Ryan's Love (Sawyer Brothers #1)

by C. A. Harms

  “Uncle Jackson said Midnight is my best option. He’s tame and the most responsive to the reins. So I’ll be fine.” She smiled brightly because she had already thought everything out. The pure joy written all over her face from the possibility of a day riding the trails melted any possible chance of me being able to tell her no.

  “Sure.” I nodded as I stood up and began walking down the hall toward my room. “Give me ten minutes to get ready.”

  “Hey, Dad,” Olivia hollered after me.

  I turned back around to face her. “Yeah?”

  “I was just wondering.” She frowned. I waited patiently as she weighed it out in her mind. “I haven’t really heard you say anything about Amber in the last couple weeks. And you haven’t gone out with her either, so I was just wondering why?”

  I tried to appear unaffected by her words. Amber’s name made me flinch, but I hoped Olivia was too far away to notice. “Things just didn’t work out.”

  I started to turn around, but her voice stopped me once again. “What do ya mean, it didn’t work out?”

  I rubbed at the stubble that had become more of a beard over the last couple weeks. I had no reason to keep it trimmed because I sure as hell wasn’t trying to attract any attention. “I’m where I need to be, with you. It was for the best.”

  She looked like she was going to say something more, but I cut in again. “Now get ready. This train is leaving in five-point-two minutes, and if you aren’t aboard, you’ll have to hitch a ride.” I chuckled as she arched an eyebrow at me, and I left her to ponder just how long two tenths of a minute was while I ran off to get dressed for a day on horseback.

  ***

  My brother and I settled on the porch of my parents’ home for a beer. “So, uh.” Noah cleared his throat and looked back over his shoulder. Once he saw we were, in fact, alone, he continued. “Have you heard from her at all?”

  “Heard from who?” I knew exactly who he was talking about.

  “Don’t give me that shit. You know damn well who I’m referring to.” He stared at me sternly.

  “Yeah well, it should be obvious enough that I don’t feel much like having that conversation.”

  My ass of a brother was a pusher; he didn’t back down easily, and he pushed until he got to the core of the problem, then took it upon himself to fix it.

  “I can see you don’t,” he said, “but I don’t care much for what the hell you think you want right now. I do know it’s bothering you that Amber walked away, and in turn that shit bothers me.” He leaned forward, resting his elbows on his knees. “It took you years to finally let go, Ry. Amber is something special, and I don’t like the idea of you two giving up without putting up a fight.”

  “Well I hate to be the person to tell ya, but she’s the one that walked away,” I said. “She said she was coming between Liv and me. Even when I said we would work it all out, she insisted we couldn’t.”

  I stood up and tossed the bottle of the beer I had just finished into the barrel at the edge of the porch. “So I’m doing what I need to do to move on. I can’t force her to be with me, Noah. I won’t.”

  When I turned around my mother and Olivia were both standing at the edge of the stairs.

  “Is that true, Dad?” Liv’s big, beautiful eyes were locked on me as she frowned in confusion. “Amber broke up with you because of me?”

  I closed the distance between us and gripped her shoulders. “No, it was not because of you. She just knew that right now my focus belonged to you completely.”

  She looked to her side, and my mother forced a smile. “You needed time to heal, sweetheart, and Amber saw that. It was a selfless act. She let go of your father so he could be by your side helping you heal.”

  Liv still looked tormented, and I had to soothe her. “It’s you and me, baby girl, us against the world. Your smile is all I need at the end of the day. Nothing else matters.”

  “But Dad…”

  I only shook my head as I hooked my arm over her shoulders and led her off the porch toward the barn. “Now how about that ride? Midnight is saddled up and waiting.”

  Chapter Twenty-Two

  Amber

  “Girl, you honestly look like hell,” Bailey said as she entered the kitchen just before seven in the morning. I had already been up for over two hours and was working on my forth batch of fudge.

  “Thanks,” I mumbled. I knew if I looked anything like I felt, it couldn’t be pretty.

  “Stop being stubborn and just call him,” she offered as she loaded the coffee filters into the pots for the morning rush. “You know you miss him, and I can almost guarantee he misses you too.”

  My phone rang on the counter behind me, interrupting her interrogation. Bailey grabbed it before I could.

  “Why in the hell is this douchebag calling you?” she spat.

  I turned my back to her and continued to measure out the fudge.

  “Amber?” she pushed when I didn’t answer right away.

  “I don’t know,” I said as I turned to face her. It was true Kevin had been calling for weeks, but I ignored his calls and didn’t listen to his messages. “I haven’t answered. I figured he’d get the hint by now and stop trying to call.”

  The phone began ringing once more, and I sensed the moment Bailey made the decision to answer. I lunged for her and she pulled back, tapping at the phone.

  “What the hell do you want, Kevin?” I narrowed my eyes at her. “No, you dumbass, it’s Bailey, and I asked you what the hell you wanted.”

  Her face reddened, and she was seething within seconds. “Well isn’t that just so thoughtful and kind of you. After all, you haven’t already caused enough damage, you have to call and add a little more salt to the wound.” Bailey gripped the counter and her nostrils flared. “Don’t you worry about it, asshole, I’ll take care of that. Have a great life. I hope she cheats on you and you catch some incurable disease that makes your dick turn green and fall off.”

  She yanked the phone away from her ear, hit the End Call button, and angrily tapped at the screen again. I tried to hold back my laughter and failed. I hadn’t seen her this fired up in a long time.

  Lifting the phone back to her ear, she held up a finger, indicating for me to wait a moment. As if I had any other choice.

  “Hey, Carl, will you do me a favor?” She paused, waiting for his reply. Carl was her dad’s best friend. After the death of her brother, he sort of stepped in and became Bailey’s support system. When her own parents fell apart and eventually just completely wrote Bailey off, Carl was the only family she had left.

  “Will you go over to Amber’s old place and get a small box of things she left behind? Apparently Mr. Dickhead is desperate to have them picked up. Also, punch him in the face for me before he can close the door.”

  Bailey laughed at something Carl said. “Well yeah, that would work too, but if you do that, make sure you take a picture of the douche holding his nuts in agony before you walk away.”

  I waited for her to tell Carl good-bye before I asked, “Do you mind telling me what got you so worked up?” Her behavior was brought on by something more than me needing to pick up the small box. It had to be more.

  “He’s marrying that skank,” she squealed. “He said she wouldn’t move in until all your things were gone, and since you moved without leaving a forwarding address, he had no idea how to get the box to you. I mean, honestly, just throw the shit out. You left it there because it was shit you didn’t care about, but he’s just being an asshat about it.”

  I bit down on my lip and tried to fight off the bubbling laughter. Bailey cocked an eyebrow at me and waited for me to start cussing and throwing things, but I could no longer contain myself.

  “An incurable disease which leads to your dick falling off. Oh wait, it would turn green first, then fall off,” I said as I broke out in laughter. “He really got to you, didn’t he?”

  I leaned back against the counter as she narrowed her eyes at me, trying to remai
n serious. “How in the hell are you able to laugh about this? He cheated on you, and now he’s going to move that whore in and marry her.”

  “Bay, listen to me.” She sat down on the stool with a defeated groan. “He did me a favor. Imagine if I hadn’t caught him cheating. Imagine that I’d gone through with the plan to marry him.” I cocked an eyebrow at her. I hoped she was envisioning the disaster my life would have been if I’d stayed with Kevin.

  After a long silence, she began to calm down as my words finally sank in. The idea of what our lives would have been like had we stayed in Chicago was something we both hated to think about.

  The moment it all made sense to her was comical. Her face softened, and her nose wrinkled in disgust. “Well, okay, fine. I’ll admit it, you’re right. But I still hope Carl breaks his nose.” A smile spread across her face. “Or his dick,” she added, shrugging. We both laughed as we thought of Kevin backing away, begging for Carl to spare him.

  “Oh yeah, and Carl said he would mail the box next week.”

  “Oh God, tell him not to bother. It’s just random shit Kevin gave me. Tell him to donate it or burn it.” I honestly couldn’t care less.” Nothing in that box meant anything to me. It was all from my past—a past I no longer wanted any part of.

  ***

  It had been over three weeks since I last saw Ryan. Every day that passed should have been easier, but being away from him only seemed to get harder.

  The moment he stepped into the dining area of the bakery, my heart felt as if it had literally stopped, and the dryness of my mouth made my tongue feel like it was three sizes bigger than it was meant to be. As he took his first step in my direction, my heart began to race. When he approached the counter and laid a five dollar bill next to the register, I could only stare up at him.

  “Can I get a coffee, please?” he asked.

  I had a flashback of the night Noah and Ryan found me stranded with a flat. Ryan was stern and withdrawn that night, cold in the same way he was now. He sounded nothing like the man I had grown to care about so deeply.

  I nodded as I turned to the coffee machine and began filling a travel cup. My hands were trembling, and I hoped he hadn’t noticed.

  When I turned back around, he was staring off at something, avoiding me. I placed the cup only inches from his outstretched hand and grabbed the five. “Let me get your change.”

  “Keep it,” he said before turning around and leaving as quickly as he had come in. My stomach dropped at his withdrawn attitude, but I could only blame myself. I walked away, and he was obviously pissed about it.

  So far, my day had been one disaster after another, starting out early with Kevin and his big news, followed by Ryan and his not-so-friendly visit. If you could even call it that; it was more like a pit stop. But things soon slowed down, and after about the tenth time Bailey insisted I go upstairs and take a nap, I finally gave in.

  I had only been lying down for about an hour when I heard a light tap on my door. Looking up at the clock and seeing it was only a little after three, I panicked a bit. Why had Bailey already closed the bakery? And if she hadn’t closed it, why had she left it unattended? She peeked inside, and I sat up immediately.

  “What’s wrong?” I asked, crawling from bed. I pulled my shoes on quickly and stood up, but she stopped me just before I could rush past her.

  “Everything with the bakery is fine,” Bailey assured me. “But you have a visitor. Two, actually, but I’m thinking the older one is only serving as a ride for the younger one.”

  “What?” I asked in confusion.

  “Ryan’s daughter is here, and her grandmother brought her.” She shrugged. “I figured you would want me to wake you up for this visit.”

  Nervous energy washed over me. The last time I saw Olivia, she was slamming her bedroom door shut in anger that I had shown up at her home. After what she’d said to Ryan at the hospital, I never thought she’d willingly show up to see me.

  Then again, she may not be doing this willingly. I felt a flash of anger at the thought of anyone forcing her to apologize to me. She was a child, one that was still heartbroken from losing her mother. She had absolutely nothing to apologize for.

  I walked downstairs and through the kitchen, then entered the dining area. In the far left corner, Ryan’s mother and daughter sat, looking out the front windows. They must have heard the clicking of my sandals against the tiled floor, because they both turned at the same time to face me.

  Ryan’s mother stood and walked toward me first. “I hope you don’t mind us just dropping in like this, but Olivia’s been asking for me to bring her.”

  “It’s okay, Mrs. Sawyer, really,” I offered as I looked over her shoulder at Olivia. She still sat at the small table in the corner, twisting her hands nervously.

  “Call me Tammy, hun,” Mrs. Sawyer insisted.

  “Okay.” I smiled politely as my gaze shifted back to meet hers. “Is she all right? I mean since the wreck and…” I paused, unsure of what to ask. I didn’t want to appear nosy, but I truly wanted to know if Olivia was doing better.

  “She’s been asking me for over a week to bring her to see you. At first I was leery, wondering what Ryan’s reaction would be. But now after knowing her reasoning, I felt I needed to do this for her. I can handle Ryan, but she needs to heal.” She took my hand and squeezed gently. “She is truly an amazing girl. I know with her recent actions you may feel differently.”

  I immediately began shaking my head. “Of course I don’t think badly of her. She’s young, scared, and she’s gone through heartache I wouldn’t wish on anyone.”

  “I’m happy to hear that.” Tammy looked back and smiled at her granddaughter before stepping past me. “I’m gonna take a walk down to Willard’s and get a few things I need for the garden. I’ll be back in a bit.”

  I turned to watch her walk out of the bakery. She didn’t look back.

  I grabbed a bottle of water from the cooler at the end of the counter and made my way over to join Olivia at the table. Her gaze flickered to mine and then immediately shifted back to her hands on the table.

  Being the adult in this situation, I decided to attempt to break the tension. “Looks like your uncles were trying to make a statement with your cast.”

  She smiled and twisted it from side to side, allowing me to see their handiwork. “They’re ridiculous,” she said. “But harmless.”

  “How are you feeling?”

  She shifted in her seat and finally turned to look up at me. I could see the faint scar above her eye where she had to have stitches. The skin was still reddened but looked like it was pretty much healed. Her nostrils flared, and her eyes pooled with tears. Of course I immediately felt sick at the idea I had upset her. But when she spoke, her words floored me.

  “Please don’t push my dad away because I’m having a hard time accepting him moving on. I’m trying, Amber, I really am.” Her voice trembled, and tears streamed down her cheeks. “I’m so sorry I made things hard for you. I’m trying so hard. Please believe me.”

  I was up out of my chair and kneeling next to her before I had time to think about it. I twisted her to face me and looked up at her. “Olivia, understand something. I do not blame you. I don’t feel as if you purposely sabotaged my and your father’s relationship.” I sat back on my legs as I tucked them under myself. “Sweetie, you have the right to feel and express those feelings. You were terrified and for good reason. Losing your mother was such a tragic loss. That’s something you will never get past. Please don’t apologize for being scared.”

  My own eyes clouded with unshed tears. “I just couldn’t be the cause of turmoil between you and your father. You needed time to heal, and me being in your father’s life was only making things harder. I refused to be the one that drove you two apart.”

  Her chin quivered, and she sniffled and placed her hand over mine, which I’d rested on her knee. “What if I promise to stop being so stubborn? What if I say I can handle it, that I want you
and my father together?” Her words felt more like she was begging rather than questioning. “After my momma died, he changed. He was so sad and lost. I remember the nights I would lie in my bed and hear him sobbing in the next room. He would try to hide it, but I could see the devastation written all over his face.”

  I swiped away the tear that had fallen down my cheek as she carried on. The idea of Ryan in pain was torture.

  “But when he met you, I got a glimpse of him being happy again. I admit it hurt seeing him smile because of another woman. I had never imagined him loving anyone other than my mother.” More tears fell from her eyes and dripped onto our joined hands. “But now he’s so distant and sad. He sits out on the back deck, staring off at nothing, and the look on his face breaks my heart. I know I caused it.”

  “Hey, you didn’t cause anything,” I told her, but she only shifted in her chair, which forced me to stop talking.

  “I did.” She sniffed. “I acted like a brat to gain his attention. I made poor choices to make him angry. All I had to do was tell him I was scared. I know he would have listened. He’s always listened to me. We’ve always been close.”

  “That’s why I stepped back, sweetheart. Your father’s focus needed to be solely on you and him. The two of you needed to heal, and the only way you could do that was together.” Her tears were killing me. She was so young and obviously had a heart of gold. And among all her own hurt and confusion, she wanted to come here and try to make things right for her father.

  “I’m almost positive my father is in love with you.”

  I looked at her, trying to control the shock I felt from her statement. “He deserves happiness because he’s the greatest man I know. I want to see him smile and hear him laugh again.”

  I don’t know what possessed me, but I lifted my hand and wiped the tears from her eyes. “You make him happy, Amber.”

  She shrugged. “You brought back the guy he was when my mother was alive. I know you’re not selfish. You let him go for my sake. You didn’t have to, but you walked away, and you did that for us.”