Let Me In (The Ink Well Chronicles: Book One)

by Jordan Bates

  Chapter 18

  I walked into Lilly’s apartment. It felt so weird to think that now. This wasn’t going to be my home anymore. It had been only a few days since Max asked me to move in with him, and the days couldn’t go by any slower. I had gotten almost everything boxed away, including all of the books that I had just recently unpacked. I tossed my keys onto the kitchen table, just as the phone in my pocket rang. It was a California area code.

  “Hello?” I answered warily. I always hated answering the phone if I didn’t know who was on the other end.

  “Alexa?” The voice on the other end of the phone sounded way too chipper, but familiar, and I couldn’t place it.

  “This is her. May I ask who’s calling?” I balanced my cell phone between my shoulder and my ear as I maneuvered around Lilly’s kitchen. I was supposed to be meeting her and Erica for a celebratory dinner, but I was back at the apartment first. Chase had let me go early as I had finished our newest client in two days, a whole week early.

  “Alexa! This is Kristen!” I racked my brain for a Kristen, and the only one who came up was one of the girls I knew from college who Adam and I were friends with. “I know we haven’t seen each other since college, but I just got your announcement and wanted to congratulate you!”

  Well, that answered who it was, but what I couldn’t figure out was what she was talking about.

  “Hey, Kristen!” My brain was still running a mile a minute, but I had stopped at the island in the middle of the kitchen. “I’m sorry, but these last few weeks have been crazy. Could you remind me what announcement you are talking about?”

  I started to thumb through the mail as I asked her. Bill, bill, coupons, another bill.

  “I mean, I guess the sayings about pregnancy brain have to be true. You’ve never forgotten anything for as long as I’ve known you.” I was still flipping through the large stack of mail, but all thoughts stopped on the word “pregnancy.”

  “What are you talking about, Kristen?” Why was she calling me? I moved through the mail faster, something inside me thought my answer was here. I reached the envelope and there it was. A sliver of hope ran through me that I would find the answer before she told me. A light lavender envelope with my name scrolled across it in bold letters came into sight. I opened it as Kristen continued to talk.

  “I’m pretty sure I’m looking at your baby announcement right now.” She laughed at my questions, and my blood ran cold. Baby announcement? I tore open the envelope as Kristen read the contents out loud. “Congratulations to Mr. & Mrs. Cartwright on their new darling daughter, who is due on October 21, 2017.”

  I let the announcement slip out of my hand, feeling numb and confused. I was most certainly not having a baby, but it seemed that Adam was. Their due date was in only four months. Adam and I had only been divorced for two. It all started to add up in my head now, how nonchalant he was about the divorce and everything that was happening, why he had thrown them having a family in my face. He had already known she was pregnant. I couldn’t be sure when he found out, but he had to have known when they got to Georgia. Why else would he string me along? I let out a sigh, trying to get my emotions under control.

  I picked the paper back up, looking at it again, but this time I could barely see it behind my blurred vision. It dawned on me that we, or rather I, hadn’t told anyone we were divorced, except for immediate family, but why was there a “Mr. & Mrs.” on it? I froze, tuning out Kristen’s chatter in my ear. They didn’t. They did. It would be the only explanation. They were married now. But when? How long? The questions kept coming, and I hadn’t realized that the phone line had gone dead and I was alone in Lilly’s apartment. My breaths became ragged, coming in faster and more shallow. I had to calm down.

  “Alexa!” My gaze shot towards the front door, where Lilly rushed in with Erica right behind her. “Don’t—” She stopped in her tracks when she saw me with the announcement in hand standing in the kitchen. “…check the mail…”

  “Already did.” My answer came out simply. I threw the card on the ground, not caring where it landed.

  “I just got a call from Eric about the announcement.” She ran to me and engulfed my whole body with hers. Eric was Lilly’s older brother and had been a friend of Adam’s since they met at the wedding. We hadn’t told him what had happened, because I didn’t want to ruin their friendship, no matter how much Lilly protested. “He apparently talked to Adam this morning and he told him about the baby.”

  I stood there, now sandwiched between Lilly and Erica as they both tried to console me. I didn’t want to be consoled though. I was angry, sad, confused, and bitter, but having people try to calm me down was the last thing I needed. I needed answers, but I didn’t know if I wanted them.

  I looked over to Lilly.

  “Apparently, they got married a few weeks ago.” I closed my eyes, letting out a breath as Lilly answered the question I just couldn’t ask. “Eric said that Natalie informed Adam of the baby the day they landed in Georgia. She apparently made this grand gesture and proposed to him.”

  I didn’t want to hear this at all. None of it. I felt so much more betrayed, especially since Adam had run after me to Max’s place. My mind just wouldn’t stop with the questions, and I forcefully pushed Lilly and Erica away, needing space. I walked towards my old room, looking at all of the boxes lined against the wall, just waiting for me to move in with Max. A tear slid down my face, and I tried to brush it off before the girls could see it.

  “Alexa.” Lilly came up behind me, trying to wrap her arms around me, but I moved too fast for her. “Don’t do this. Don’t shut down again.”

  I knew what she meant. When I lost my father, I tried to shut everyone out, but she always pushed through. When I lost the baby, I had done the same thing, but she hadn’t known what had happened. She knew nothing about why I was actually hurting. She didn’t know that I had been pregnant. In fact, no one knew except Adam and me. He didn’t want to jinx it until after the first trimester, but that was when the problems started, and shortly afterwards, that was when I had the miscarriage. By the time we had gotten to the hospital, I had lost too much blood.

  The doctors tried everything to see what they could do to help, but in the end, there just wasn’t anything they could do. Apparently, it was hereditary. I didn’t pay much attention to the doctors, since Adam had been there for me. The hysterectomy was something that I never thought would come to me at the young age of twenty-four, but then again, you can never predict these things.

  No one knew the amount of therapy I went through afterwards, by myself, with Adam, but nothing seemed to work. I worked myself into a hole, trying to read as many books as I could just to escape for a moment. It took almost a year to get me back on my feet, but it had changed my view of everything around me and had changed a lot of my friendships, except Lilly’s. She didn’t know what was happening, but she waited for me to get my shit together and was there right where I had left her.

  I looked around the room, then back at Lilly and Erica. They filled the doorway, blocking my exit.

  “I need to leave.” I knew where I wanted to go.

  “Okay.” Lilly moved out of the way, and I knew then that she knew where I was going to go, too. It was the one place I ran every time something got bad, but come to think of it, when Adam had left me, I had run to Max, not my father. But this. This was different. I had dodged this topic with Max, but now with me moving in with him, how could I tell him? How could he want someone who couldn’t ever give him a family?

  I didn’t grab the house keys when I left the building. I didn’t plan on being back for a while. I called for a cab, not wanting to have to chat with an Uber driver. I just wanted my peace. He took me straight to the airport and I hopped onto the first flight to Las Vegas. I needed to see my dad, and I needed to see him now.

  Chapter 19

  I texted Alexa again for the fourth time this evening, having already called her three times. I was normally never thi
s clingy, but she typically answered her phone. I sat in the chair by our front door, waiting for her to come home. It was one in the morning and she should have been back from dinner with the girls at least an hour ago.

  I tapped my foot rapidly on the ground, the sound echoing off the walls. This wasn’t like her at all. I tried to text Lilly next, but all I saw were three dots and then they were gone. Damn her. I wasn’t as lucky with Alexa though. Her stupid Android phone didn’t allow for me to tell if she had read my messages, so I wasn’t even sure if she was getting them.

  I wasn’t going to wait around any longer. I grabbed my keys, patted my pockets to make sure I had everything, and headed straight for my car. I didn’t care about speed as I raced towards Lilly’s apartment, parking on the curb rather than next to it. I didn’t care. I didn’t have time to care.

  I wasn’t going to wait for the elevator, no. I ran up the stairs to the third floor, hoping it would be Alexa who’d answer the door. I needed her to be in this apartment. If she wasn’t, I didn’t know what I was going to do. I couldn’t wrap my head around what was happening, and for the first time in my life, I was scared of the unknown.

  It was Lilly who answered the door and all I could see was red.

  “Tell me where she is.” I pushed through the door, brushing past Lilly. She followed me as I stomped through the apartment, tearing open every door I could find.

  “She’s not here.”

  My anger rose. “Then where the hell is she?” I looked around the open space of the living room.

  “She wouldn’t be happy if I told you.”

  “Dammit, Lilly!” My fist connected with the wall to my left. I turned back to her. Lilly had taken a few steps back and had her phone out. I wasn’t helping the situation and I knew that, but I needed answers and I needed them now. “Sorry.” I took a deep breath and closed my eyes. “Please, just tell me where Alexa is.”

  I said this through gritted teeth, because even asking the question again made me furious. I had no idea where my girl was, and I needed to know.

  “Max…”

  “Don’t Max me!” I screamed at her. Lilly was closer now, concern written all over her face. “She’s the love of my life, and I have no idea where she is. I need to know where she is, Lilly. I need to know that she’s okay.”

  It was then that I knew I could get anything I wanted from Lilly, because that look in her eyes told me she knew that I was serious. That I meant every damn word coming from my mouth.

  “She’s with her father.” I froze in place, confused by what she was saying. My eyebrows knitted together. Her father was dead.

  “What does that even mean?”

  “She went to go visit him.” It dawned on me. She went to where he was buried, that would be the only explanation. Why did she go there though? Why did she leave without telling me? Better yet, why hadn’t Lilly told me what had happened yet, because she clearly knew what was going on?

  “What happened, Lilly?” I kept my place while she went to the kitchen. She handed me a piece of paper she had retrieved. It was an announcement of sorts with flowers all over it. “What’s this?”

  “A baby announcement.” She said it matter-of-factly, like it meant something.

  “What does this have to do with Alexa?” I looked at the paper again. Cartwright. Alexa’s married name. Mr. & Mrs. due date. My mind started racing. Was this Alexa’s? Was this Adam’s doing? I felt so lost in the moment.

  “Adam is having a baby with his new wife.” It clicked. All of it. This was Adam’s doing, and I wanted to wring his neck for it, but I needed to get to my girl first. She needed someone. She may have run, but that wasn’t going to stop me. I would run to the ends of the earth to find Alexa, and that started now. “Text me where her father is.”

  I raced towards the door. I had no idea where her father was, but I knew I had to go to the airport. I knew I needed to get onto the soonest flight to wherever I needed to go.

  “Where are you going?!” Lilly yelled to me as I flew towards the elevator, hitting the down button multiple times. I may have been in a hurry, but I knew no matter how fast I moved, I would still have to wait for a damn plane. I just needed to get there sooner rather than later.

  “To the airport!” I jumped in as it dinged and rapidly hit the close button. My girl was going to find out just how much I loved her and just how much I was willing to be there for every single damn thing in her life.

  Lilly had texted me the Las Vegas address for the cemetery where Alexa’s father had been buried. When I arrived, I hadn’t expected the place to be so big. I found an undertaker only a few yards from the entrance.

  “Excuse me?” The man turned around, and I knew I looked in bad shape just from the look on his face. He scrunched his nose at my clothes, wrinkled from sleeping on the plane. It was the only way I could make it through the flight without freaking out. It was a miracle that I was holding together right now. “Can you tell me where the Frelan plot is?”

  I was hoping that this man had the answers that I needed, but I couldn’t guarantee it.

  “Who’s asking?” The man squared his shoulders and blocked my way along the sidewalk.

  “A friend of the family.” It was the truth, maybe not to the whole family but to the one that mattered most.

  “You know Alexa?” I had been looking around for a sign of other life, maybe someone else who could help me, but the moment he said Alexa’s name, my head shot right back to him.

  “Where is she?” I couldn’t hide the pain in my voice any longer. He knew who she was. “Please, just tell me where she is.”

  I had resorted to begging, and I just didn’t care. He looked me up and down again, trying to size up my intentions, but thankfully he gave in.

  “Follow me.” He set his rake off to the side, leaning it against a tree. The day was hot, and I wiped away sweat that was dripping down my face. I followed the man around the large building, leading to a small path that led away from the other plots.

  “She’s been here since yesterday.” I was startled by his words. She was still here since yesterday? She hadn’t left? He gestured towards a tree that was coming into our view. There was a small headstone next to it, with a bench that housed a small figure. Alexa.

  “What do you mean she’s been here since yesterday?” The man stopped us far enough away from her, letting us talk without disturbing her resting for. “When Alexa lost her father, she came here almost every day after he was buried. The drive took her only a few hours from where she lived in California with her mother. The rest of her father’s family are buried under that tree as well.”

  I looked around to see a few other plots that were scattered in no particular order.

  “One night, she slept on top of his grave, and after the second time it happened, everyone here banded together to get something to make it easier for Alexa. That bench has been there for years, and never once since we put it in has she used it.”

  He looked towards me for the answer this time, and I didn’t have it for him. I only knew a portion of why Alexa came here, but it would be up to her to tell me the rest.

  “Son.” The man put his hand onto my shoulder, steading us both. “Please put her back together.”

  I closed my eyes and then looked back to where Alexa lay. She was curled into a ball, with a blanket tossed over her. She looked so small and fragile, broken, and I knew what he was asking me. Heal her heart, and I hoped what I was about to do would do exactly that.

  “I plan to, sir.” I walked away from him and towards the woman who I wanted to spend the rest of my life with.

  Chapter 20

  Alexa

  When I had gotten off the plane to Vegas, I made sure that my first and only stop was to my father. I had somehow managed to sleep on the plane, so I knew when I got to the cemetery that I must have looked ridiculous. I was in a dress and boots, not something I would have worn out here on the West Coast Larry had given me a concerned look, but I brushe
d him off as I made my way to the grave.

  The undertakers had made sure to put in a bench for me years ago after having slept here a few times. I had a feeling though that I was going to need it now.

  I laid down on the bench beside my father’s grave. That was the last thing I could remember. I was embraced by a warm blanket across my body, causing my skin to be warmer than usual in the Vegas heat. I was hearing things also. Max’s voice filled my ears, and I thought it was a dream, but I couldn’t bring myself to open my eyes to see. Especially not with what I was hearing.

  “Hi, sir.” I could hear the laughter in his voice. I wasn’t sure if he had ever talked to a grave before, but I knew his hesitancy, because I had had it the first time I talked to my father’s grave too.

  “I don’t really know where to start, but your daughter is lying next to us, so I’ll have to be quick about it.” I heard him sigh and strained not to open my eyes. I wanted to know what else he had to say. “It wasn’t supposed to happen like this. I wasn’t supposed to fall in love with her, but I did. But here’s the thing, sir. I wouldn’t change a single second of it. I don’t care if how we came together was unconventional. I love your daughter more than life itself and would give my whole heart to her if she let me.”

  I couldn’t take it anymore. I peeked one eye open just a little to be able to see Max as he sat in front of me. He was kneeling down on the ground in his dark blue jeans and white T-shirt that fit him perfectly. God, I had missed him and it hadn’t even been one full day since I had last been in his arms. I tried to keep my breaths even as he continued.

  “She’s not just smart, no, she challenges me in ways that no one else has before. I can tell you, sir, that she keeps me on my toes at all times.” I heard a sniffle and knew immediately it wasn’t coming from me. Max was crying, and my heart broke, because I knew deep down inside, it was because of me. “I just don’t know what I need to do though. This woman is everything to me, and for the first time in my life, I feel complete with her by my side. I wouldn’t want anyone else there. But she ran. She ran from me.”