Grizzly Survival

by Becca Jameson

  “Oh, baby, you have no idea.” He leaned forward and kissed his lover softly on the lips.

  Gavin didn’t let it go further. He leaned back, his face serious. “Speaking of which, it would seem you have qualities I was unaware of. Why do I get the feeling you haven’t always been in construction?”

  Dale sighed. It was only fair that he drag his past out of the closet and show all his cards. After all, Gavin had gone way out of his comfort zone for Dale in the last twenty-four hours. Dale leaned back and finished his second beer. “I used to work for the Arcadian Council.”

  “Doing what? Hacking computers?”

  “Essentially, yes.”

  Gavin looked serious, his eyes drawn slightly together. “What did you do for them?”

  Dale swallowed, knowing things would never be the same after he spilled his dirty laundry all over the floor.

  Gavin searched his face. “It’s not like I didn’t realize you had a secret, Dale. There are pieces of you I don’t know anything about. And I intentionally didn’t pry. I mean we’ve only known each other a week. It’s none of my business why you have a room in your house decked out like you work for the Secret Intelligence Service.

  “It also hasn’t escaped my attention that you had a relationship that went bad several years ago. With a human. I’m assuming the fact that you no longer work for the Arcadians is somehow related to that breakup.”

  Dale licked his lips, wondering where to start.

  But Gavin took a breath and continued. “My point is that I’ve pieced that much together without you saying a word. And you can keep whatever you want to yourself. I’ll respect that. You’re entitled to your privacy. But it feels…like I’ve opened my soul to you, and it’s a bit unbalanced. Our one week seems like ten years in some respects. Your past is filled with skeletons. It’s ironic in a way.”

  “What is?”

  “I’m the one who has lived my entire life in the closet keeping my secrets from the whole world, and yet you know more about me than anyone alive. Meanwhile, you live openly gay and unapologetic with a closet jammed with so much history there’s a fear you’ll never be able to shut it closed again once it’s open.”

  Dale smiled. “You’re so totally right. And even though we’ve only been together a few days, you’re also right about that. It seems longer. You deserve to hear my story. It’s not exactly that anything in my past is some hideous secret. It’s just painful to remember, so I have spent five years bottling it up.”

  Gavin scooted closer, bending his knee to turn fully toward Dale. He took both Dale’s hands in his and held them tightly, meeting his gaze head-on. “I may be naive, and I may be submissive when you order me around sexually, but you’re right about the fact that I’m a strong individual. Look at what I’ve carried with me for ten years? If I can handle that, I can surely deal with whatever you dish out. Lean on me. Please. Give some of the burden to me.”

  Dale had never felt so relaxed and comfortable. Cherished. He found himself suddenly willing to open up. Gavin would not disappoint him.

  Chapter Fourteen

  Gavin stared directly into the eyes of the man who had so thoroughly changed his life in one short week. He’d been on an emotional roller coaster, taking Dale with him along for the ride. And Dale had been right by his side the entire time, never letting him down. Someone he hardly knew anything about.

  There was no denying they had a connection. It might not be exactly the same kind of connection he had learned grizzly mates had with each other, but it was damn close considering one member of this relationship was human and they’d only known each other a week. It seemed shifters often knew who their soul mates were the moment they met them—including Paige and Wyatt—but the bond that had formed with equal intensity between Gavin and Dale could not be denied either. Perhaps because Dale was a shifter?

  Either way, it was time for Gavin to give Dale his undivided attention and help the man through whatever he needed to get out of his system. If he had to guess, he would say whatever happened five years ago had since then been bottled up inside Dale with no outlet.

  Dale took a deep breath and began, not wasting any time. “His name was Ethan. I met him six years ago. I was in Calgary on business, and we met at a gay bar.” He rolled his eyes. “So cliché.”

  Gavin smiled, saying nothing. He hadn’t expected the story to start with Dale’s ex-boyfriend. Perhaps he played a bigger role than Gavin anticipated.

  “He was twenty-two. I was twenty-six at the time.”

  “Go on.”

  “We hit it off fast. He wasn’t new to the lifestyle. He was submissive and owned it already. In the beginning, we spent nearly every weekend together. It wasn’t easy. We lived two hours apart. My job was demanding, so he usually came here on Friday nights and stayed until Sunday.”

  “Did he know you were a shifter?”

  Dale shook his head. “No. Never. It’s important that we don’t let anyone know about us. People in relationships with humans go their entire lives keeping their identity secret. Not always, but most often.”

  “Then how do you switch forms and run free?”

  “Always a problem. In this case, it was no big deal. He didn’t live with me full-time.”

  Gavin nodded. That seemed even worse than knowing and dealing with that knowledge. Although if Ethan never knew, he wasn’t missing anything.

  “I was working for the Arcadians. I’m not…” Dale shook his head. “Never mind.” He inhaled sharply, seemingly shaking whatever he was going to add and changing directions. “I’m good with computers.”

  “Apparently,” Gavin joked, hoping to lighten the mood a bit. Dale was unusually stressed about some detail he couldn’t bring himself to share yet.

  “I worked in a local office about thirty minutes north of here part of the time, but the longer I was with them, the more freedom I had to come and go. They trusted me to get the job done from anywhere, so eventually, I worked fulltime from home.”

  “You didn’t own this home yet though, right?”

  “Right. I had a house closer to town. I didn’t start building this one until…later. After.”

  After what? Gavin kept his mouth shut. Let him tell the story. “What, exactly, did you do for the council?” Innocent enough question, right?

  “My official job was Internet Security. I was responsible for ensuring outsiders didn’t hack into the Arcadian Council’s system while also monitoring humans to ensure they didn’t get too close to the truth.”

  “And when they did, you sent someone to clean up the mess,” Gavin expounded, reading between the lines.

  “Yes.”

  “But there’s more,” Gavin encouraged. People who provided intel to protect a species wouldn’t have a breakdown over computer monitoring.

  Dale cocked his head, a smirk playing at the corners of his mouth. “You sure you aren’t a shifter? Your ability to read minds is uncanny.”

  Gavin smiled and squeezed Dale’s hands.

  Dale sobered, swallowing. “When it’s necessary, I find people. Runaways. Abductions.”

  “Like you found Paige…” Suddenly it was all so much clearer.

  “Yes.”

  “You hacked Kelly’s computer and dug around until you found out where she’d rented that cabin.”

  “Yes.” For a long time, Dale stared at him as though he were done and the story was over. Finally, he sighed and continued. “Not everyone takes kindly to my line of work. It tends to make people nervous, knowing I can find out anything about them at any time.”

  “I can see that., but it also tells you who’s guilty, right? I mean people who hide nothing have nothing to hide. Sort of like finding out the government can listen in on my phone calls. Why do I care? I’m not trying to overthrow the government. If they want to listen to me chatting with my friends about where we’re going to get a drink later that day, enjoy.”

  Dale nodded. “Not everyone would agree. But yes. That’s the gis
t of it.”

  So, something happened. Something went horribly wrong. “Did someone threaten you?”

  Dale let out a low rumbling sardonic chuckle. “You could say that. I was looking for a missing child. A little girl. Two men had abducted her from British Columbia. Took her from her parents in the middle of the night.”

  “Shifters?”

  “Yes. I sometimes dealt with humans when they called us in on a case, but not too often. These were all shifters. The child and the kidnappers.”

  “Okay.”

  Dale glanced away, continuing without looking at Gavin. “They were not good men. They wanted to sell the child into human trafficking.”

  And you didn’t find her in time…

  Dale was sweating. He wiped a sheen of moisture from his forehead with one hand. “I worked night and day to locate the girl. Ethan came to visit, but I couldn’t leave my desk for several straight days. The job isn’t just demanding—it sucks your soul.” He glanced back at Gavin. “You know what I mean? How could I possibly sleep while that sweet child was out there somewhere?”

  “I understand.” Gavin released Dale’s hands to grip his thighs, hoping it translated into support.

  “I finally found her. They were holding her in a basement several hours north of her home, waiting for the search to die down before they sold her.”

  Gavin felt the intensity as if he’d been there. “Was she…alive?”

  “Yes.” Dale nodded emphatically. “She was fine. Safe. The council sent people in to rescue her. She’s nine now and hardly remembers the incident.” He smiled.

  Gavin was confused. What was the problem?

  Dale sobered. “The men got away though. And the girl wasn’t able to give a good description. No one knew who they were looking for. A few weeks went by. Ethan came to visit on a Friday night. We had a great evening together, and then I left him asleep in the bed on Saturday morning and went into the mountains to run. I had so much pent-up energy. I needed to run.” His voice got louder, his words coming out faster.

  Gavin gripped his thighs. Fear rose in his throat, bringing bile along with it.

  Dale’s eyes filled with tears. One escaped to run down his face. Anguish consumed him. “I was only gone an hour.” He choked on his own words. “An hour,” he screamed. “My own home. Ethan should have been safe.”

  Finally, it all fell into place. Mother fucker.

  Several long moments passed while Dale pulled himself together enough to continue.

  Gavin couldn’t swallow or breathe. He hurt so badly for Dale.

  Ethan hadn’t left him. They hadn’t broken up either. He’d been killed.

  Dale’s voice was softer, barely audible when he continued. “When I got home, Ethan was gone.”

  “They took him,” Gavin confirmed.

  Dale nodded, wiping another tear from his cheek.

  Gavin wanted to reach out and wipe the salty wetness away himself, but he wasn’t sure Dale wanted attention brought to his tears.

  “I did everything I could, but I couldn’t find him. At least not in time.”

  Gavin’s heart pounded. His breaths were quick and shallow. He could feel Dale’s pain as if it were transferring from his lover to himself through touch. Fuck.

  “They played a game with me. Left hints. The clock was ticking. In reality, I never had a chance. He didn’t have enough oxygen. They had buried him alive in a cramped container. I can’t even imagine what his last few hours were like.”

  “Oh, God. Dale. I’m so sorry.” Gavin slid closer. He lifted one shaky hand and wrapped it around Dale’s neck, pulling his lover’s head to his shoulder to hold him while he cried. The truth was Gavin cried too.

  For a long time, they stayed like that, rocking slightly. Crying. Gavin wasn’t sure he would ever recover from hearing that story. And he could see why after five years, Dale hadn’t recovered either.

  Dale finally lifted his face, reddened with tears and emotion. “This is why I don’t do relationships. Why I haven’t dated. Why I steer clear of humans.”

  “Would it have mattered if he’d been a shifter?”

  “Yes. If we’d been bound to each other, we could have communicated. I might have stood a chance at finding him. As it was, I had nothing. And the bad guys knew it.”

  “Did they catch them?”

  “Yes. They were sentenced to death. It’s rare among my people, but it happens. We call it going rogue.”

  Gavin grabbed their empty beer bottles and took them to the kitchen. After he threw them away, he grabbed two more beers and returned.

  Dale took the offered bottle and drank half of it in one long gulping series of swallows as if he were dehydrated. He set the beer on the coffee table and turned to Gavin. “It wasn’t fair of me to string you along or even let you into my life for a minute without telling you.”

  Gavin shook his head. “Why? Those guys are gone. Dead. And you don’t even work for the Arcadians anymore. You can’t live your life in fear.”

  “Of course I can. I do. Gavin, I’ll never consider you to be safe with me. There are too many risks. Even if I did construction for the rest of my life, I would still worry about retribution for pissing off someone years ago.”

  “You can’t hibernate out of fear. If you do, the bad guys win.”

  “I have to stay diligent.”

  “Not any more than anyone else in society. We look both ways when we cross the street, don’t go out at night alone in dangerous cities, keep private details off social media. We do what we can. It’s the same for anyone. You can’t let your fear paralyze you.”

  “Wanna bet?” Dale lifted a brow, his expression bone chilling.

  It was time to break the pity party and change the direction of the night. It was late. Very late. But Gavin knew what would shake Dale out of his depressive state. He set his beer on the table next to its twin and slid to the floor onto his knees. He didn’t have the confidence of a proper sub, nor did he have the experience to do everything right. But he had instinct, and his gut told him to submit and let Dale’s natural tendency to dominate take control.

  Gavin climbed between Dale’s knees and set his head on Dale’s thigh. He even clasped his hands behind his back.

  Dale didn’t move or say a word, which only increased Gavin’s nervousness. Was he doing this right? Or had he made the wrong choice in trying to lure Dale into a scene. As a last-ditch effort, throwing all his chips into the pile, he lifted his face toward his Dom and deliberately bit into his lower lip.

  Dale sucked in a breath, his eyes wide. His tongue reached out to moisten his lips. And then his hand jerked forward to cup Gavin’s face, his thumb landing on the offended lip, tugging it. “You want to play, little sub?”

  Gavin batted his eyes.

  “How about you take everything off before you kneel between my legs?”

  Gavin hesitated only a second, assuring himself that Dale was in the right frame of mind and this wasn’t going to backfire on him. Finally, he scrambled to his feet, pulling his shirt over his head. There was no concern that his cock would be hard. It had gone from zero to fully erect the moment Dale said the word sub. Or maybe it was play.

  He bent to remove his boots and socks and then shrugged out of his jeans and underwear. Before Dale moved a muscle, Gavin was back between his lover’s legs, his cheek rubbing against the firm erection pressing against its denim prison. He didn’t dare reach to pop the button or lower the zipper without permission.

  “Good boy. You deliberately antagonized me.”

  It was true.

  “What did I tell you would happen if you intentionally pulled a stunt you knew was forbidden?”

  Gavin swallowed, knowing his gamble might be the death of him by the night’s end. If Dale was true to his word, he might withhold orgasm which would be painful and frustrating but totally worth it if his Dom let go of the pain and sorrow to rejoin the living for a few hours.

  “Stand up.”

  Ga
vin wasn’t sure what was going to happen next, but he rose to his feet.

  “Clasp your hands behind your head, elbows back.”

  He complied, trying not to shake.

  Dale’s gaze roamed up and down his body, lasciviously. He finally paused, staring at Gavin’s erection. “Your cock is so damn glorious. I love the way it stands at attention, waiting for contact, desperate. It bobs ever so slightly when I talk dirty to you.”

  As if on command, his dick did indeed jerk toward Gavin’s stomach before springing back.

  “It’s too bad you won’t be getting any relief anytime soon.”

  Damn. Maybe this plan had been a horrible idea. It suddenly seemed like he might pass out if he didn’t come soon. His cock had gone from zero to one hundred in seconds. Dale’s words of denial made things incrementally worse.

  “Go to the bedroom. Lie on the bed, spread eagle.”

  Gavin scrambled from the room as if he were being timed. He pulled the comforter down to the foot of the bed and climbed up to lie in the center. He’d never felt so vulnerable or exposed as he did when he stretched his arms above his head and spread his feet.

  When Dale entered the room, Gavin didn’t move his head, seeing him out of his peripheral vision. The god of a man had removed his shirt and shoes. He was barefoot. His jeans were unbuttoned. He headed straight for the closest. Gavin nearly moaned as he listened to the rustling.

  Finally, he returned. He had a handful of items Gavin couldn’t see, and he still couldn’t describe them when Dale set them all on the floor beside the bed. He lifted a black strip of soft fabric into Gavin’s line of sight. “I think you should be blindfolded, don’t you?”

  “Yes…Sir.” His cock jerked, his desire amping up with every new experience. Would it always be like this? Or would the edge stop being as blatantly arousing with time and knowledge? If he stayed with this Dom or any other Dom for a period of time, wouldn’t he be able to anticipate the alpha moves, lessening the quick jump to full arousal?

  Dale wrapped the cloth around Gavin’s head, lifting his neck gently to secure it at the back. “Safe word?”