The History of Hilary Hambrushina

by Marnie Lamb

  Anyway, we were playing this one day when Kallie said, in that gung-ho way of hers, “Want to go to the beach this Friday, Hil?”

  I felt like she’d handed me a chocolate cupcake. “I’d love to!” This was the best suggestion she’d made yet. But it got better.

  “Great! Now we just have to think of what to wear!” she said.

  I couldn’t believe it. Kallie was getting interested in fashion. This was exactly what I’d been hoping for. “I’d be happy to help you pick something out,” I said eagerly. “Do you want to go shopping?” I imagined myself taking Kallie to the mall, showing her my favourite stores, helping her pick out the coolest ensembles. I was beginning to feel that if Kallie could get interested in boys and clothes and music, I’d like her as much as I liked Lynn.

  Kallie said, “I think we should have everything we need here.”

  O.K., I thought. If we do her hair in a different way and if she has some shoes that don’t look like they were made for a giant eight-year-old and if she borrows a dress from her mom, it might work. For now.

  So imagine my surprise when Kallie went to the trunk of costumes, which had now migrated from the basement to her room, and pulled out a red trench coat.

  “I’ll wear this,” she said. “And you’ll wear … this.” She removed a long purple velvet cloak with a hood.

  I laughed. “What? No I won’t.”

  She frowned. “Unless you want to wear your tree costume. But it might be a bit difficult to take off underwater. I wouldn’t want the plastic to tear.”

  “All right, pause. What kind of a beach do you want to go to?” I asked.

  She looked surprised. “The beaches along the lake. Where else?”

  “O.K., so what’s all this about a tree costume?”

  “For the play. We’re going to play the scene where the orgs cross the Sea of Rel and land on the shores of Gorgolia. Why do you think I want to go to the beach?”

  Someone had sat on my cupcake. And here I’d thought Kallie was developing some sophistication and style, but all she wanted to do was play a silly game.

  “I thought it might be because you wanted to tan and swim, but no. We have to play a dumb game.”

  She flared up like a piece of straw set on fire. “Dumb game! Well, it seems to me you’ve been enjoying it!”

  “I didn’t mean it that way. But there’s a big difference between playing this by ourselves and performing it in front of other people.”

  “We won’t be performing anything. We’re just going to put on our costumes, go in the water, say a few lines, take them off, and get out. The whole thing will only take a minute.”

  “Why can’t we just pretend? We’ve pretended everything else.”

  “We will be pretending, we’ll just have better props. Razi has to go downtown Friday and he said he’d drive us. It’s the perfect opportunity.”

  “No way. I am not wearing some ridiculous outfit and saying some weird lines. People will think we’re crazy.”

  “So that’s their problem, not ours. And we can wear our bathing suits under our costumes, so we can swim afterwards. All I’m asking for is one minute.”

  “Forget it, Kallie. You can stop talking about it because I’m not doing it.”

  But she didn’t forget or stop talking about it. She went on and on, saying we wouldn’t be able to continue the game if we didn’t do this scene, and we just had to do it in water and not in a bathtub but in a real live lake… When it became obvious she wasn’t going to shut up about it, I tried to bargain with her.

  “Why do we have to wear costumes? Why can’t we just go in our bathing suits and say our lines?”

  She rolled her eyes. “Because the orgs are shape-shifters, remember? They can’t look the same on land as they do in the sea. They have to change shape to avoid the watchful eyes of the Pippipalians.” She sounded like she was reciting something from a textbook.

  That night, I thought about Kallie’s idea. It was especially odd since I’d just told her I didn’t want to pose for her dad. Didn’t she see the connection? Doing either of these things would make me look ridiculous in front of hundreds of people. Then again, I told myself, no one would be sketching me in my cloak and bonnet. My face wouldn’t be displayed in some art gallery for future generations to laugh at. If someone accused me of wearing the cloak or performing that silly play, I could always deny it. There would be no proof.

  Maybe it won’t be so bad, I told myself. The play would only take a few minutes, then I’d be free to tan and check out the guys. It’s not like I was going to be wearing something skimpy. My bathing suit was conservative and the purple cloak was one of the outfits I thought I looked good in. And I didn’t want Kallie to think I was weird. I’d begun to worry that I’d overreacted about posing for her dad. I figured I’d rather have some strangers laugh at me than a friend think I was a freak.

  So the next day I told Kallie I’d go. I tried to persuade her to go to one of the beaches in the west end. At least no one from school would see us there. But no. It had to be the beaches in the east end.

  Kallie’s dad drove us the next day. I was no longer afraid of him. I’d gone back to seeing him as a dad. Mostly. But I also realized there were a lot of things I didn’t know about him. It was as if by asking me to pose for him, he’d opened a door and a triangle of light had shone into a dark and secret room.

  After he dropped us off, we headed down to the beach. Kallie was carrying a big bag, and we were already in our costumes. The beach was getting crowded. Red striped umbrellas were planted in the sand, and potbellied old men dozed under their shade. Moms scrambled after squealing toddlers who were getting a little too close to the water. Several people were unpacking picnic baskets, and I smelt the mayonnaisey aroma of fresh potato salad, which made me hungry. The sooner we got this play over with, the better.

  “O.K., now you remember what to say?” Kallie asked.

  I rolled my eyes. She’d only gone over it a trillion times. “Yes.”

  “Great.” To my surprise, she pulled two plastic swords out of the bag and handed one to me. “Here’s your sword. When you’re about to come to shore, just after you say your final line, raise it in the air in a show of boldness and courage.”

  “What! You never told me about that!”

  “Of course not. If I had, you wouldn’t have come.”

  I opened my mouth to protest, but it was too late.

  “And remember,” said Kallie in a low and urgent voice, “the orgs are on a reconnaissance mission. No one can find out about it. So try not to be too obvious.”

  No comment.

  As we skulked towards the lake, I felt like I was on a reconnaissance mission, whatever that was. Kallie was crouched over, moving her arms like a mime trying to escape from a box, her sword sticking out from under her armpit. At one point, she stopped cold, gazing slowly all around her. As I waited for her to move, my feet sunk into the soft ground like it was quicksand. I poked her in the butt with my sword. “Come on, move it,” I whispered.

  The crawl to the lake was painful, it seemed as if more eyes watched us by the second. Finally we arrived at the shoreline, and Kallie raced in, splashing up water. I followed at a more dignified pace.

  When I reached Kallie, I stopped, and we both turned to face the shore. At least now the water hid our bulky clothes, and we wouldn’t have to wear them again on the beach. I noticed two good-looking guys laying down towels and grabbing Cokes from a cooler. Maybe this day won’t be so bad, I told myself.

  “Lo! ’Tis Gorgolia!” Kallie said. She sounded as if she’d found the Holy Grail.

  She signalled for me to speak. “’Tis!” I spat.

  “And now,” said Kallie, “the time of our mission draws near. Let us, dear Aloosha, shed our skins so that we may better camouflage ourselves against the Forces of Universal Destruction.”

  “Let us, dear Alooha,” I mumbled, as I looked around. A man was swimming less than ten feet away from us, and t
hree girls were closing in on us. But Kallie looked annoyed at my lack of energy. I was afraid she might make us act the scene out again, so I said heartily, “Let us go forth and gain valuable information to bring back to the Wise Ones of our land, so that we may defeat these hideous forces and our people can again live in harmony and prosperity.”

  “To freedom!” Kallie shouted, wielding her sword above her head.

  “To freedom,” I said.

  Kallie trudged forth, waving her sword and hooting wildly, which was not part of the plan. I followed, trying not to trip over my cloak. But the material had absorbed so much water I had difficulty moving. Finally I came close to the shore. It was time to cast off my cloak, so I planted my sword in the sand and fumbled with the drawstrings of my hood.

  I glanced ashore in time to see Kallie ripping off her trench coat and hopping out of the water, sword still held high. The two guys on the towels were looking at us. I struggled with my cloak, but the drawstrings had tangled. With each wave pushing me closer to shore, I tried pulling the cloak over my head. I’d just managed to get my costume off when a giant wave hit me from behind, throwing me onto the shore stomach first. I landed with a plop, feeling as if a football player had just punched me in the kidneys. The guys were roaring with laughter, pointing at me. I couldn’t figure out what was so funny about someone being thrown ashore like a fish, until I felt a coolness on my chest.

  That’s when I realized. The force of the wave had pulled down the top of my bathing suit. My breasts, small and wet and shrivelled, were exposed for everyone on the beach to see.

  The guys’ laughter rang in my head like a maniacal clown’s. I couldn’t move. I looked down at where my bathing suit straps were floating in the water like two blue snakes. Something dripped from my face, but I couldn’t tell if it was water or tears.

  I took a deep breath and lifted my head. The guys were still pointing and laughing. Kallie looked at them and then at the water, no doubt wondering why I was taking so long. When she saw what had happened, she rushed over.

  “Hil, are you all right?”

  I nodded, pulling up my bathing suit.

  “Come on, let’s go,” she said gently. She helped me to my feet and handed me the cloak. Then she retrieved my sword from where it was still stuck in the sand.

  I was shaking, and I wrapped the cloak around me. We made our way back to where we’d left the bag, Kallie with her arm around me as if she was helping an old woman. I was only aware of my body, which felt like someone had dipped it in ice, until one of the guys whistled and shouted, “What a babe!”

  Kallie turned and glared at them venomously.

  “Please,” I whispered, “just ignore them.”

  One of the guys said loudly, “So which one do you want? That one’s a stick. The other one’s fat, but at least she strips.”

  I heard a snapping noise and looked up to see Kallie’s head thrust forward like a curious young bird’s. Before I knew what was happening, she’d bent over and was scrabbling around in the wet sand. Seconds later, she leapt up and pitched a ball of sand at the guys.

  It knocked one of them on the head.

  “What the —” he began.

  “And one for you!” She launched another ball of sand, this one as big as a baseball. It hit the other guy square in the chest.

  “Maybe that’ll put hair on your scrawny chest!” she screamed.

  Then she grabbed my hand, and we took off down the boardwalk like a pair of gazelles. The hot wood seared my feet, but I didn’t care. I don’t think I’ve ever run so hard in my life. Normally I would never have been able to keep up with Kallie, but something inside me made me go faster. We ran and ran. Finally Kallie pointed to a tree and said, “Over there.” We leapt behind the tree, even though I’m pretty sure the guys had given up chasing us a long time ago, if they ever were chasing us.

  We were both panting and holding our sides, laughing hysterically at the thought of having escaped. But soon, my laughs turned into sobs. I dropped down on the sand.

  “I’m so ugly! I hate my body!” I howled.

  Snot gurgled in my nostrils, and I let my wet hair remain plastered to my face and neck. I’d never let go like this in front of anyone before. It was almost as humiliating as what had happened in the water, but I couldn’t help myself.

  “No, Hil! You’re not ugly! Far from it.” Kallie sat down beside me. She looked so earnest I couldn’t help but believe it, a little.

  I sniffed. “Well, I’m fat. I’m fat in the wrong places and skinny in the wrong places. My stomach is too big and my … well, you know … are too small. No wonder those guys laughed at me.”

  “Those guys are … jerks.” She spit the word out like a piece of stale gum. “They would’ve laughed at you no matter what you looked like.”

  “Thanks, and that’s supposed to make me feel better?” But it did. I wiped my cheeks. “Maybe some good will come out of this. Maybe I’ll finally start exercising and lose weight.”

  “Well,” said Kallie cautiously, “exercising is definitely good, but I don’t think you should worry about losing weight.”

  “Oh, come on, Kallie, you must’ve noticed I’m overweight. Lynn says I just have leftover baby fat.”

  “Baby fat?” Kallie was frowning.

  “Yeah. She said that while she was gone this summer, it would be a good time for me to exercise and lose weight for junior high.”

  She shook her head. “I can’t believe she said that.”

  “Why? What’s so bad about it?”

  “First of all, you’re not overweight. Anyone with eyes can see that. Plus even if you were, that’s your business, not hers. And why should you exercise just because she’s gone?” Kallie narrowed her eyes. “How long have you been friends with her?”

  “Since grade one,” I said defensively. But now that I thought about it, Kallie was right. Lynn’s comment had been kind of rude. Where did she get off telling me I had to lose weight? But even though I was angry at Lynn, I didn’t want anyone else to criticize her. So I performed my jiggling stomach trick to prove I was fat. “See?” I demanded. “If I wasn’t fat, I couldn’t do that.”

  “Oh yeah?” asked Kallie. Then, to my surprise, she grabbed her stomach and did the same thing. I blinked several times, wondering if it was an optical illusion.

  “How did you do that?”

  She laughed. “Everyone can do it, Hil. It’s just natural body fat. It doesn’t mean you’re overweight.” But when she saw my downcast eyes, she said, “I don’t know if you learned this in school yet, but there are three different body types. An ectomorph is a person with a small build, a mesomorph is a person with a muscular build —”

  “And an endomorph is a person with a large build. Yeah, I know. And I’m an endomorph.” Tub-o-morph is more like it, I thought.

  “No. I’d say you’re a mesomorph.”

  Me a sports type? That was even funnier than me being an ectomorph. I imagined myself winning a gold medal in stationary biking at the Gym Olympics. Hilary Boles, fastest stationary biker west of St. John’s.

  I began playing with the powdery beige sand, sifting it through my fingers like icing sugar. “Maybe if I become a vegetarian I’ll lose weight.” The image of my mom cooking cheeseburgers came back.

  “I’m not sure that’s a good idea. You shouldn’t become a vegetarian because you want to look a certain way. Being a vegetarian is hard work. You have to make sure you get enough protein and that means eating stuff like lentils and tofu. I like those things, so it’s easy for me, but I know a lot of people don’t.” She was quiet for a while before adding, “Besides, even if you were fat — which you’re not — who cares? As long as your doctor says you’re healthy, you shouldn’t worry about your weight.”

  “That’s easy for you to say. You’re thin.”

  “That’s only because I have a different body type than you do.”

  I laughed in frustration. “You just want me to keep this shape, right
? So you’ll look better compared to me!”

  Kallie looked down at the sand. “I just want you to be happy, Hilary.”

  I stared at the shoreline. People were swimming, walking dogs, bouncing a giant inflatable ball. They seemed far away, but I could hear their laughter, which sounded tinny. The sun had climbed to almost its full height in a cloudless sky. To the east, where the boardwalk ended, thin silver lines of haze danced. The heat was starting to seep through to my clammy skin. I pushed the cloak off.

  “This is all my fault,” said Kallie. “You didn’t really want to act out the org scene, did you?”

  I shook my head.

  “So why didn’t you just tell me?” she said unhappily.

  “I did, several times! Didn’t you notice?”

  “Well, I knew you weren’t as eager to do it as I was, but I didn’t think you were violently opposed to it.”

  “I tried to tell you, but you really wanted to do it and I didn’t want you to think I was … I don’t know … afraid of doing it or something.”

  “You mean you did this because you were afraid I’d laugh at you if you didn’t?”

  “Yeah, I guess.”

  “Then I’m triply sorry because doubly isn’t enough. I get like this sometimes. I get so wrapped up in my own plans that I bowl right over everybody else. And look what happened. I just made you feel bad. Stupid!” She cursed and kicked up a cloud of sand.

  I jerked away from her, shocked at her violence. “It’s not your fault, Kallie. You had no way of knowing my bathing suit would fall off.”