The History of Hilary Hambrushina

by Marnie Lamb

  I raised my eyebrows. Her face relaxed into a smile. “I am sorry. I should have explained. Tarot cards are divided into two types, a major and a minor arcana. Cards in the minor arcana tell us about our day-to-day lives. Cards in the major arcana represent something larger, events of great importance or deep feelings. For instance, the first card.” She pointed to it. It was the one with the man dancing and playing the flute. “This is the Fool. He represents innocence but also naïveté. His appearance here tells me that you have begun some kind of journey, you have found yourself in a new situation. You have had to take a risk and be open to new ideas, but it has paid off.”

  Well, that’s true, I mused. I’m about to start junior high, which is completely different from elementary school. But I haven’t started it yet, so how can she say I’ve already begun the journey? Being open to new ideas… I guess meeting Kallie counts. It was risky for me to become friends with her. Look at what happened in the mall. But it paid off in the long run. We’re good friends now.

  “But the next card is the Moon reversed,” said Kallie’s grandma.

  “Is that bad?” I asked.

  She frowned. “It is hard to know. Reversed cards do not necessarily signify something negative. They could simply mean that you are failing to notice the positive aspects of your situation. And the Moon is a complex card. However, since the Fool is first, I would suggest that the reversed Moon means that you are finding your new journey confusing. It is a time of self-doubts, fears, and illusions. I also see some problems with women.”

  That must mean my mom, I thought. But that’s nothing new. I’ve had problems with her for at least a year. And I have plenty of fears and self-doubts, especially about junior high. The cards seem to be right so far. I snuck a glance around the room. It was darker now, and I noticed Kallie wasn’t there. Where was she? How could she leave me at a time like this?

  “The third card is the Empress. This is a card of good fortune. It symbolizes fertility, creativity, healing. The third card is the one dealing with influences, so I would say that artistic pursuits will help you in your confusion and anxiety, though you may not realize it yet. The Empress also symbolizes the female and a willingness to help others. I feel that there is a woman or a girl who will be able to help you in your confusion, but only if you let her.”

  Who could that be, I wondered. Kallie? Lynn? Not Mom. She can’t help me because she doesn’t understand my problems. Maybe it’s Kallie’s mom. Maybe she can cure me of my fears and self-doubts. But that stuff about art … I don’t get it. How can doing art make me any less confused? I looked over to see if Kallie had returned, and to my relief, she was there.

  “Then we have the Hermit. He represents meditation, thought, solitude. Since you are confused about your situation, you need to think about what is going on in your life and start listening to your inner voice. But be careful because your thinking will probably lead to an important decision, which is represented by the last card in the spread.”

  O.K., I said to myself, now I’m really confused. My inner voice? What’s that supposed to mean? What decision? Sounds like a pretty major one. And I’m always thinking and talking to myself, but it never does any good. I only end up being confused. The room was almost completely dark. The lamp from the table cast a small pool of golden light on Kallie’s grandma and me. But I couldn’t see anyone else in the room. I felt as if someone had laid an icy hand on my shoulder, and I shivered.

  “The final card is the Lovers. They symbolize union, sharing. But they also represent a decision or a choice, and in your case, I would say this meaning is more important. If you follow the advice about looking inside yourself, you will realize that you have to make a choice.”

  She fell silent, and I heard the ticking of a grandfather clock. I kept expecting her to say more. Finally I asked, “Do the cards say what I choose?”

  She looked at me for a long time, then said, “No.”

  A heavy silence hung like a velvet cape over the room. Finally, her voice sounding muffled, Kallie’s mom said, “We really should be going.”

  A few minutes later, we were outside in the fading twilight saying goodbye to Kallie’s grandma. As I watched the family hug one another, I no longer felt like part of their group. I waved to Kallie’s grandma and was about to head back down the stone path, when she stepped forward and pressed my hand.

  “It was wonderful to meet you, Hilary. Good luck with your studies next year, and be sure to come back to visit me.” Then she added, in a voice so low only I could hear, “Do not worry too much about the cards, but remember my words when you need to.”

  As we journeyed home on the ferry, I stared into the dark water. So much for my name meaning “filled with pleasure.” And so much for having my own personal psychic. All the tarot cards had told me was that I was worried and I needed to think about something and make a choice. But what choice, and what was I supposed to choose? What good were the cards if they didn’t tell me what to do?

  Kallie noticed my discomfort. “Hil, don’t feel bad about the tarot cards. Most of the ones you had are good cards. And even the Moon isn’t that bad. I know you’re kind of nervous about starting junior high, and I am too, but I think the worst is behind us.”

  I didn’t answer. If the tarot cards were any indication, my problems were only beginning.

  -11-

  My Soiree

  “I can’t believe you went out with her last night! I told you I was going to be back!”

  It was August 21st. Lynn had returned the day before. She’d called me as soon as she got home, but I was out with Kallie. It was all the fault of my poor math skills. I thought the 20th was a Saturday, not a Friday.

  “Lynn, I’m sorry. It was an honest mistake. We’ll do something tonight. I promise. I won’t be seeing Kallie then.”

  “Yeah, well, you better not be,” she said.

  As my dad pulled into Lynn’s driveway, I was excited but also nervous. Lynn had been in California so long. What if she’d changed? What if I wasn’t good enough to be her friend anymore? Not to mention her anger about last night. My mom had gone shopping that morning, and she’d bought a box of chocolates for me to give to Lynn. I hadn’t asked her to do this, but I was glad she did. Maybe the chocolates would appease the angry goddess.

  But I didn’t need to worry about Lynn being mad. When she opened the door, she exclaimed, “Hil!” and gave me a big hug.

  We hurried upstairs to her room, where several partially emptied suitcases lay on the floor. Lynn put on a CD and up-tempo girl-power music filled the room as we settled down on the floor. We shared a bowl of crunchy Cheezies (I know they’re just air wrapped in powdered cheese, but I really love them) and looked at her photos. The Golden Gate Bridge, the green gate of Chinatown, shops, and long beaches with palm trees and powdery white sand (really white like flour, not like the beige stuff on the Toronto beaches). There was even one of Lynn’s whole family at Universal Studios. They were standing under a giant plastic shark that looked like it was about to devour them. “We were creating our own movie,” she explained.

  “So I guess you really enjoyed yourself,” I said, when she’d shown me the last photo.

  “It was amazing!” she said, rolling her eyes. “The weather is always perfect there, especially in L.A. None of these awful cold winters. The beaches are to die for. And the clothes are so cool. We don’t have anything like that here.”

  “What about The Limit?”

  “No. When you’ve seen the stores on Rodeo Drive, The Limit just doesn’t measure up.”

  I didn’t know why, but I felt like I was being personally attacked. “Oh really? Why not?”

  “I can’t explain it. You’d have to see for yourself.”

  I bristled. “And how do you know the weather’s perfect in the winter, anyway? You went in July!”

  “Hilary, you haven’t been there. You don’t understand.”

  I went from being a general leading the charge into battle
to being a soldier trampled in the mud by a gleeful enemy.

  “What movies did you see this summer?” asked Lynn.

  “Saura.”

  “That cartoon? Oh. What else?”

  I was surprised to realize I hadn’t seen anything else, and even more surprised to realize it didn’t bother me. “Nothing.”

  “Nothing? What did you do all summer?”

  I frowned, but I didn’t have time to think of a response before Lynn started showing me all the things she’d bought in California.

  “Wow,” I said, examining a high-heeled sandal. “You bought great stuff, Lynn.”

  “I know. And you haven’t even seen the showstopper!” Reaching under the bed, she pulled out a box and handed it to me. “Open it.”

  Inside was a fuzzy blue hoodie with a pearly zipper. (This kind of sweater was really trendy at the time. I think the fashion magazines called it jogging chic or slobby chic or something like that.) “It’s beautiful!” I exclaimed as I stroked it.

  She grinned. “Do you really like it?”

  “I love it!”

  “Good. Because it’s for you.”

  I didn’t know what to say. Her grin grew wider. “I bought it at that store on Rodeo Drive. Remember? The one I was telling you about when I called? See, it’s the same colour as that Limit dress you like.”

  I swallowed. “It’s really for me?”

  “Yes! And look!” She pulled out another box, revealing the same sweater in black. “We’re twins!”

  I blinked back tears and hugged the sweater to my chest. It smelt of orange blossoms, Lynn’s latest scent. All my bad feelings towards her vanished like disappearing ink. “Oh, Lynn, that’s so nice of you. Thanks so much.” We laughed and hugged each other. Then something occurred to me.

  “It must’ve been really expensive!”

  “I know, but you’re my best friend,” she said warmly.

  We spent the rest of the evening listening to Lynn’s new CDs, eating snacks, and laughing. We had so much fun that when it came time for me to leave, I couldn’t help but feel even guiltier for going out with Kallie the night before. I told Lynn again how sorry I was. Then something made me add, “I don’t want you to think I was choosing Kallie over you because I would never do that.”

  She smiled. “I know.”

  I lay on the floor of my room, gazing up into my closet, where my new sweater hung right in the middle so I could see it from wherever I was in the room. Things had been going really well. Lynn was back and she was coming over the next day, I had a great new sweater, even Mom seemed nicer. I thought for sure she’d frown disapprovingly at the gift, but when she saw it, she smiled and said, “That’s a beautiful sweater, Hilary. It was very nice of Lynn to give it to you.” I grew more hopeful about junior high. Maybe it won’t be so bad, I told myself. Maybe those tarot cards were wrong.

  Then I had an idea. Why not invite Kallie over to meet Lynn? After all, we were all going to Mackenzie in less than two weeks, so Kallie and Lynn might as well get to know each other.

  But when I called Lynn to tell her about my idea, she wasn’t eager.

  “I thought it was just supposed to be me and you,” she said, a distinct whine in her voice. “I was going to bring the movie magazines I got in L.A.”

  I told her she could still bring the magazines and assured her she’d really like Kallie. After all, I liked Kallie, and Lynn and I were best friends, so why wouldn’t she like Kallie, too? But she wouldn’t agree until I promised she and I would get together, just the two of us, before school started.

  I went over to Kallie’s house. But when I told Kallie my idea, she hesitated.

  “Well, don’t you want to spend some time with her alone? You guys haven’t seen each other all summer.”

  “We’ve already hung around a few times this week. Come on, it’ll be fun.”

  “I don’t know, Hil. I was supposed to … help my dad with something tomorrow night.”

  I narrowed my eyes. Her story sounded fishy. But that wasn’t like Kallie. She never lied. What was going on?

  She saw me looking at her suspiciously and said, “O.K. I’ll come. Do you want me to bring anything?”

  “No, that’s O.K. Just be there at seven o’clock sharp.”

  As I headed home, I started to wonder whether this soiree was such a good idea. Kallie and Lynn were pretty different. I couldn’t imagine Lynn playing Gorgolia or Kallie wanting to sit through an evening of looking at movie magazines. I had to find something they’d both want to do. A board game. A board game was neutral. Nobody could get angry about a board game.

  The next day, I was looking in the kitchen to find food for that evening. Mom saw me and offered to help.

  “You could make some dip for chips and vegetables,” she said. “And how about a shrimp ring and some sauce? We have one frozen from last Christmas.”

  “Good idea.”

  I spent the rest of the day tidying my room, which had officially been declared a disaster zone by my mom. Mom made the dip and put the shrimp ring and sauce in a fancy bowl, which she carried up to my room.

  “I’m allowed to have food? In here?” I asked skeptically. Normally Mom didn’t allow even gum past the bottom stair in the hallway. If you came upstairs with food, she’d know. A radar in her head began beeping, and then the Mom Food Police would seek you out and arrest you for smuggling culinary goods into the Republic of Upstairs.

  “Well, this is a special occasion. I think we can make an exception.”

  What do you know, I thought. The radar’s been turned off for one night.

  As the soiree drew nearer, my palms became tingly. I wanted this evening to be perfect, and I knew it was up to me to make my guests feel comfortable and enjoy each other’s company. So I forced myself to relax, trying to believe that everything would be all right.

  Lynn showed up just after seven with her magazines and two new CDs, but Kallie hadn’t arrived, which was odd because she was usually early. Lynn and I sat in my room, politely refusing to touch the food or the magazines. But after a while the conversation was so strained I told Lynn we could start looking at the magazines and eating. Finally, at quarter to eight, Kallie showed up. I met her downstairs in the hall.

  “Sorry,” she said breathlessly. “I got caught up in my new computer game and I didn’t notice the time.”

  I rolled my eyes. “Never mind. Lynn’s waiting.”

  I opened the door to my room and stepped aside, letting Kallie enter first.

  Kallie and Lynn locked eyes like they were locking laser guns. Lynn frowned at Kallie’s yellow Wonderland T-shirt and baggy batik pants. Kallie lifted her eyebrows at Lynn’s black miniskirt and pink tank top, which gave a clear view of her bra straps. Both looked like they’d just met someone from the planet Zolaxstar. I swallowed.

  “Kallie, this is Lynn Avery, my friend from Susanna Moodie. Lynn, this is Kallie Foster, my next-door neighbour.”

  They continued to stare at each other. I feared they might stay that way until they became petrified. Finally Kallie shattered the silence.

  “Hello, Lynn. Nice to meet you.” She stepped forward and held out her hand, which Lynn took as if she was touching a dead fish. “Likewise,” she said quietly.

  I exhaled. The worst is over, I told myself. “Sit down,” I said.

  Lynn lounged in my pink camouflage beanbag chair. Kallie sat in front of the folding metal table my mom had dragged up from the basement. I plopped down on the bed. We all looked at one another.

  “Help yourself, Kallie,” I said, pointing to the food. “Lynn and I have already had some.”

  “Thanks, Hil. It looks delicious.” Kallie began piling veggies and dip onto a paper plate while I searched for a topic of conversation.

  “Lynn was just showing me the movie magazines she got in California,” I said.

  “We finished looking at them,” Lynn added unhelpfully. I shot her a look.

  “Oh, that doesn’t matter,” Kallie
said. “I’m not really into those things anyway.”

  Lynn frowned. I said quickly, “Kallie and I did a lot of neat stuff this summer. Tell Lynn about the time we went to the art gallery.”

  Kallie gave a quick summary of our visit, ending with, “The gallery is filled with fantastic stuff. It even has a gold sundial!”

  “A gold sundial? Wow.” Lynn sounded like she was rehearsing for the Miss Teen Sarcasm of Suburban Toronto pageant. So much for that conversation.

  “Why don’t you have some shrimp, Kallie?” I said.

  “I can’t eat them, Hil, remember?”

  “Oh, yeah. I forgot.” Great. Another thing that had gone wrong this evening.

  “Remember what?” demanded Lynn, as if we were talking in some secret code.

  “I’m a vegetarian,” Kallie said.

  “But I thought vegetarians could eat fish.”

  “We don’t.”

  “Oh. Well, that explains why you’re so thin. I’d be that thin too if I was a vegetarian.”

  Kallie’s eyes narrowed and she put down her carrot.

  “How about a board game?” I interjected.

  I took out my Canadian trivia game. I’d gotten it last Christmas, and Lynn and I had played a few times.

  I asked the first question. “Who wrote Sunshine Sketches of a Little Town?”

  “That’s easy,” said Kallie. “Stephen Leacock.”

  “Who?” asked Lynn.

  “Stephen Leacock. He’s a famous Canadian humorist. Sunshine Sketches of a Little Town is one of the most famous books in Canada. We’ll probably get to read it in high school sometime.”

  “Oh,” said Lynn. “Well, he can’t be that famous because I’ve never heard of him.”

  It was going to be a long evening.

  We managed to get through the first half hour without too much trouble, probably because we concentrated on the game and didn’t talk much. I was beating Lynn, but Kallie was way out in front of both of us. Things were O.K. until we got to a question about ice cream.

  “Who was the first person to sell ice cream in Canada?” asked Kallie.