Radio Gaga

by Nell Dixon

  “Perhaps we could go out for dinner tomorrow night, my treat?”

  Her suggestion took me by surprise. Normally, when she stayed with me she spent all her time cleaning and reorganising my flat and trying to persuade me to eat some kind of macrobiotic or whole food diet. We never went out to eat.

  “Why not? Sounds nice.” It had to be better than staying in. Maybe holding awkward conversations over dinner would be easier in a different environment.

  I’d been in bed for an hour tossing and turning and unable to sleep with a nagging headache in my right temple. After staring at the ceiling for a few minutes longer I knew I had to give in and take something or I would never get any sleep. There were some Paracetamol tablets hidden away at the back of the cutlery drawer in the kitchen, if Mum hadn’t found and removed them.

  Fortunately they were still in the drawer under the soup spoons, although God knows how long they’d been there. I filled a glass with water and stood at the sink to gulp them down. Two dirty cups stood on the drainer. One had Mum’s dark red lip print on the top but the other showed a smear of bubblegum pink lip gloss. It wasn’t mine, I didn’t wear that shade. Mum must have had company last night after I’d gone and the only person I could think of who did wear pink gloss was Ben’s sister, Natasha.

  * * *

  I woke early the next morning with a chocolate hangover. The tablets hadn’t helped much and the morning sunlight hurt my eyes as I let myself quietly out of the house ready to head into work.

  To my surprise Ben was on his way into the house. He looked as rough as I felt. Dark smudges of fatigue lay under his eyes and his expression was forbidding as he jogged towards me. He must have been out for a morning run, his grey tee shirt was marked with sweat and his trainers and track bottoms were spattered with red mud as if he’d been pounding the track down by the river.

  “Morning.”

  He slowed to a halt and tugged out the ear bud from his MP3 player before bracing his hands against his hips to steady his breath. “You’re out early?”

  “Got to get to the studio to prep everything for tomorrow. Have you had a good run?”

  He didn’t have the air of a man who’d been running for pleasure, tension emanated from his body in the rigid line of his shoulders and the immobility of his jaw line.

  “Not bad.”

  “I met your sister yesterday, she said she intended staying with you for a while.”

  A shadow flitted across his face. “Yes, Tash told me. She went down to your flat last night.” His eyes locked on to mine.

  “I was out. I think she must have been chatting to Mum.” I’d been right about the pink lip gloss.

  “Tash has had a few problems over the last year or so.” He paused as if unsure of how much he should say.

  “She mentioned.” I guessed he wondered how much he should tell me or how much I knew already.

  “It would be nice if she had a friend.”

  “She’s welcome to drop by anytime.” My heart rate picked up. Ben wanted me to be his sister’s friend. Perhaps he didn’t think I was a complete loser after all.

  “Thanks, she’s still vulnerable, so…”

  “It’s okay.” I didn’t wait for him to expand, I sensed the whole asking a favour from me was proving a touch tricky and although I am ultra nosy, I can be tactful sometimes.

  He gave me a small smile. “Have you set up when you’ll be doing some things on the allotment, so I can take some pictures for the garden column?”

  His sudden change of subject caught me on the hop. I’d been allowing myself a pleasant little daydream of Ben thanking me for helping Tash and rewarding me with a kiss. A very long and lovely kiss that would lead to other things. The mention of the allotments bought me crashing back to reality.

  “Saturday morning. I believe I’m digging manure into the soil.” I tried to sound dignified. It would be too much of a stretch to pretend that was how I would love to spend my precious days off. Forking horse-shit into heavy clay mud must be every girl's dream, lucky me.

  Ben’s face creased into a smile. “Great. I’ll get the time from you tomorrow.”

  I knew he was laughing at me. “You could always give me a hand with the shovel.”

  “I’m sure the Gazette’s readers will enjoy seeing your endeavours. Are you all ready for the filming tomorrow?” His eyes twinkled with amusement.

  “More or less.” It wasn’t a fib. I had two more sessions with Doctor Setti and I didn’t think I’d have to handle the snakes or reptiles at the zoo for long. The filming should be quite short. I could get enough on the audio capture to satisfy Steph’s audience with my gasps and descriptions of handling the animals. With Ben snapping a couple of shots the whole experience should go off quite quickly and then I could go and have my nervous breakdown in a nice quiet corner someplace.

  “Nervous?” He asked.

  I tried to look cool.

  He laughed out loud. I suppose that’s the penalty of having an expressive face. My true feelings about the Challenge Chloe zoo adventure must have been obvious.

  “A little. It’ll be okay. I tried out for Blue Peter once, you know.”

  A small snort of laughter escaped him and I could tell he was biting the inside of his cheek in an attempt to keep the rest of his mirth contained. I would have been offended if he didn’t look so gorgeous when he smiled.

  “I suppose it wouldn’t be much of a challenge for you if they picked things you liked or didn’t mind doing.”

  “No, I suppose it wouldn’t.” I hadn’t thought much about that. I could be so dumb sometimes. I should have given Merv a list of things I dreaded or feared and then maybe he would have put some things I liked on the list of challenges.

  “I’d better hit the shower before Tash wakes up and hogs the bathroom.” He took a step closer ready to pass me on the step.

  My pulse kicked up a notch at his proximity. “I suppose I’ll see you at the zoo tomorrow?”

  He grinned. “I wouldn’t miss it for the world.”

  The glint in his eyes teased me into smiling back. I went to walk over to my car.

  “Oh, and Chloe.”

  I paused and turned my head.

  His lips brushed my cheek and I caught the faint scent of clean male sweat and fabric softener from his tee shirt. “I think you’re pretty brave to take on these challenges.”

  My body heated at the brief unexpected contact but before I could reply, he’d gone inside the house leaving me staring after him like an idiot.

  Chapter Sixteen

  Inside the Live it Up studios something terrible had happened to the space time continuum. Work that should have taken only a few minutes turned into long, painful hours in the company of Steph and Merv. To complete my misery Merv announced that he would be accompanying me to the zoo tomorrow to act as my sound man.

  “Otherwise you’ll bollocks it up, like you did at the bloody castle.”

  Thanks a lot, Merv. At least Steph had to stay behind in the studio for the broadcast. Otherwise she’d be trying to muscle her way in front of the camera and I’d end up relegated to a bit part.

  At least I managed to escape from them in time for my second appointment with Doctor Setti. The treatment followed the same format as before. I was dimly aware of her speaking to me but everything had gone sort of hazy. Heaven only knows if any of this would do any good. The proof would come tomorrow at the zoo if I managed to snuggle up with a snake without passing out.

  I arranged an early morning appointment with Doctor Setti for the next day. Hopefully third time would be the charm and I would no longer have snake-o-phobia when I met the film crew. The spiders might still prove to be a problem but I’d need a miracle to cure me of my fear of them by tomorrow.

  When I emerged, blinking and rather stunned, into the street outside Doctor Setti’s office, the sun had come out. Gentle heat warmed the top of my head and my back as I strolled along the side street towards the centre of town. I was in no hur
ry to go home.

  I wasn’t looking forward to dinner out with my mother. After yesterday it almost felt as if I didn’t know her any more. I’d always known she’d been disappointed in me and that she’d never understood or approved of the choices I’d made in life. Even so, it had still stung to have those suspicions confirmed in such a hurtful way.

  Why hadn’t she told me she was dating Angus? Especially after it had become clear that it was a serious relationship. To go so far as to set a wedding date and to have discussed the arrangements with his daughter but still not to have told me until she’d had no choice, that had been devastating.

  I meandered along the high street staring through the store front windows at things I had no interest in purchasing. Was I really such a big disappointment to my mother? Okay, so I wasn’t married to a doctor, lawyer or otherwise equally high-powered professional. My degree was in media studies and I hadn’t graduated with honours or gone on to do a masters or Phd. I didn’t have a fabulous job that earned me pot-loads of money.

  On the other hand though, I was healthy, happy, had never been arrested apart from that one time when there had been a misunderstanding about a traffic cone which had somehow found its way into my possession. And then I’d been let off with a warning on condition I replaced the cone. I had a job and my own home. Contrary to recent events, I didn’t do drugs, didn’t smoke and only very occasionally did I go out on the town and get drunk.

  I called my mother every week, went home for holidays and Christmas and always remembered her birthday and mother’s day. I wasn’t a single mother and I never asked her for money or help. So why hadn’t she been able to tell me she intended to remarry?

  A woman clipped the back of my heels with her buggy when I halted suddenly outside Poundland. I hobbled to the side of the pavement as she glowered and tutted before sweeping past me on her way towards the market. Now I had a scrape across the back of my foot right where the strap of my sandal would catch it. I shuffled my foot further down into my sandal and hoped my heel wouldn’t start bleeding before I made it back to my car.

  Of course I’d been so lost in my own thoughts I’d taken the long way back to the car park. My heel was sore and throbbing by the time I finally made it. A flash of red on my windscreen drew my attention as I unlocked the car door. Another rose had been placed under my wiper blades.

  Once again there was no message. Just a perfect single stemmed red bloom wrapped in cellophane and red ribbon. All around me on the car park were rows of cars and some windblown bushes. The only people in sight were an elderly woman laden down with carrier bags and a harassed looking young mother strapping a screaming toddler into a car seat.

  The rose, which had seemed like a cute romantic gesture the first time around now felt creepy and stalkerish. The first time hadn’t been a mistake. Whoever had left the flowers on my car meant them for me. I stood for a moment wondering what to do with the rose. It was too beautiful to discard, and what if the giver were watching me?

  I climbed into my car and tossed the rose onto the passenger seat. Was the phantom flower giver someone I knew? I considered the possibility as I joined the traffic stream and headed home to my flat. It would be nice if Ben turned out to be my secret admirer but reason told me this was unlikely even if he had kissed me.

  Maybe Neil? Mum had said he seemed miserable. Except Neil was too mean to buy roses. It had been one of the bones of contention between us. He’d always claimed I was being extravagant or frivolous if I splurged on a new lippy or a jar of the posh face cream I liked. On the other hand he would have hocked his own granny on Ebay if they allowed the sale of people.

  I was no closer to figuring out a shortlist of suspects when I pulled into my parking space outside the flat. The flat was silent as I let myself in. No hum of the vacuum cleaner, no classical music. I walked through into the lounge and added my rose to the other one in the vase.

  Everything was as I’d left it that morning when I’d gone out. Nothing had been bleached, painted or scrubbed. I wasn’t sure if I should be relieved or worried. After checking that Mum’s stuff was still in the cupboard-come-office that I called my guestroom, I settled for relieved.

  I took the opportunity while she was gone to grab the bathroom for a nice long relaxing soak in a hot bath. Whenever Mum visited I always took showers, otherwise I ended up with a lecture on saving the planet by conserving water. Showers were fine, and I used the shower most of the time anyway but sometimes only a lovely long soak in scented water will do. Today was one of those kinds of days, thanks to Merv, my rose giver, and the upcoming ordeal by snake at the zoo.

  The bathwater was draining away when I heard Mum’s key in the front door. I took my time towelling myself dry and covering my skin in body lotion before I tugged on my dressing gown and ventured out into the lounge.

  Mum had made herself a cup of one of her herbal teas. I could smell the aroma of vanilla and orange as I entered the room.

  “Hello darling, how was your day?” She greeted me cheerfully enough but a wary note was in her voice.

  “Usual. Merv was Merv, I had my hypnotherapy session ready for tomorrow and someone left another rose on my car.”

  “What do you mean, another rose on your car?”

  I’d forgotten that in all the fuss about Angus yesterday I hadn’t said anything about my secret admirer. She put down her cup and saucer to walk over to the window. She examined the roses that I’d jammed in a small vase on the window sill while I explained where I’d found them.

  “And there was no message with them?”

  “Nothing.”

  “Who do you think it might be?” A worried frown creased her forehead as she replaced the vase on the sill.

  “I don’t know. I wondered if it might be Neil but if it was then why wouldn’t he leave a note?”

  Mum appeared to consider this for a moment. “I think it’s worrying. If it happens again I think you ought to consider reporting it to the police. It could be some deranged stalker.” She retook her seat on the sofa and picked up her drink.

  Cheers Mum, good way to reassure me.

  “Or it might be some nice harmless old pensioner who wanted to give me a flower.” I didn’t really believe that, but it was a possibility.

  “Just be careful Chloe. Make sure you park in crowded areas and take care at night. Don’t go walking on your own in the dark.”

  “Yes, Mum.” Like as if I hadn’t been doing that for years. Although, I supposed I could be a little more careful. It was easy to get blasé. I’d never been frightened of being out and about on my own even when Merv and Steph had sent me off to interview down and outs for a piece Steph was doing on homelessness.

  I’d actually only found one down and out and everyone in town knew her. Scary Mary lived in a small tent in the municipal gardens behind the high street and made her cider money by helping the market traders pack up their stalls. They also supplied her with left over fruit and veg which she pushed around in a Tesco trolley along with the rest of her possessions. Her story had been rather sad, really.

  “I’ve booked a table at the Raj for tonight. I hope you don’t mind but I asked Natasha and Ben if they’d like to join us. I think poor Tash could use a night out.” Mum carefully didn’t meet my eyes as she spoke.

  “Fine.” In one way I was relieved that I wouldn’t be spending a whole evening tete-a-tete with Mum but this was what she always did. She’d find some lost cause and drag them into our lives. All through my childhood she’d done the same thing. I’d shared my toys at Christmas with a neighbour’s foster daughter. I’d always been forced to have some stranger tagging along when we’d gone to a theme park or on a trip to the seaside.

  If I’d objected I’d had a massive guilt trip laid on me about the less fortunate and how privileged I was in comparison. Which was fair enough but sometimes, just sometimes it would have been nice for it to be only me and Mum. Now it seemed it was Tash’s turn to be the subject of Mum’s good intentio
ns. Not that I minded Tash. On our brief acquaintance so far I actually quite liked her, and I certainly had no objections to spending more time with Ben.

  “I’m sure I know her brother from somewhere. He is so familiar. I’ve been wracking my brains to place where I know him from.”

  “Haven’t you asked Tash?” I’d have been amazed if she hadn’t. Sometimes I think Mum should have been an investigative journalist. Her interview techniques could have been learned directly from the Spanish Inquisition.

  “One doesn’t like to seem nosy, and besides she always manages to change the subject.”

  I smiled to myself. Mum always went into ‘posh’ mode and the third person when she knew she shouldn’t be poking around in people’s business.

  “Maybe he looks like someone you know,” I suggested.

  She took a sip from her cup. “No, it’s something else. I know it is.”

  A prickle of unease ran up my spine. I hoped Mum wasn’t going to turn dinner at the Raj into an interrogation opportunity.

  Chapter Seventeen

  Ben and Tash met us at the Raj. I’d been there a couple of times before with Shelly. It was pricier and rather posher than our usual curry house so we tended to save it for special occasions. I knew it was an attempt by Mum to make up for her shock wedding announcement so I thought I needed to try too.

  I’d made a special effort with my appearance. To please Mum I had dug my one and only skirt out from the back of my wardrobe and teamed it up with a cream fluffy jumper that did wonders for my cleavage, and my favourite high heeled black patent boots which were murder to walk in.

  Tash was as lovely as usual in fitted black trousers and a pale blue silk blouse that looked suspiciously like a designer number. Ben seemed to have made an effort for the occasion as well. My heart did a crazy skip when he walked through the door to greet us. His dark grey shirt emphasised the taut muscles of his shoulders and chest.