A Little Ray of Sunshine_A Christian Romance

by Kimberly Rae Jordan

Hannah nodded. She’d already been trying to do that when she could, and she knew that Emily would help her as well. It was hard to think about having to focus so much on her food. She’d tried off and on over the years to diet and lose weight, but it was as if as soon as she told herself she needed to watch what she ate, her cravings—even if they were just mental—went off the charts.

  It didn’t matter that her mind knew that focusing on food was for the best, for the sake of her body. But now she was back there again, only this time it was in order to gain weight. Could things be more screwed up? This situation was guaranteed to mess with her mind.

  “Do you have any concerns about Jason? I told Davis that I’d ask.”

  As the doctor looked him over, Hannah told her what he was eating and how the nurse had brought a scale to monitor his weight. His was a weight monitoring that she could get behind. She also told her what the nurse had said about how he slept at night and then described his diapers and his temperament.

  “Sounds like he’s doing really well. I’ll come back again next week unless you’d like to come to the office,” Emma said as she packed her bag. “You don’t have to let me know right now. Just phone and tell my nurse what you’d prefer.”

  “I can tell you now that I’m pretty sure I’d rather meet here,” Hannah told her. “I’m leery of going out in public too much just yet. My picture is still in the media.”

  “Yeah, you have been getting a lot of publicity, that’s for sure.” Emma straightened and picked up her bag. “Do you plan to give an interview at all?”

  “I don’t think so. Right now, my focus is on getting my strength back and somehow finding a job and a daycare for Jason.”

  Emma frowned. “Surely you don’t have to do that right away.”

  “No, but I don’t want to put it off too long. I’m not the responsibility of Ryan and his family. The sooner I can stand on my own two feet, the better.”

  Emma reached out and touched her arm. “Don’t rush it. Jason is relying on you to regain your strength, so you can move past all this. If you try to do too much too soon, it will just delay you getting to where you really want to be.”

  Hannah knew the doctor was right, but she needed to do something besides eating and sleeping to feel like she was working to get her life back.

  “I’ll see you next week,” Emma said. “And no need to walk me down. I can see myself out.”

  Hannah thanked her for coming, then watched as she walked to the stairs. Once she was out of sight, she closed the door and went to the swing. Lifting Jason up, she nuzzled his neck, loving the clean, fresh baby scent he had.

  She settled back down in her chair, holding Jason in one arm as she picked her report up with the other. She noticed the doctor had written her blood pressure down on the paper as well, but thankfully, not her weight.

  Though she would have liked to just hang out in her room, Jason was due for another bottle, so she changed his diaper and then left the room. She heard the voices before she reached the kitchen, so she knew that the men were still there. As she entered the room, she noticed right away that the tension wasn’t nearly as thick as it had been when she’d left.

  Apparently Ryan had forgiven the people who’d sent him off to be captured.

  “Hey!” he said when he spotted her. Ryan got to his feet and came over to take Jason from her. “Bottle time?”

  “Yeah.”

  “Well, fix the bottle, and I’ll feed it to him while you look through a few things.”

  “Look through a few things?” Hannah asked as she glanced to where the men were seated. She noticed that three of the four were watching Ryan with big grins on their faces.

  “Here’s a bottle,” Emily said from where she stood in front of the fridge.

  Hannah took it and put it in the warmer, then asked Emily, “Is there anything I can do to help you?”

  “Sure. Can you put these things on the counter? We’re having soup and sandwiches for lunch.”

  Hannah put the stuff on the counter then peered into the large soup pot on the stove to find what looked like several frozen bricks inside it.

  “I’m defrosting some soup I had in the freezer,” Emily explained. “Beef vegetable with some barley.”

  “Sounds yum,” Hannah said. “What else can I do to help?”

  “Nothing right now, but when it’s closer to lunch, I’ll take you up on that offer.”

  When the bottle was warm, Hannah took it over to where Ryan sat at the table with Jason. “I can take him.”

  Ryan held out his hand. “Let me feed him while you go through those bags.”

  Hannah looked down to where Ryan was pointing and saw two large bags on the floor. She sat down in the chair beside him and asked, “What are they?”

  “The guys brought them from Minneapolis. Apparently their wives got together and bought some stuff for you and Jason.”

  Shocked, Hannah looked up, first at Ryan and then at the men. “Really? But they don’t even know me.”

  “That’s true,” the stern looking man said, his expression as close to soft as someone like him could likely muster. “But they knew there was a need, and if there is one thing our ladies like to do, it’s to shop for stuff for babies.”

  Hannah glanced at Ryan, and he smiled. “I know it’s shocking, right? Marcus actually has a wife and a kid.”

  The men around the table laughed. Well, all except Marcus, but he did crack a smile which Hannah figured was his way of acknowledging Ryan’s joke.

  “Go ahead and open them,” Ryan said, settling Jason into the crook of his arm then feeding him the bottle’s nipple. “Let’s see what fancy duds the J-man is going to be wearing.”

  After a brief hesitation, Hannah opened the first bag, gaping at the stacks of clothes inside. For the next little while, she pulled out outfit after outfit, and several tiny pairs of shoes. She noticed the outfits were of varying sizes, so it looked like he’d have clothes for some time to come. Emily came over periodically, seemingly as delighted as Hannah was with the contents of the bag.

  When the first bag was empty, she returned the items to it, then turned her attention to the second one. There were more baby clothes, but in addition to those, there were things for her. Not clothing, which would have been difficult for the women to choose without knowing her size, but toiletries and some makeup. High end stuff too, by the look of the names on the bottles.

  Marcus cleared his throat then said, “Alicia told me to tell you that the face and body stuff in that bag are to die for and will make your skin silky smooth.”

  “Did she really tell you to say that?” Than asked, a grin on his face.

  Marcus shot him a dark look then nodded. “She made me recite it back to her a few times to make sure I got it right.”

  “Well, if it’s the same stuff Lindsay uses,” Than said. “I’d have to say she’s right. Silky smooth.”

  Hannah could see that Marcus was fighting a smile at Than’s words, but the other three had given up the battle and were outright laughing.

  Emily came over to the table and picked up one of the lotion bottles. As she peered at the label, she said, “I should look into this. Pretty sure Steve would also appreciate silky smooth skin.”

  “Mom!” Ryan said as he tried to cover his ears, but since his hands were busy with Jason, he failed.

  That only made the guys laugh harder and even Marcus couldn’t hold back a full-blown smile.

  “I really think he would, Mrs. C,” Than told her. “I’m not sure where Lindsay got it, but if you can’t find it, I’m sure Ryan could let me know, and I’d get the info for you.”

  “Dude.” Ryan fixed his friend with a baleful look. “Don’t encourage her!”

  Emily patted Ryan on the shoulder as she headed back around the counter. “Some day you’ll understand.”

  Hannah began to move the stuff that was on the table back into the bag. She kept her gaze from going to Ryan because at Emily’s words, the thought had
popped into her head that she wished she could be part of that some day. Knowing that wasn’t likely, she just needed a minute to push all those feelings back down inside.

  When she’d put everything back into the bags, she got to her feet. “I’m just going to take these things up to the room.” She looked at Ryan. “Are you okay with him for a few more minutes.”

  “Yep. He’s not quite done yet.”

  “I’ll be back in time to burp him,” Hannah assured Ryan before heading upstairs. She didn’t take the time to unpack the bags, but just set them on the chair by the window. However, she had seen a card inside one of the bags, so she found it and opened the card to read its content.

  Hannah ~ We hope you can make use of these things for you and your little one. Our thoughts and prayers continue to be with you through your adjustment back to life here. Hope we can meet up some day! With much love!

  Alicia Black

  Rebecca Thorpe

  Lindsay Miller

  Melanie Harris

  Adrianne Mackenzie

  Victoria Hause

  Alana Morrell

  She was glad to see that after each of their names, they’d included what she assumed was their personal email address. Once Jason was down for the night, she’d take the time to write them a thank you note.

  Back downstairs, Hannah found that Jason had finished his bottle. “Here, I’ll take him.”

  Ryan readily surrendered the baby, then got to his feet and went around the island counter. Propping Jason on the blanket she’d put over her shoulder, Hannah rubbed and patted his back lightly.

  “Just think, Than,” Tyler said, jabbing his elbow at the man. “Not long and that will be you doing that.”

  “Don’t you mean, not long and Lindsay will be doing that?” Than replied with an arched brow. “Or our moms. You know they’re going to be all over the baby situation. We might have to move and only have them visit after being blindfolded and driven over by a chauffer.”

  Hannah couldn’t even begin to imagine what her mom would have thought of Jason, although given that he was a boy, she might have been okay with his presence in her life.

  “Just be happy you have a mom who’s going to love your baby a whole lot,” Marcus said with a small smile tinged with sadness. “Not all of our children will have that.”

  Than’s face immediately sobered as he reached out to put a hand on Marcus’s shoulder. “You’re right. We are fortunate.”

  “So what types of sandwiches do you all want?” Ryan asked from where he stood at the counter. “Mom’s got every kind of deli meat and cheese, and three or four different kinds of bread.”

  Once Jason had led out a satisfactory burp, Hannah put him in his reclined high chair which had been moved to the breakfast nook and was currently beside Tyler. The man looped his arm over the back of the high chair and looked down at Jason.

  “So, little man,” he said. “How’s life treating you? Got any girlfriends yet?”

  Ryan laughed. “He’s already captured the heart of an older woman. My two-year-old niece has claimed him as her baby.”

  “The other two are fairly enraptured by him as well,” Emily said. “He’s the most popular baby around here these days.”

  Hannah went and washed her hands then stood at the counter to help Ryan make the sandwich orders. She buttered the bread, adding condiments as requested, then passing the slices on to Ryan for the meat and cheese. Steve came into the kitchen in time to help Emily dish up bowls of soup. In no time, they were all gathered around the breakfast nook—a bit of a tighter squeeze than normal—with aromatic bowls of soup in front of them.

  Hannah hadn’t made a sandwich for herself because she was pretty sure that her stomach would accept a sandwich or the bowl of soup, but not both. After Steve had said thanks for the food, Hannah took a spoonful of the soup, relishing the warmth and tastiness as it slid down her throat.

  As she continued eating, Hannah realized that it would probably be a good idea to have Emily give her some cooking lessons before she moved out. Not that she didn’t know how to cook, but comfort food had been her go-to for a lot of years. In the short time she’d been there Hannah had seen that Emily’s food not only tasted great, it appeared to be healthier than anything she knew how to make.

  Conversation during the meal seemed to vary from personal to business and then back to personal again. Emily and Steve seemed to hold no ill feelings toward the men who had sent their son off to the Middle East, and she respected them even more for that. Not everyone would be as forgiving.

  Once the meal was done, the men spoke a little more to Ryan and then they were off. Back to their wives and families. Back to BlackThorpe. Hannah asked that they pass on her thanks to their wives even though she planned to email the women herself. Jason started fussing a bit just as they finished cleaning up, so Hannah took him upstairs to her room for a nap.

  Though she would have liked to stay awake herself and unpack the bags, she found that her full stomach was making her sleepy—or at least that was what she was going to blame her tiredness on. After making sure Jason was settled in the small crib beside her bed, Hannah lay down and did everything she could to shut her thoughts down so her body could rest.

  CHAPTER TWENTY

  Once the men had left, Ryan was restless, but he couldn’t put into words why. Hannah had gone for a nap, so he grabbed the keys to one of the cars and headed out to the rock climbing gym Gabe co-owned. Gabe had mentioned earlier that morning that he planned to spend most the day in the gym, so Ryan decided to see if he could find something to distract himself there.

  Gabe greeted him with a broad smile then took him back into the office where he’d been hanging out with his two business partners. “Did you want to climb a wall?”

  “I’m already climbing the walls,” Ryan told him. “That’s why I’m here.”

  His brother frowned. “You’re bored? That doesn’t bode well for us keeping you here for any length of time.”

  “Not bored, really,” Ryan said, though having heard Gabe say the word, it did sort of describe how he was feeling. He wasn’t going anywhere though. There were still things he needed to help Hannah with, and she wasn’t up to doing all those things in one day. He knew that, so he wasn’t going to push her.

  “Maybe you just need some variety to your day. We could all volunteer to have a ‘take Ryan to work’ day.”

  “Very funny,” Ryan said as Gabe and his friends laughed. “I’d end up at the same place three or four days in a row.”

  “Well, you’re welcome to come do a workout here each day,” Gabe said when he stopped laughing. “That part of the gym is off limits to the public.”

  “I just might do that. Goodness knows I’ve lost a lot of my strength and muscle tone over the past few months.”

  “You could also look into meeting with a therapist,” Gabe mentioned, his tone casual. Too casual.

  “I’m fine. Hannah will need some help most likely, but I’m fine.”

  “I’m not saying you need to go for intensive therapy, but let’s face it, you’ve gone through a very traumatic experience. I think just having someone to help you process that would be a good thing.”

  Ryan shot his brother a look. “You went through something traumatic as well.”

  “You’re right. I did,” Gabe said with a nod. “And I ended up going to some therapy. Not right away because, like you, I figured I didn’t need it. But Maya encouraged me to consider it, so I did. It really helped to be able to talk to someone outside of the family about everything that had happened. And it got people off my back from wanting to talk about it all the time. I just told them I was seeing a therapist. It helped a lot all around.”

  Ryan wasn’t sure why he was so reticent to go to therapy. Maybe it was because he felt that compared to what Hannah had endured, his issues should be manageable. When he said as much to Gabe, his brother shook his head.

  “Just because someone has suffered more than you do
esn’t mean you haven’t suffered. In fact, just knowing what Hannah has gone through is weighing heavily on you. I can see that.”

  His brother wasn’t wrong, but it made no sense. It wasn’t like he could have prevented anything. By the time they’d ended up together, she’d already endured the worst part of her captivity. Still, he felt guilty.

  “I’ll think about it.” He’d said that before, but maybe it was time to really think about it, not just say that he would.

  “Well, I’ll shoot you a text with the information about my therapist. That way, you have it if you decide to take that step.” Gabe flashed him a quick smile. “I won’t bug you about it again, but I make no promises about anyone else.”

  After a workout alongside Hunter, one of the gym’s owners and a personal trainer, Ryan headed home. It was a frigid day out, so he was glad to get back into the warmth of the house. He was greeted by the fragrant aroma of Italian herbs and tomatoes and knew that they were going to be having either spaghetti or lasagna for supper. It had been so long since he’d had either that he would enjoy whichever one it was.

  His appetite was coming back more quickly than Hannah’s appeared to be, but that was to be expected. She’d been with limited food for much longer than he had been.

  Once in the house, he found the kitchen empty. There were no pots on the stove, so he assumed that supper was in the oven.

  He left the kitchen and headed for the family room, wondering if that’s where his parents were. He’d seen another car in the driveway, so he wasn’t too surprised to find Max and Yuka there with them. They were seated on the couch while his parents were on the loveseat. There was a fire in the fireplace, giving the room a cozy feel.

  However, there was no sign of Hannah. Again.

  Ryan was starting to get worried about her inclination to hide away in her room. He knew that his family could be overwhelming, and that after a year essentially on her own, being around so many people wasn’t easy, but hiding herself away wasn’t the answer either.

  “Hannah around?” he asked after they’d greeted him.

  “I think she’s upstairs in her room,” his mom said. “I haven’t seen her since lunch.”