Suddenly she heard the door creak. She rolled over to her side and pretended to be asleep. “Gabriella. Gabriella, honey, you wanna come down for breakfast?”
Gabriella pulled the covers up to her chin and let out a moan. “Not right now,” she whispered. Her mother stepped inside and closed the door behind her.
“Come on,” she said, sitting down on the edge of the bed. She raked her fingers through her daughter's tossed and tangled hair.
“Ow, mom. You’re hurting me,” the blonde mumbled. “I’ll be down in a few.”
“Don’t worry about your dad. I promise he won’t yell at you.”
“I’m not five and I’m not scared of him.”
“Alright. Then come down for breakfast, will you?”
“I will.” Gabriella rubbed her eyes with the insides of her palms and rolled over again. She got up, put her robe on and crept outside. The floorboards creaked underneath her; the house looked even older in the daylight. “Hey,” she said.
“Hello!” Haley smiled. She had a glimmer in her eyes that Gabriella could only explain was due to her presence. “I made your favorite.” Gabriella looked down and all she saw was a plate full of fried bacon. A couple of months ago she had made the decision to go vegan, but of course, her sister didn’t know. “Something's wrong?” Haley asked with her head cocked to the side. Her eyes darted back and forth frantically, as if trying to figure out what she had done wrong.
“Oh, no,” Gabriella said, grabbing a fork. “I just zoned out for a bit.” She jabbed her fork into the stack of bacon. It dripped in oil, and Gabriella felt her stomach tie up in knots when she held it close to her mouth. She could feel the beefy aroma travel up her nostrils. But despite the agonizing feeling in her stomach she still ate it, taking in its flavorsome taste. God, I don’t miss this at all. “It’s really good, chewy,” she said.
“Exactly the way you like it,” Haley said. Suddenly Gabriella felt horrible. She didn’t know if getting this upset over a piece of bacon meant anything more than PMS. All she knew was that her family had missed out on so much. In their heads Gabriella was still nineteen with purple dip-dye, running around trying to stay on top of her academics. But she couldn’t blame them. If anything, they were getting to know her all over again.
“Where’s dad?” she asked, fishing around her plate with her fork. Her mother eyed her expectantly.
“Oh, he can’t come down here,” she said. “Haley, take this tray up to his room, will you?”
The girl nodded and headed for the door. Gabriella flashed her mother a smile before she went back to fishing around her plate.
“You don’t look like you’re enjoying that very much,” the woman said, her lips curving to a wry smile. Suddenly both women broke into laughter.
“Mom, I’m-”
“You don’t eat bacon anymore, do you?”
“I’m vegan.”
Her mother’s laughter grew louder. She crossed one leg over the other and reached her hand out to her. “Give me that,” she said. Gabriella snickered and looked away. She struggled to feel with anemic emotions that had no substance, they were flat and drained, like a used tea bag. This time was no different, but for a moment she felt joy. It was fleeting, like a summer wind, but she felt it. “I’m happy you’re here,” her mother said, the silver of her eyes flaring up.
“Not everyone’s happy,” Gabriella said, her lips barely moving.
“Hey, come on. I already told you, he’s going to get used to you being here. Just give it some time.”
“He won’t even look me in the eye, mom. Whenever I pass by his room he rolls over to his side so he doesn’t catch a glimpse of me.”
“I’m so sorry he’s treating you this way … I haven’t really sat him down to talk about it yet.”
“Because you know he’s going to shut you down?”
Gabriella’s mom pursed her lips and looked away. Her eyes were fixated somewhere over her daughter’s shoulder, and her face remained expressionless, like it was made of porcelain. “Honey, you know what hurt him about this whole thing the most?”
“That I disappeared for years and the only place you could see me was on television? Yeah, I see why that could be the case …”
“No. That you came out on the radio, that’s what really shook him.”
“It wasn’t even me, it was Alicia. She outed the both of us without even asking me.” Gabriella held her head in her hands and started massaging her temples. “You know what, it doesn’t matter. What’s done is done.”
“Regardless of whose fault it was, when your dad found out about this, the first thing he did was turn off his phone. You know what his congregation did, Gabriella? The second they heard the news they bombarded him with calls, some of them even came to our house …”
“What? What did they want from him?” Gabriella asked, tilting her head to the side.
“They’re religious people, Gabriella, what d’you think they wanted? They wanted to scold your dad.”
“Scold him for having a lesbian daughter?”
“No, for being a hypocrite.” There was a pause. “Your dad, he’s always been a strong voice against same-sex relationships. Hell, when they legalized gay marriage in all fifty states, your dad was running around with religious leaflets trying to talk to people about Jesus.”
“Oh, God,” Gabriella said. “He wasn’t like that when I was younger.”
“The older he got, the more excessive he became. At first I just let him do his thing, until people started giving him hell for it.”
“What happened?” Gabriella asked.
“Well, let’s just say your dad thought it’d be a good idea to target a gay march with his religious leaflets,” her mom said, trying to suppress a smile. “I don’t know what he was thinking.”
“Oh my God,” Gabriella said, shaking her head from side to side. “What did they do to him?”
“Some of them tried to beat him, and then some thought it would be a good idea to flirt with him just to make him uncomfortable.”
Gabriella let out a sigh. “I can only imagine what that must’ve been like for him,” she said, rolling her eyes. Suddenly she felt uneasy. It was like she was getting to know her dad all over again. “Mom, did the congregation hurt him in any way?”
“Well, it’s not like they damned him to hell. But he lost his credibility, you know? He’s not allowed to speak at the church anymore,” her mother said, her eyes fixated on the floor tiles. “They lost confidence in him and it shook him up pretty badly.”
“I don’t know what to say.” Suddenly Gabriella felt like she was the cause of all of this.
“Hey,” her mother said, like she could read her thoughts. “Don’t feel bad, this isn’t your fault.”
“But it is!” Gabriella said. “If Alicia hadn’t spoken up about it, if the congregation hadn’t found out, dad would’ve been just fine right now.”
“Maybe, but he would’ve found out sooner or later, and it would’ve killed him anyway.” There was a pause. “Gabriella, I don’t want you to feel like a stranger in your own home. When you ran away, it killed me. But now that you’re back, I don’t want to risk losing you ever again.”
“Even if it means accepting that I might never stand at the altar with a man by my side?”
Gabriella’s mom pursed her lips. She tried to mask her disappointment, but couldn’t. Her face said it all.
“See, mom? You’re never going to accept me for who I am, even if you tried.”
“But trying counts, Gabriella! You were gone for years, you can’t just reappear in our lives after all this time and expect things to magically fall into place.”
“You’re right … I’m sorry. I don’t know what came over me. It’s just dad I’m worried about.”
“We’re all worried about him. Right now all we can do is stick together so we can get through this as a family.” Upstairs Gabriella could hear chatter. She cocked he
r head to the side, trying to listen, but all she could hear was gibberish. “I think she’s reading out his prescription.” Gabriella’s mom looked at her, a worried look in her eyes. “Let’s talk about something else. How’s Alicia?”
The fear thoughts looped around Gabriella’s mind until there was no room for anything else. “She’s … she’s alright. I don’t know, actually.”
“What d’you mean?”
“We’re not together anymore.”
“What?”
“We’re not together anymore. We went through a rough patch, and then one day we got into a huge fight and she left the house.”
“You haven’t seen her since?”
“No, I visited her before I came here. It was pretty awkward.”
“Do you mean she doesn’t put in the effort?”
“I don’t know … Jeremy, my producer, keeps telling me she’s miserable without me. But we don’t communicate as often, so I don’t know how to handle it.”
“You just said it yourself … you have to communicate. Talk about what’s bothering you.”
“But we did try to do that and it all ended up backfiring.”
“If you don’t mind me asking, what did you girls fight about?”
Gabriella giggled. It almost felt like her mother was asking about her kindergarten best friend. “Of course I don’t mind. Well, lately she hasn’t been making enough effort to spend time with me. She owns her own record label, so she’s always at work.”
“And what about you? Aren’t you always at the studio?”
“I am, but when I get home I always make time for her.”
“But, if you own a record label then I’m assuming it’s a lot of work.”
“It is. We’re both busy, that’s the thing. I was on tour for three months straight, it was driving her nuts.” Gabriella raked her fingers through her hair. Nothing felt worse than having to relive their fights. “Then she came up with this whole thing about adoption, I don’t know where that came from.”
“What? She wants to have kids with you?”
Gabriella nodded. “Yeah, but I kept trying to talk her out of it. We’re not ready to become parents, so why bring a child into the equation knowing full well it’s not going to solve anything?”
“Are you sure about that?” her mother asked, flashing her a coy smile. “When your dad and I had you we were having all sorts of problems, and somehow you came into our lives and everything became … better.”
“Well, I’m not relying on a child to fix my problems,” Gabriella said, rolling her eyes. “Am I a horrible person, mom? For denying her that joy? It’s not like I don’t want to become a mother, I just don’t think we were ready at the time.”
Gabriella’s mother got up and sat down next to her. She ran a hand through her daughter’s hair and looked into her eyes. “Gabriella, one day you’re going to be an amazing mother, and I’m going to be there to witness it.”
“You think so?” she asked, resting her head on her mother’s shoulder. “Sometimes I feel like me and Alicia will never get back together, and it kills me.”
“Well, if you want it, you have to fight for it. You keep running away, she keeps running away. Things don’t just fix themselves, you know.”
“You’re right,” Gabriella said, nodding. She closed her eyes and drank in her mother’s smell. She could feel herself melting into her arms; somehow, everything felt just a little bit better.
“Now, did you say you were vegan?”
“Yep,” the blonde chuckled. “Are you disappointed?”
“Well, the Gabriella I know couldn’t go a day without having a cheese omelet for breakfast. Oh, and jerky in her lunch box!”
“Wow, she changed. Now she likes to have toasted oatmeal and brussel sprouts for lunch,” Gabriella said, her pearly teeth showing through her smile. “Anyway, thanks for the talk mom.”
“Don’t thank me, I’m your mother. Now, let me get you some tofu.”
CHAPTER 11
Riding the bus through town felt like a surreal experience. Alicia contemplated going undercover but then decided against it. For once, she wanted to feel like a person, not a celebrity. Some people followed her around with their camera phones, but she managed to smile through it all. She couldn’t care less about a bunch of people taking pictures of her, or some sleazy guy with a mullet asking her for an autograph. All she wanted right now was to be with Gabriella. It was fascinating, getting to see her hometown, where she was raised. Gabriella talked a lot about the countryside, but never in a positive light. She would always complain about their neighbors, with their noisy kids and barking dogs and pastor husbands. They always used to hide under a bleach-white coat of the perfect family unit, but Gabriella always thought there was more to it than just that.
Looking out the window, Alicia could see a great quilt of golden, brown and green squares held together by the thick green stitching of the hedgerows. It rose and fell like giant waves on a gentle ocean and was dotted with animals. Occasionally there was a fence that separated the fields, or a farmhouse or barn. It was like a whole new world. She had never noticed the wide variety of deciduous trees in the woodland, or how their many different sized leaves adopted different hues in the autumn. Her eyes feasted on the kids running around the lawns, the sun drizzling over the rooftops and the trees bowing down over the grass. The bus cruised down a twisting road, grassy, forest green hills looming over the mountainous drive. An endless expanse of turquoise wonder, shimmering a liquid gold, stretched towards the distant horizon. Finally, the bus reached its station, and the minute Alicia heard the brakes, she got off.
“Alright,” she whispered to herself. Suddenly everything looked so big, like she was in the city. But it wasn’t the buildings, it was the mountains, the trees, the barns. The problem was, she didn’t know where to stay. There she was, standing in the middle of the street with nowhere to go. She couldn’t just show up at Gabriella’s doorstep asking for a place to stay. “Excuse me,” she said to a random passerby. “D’you know a place around here where I can stay? Like a hotel, maybe?”
The silver-haired woman squinted at Alicia.
Shit, she thought to herself. She knows me.
“Sure, dear. The nearest hotel is called Rosenthal Hotel. But it’s not actually a hotel, it’s more like a shack with beds.”
Alicia giggled. “Alright, thank you,” she said, waving at her. She thought about taking a cab, but then decided against it. Alicia hadn’t walked around the city, or the countryside, in a very long time. And it didn’t seem like that many people knew her, anyway. A bunch of teenagers stared her up and down as she walked, but that was about it. The countryside was full of old people, going to and from churches, walking their dogs, selling lemonade out on the street. Alicia felt like she was in an alien world. “Hello, hey, d’you know where I can find the Rosenthal Hotel?” she asked an elderly man with a walking stick.
“The Rosenthal Hotel? You mean the guest house on Yorkshire Street, aye?”
“I’m not sure, I’m not from around here.”
“Are you, are you Alicia Larper?” he asked, his eyes wide.
She tried to suppress a smile. “No, sir. My name is Alicia Harper,” she said.
“Ah, I see you on TV a lot,” he said, waving his cane around. “Alright, Alicia Harper, you have yourself a lovely day.” He turned around and walked away.
Alicia skipped down the street like a little girl. She felt so liberated. Being anonymous felt great; she had almost forgotten what it felt like to walk around in the streets without being recognized, without being picked on. Finally, she arrived at the hotel. She walked up to the receptionist who smelled of stale perfume, and smiled. “Hello, I’d like a single bedroom for two nights.”
The emerald eyed receptionist smiled at her before he stared down at his computer. “Alright, Ms.?”
“Harper, Alicia Harper.” This was definitely no 'chocolate on the pillow'
hotel. The tables had ashtrays instead of flowers. It was dingy, dark and cheap. Perfect. Alicia didn’t have that much money on her, anyway.
“I thought you looked familiar,” he said, handing her the key. Alicia prepared herself for the worst autograph-and-picture scenario. Her whole body was sweating, all she wanted to do was lie down on a bed. “Third floor, room 302.”
Thank God. Alicia smiled at him and headed for the elevator, but she found a staircase, instead. She dragged her suitcase up to the third floor, stopped to take a breather and then headed for her room. Once inside the room she had her normal routine. Stop for five whole minutes and listen. Close the curtains. Check the bedside cabinets and bathrooms for pharmaceuticals and toiletries. There were none of those, either. Then she went through closets, drawers and suitcases. She checked her pockets. Then finally, she slumped down on the bed. “Oh, God,” she said, bouncing off when she caught a glimpse of some brown stains all over the sheets. “What did I expect?”
Alicia’s whole body shuddered. She paced the room for a bit, trying to prep herself for what was to come. Now she was going to head over to Gabriella’s. She gathered her things and headed out again, bolting down the stairs and stepping out into the fresh air. “Come on, try to remember, try to remember,” she said to herself.
“Hey, ma’am. Can I help you with something?” She heard a voice say. She turned around and it was the receptionist, emerging from the shadowy interior of the guest house.
“Yeah, I’m trying to find a friend’s house … I remember she told me she lives near the bus station, but I’m not quite sure how to get there,” Alicia said, her eyes following the road.
“Do you have their address?” he asked, his pearly teeth showing through his smile.
“I don’t,” Alicia said. “I know it sounds weird, but she doesn’t really know I’m here.”
“So you want to surprise her?”
“Yeah, I guess you can say that.”
“Wait. Are you going to see Gabriella Tolken? Because I heard from a friend she’s here.”
Just For You: A lesbian romance (Play Me a Song Book 3) Page 8
