Shadows Within (The Dark Mind Trilogy Book 2)

by Matthew Goldstein

  “You don't talk about it much.”

  “Yeah, I know. From how I grew up, I learned how to hide my emotions really well. I put on a good front. I mean, why sulk all the time? If you pretend to be happy, then everyone around you will be happier, which makes you happier in turn.”

  “But how are you actually doing? I think it's healthy to talk about things, at least once in a while.”

  “To be honest, I go back and forth a lot. Sometimes I hate them and I'm glad they're gone, out of my life. But sometimes I miss them so much. Especially my mom. She was never as bad as my dad and she's the one who's never coming back.” She pressed her eyes closed as a shudder coursed through her body.

  Cole wrapped his arms around her and held her tight. After a minute, she looked up at him.

  “I'll be all right,” she said. “Really. You make everything better just by being there.” She pulled back and wiped away the rest of her tears. “So, my project with Alexia is going pretty awful. We can't even decide on a stupid topic. Any suggestions? What are you doing?”

  The rest of that day and the next passed fairly quickly. Cole had little appetite, but other than that he kept his nerves at bay. On the outside, it appeared as though his mother was also handling it well, and her calm attitude put Cole's mind further at ease.

  Before noon that next day, there was a phone call. Cole paid it no attention until his mother entered, a strange expression on her face.

  “You have a phone call,” she said. “It's that girl, Michelle. She does sound nice.”

  He took the phone from his mom without a word. “Hello?”

  “Hey, it's Michelle.”

  He took the cordless into the library and shut the door. “How did you get my number?”

  “When you called me, obviously.”

  “But I told you not to call here.”

  “Why are you being so hostile?” Her tone sounded hurt. “I was wondering if you wanted to work today. We never made plans on Friday and I have no other way to get in contact with you. Besides, it's not like a phone call will matter once I meet her.”

  “I guess that's true. I'm sorry. Yeah, sure, today should be fine. When were you thinking?”

  “My mom can drive me now if you're not busy.”

  “Oh, uh, yeah, now should be okay.”

  “Cool. What's your address so I can put it in my GPS?”

  “One-oh-five Pineview Avenue.”

  “Great. I'll leave in a few minutes. Bye.”

  “See ya.” He hung up and brought the phone back to the kitchen, where he was surprised to find his mother standing in front of the open refrigerator, a half-prepared lunch on the counter. “You okay, Mom?”

  She jumped back and shut the refrigerator door, startled by his voice. “Oh, it's nothing. I've started to get some hot flashes recently. Guess I'm officially over the hill. So what did she say?”

  “She's coming over now,” Cole said. “Can you please not embarrass me?”

  “I would never,” Meredith said jokingly. “How are things going with her?”

  “They're fine.”

  “Well, I hope Amy's not jealous.”

  “Can we not talk about this? You think I really care about anything at a time like this?!” He surprised himself at his sudden outburst.

  Meredith's face dropped and her voice was quiet. “I was just trying to add some levity to the situation. You think I'm not scared too?”

  His mother's unease shook his core. “I don't want her to come over anymore. I just want to spend time with you.”

  “Look, Cole. We'll figure it out. For now, it's best to keep your mind off it. Worrying will help nothing. I'm working on a plan as we speak. It seems pretty sound.”

  “Yeah, what is it?”

  “I'll tell you all about it once it's completely nailed down. Trust me. All right? Right now you need to eat a quick lunch if she's going to be here in fifteen minutes. And you're still in your pajamas.”

  “Okay.” The fact that his mother had a plan reassured him. He got dressed and was wolfing down his lunch when the bell rang. He downed his last bite and bolted to open the front door.

  19

  “Hey, Michelle,” he said, his mouth half-full.

  “So, you're Michelle.”

  Cole turned around to see his mother standing behind him.

  “I'm Meredith. Nice to meet you.” Meredith extended her hand and Michelle shook it lightly.

  “Hi,” Michelle said without making eye contact.

  “Well, I'll leave you two to work.” Meredith retreated to the kitchen.

  “Are you afraid of my mom?” Cole said, smirking, as he led the way to the library.

  “Not afraid of her,” she said quietly. “I guess I'm just a little shy.”

  “Really? You could've fooled me.”

  “No, seriously. Usually I'm really shy around people. I don't know why I'm not around you.”

  “I'm flattered?” Cole said. He shut the door of the library and unpacked his books. “So, as you can see, I don't have a computer in here, but if we need it I can ask my aunt to use the one in her room.”

  “That's all right. Most of the research we already did. Now we just need to actually write the stupid thing and make that stupid poster.”

  “Ha. It is pretty stupid. Do you want to split up which parts we write about?”

  “Sure. And I brought supplies to start making the poster.” She pulled some art supplies out of her bag.

  “Oh, wow. That's really awesome of you.”

  “It's nothing. I had most of this stuff lying around my house any-”

  She was cut off by a knock on the door. Meredith poked her head in. “Sorry to interrupt. Michelle, would you like anything to eat or drink?”

  “Oh, uh, n-no thanks,” Michelle said.

  Cole held in a laugh.

  “All right, well let me know if you change your mind.” Meredith left, shutting the door behind her.

  Cole burst out laughing.

  “Hey, it's not funny!” Michelle said.

  “Come on, it's a little funny. My mom says hi and you develop a stutter.”

  “I have issues. I'm working on it. It makes a lot of people think I'm weird.”

  Cole felt a little bad, and cut his laugh short. “Sorry, I didn't mean to offend you. I don't think you're weird. You're really cool.”

  “Thanks.” Michelle watched the floor and fidgeted.

  “Anyway, let's get started.” Cole began to spread out the supplies on the floor. “I was thinking for our title we could put in big letters 'The Secret of Life.'”

  “That's totally awesome. I'll start cutting out the letters.”

  They worked until near dinnertime, accomplishing most of the project with only a few details remaining. They gathered everything together in preparation for Michelle's mother's arrival.

  “I can't believe how much progress we made today,” Michelle said as she packed. “It's not even due for another week. I never finish early.”

  “Yeah, me neither. We make a great team.”

  “Thanks. You know, not gonna lie, I'm gonna be kinda sad when this project is over. I enjoy working with you.”

  “We can still hang out,” Cole said. “Won't it be better without work on your mind?”

  Michelle scooted up next to Cole and said quietly, “Yeah, I'd like that.”

  Cole leaned back a little. “Um, okay. Why are you whispering?”

  “What? No reason.” Michelle's cheeks flushed a deep red and she leaned back. “Hey, you know Arthur? What do you think of him?”

  “I... don't really know him,” Cole said, taken aback by the sudden change in topic. “Why?”

  “He keeps asking me out. I should probably say yes. He seems nice.”

  Cole remained still, unable to think of any words to say.

  “I do want to hang out with you, if that's okay. You're fun.”

  “Are you actually okay with the fact that I have a girlfriend?”

 
Michelle chuckled. “Don't flatter yourself.”

  “Well, good luck with Arthur.”

  “Thanks.” There was a silence and then Michelle continued. “My mom should just about be here.” She scooped up her belongings. “I'll see you tomorrow. We'll make plans to hang out. With Amy.”

  “Sounds good. See ya.”

  “Bye.” She waved and left.

  Cole waited in the library until he heard the front door open and close. “I need to see Amy,” he said to himself, shaking his head. He lifted himself from the floor and exited the library. “Mom, can Amy come over after dinner?” he called.

  “Yes,” came the reply from somewhere in the house.

  He picked up the phone and dialed Amy.

  “Hello?” It was Mr. Williams.

  “Oh, hi, Sam. It's Cole.”

  “Cole! I've been meaning to call you but I've been so busy. We never went to fly the model airplane. Still interested?”

  “Uh, yeah, maybe next weekend.” With all of the events since his last visit to their house, the plan to fly the model airplane seemed unappealing and irrelevant. “I was wondering if Amy could come over after dinner.”

  “That should be fine. I'll check to make sure she did all her homework, but assuming she did, around seven-ish?”

  “Yeah, thanks, Sam.”

  “You take care, Cole. And I'll see you soon.”

  “Yep. Bye.”

  He called back a few minutes later to confirm that Amy had completed her work and he would be bringing her over. Shortly after, Cole was called to dinner, and he saw his mom in her work clothes, her movements hectic.

  “Are you seriously working tonight?” Cole said.

  “Yeah, why not?” she said. “I'm scheduled tonight as usual.”

  “Yep. Gonna be back late?”

  “Yes, you should be in bed by the time I get back.”

  “Oh. I was hoping we could do something with Amy.”

  “Tomorrow.” Meredith beamed a huge smile. “I promise.”

  “Okay,” he said glumly. As the night went on, his anxiety was growing, and even though it was not yet the fated day, he was afraid to allow his mother out of his sight. She'll be fine. She knows what she's doing better than you. She's been handling it for far longer.

  His mom left before Amy showed up, and as soon as Amy walked in the door, she recognized the disquiet within Cole.

  “What's the matter with you?” she said.

  Is it really that obvious? “Nothing. Why?”

  “You haven't been yourself lately, like something's been bothering you.” She looked into his eyes. “Does it have to do with Michelle?”

  The question brought a smile to Cole's face. “No, not at all. I don't really wanna talk about it, though.”

  “You're doing it again. You're closing me out. You promised you wouldn't. You promised you'd be open with me. What could have possibly happened that you can't tell me about?”

  “All right, fine,” he said in a low voice. “Just keep quiet. I don't want Aunt Beth to hear.” He brought her into the library and they took seats on the floor, facing each other. “Remember I had that premonition about you being in danger?”

  Amy nodded. “Of course.”

  “Well, it happened again but this time with my mom. She's in danger tomorrow.”

  Amy's eyes went wide. “But you got me through that. I'm still here. So you can do the same for her, right?”

  Not exactly. “I guess.”

  “Well, if you know what's going to happen and keep her in a safe place she'll be fine.”

  If only it were that simple. “Yeah. Hopefully.”

  “You can't allow yourself to have doubts.” She laid a reassuring hand on his. “You'll both get through this. You beat it once, you can beat it again.”

  Dr. Stern's terrified dying eyes flashed through his mind. “Yeah.”

  “Come on, cheer up. I have faith in you.” She snuggled up against him, but Cole found no satisfaction in the intimate contact. For the first time, Amy had failed to alleviate his bad mood, although it wasn't her fault. She couldn't know how much her words stung Cole to the core. Just as he was starting to recover from the Dr. Stern trauma, it had returned tenfold.

  “Cole?”

  Cole's head snapped up at his name. He hadn't realized he had spaced out. “Oh, sorry.”

  “You didn't hear what I said?”

  “Sorry.”

  “I can see I'm not getting through.” She snuggled closer and said no more.

  Cole appreciated that she knew when not to push. Even though she could not improve his mood, he loved her more in that moment than he could have imagined. There's that word again, he thought. Love. You're too young to know what that means. Stop throwing it around or it's going to slip out and that'll scare her away.

  “I'm moving back into my old house this week,” Cole said, his voice little above a whisper.

  “I remember that,” she said, her volume matching his. “I can't wait to see it again. We have to have a housewarming party. Have you seen it yet?”

  “No.” Cole paused before adding, “You were right about Michelle, by the way.”

  Amy looked up into his face, hers mere inches from his, but Cole's focus remained distant. “What do you mean?”

  “She was all flirty but then pretended nothing happened and proceeded to say she would go out with some guy, Arthur.”

  “Wow. That must have been awkward. Are you going to be able to finish the project?”

  “Yeah, she was actually pretty cool about it. She said she wants to hang out with the both of us.”

  “Huh.”

  Cole met Amy's eyes. “What?”

  “Nothing. That's interesting. We could do that if you want to.”

  “I think you'll like her when you get to know her.” They drifted off into silence, and then Cole said, “Wanna listen to Aunt Beth's song?”

  Amy giggled. “Yeah, I would. It never gets old. And then do you want to play a game? We would used to play a lot of board games. I miss that.”

  “I'm down.”

  Cole thought the song sounded old and boring, and afterward he tried to lose himself in the simple competition of the board game, but his attention slipped away with the night. He knew his distance was obvious, but Amy did not mention it. She acted as if this game was the most fun and exciting one they had ever played. Cole could not help but smile at her enthusiasm, even though his heart was not in it.

  The bell rang as they were finishing the game that had taken twice as long as it should.

  “That's for me,” Amy said, and when Cole failed to respond she added, “Hey, I'll see you in school tomorrow. In a little over a day we'll be laughing about this.”

  “Uh huh.” He gave her a kiss goodbye, but the moment he was alone, the pit in his stomach became a chasm. Knowing Beth could do little to remedy the situation, he attempted to go to sleep early, wishing he could sleep through the next twenty-four hours.

  After tossing for a couple of hours, sleep finally came, but it was far from a relief. It brought with it the most vivid memory of Dr. Stern since the day after the murder. Her face floated over his paralyzed body, screaming at him, why couldn't he save her. Why did she have to die? In his helplessness he felt her smothering him, seeking revenge for her death.

  On his dying breath he bolted awake, shaking and sweating, his mind filled with a new epiphany, one which would haunt him for the rest of his life. Nothing good could come out of it. If he did manage to save his mother, it would mean that Dr. Stern's death was unnecessary. Regardless of the outcome, his guilt would be unbearable. He could never live with himself.

  This thought so terrified him that he sank back into toddler mentality and ran from the room to seek comfort from his mother. He cracked open her door, and at the sight of her, an overwhelming resolve washed over him. I'm sorry Dr. Stern, but your death will be in vain. I cannot, will not, lose my mother.

  20

  He lay on the floo
r by the side of her bed, not wanting to disturb her, and remained there until dawn, listening to his mother's steady breathing. As the first rays broke through the morning gloom, he drifted off to sleep, awakened by his mother's alarm clock. He opened his eyes to see his mother's foot swinging over the bed above him. To avoid being stepped on he sat up quickly. “Morning, mom.”

  She fell back in shock, gasping. “Cole! What are you doing? You scared the crap out of me.”

  “Sorry.” He pulled himself off the floor and sat on her bed. “I can't go to school today. I'm staying here with you.”

  “Don't be ridiculous. You can't skip school. I'll be here when you get home.”

  “Mom, no. I'm not leaving.”

  All at once her casual attitude disappeared. Cole saw a flash of fear in her eyes and she nodded meekly. “Okay.”

  Cole rubbed the sleep from his eyes. “Thanks. Let's have breakfast. I'll make it.”

  He prepared omelettes with cheese and mushrooms, forbidding his mother from helping. He served two plates of burnt eggs, and as he dissected his portion with his fork, he willed his stomach to yearn for food. After a couple bites he gave up and placed his fork on the plate. “That one time you tried to beat the instruction,” he began carefully, “what time did that person die?”

  His mom, who had also barely touched her eggs, put her fork down and sat back. There was a distinct pain in her eyes as she answered. “It was only a few minutes before midnight. Like they wanted to give me every last chance to change my mind. I should have. Oh, Julie. What a waste of a young life.”

  Cole gave her a moment to compose herself. “Amy survived 'til close to midnight as well. So whatever we have to stop won't be 'til late.”

  “I suppose that makes sense.” Her voice and gaze were distant.

  “So... since there's nothing we can do now, let's do something to take our minds off it.”

  “Okay.”

  “What do you want to do?” Cole said.

  “You know, I feel in the mood for getting something new. Wanna go to the store?”