. I was almost done with the second batch when I heard a soft knock on the door. I had told Max to wait a little bit when he got off before coming over, hoping that I could get changed into something more comfortable before he came over.

  I opened the door to Max holding a bouquet of honeysuckle. I had never seen an arrangement like it, with baby’s breath peeking through each blossom. I grabbed for the flowers to put them into a vase, holding the door open, so Max could enter the apartment. The smell made my mouth water, it was sweet and peaceful. My favorite.

  “Lilly suggested them.” I heard Max take a seat at the kitchen table. I loved that he went to Lilly for advice on me, but I still wish he would ask me. I wanted to tell him my favorite flowers. “It also smells amazing in here.”

  “It’s almost done.” I bounced back into the kitchen. The chicken was starting to brown, so I stirred it a little more in the oil before dumping it out into a bowl and putting in a new batch. “I finally got my books onto my bookshelf.”

  I pointed over to the wall next to the TV, where Max and Greg had set up the bookshelves last week. It hadn’t taken them very long, which benefitted me, because I wanted to see my babies again. I wanted to display them for everyone who came over.

  “Who do you recommend?” Now that was a hard question. I had my go-to authors, but to suggest one was a nightmare of a decision.

  “Do what I do.” I turned around to see him already thumbing through one he had in his hand. “Choose the one with the most interesting cover.”

  The chicken crackled behind me as I continued to watch him move amongst my bookshelves. He picked up a few here and there, perused them, then put them down. He picked another one up. I saw it in his eyes before he even knew it himself, that instant love. He flipped the book over, read the blurb, and then he did the one thing that sparked a madness in my heart. He flipped to the last page and read it.

  “I love you.” The words came out of my mouth before I even knew how to stop them. Max’s head shot up so fast, I thought he would hurt himself. He kept the book open in his hands as he stood there staring at me. I thought his mouth would be agape, but instead his lips were pursed and I couldn’t read the expression on his face.

  I turned around, stirring the chicken again. I shouldn’t have said anything. I was stupid. I poured the last of the fried chicken into the bowl I had next to me. I had already made the sweet and sour sauce, along with the rice. I poured the sauce over the chicken, stirring it all together, and then placed it into the oven. Only another thirty minutes before I could shove my face with food so I wouldn’t say anything so stupid again. I still had my back to Max. He just stood there and stared at me. He didn’t even say anything back. He had been the one professing his love to me for over a month, and now nothing.

  “You are credited as the editor of the book.” What he didn’t know was that he could have picked up any book by that author and seen my name in it. That was what I was proudest of while working in the book community. Finding new authors, helping them hone their craft, and watching them soar through the charts and have people flocking to their books. I turned around to see him on the edge of the kitchen, flipping through the pages.

  “It’s also dedicated to me.” He looked up from the first chapter, where he held his finger, and then backtracked, looking for the dedication. He read it in silence but didn’t look up. He took the book with him back to where he was sitting at the table before and started to read. I turned back to the stove, my head racing more than before. I didn’t know what to do in this situation. Max was reading a book that I held dear to my heart, and I had just told him I loved him, but he hadn’t commented on either of these things. I felt out of my element.

  I tried to busy myself by opening the oven, tossing the chicken around in the sauce with some tongs, and then grabbing a bottle of rosé out of the fridge. I poured myself a glass and was halfway finished with it before the timer went off. I took the chicken out. I made bowls for both Max and me. I sat them on the table in front of Max, who still hadn’t looked up from the book he had in his hands. I ended up bringing the whole bottle of wine to the table, forgetting the glasses on the counter.

  I stuffed a few pieces of chicken into my mouth. The silence in the room was deafening. I took a sip out of the wine bottle, which caught Max’s attention. He put the book down and looked around the kitchen. I don’t think he realized dinner was even ready and that I had already started to eat.

  “I lost myself.” He set the book down next to him but grabbed a piece of discarded mail and placed it inside to save his place. “I don’t have words for that book.”

  He pointed to it with his fork as he took his first bite of dinner. This was more nerve-racking than him reading the books I worked on. This was him eating the food I made. Lord, please don’t let him hate it. I shouldn’t have worried though, because the moan that came from his lips the second he swallowed his first bite sent excitement through me. I wanted to make him moan like that again. When his eyes met mine, I could see the fire in them.

  “This is the best food I’ve ever eaten.” Max’s compliment was muffled by him stuffing more chicken into his mouth. I watched in fascination as he devoured the entire bowl in front of me. He grabbed for the wine bottle next, taking a giant swig, just like I had. I couldn’t hold back any longer. There was something growing inside of me, a need that wanted him and only him.

  I dropped out of the seat and onto my knees. Max’s eyes went wide, questions clear in them. I thought he would object, but the moment I slid his zipper down, the words that I knew were going to come from his open mouth stopped. His eyes never left mine, and I adjusted myself in front of him. I could feel how hard he was getting and I hadn’t even touched him yet. I moved his pants down, only to see that he was free of any constraint underneath his clothing. I grabbed for his growing erection. It bobbed up and down in my hand, and I knew I didn’t need him to tell me how good it felt. The look in his eyes, the twitch in his cock, they spurred to continue.

  I brought my mouth down to his tip, breaking the eye contact that had me in a trance. Here was the part that made me nervous. I hadn’t done this many times, and my only hope was to make sure that Max enjoyed this as much as possible. Maybe it was compensating for the I love you comment, but I needed to do something, and this felt absolutely right.

  I started with a lick, tasting it little by little, but it wasn’t enough. I wrapped my lips around the head, ready to take it all in, but Max’s hand
came to my head, grabbing my hair in a fist, stopping me.

  “If you start this, I don’t think I’ll be able to stop you.” The words came out gritted, and I knew I was affecting him as much as I was myself. I could feel how wet I was, but I didn’t need Max to touch me. I wanted this to be just about him.

  I moved my mouth down his shaft, taking him in fully. That was my answer to him, and his response was a growl and tightening fingers. My excitement grew. When we had first been together it was soft, and each time afterwards I could feel the edge to Max, but he never let it out. I wanted it out. I continue to work him through a frenzy. I used my hands to work what my mouth couldn’t reach. It was when I moved one of my hands farther down that I could hear the moans come from Max. The exact one I wanted to replicate from when he ate my food. His hands in my hair began to move my head up and down forcefully. I let him take charge as he used me to reach the his release I could always feel it in the way his thighs began to tense.

  He tried to pull my head away as he began to twitch in my mouth, but I wasn’t going to let him take away the one benefit I got from doing this. I was going to take it all. I looked up at him, our eyes locking in an unspoken understanding. He shot into the back of my throat, coating my whole mouth. I swallowed each spurt that came at me, trying to catch up with each string of release that came. I felt almost as spent as he was when I moved, knowing it was now safe. I licked up what was left on him, trying to clean up the mess I had created, but Max wouldn’t let me.

  He pulled me up by my arms, forcing me to sit in his lap. I curled into him and we sat there as his breathing settled. I had made this man come undone and I was reveling in it, but I could see that edge coming again from him, but he only stepped over a little. I wanted more. I wanted to know exactly what this man was capable of, because the kind of breaking that I thought he was capable of before, the kind with my heart, was not what came to mind now. I wanted him to break my body in the best ways possible, and just thinking about it sent shivers down my body.