Memoirs of a Gigolo

by Margaret Buffano

  MEMOIRS OF A GIGOLO

  By

  MARGARET BUFFANO

  CHAPTER ONE

  “The world’s second oldest profession”

  I had a dream the other night. I dreamed I was the high-wire act at the circus. In the middle of my performance, while hovering at midpoint on the tightrope, I looked down, shocked to see no safety net, so high above the ground. The crowd of people below looked like a horde of tiny microscopic insects. The only sound, the flapping canvas rooftop inches above my head.

  Looking down at my feet, realizing I was barefoot, and the soles of my feet were bleeding. The wire I balanced on was paper-thin and razor sharp. Every step made a new cut into my feet.

  At the halfway point, there were only four choices. I could continue forward, ripping my feet to shreds or back up and return by the way I came; but being the same distance only presented the same results. I could jump from the wire and leap to my death. Or grab hold of the wire, dangling till it cut through my fingers. Again, the same outcome; I would fall to my death.

  Luckily…or unluckily, depending on your view…at that moment, I woke. My sheets soaked with sweat, my entire body shaking like a leaf, and there were large salty tears in my eyes.

  “Such is the fate of the man in the middle!” I shouted to no one in particular. Then I began to laugh; what else was there to do?

  I believe it was Oscar Wilde who said it best. Now, how did he put it? Ah…yes! “The only way to get rid of temptation is to yield to it!” My friends…were no truer words ever spoken by mortal man?

  You see, the devil, a wise and frugal general…once he knows the soft spot in your defenses…the chink in your armor…will send hordes of demons to break you down. If you put up a fight, if you show resistance, the more fierce and constant will be his attack…until you either give in or go mad. Above all else fear madness! I pity saints. I can only imagine the battlement clamor ever present inside their minds.

  So, I learned at an early age it’s best to just give in to every impulse that comes my way. If you’re predestined to lose the battle; why exchange blows with the inevitable?

  The devil and I are not on friendly terms, by no means. We’ve just agreed to ignore each other…stay out of each other’s way…and so…there is peace in the valley.

  Once you’ve put temptation to rest, there’s still the matter of conscience. I’m not an immoral man. I have scruples like everyone else. I want the best for all. However, in my line of work a conscience can be a disadvantage! In fact; it can be downright dangerous.

  Like the character Joe Gillis in the movie Sunset Boulevard. Joe, a notorious and despicable human being, plays up to a rich has-been silent movie star twice his age. What a fool he was! It possibly being the time of his life, some of those older sweeties have tricks up their sleeves that can astound the doubtful. He could have made himself rich off the old girl. But no, the dreaded twinge of decency, that shooting pain of conscience gets the best of him. At the end of the film, he winds up dead, floating face down in the pool, and later fished out by police with a hook. I never can watch that movie without screaming up at the screen, “Oh, poor, silly foolish Joe.”

  My line of work, you ask? What is my business? Well, it’s known by many names. I’m a kept man! A lady’s man! A gigolo!

  I sense your captured interest…your raised eyebrow. Does your head shake in disapproval? An easy way out you may say? It’s a job nonetheless and not a trouble-free one, I might add.

  I hear the male portion of my audience, their lips smacking with eagerness and keenness saying, “I could go for that, I could do that”. With all respect, “NO…YOU…CAN’T!” Such a line of work is not something you strive for, no matter how appealing it seems. You have no say in it; it chooses you.

  Of course, you need certain physical qualities for this line of work.

  Now I have raised your other eyebrow…sorry. No, it’s not what you think. Such things play a small part in what a woman desires (no pun intended). Mind you, a tight and firm body is an advantage, true, but bulging muscles – though they may be for some – such physiques only impress other men and indeed not most women. Always remember that a handsome face portraying character and eyes that tell a story outrun pretty-boy good looks, any day.

  You must be younger than your prey by a sufficient margin, but not fully boyish. A young man is what’s needed, with the emphasis on man. These are women with a taste for the romantic and sensual; not the perverted and loutish!

  Then there is the everlasting myth you must have an understanding of women. No one has or ever will understand women. Women don’t understand women! I see no reason it be expected or criteria for any man.

  Understanding is not what is necessary; it is the fine art of observation that is crucial. To note what is missing in a woman’s life, and then to fill the void is more than half the battle won.

  The easy part I found is finding a woman whose inner needs go unmet. Tragically, most people’s needs go unmet – in or out of marriage, but mostly within. The hard part, now days, is finding women of the highest financial status and worthy of pursuit.

  Today, we live in an age of easy terms, low interest, short-term leases, credit cards, instant loans with zero down, low monthly payments, buy now and pay later. Because of this, it has become increasingly difficult to sort out the want-to-be rich from the beyond a doubt wealthy. You mustn’t let mere outward appearances sway you. Many people like to put on a front, put on airs, and are in hock to their eyeballs. It takes years of training, watchfulness, and clever deduction to guard against deceiving fool’s gold.

  First and most important, become familiar with the finer possessions in life; this is essential to your success. Can you recognize the scent of two thousand dollar an ounce perfume? Probably not! Where is the best place in Hong Kong to have clothes custom-made? Do you know what labels out of Paris create only ten to twenty gowns a year? Can you tell the difference between a pair of handcrafted woman’s shoes priced at five hundred dollars compared with a one-of-a- kind creation at ten thousand? What is the difference between a seventy-five dollar haircut and a five-hundred dollar hairstyle? What private jet airline companies can have a plane, pilot and crew waiting and ready within an hour’s notice? Do you know this and hundreds of other little details of the finer things, which most people – even well-to-do people – never even come in contact with? Again I say…probably not! Most people can’t tell a diamond from a cut piece of plain glass.

  Where to find such women? It’s best to tell you where they’re not found. To be honest, you’ll never make acquaintance with a woman of substance at thousands of mundane haunts where most people spend their life.

  You find these women at charity balls for the oppressed, the homeless, and the downtrodden – motherless children, childless mothers, abused women, and animals. You find them at fund-raisers for the arts, openings of gourmet restaurants, hospital wings, bridges, and the occasional ship christenings. They attend political gatherings for clean air, water, safer schools and streets. In essence, any function written about in the daily newspaper in the society pages. Caring for the unfortunate and disadvantaged is a luxury put aside for those with more money and time on their hands they don’t know what to do with.

  Don’t forget, when all else fails, check out what their husbands do for a living. Also, check out his and her family tree. Most often, money likes to marry money. Some families have enough wealth to support three, four, even five generations of money-squandering losers.

  Now, what is this trend – wealthy older women supporting younger men in exchange for a little romance, a little companionship, and a little affection?

  Older men have been consorting with younger women since the days
of the Old Testament; but this is different. It’s not just sex, like it is with men. It’s not just a need to feel young again, or the fear of growing older and being no longer attractive or wanted. Sure, it’s all that, but with women it’s much more!

  Why do these women do this? Why do they risk so much? Why does it even occur?

  If I had to point to one major reason, I’d say it was because of the folly of their youth. You see, every woman – whether willing to admit it or not – believes in love. These women rebelled against their own nature, by pushing love aside for what they thought more important…at least at the time. Only, in time a heart can change, which changes the mind, which changes the life. Each of us have regrets belonging to the foolishness of our youth, but these poor women did not have foresight to see the damage and heartbreak lying before them.

  You must understand how sought after, lavished, pampered, and placed on high these women have been, simply for their charm and uncommon good looks, since they were little girls. As they approached womanhood, attention people always directed toward them began to intensify. Some of them did as most other women do…they sought love to fulfill their heart’s desire. Except, easily swayed were many others and won over by riches laid at their feet by wealthy men. Some of these men might have been a good match. But most were nothing but rich old geezers. Some of them more than twice their age – with only one thought in their minds and that was to land the best looking Trophy Wife their money could buy. Trophy Wife…oh, how I hate that term.

  Now, these young darling women became blind to everything but the diamonds, fast cars, big houses, and the large bank accounts. They saw only security and riches, and tried to overlook the fact they felt no attraction to or any love for these drooling old bastards.

  They knew there was no love between them, but they didn’t think it necessary…not at the time.

  These sad, unwise little sweetie pies gave these men their bodies, their loyalty, and the best years of their lives. Now… twenty…thirty years later it’s all changed. No matter how much of their youthful beauty remains with them. No matter how much they exercise. No matter how much they diet or look the part of a former beauty pageant winner. They are still – in the eyes of their husbands – the old and obsolete model. And, their husbands never let them forget it, either!

  Oh, they still can have whatever material goodies their heart desires, clothes, jewelry, pampering; but now they’re alone…always and deeply alone. Their husbands ignore them. They live separate lives, in separate bedrooms. Often, the husband takes on a younger mistress. Some of these men have the decency to try to hide it; others not.

  Now suddenly, years without love become what they in fact are…very costly. They realize the cost far outweighs what they have received. If only they had followed their hearts! It’s a sad state of affairs! Now, it’s too late…or is it? That’s where I come in.

  In the male world, a rich older man latches onto a younger woman and becomes her Sugar Daddy. It’s all neat and clean; all the cards lay clearly on the table. She knows what he wants and what’s expected of her, and he is willing to pay for it. There’s nothing hidden.

  In the female world, like women themselves, it’s much more complicated. They could never allow themselves to feel so…so cheap. Subsequently, you have to come up with a good reason…something rational…a raison d'être why they would give you financial support. Never mind you two are having an affair, a physical relationship; that’s only a by-product of your association. They want it to have the outward appearances of being squeaky-clean…as if an adulterous affair can ever be squeaky-clean. Money must not be for the physical…it must be for the spiritual. In my case, I’ve chosen the starving artist approach…a painter. Art…painting…let’s save such an embarrassment for later.

  Of course, there are certain women who like the Sugar Daddy approach; or should I say the Sugar Momma approach. Cash on the barrelhead for a good time. Now, I’m not above such arrangements; it can be refreshing. But I don’t prefer them. When they occur, I do try to schedule them on days the woman who I am seeing at the time, my most current benefactor, is not available…vacations with the hubby…holidays…visits to the sisters and such. It is a good way of keeping in practice. As well, it’s good for making a quick buck. It’s not as much money as you make with your main interest at the time, but enough to take the risk, if you’re careful.

  Don’t ever let your main investor know of these little side trips! She would then know the real you…and truth is not what she wants to hear or know, and unquestionably not what she’s paying for. She must accept as true that you are all hers…no one else’s…at her beck and call…infatuated with everything about her, and not interested in anyone else in the world. Fantasy is the strongest of aphrodisiacs.

  How much money can you make? I know you are dying to ask. See, that is one reason you will never find your way into this lifestyle, my brother. It’s the last question you need to ask yourself and the last motivation for doing what you do. Money…it’s only a small concern. Your first question need always be how do I make her love me? How do I make her want to be with me more than anyone else in the entire world? What must I do to make her feel life is worth living again? That she is beautiful…she’s wanted. How do I make her feel so happy she is willing to risk all she has and place it at my feet? How much money can you make? The answer is unimportant, insignificant, and irrelevant.

  Don’t misunderstand, I like money; but it’s not the main reason for doing this. Enjoyment comes from seeing how far you can press on…how far you can push them. Can you drive them to the limit and then beyond? Don’t worry – when you make these your priority, the money follows. If you play your part right, they will lie for you, cheat for you, and steal for you. There’s nothing they won’t give you…all for a staged life…money…cars…homes…jewelry. The one they never had. The direction that will give them their life back once more, so they think. Capture their hearts and all else follows.

  Strangely enough, once you’ve reached this point, where the woman is all yours, you have come to the beginning of the end. The association will slowly (or quickly) decline. She feels the need to progress further in the relationship; but she knows all too well it can only go so far – it has its limits. So, she will begin at this summit to back off, which is for the better of all concerned. If you were to try to call it off at this point, there would be hell to pay. She needs to believe she is in control.

  It’s time for all parties to say ado; it’s not just the difference in your ages, the older woman and the much younger man, though it does play a part. The old-world is calling her back with all its security – a security both of you know all too well you can never provide for her.

  When she does break it off, be gracious and willing to do so, but try to appear sincerely heartbroken; it’s an actor’s talent that’s needed here, now.

  She’ll say something like, “You’re still young; you’ll fall in love again. You’ll find someone…someone your own age.” I always need to bite my lip during this speech, to stop myself from laughing – I’ve heard it so many times. But what the hell…it makes them feel better.

  You must give the impression she has broken your heart; it is to keep the door open for what I call the Midnight Pinch.

  The Midnight Pinch is when you wait a few months down the road – about the time you feel she has, as they say, gotten over you. Then you phone her late at night. Hopefully, her husband is in the room with her when you call; this makes her nervous, which makes her think irrationally. You need to sound desperate as you tell her how sorry you are for phoning her at such a late hour, and how you hate to disturb her, but there was no one else to turn to. Tell her you are in dire straights, only one step from eviction from your home and thrown into the gutter.

  For whatever reason, be it guilt or old emotional ties, or just wanting you to go away and never darken her door or life again, she’ll send whatever amount of money you ask for.

  Of course
, this is all a lie, but it is an easy way to squeeze a few more grand out of the old girl. Occasionally, you might try the Midnight Pinch again on her a few months later, but usually only for half the money you previously asked for. Under most circumstances, a third pinch is not usually possible – by then she has changed their phone number or she’ll hang up on you, but it doesn’t hurt to try.

  Another peculiarity of this lifestyle that chose me, and good advice for the novice, you must live your life as if you are constantly under someone’s watchful eye. Usually, you are.

  Private detectives abound like fairies in the wood. They sit in their cars, drinking black coffee night after thankless night. They are in the apartment next to yours with their tiny ears pressed against a drinking glass, pressed against the wall separating you. They rummage through your trashcan in the alley, and question your neighbors. Their eyes have dark circles from looking through binoculars.

  Tiny microphones cling to lamp shades and picture frames. Phone lines click, tape recorders roll, and camera flashbulbs light up the night out of nooks and crannies from across the street – from above, beyond, and out of nowhere.

  They are pathetic, but I suppose everybody has to make a living.

  You need to understand, nothing can decrease the cost of a divorce settlement like adultery! Alimony payments dwindle down to a pittance with the slightest suggestion of infidelity! A revealing and scandalous snapshot is well worth the cost; a bargain at any price; for it can have her packing and out in the cold without a penny to her name.

  You must be on your guard, always!

  Pretending to be a poor starving artist always worked well for me. It is not uncommon to be in public with your patron, supporter, benefactor, sponsor, client, or whatever you decided to call her. Arrangements for art showings are always over lunch at expensive restaurants. Hours in your studio sitting for a portrait are not unheard-of. Being the escort for the woman in question at a high society gala is essential for making all the right connections and meeting all the right people. Oh, what we do for the sake of art! All likely stories, I have to admit, but as long as they can hold up in a courtroom they are good ones.