Alicia clutched her stomach. She felt it twist into a knot. Something didn’t feel right. She didn’t want to go back to her house, but she didn’t want to be around people, either. She wished her father hadn’t brought Gabriella up. How many times had she told him not to?
She let out a sigh and walked on. She had an empty home to get back to.
CHAPTER 2
“Oh my God,” Alicia said, snoozing her phone. She rolled over onto her stomach and pulled the covers up to her head. She reached out, but her arm fell limp next to her. “Oh, God.” She threw her legs over the side of the bed and rose to her feet. She was sweating profusely, like she had just submerged herself in a tub of water. Finally she picked up her phone and dialed her assistant’s number. “Bobby, hey. Why are you calling me at six o’clock in the -”
“Alicia, why aren’t you at the studio yet?”
“What do you mean? Are you completely oblivious of the time?”
“I thought we had already arranged to meet at the studio so you could sign the papers?”
Alicia paused for a moment, trying to jog her memory for whatever the fuck he meant, still frustrated. Bobby was the kind of assistant that would call fifty times a day just to set up a meeting. He did everything around the office, from contracts, to paperwork, to booking shows. Alicia had to admit, she couldn’t live without him. But that didn’t mean he wasn’t an annoying little rascal sometimes.
“Oh, Logan’s paperwork, right?” she asked, rubbing her eyes. Her shoulders were slouched, her eyes were pink and her limbs felt heavier than ever.
“Yes, he needs you to approve his tour stops!” Bobby said.
“You do realize that the deadline to do this is still next week, right?”
“You forget my motto, Alicia.”
“Yeah, the sooner the better.” Alicia closed her eyes and hung up. She scrolled through her phone, only to find ten missed calls from Logan. “Whoops.” She ran to her closet and pulled out the first outfit she could find.
“That’s pretty ugly,” she said looking at herself in the mirror as she slipped out of her night gown and into the gray satin romper. She ran downstairs, grabbed a three-day-old croissant from the fridge and headed out.
***
“Good morning,” Alicia smiled, barging into the studio. Bobby and Logan sat side by side, discussing what she could only guess were the tour stops. “Sorry I’m late.”
“Alicia!” Bobby shot up from his seat and headed straight for the door. “Can we all step into your office now?”
Oh, he’s in that mood again.
Alicia followed him down the corridor and squeezed past him, unlocking the door. All three of them stepped into her office, which smelled mustier than ever. Alicia sniffed around for the source of the smell.
“Well, then,” she said, flicking the lights on and making a beeline for her desk.
“Well,” Bobby said, slumping down across from her. “I’m going to need you to look through these.” Suddenly a large pile of paper landed on Alicia’s desk with a loud thump. She jumped in her seat; it was almost as if they had appeared out of nowhere.
“Alright,” she grumbled, already calculating how long it was going to take her to sift through it all.
“And … there’s a new set of demos I need you to listen to.”
“Oh.” Alicia slid down in her chair and stared up at the ceiling. “Alright, one thing at a time.”
Logan stared at her with a glimmer in his eyes. “Sorry we’re making you do all of this work, Alicia,” he winked.
“Oh, no. Don’t worry about it,” she teased. “Now, let’s see …” She skimmed through the pages, her eyes going up and down the lines of writing. So many terms and conditions. She took out a cigarette and lit it while she continued reading. “Sometimes I feel like I’m working for the government.” She signed her name a bunch of times before she looked up at Logan again. “Oh, you’re stopping in Amsterdam.”
“It’s a beautiful place,” he said, raising an eyebrow at her. “There are more bikes than there are people.”
“Sounds like my kind of place.” Alicia skimmed through the papers some more before she stapled them together and handed them back over to Bobby. “I’ll be finalizing everything in the next couple of hours,” she said.
“Alright, well, I have to get going,” Logan said, getting up and flashing Alicia a coy smirk. “See you at nine to discuss the final touches?”
Alicia flicked her wrist to check the time. “We have all day,” she beamed.
Bobby nodded at Logan before he stepped out into the hall. He glanced at Alicia momentarily before he passed her a flash drive. “These are the new demos I want you to listen to. We have around five new artists in there.”
Bobby caught a fleeting stiffening of Alicia’s face, but then she forced a weak smile and busied herself with her laptop. “I’m going to look through them right now,” she said, rather reluctantly.
“You don’t want to listen to them, do you?”
“It’s not that I don’t want to listen to them. I just don’t know if it’s a good idea to take on any more artists right now.”
“I disagree.”
“I think you’re forgetting who’s boss?”
“You know I’m really calling all the shots.”
“Not in the mood to play this game, Bobby.”
“Fine,” he sighed. “You’re boss, so let me convince you.”
“Go ahead.”
“We can’t ride on our current line-up forever. I think we need to remind ourselves that this industry’s ever-changing. We need to keep up with that. I know it’s a lot of work for you and for me and for everyone involved, but trust me, Alicia, it gives Harper Records a good name.”
“Hey, this was never about not wanting to put in the effort, Bobby.” Alicia leaned in across the desk and stared at him. “You and I both know that this company is my baby. It’s all I work for, it’s all I have.”
“Which is why you need to put in an effort to find new artists,” Bobby said. “Just think about it. And if you don’t believe me, just remember that Sandy was once a fresh face … look at her now.”
Alicia put out her cigarette and looked at Bobby. Deep down, she knew he was right. She just couldn’t deny how reluctant she was to listen to new artists. But she pushed herself. She pushed herself because she knew it was for the best. “Well, speaking of Sandy, I gotta call Jeremy to ask about a thing or two. And I promise, I’ll listen to the demos as soon as I can.”
“Alright, I’ll leave you to it,” Bobby said, rising to his feet. He flashed Alicia a smile before he stepped out of her office. “See ya later,” he winked.
Alicia put her feet up and closed her eyes. Before she knew it, her phone was ringing again. “I was just about to call you,” she said, cradling the phone to her ear while she worked the coffee machine. Jeremy was chuckling at the other end. “How’s Sandy’s album coming along?”
“It’s coming along great,” he said. “You should pass by and check it out.”
“I’m probably gonna do that,” she said, pouring a little coffee into a clay soup mug. “Is Sandy having fun with it?”
“Yeah … she’s having a blast. You know, one of the things I really like about this girl is that she adds her own small touches to everything. She’s unique that way.”
“I’m glad to hear that,” Alicia said, smiling weakly. There was no one in the room, but she felt the need to fake a smile, anyway. “Alright, well, I’m going to drop by in an hour or two. I’m surprised you’re even awake right now.”
“We’ve been up all night working,” Jeremy said. “I don’t think I’ve gotten an ounce of sleep since last Tuesday.”
Alicia giggled. “Oh my God, dive for the nearest pillow, man,” she said, bringing her hair to the side and running her fingers through it. “I gotta go right now, I’ll talk to you in a bit.”
Alicia stared down at her cup of coffee
. She tapped its murky surface to break the thickening skin and watched the new gap grow. The brown drink dripped from her finger, so she licked it and smacked her lips together. She often wondered if she was slacking off. After all, it had been a while since she last produced something. Harper Records was doing well, but they weren’t doing enough digging. Alicia wasn’t doing enough digging. Maybe Bobby’s right.
“Am I interrupting some of your private thinking time?” Logan asked, popping his head in through the door.
“No, not at all,” Alicia said, motioning for him to come inside. “Just drinkin’ my coffee … you want some?”
“Sure,” he said, blowing at it before taking a sip. “Woah, what did you put in there?” he asked, pursing his lips.
“Jack Daniel’s.”
“Nice,” he said, licking the froth off his lips. “No drinking in the workplace!”
“I’ll be drunk and miserable if I want to, dammit!” Alicia joked, sitting back in her seat.
There was a pause. “Well, speaking of which, I kind of wanted to tell you something, but I’m not really sure how you’re going to react.”
Alicia threw her head back. “Lay it on me,” she said.
“Gabriella’s back from her tour.”
Alicia jumped in her chair, then instantly regretted her reaction when she saw the look Logan was giving her. Her hands began to tremble, and she quickly hid them under her desk. She didn’t know what it was about Gabriella coming back that made her whole body shake. She hadn’t seen her in quite some time; she wasn’t ready. “Are you sure?”
“Yeah, saw it on the news,” the singer said. “And I think I overheard Jeremy talking about it.”
“Well, that’s just great,” Alicia said, cracking her neck. “Logan, if you don’t mind, I’d like to be alone for a while.”
“You got it,” he said. “Sorry if I put you in a bad mood … I just thought I’d give you a heads up.”
“Oh, no. I really appreciate it, you have no idea.” She smiled at him as he walked out, then threw her head back again and closed her eyes. “Well, that’s just fantastic,” she whispered to herself.
CHAPTER 3
Gabriella unlocked the front door. Her footsteps echoed within the walls; sections of ceiling hung limp in the stagnant air. The house felt foreign to her, almost as if she were seeing it for the first time. It was empty. Too empty. She left her luggage at the door and slumped down on the couch. It was covered in white sheets, but she didn’t even bother to remove them. They were dusty, dirty, and they stained her clothes. But she didn’t care. She crossed one leg over the other and stared into space. A little light seeped in through the curtains, but it wasn’t enough. The place was almost completely dark, begging for light to be let in, but Gabriella didn’t move from her seat. There was nobody to welcome her, no one to clean up when she wasn’t there. Dust lay over every surface like gray snow, the light streaming in through the gaps in the heavy velvet curtains illuminating dancing dust specks in the air. Absolute silence. All the noise was in her head.
She thought back to her last night at the hotel, how restless she had been, how reluctant to go back home. Being on tour was stressful enough, but it was even more stressful having to come back to an empty house. For the past couple of months, she had been jumping from city to city, signing autographs, taking pictures with fans. Never once did she stop to think about how she was feeling. Now that she had all the time in the world to do that, she knew she was going to go crazy.
I’m so fed up of this!
Gabriella flinched at the memory of Alicia yelling at her, and of her yelling back. In her mind’s eyes, she could see the two of them arguing everywhere around the house; in the kitchen, in the corridor, on opposite sides of the bed. She thought she had gotten away from the memories, but they were still haunting her.
Gabriella grunted and got up. Her legs shook underneath her as she struggled to take the sheets off the furniture. Dust bunnies landed at her feet. In one fit of rage, she yanked the sheets off everything; the couches, the chairs, the TV. She turned it on to make sure it was working; the first thing that popped up was her own music video.
“I’m not surprised,” she said to herself.
She didn’t want to admit it, but Gabriella had been following her own news lately. Ever since she exposed Straub for who he really was, she had been getting all kinds of attention. As hard as she tried, she couldn’t resist going through the comments on her Instagram posts, scrutinizing every hair on her head, every movement she made, every blemish on her skin. It was like she had been placed under a microscope, and there was no one to walk her through it.
“God, I need to stop Googling myself,” she muttered under her breath. She switched off the television and started pacing the room. When she made sure that everything was working, she turned around and headed for the stairs. They creaked underneath her as she climbed them, but she didn’t notice. Her thoughts were volumes louder.
You’ve been so cold lately! Gabriella flinched again. This time, it wasn’t Alicia’s voice accusing her, but her own. She walked into her room and saw herself standing there with her hands balled up into fists. Alicia stood at the foot of their bed, her arms raised over her head. She was fed up with Gabriella and how sensitive she was being. Gabriella couldn’t stop crying.
“Okay, calm down. Calm down,” she said to herself as she ran out into the corridor. She went into the bathroom and the first thing she saw was Alicia sitting on the shower floor, hugging her knees to her chest and rocking back and forth frantically. Her sobs were muffled, like she was trying not to be heard. Did I do this? No, Alicia did this.
No, we did it to each other.
Gabriella turned to the mirror. Beads of sweat were rolling down her forehead, her makeup was smudged. She leaned over the sink and took in a deep breath. What has this house done to her? Everywhere she looked, she was reminded of how turbulent things had been. Finally she decided to check her voicemail. Maybe that’ll take my mind off things.
Sunday, April 2nd.
“Hey, Ella! It’s Jeanne, from high school. D’you remember me? Gosh, it’s been so long! I’ve been trying to reach you for the past couple of weeks, but I couldn’t -”
Gabriella rolled her eyes and skipped to the next voicemail, making her way back downstairs and to the kitchen. She skipped the message and listened to the next one.
“Gabriella, it’s Mike from Spiral Magazine! I got your number from your agent and I was wondering if we could schedule an interview with you in May? I know that right now you’re on tour in-”
“Not in the mood,” Gabriella said, skipping to the next message.
“Hello, this is Selena from-”
Nope, skip.
“Um, Gabriella. This is, this is Haley.”
Gabriella’s heart skipped a beat. Why was her sister calling her now? She pulled out a chair and sat down at the kitchen counter, not taking her eyes off the phone.
“Um, um.”
Gabriella dug her fingernails into her palms.
“Dad is, dad is sick.” There was silence. Gabriella’s breathing quickened as she struggled to pick up the last few words. “He has um, he has.” There was a crackling noise. “Gabriella, dad is dying. You need to come down here as soon as you can.”
Gabriella felt her body sway and grabbed the kitchen counter to steady herself. Her first impulse was to call out Alicia’s name, but the words evaporated as soon as she opened her mouth. She played her sister’s voicemail, over and over, hoping that maybe she had heard wrong, that her sister was just calling to check up on her. But the word “dying” kept repeating itself, again and again. Gabriella couldn’t believe her ears. That statue of a man … how could he die? She remembered the strength he radiated, how he seemed to be the embodiment of strength and the promise to look after his flock forever. And now he was dying.
It had been years since the two of them talked. Perhaps as the wrinkles deepened
over his face, so did his resentment for her and what she had done. To him she had always been a rebel, a sinner, an outcast, a shame to the family. Whenever Gabriella thought about her father all she saw was his cane pointed at her like a rifle.
Running away was the only solution at the time, but what now? Ever since Alicia left, she had been thinking about going back home. It was a mere ghost of a thought, only now, she had every reason to go through with it. What did her father look like now? Did he still have that silly white mustache that she hated so much? Did he ever fix that tooth he broke trying to crack open a soda bottle? Could he get up on his own? Could he move at all?
Was he still alive?
Haley had sent her this voicemail almost a week ago. Gabriella cursed herself for not checking the messages sooner. She had been so adamant on avoiding Alicia, it didn’t occur to her that in doing so, she’d miss something as important as this.
She picked up the phone and dialed her sister’s number. It rang several times before disconnecting. She clutched her phone in her hands, thinking that maybe, if she waited long enough, her sister would call her again.
“This is useless, I need to do something,” Gabriella said, getting off her stool. She circled the kitchen table like a wild animal, until her legs couldn’t carry her weight anymore. Suddenly she felt her eyes glaze over. The tears burst forth like water from a dam, spilling down her face. She felt the muscles of her chin tremble until she couldn’t hold in her cries anymore. She rushed to the shower, stripped down and immersed herself under a jet of cold water.
CHAPTER 4
It was approaching midnight by the time Alicia got to the studio. One of the things she loved about owning her own company was that she could move around however the hell she pleased. She was her own boss, no one else dictated what she could or could not do. Not Jeremy, not Straub, and definitely not Gabriella.
Over the past few months, Alicia was realizing more and more how much she loved working at night. The blue dark seeped into her office, the stars lingered high above her head and the air carried a cold chill with it. Sometimes Alicia slept over in her office so she wouldn’t feel lonely. At one point it felt like she was turning into Dorothy, but she pushed that idea out of her head. She even decided not to drink at night, so she would feel less like a single alcoholic producer and more like a professional woman who just happened to be nocturnal.
Just For You: A lesbian romance (Play Me a Song Book 3) Page 2
