Don't Worry, Life Is Easy

by Agnes Martin-Lugand

  At the end of the afternoon the next day, when there was a “For Sale” sign in the shop window, I decided to send Edward something concrete. I went out into the street, stood on the sidewalk opposite, exactly where he must have been standing to take the photo he’d hung up on his wall. It took a few seconds for me to stop shaking and get my breathing back to normal. How could I erase this sight from my memory: HAPPY PEOPLE READ AND DRINK COFFEE: FOR SALE. This, too, was part of my family, and I was leaving it all behind. I took the photo with my phone and sent it to Edward, along with a short text: “It’s not a dream any more; it’s no longer home.” He immediately replied: “How are you?” How could I reply to that without worrying him? “Fine, but I miss the two of you.” Then I got a photo that made me smile; Edward looked cheerful; he sent me a selfie of himself and Declan on the beach, smiling. I was just about to cross the street when I saw Felix, frozen in front of the sign in the window. I went over to him and put my hand on his arm. He was shaking.

  “I’m so sorry,” I said.

  “Are you sure it’s worth it?”

  “Yes.”

  “How can you know?”

  “Because of this.”

  I handed him my phone with the picture of Declan and Edward that took up the whole screen. He stared at it for a long time, still shaking. Then he sighed and looked at me, before staring out into space.

  “I really should have smashed his face in, even if I went to jail…”

  I gave him a little smile; he hadn’t completely lost his sense of humor.

  “Shall we go inside?”

  I didn’t wait for his reply; I took him by the arm and pulled him into the bookstore. I poured us each a glass of wine. He sat down next to the customers.

  “Will you come back to see us?”

  “I don’t know… give me some time to get settled…”

  A few days later, while I was opening up, I was overcome with emotion when I saw Olivier stop in front of the bookstore. I hadn’t seen him since we broke up, which already felt like ages ago to me. Difficult to imagine that today was the day we were supposed to move in together. He pushed open the door and I noticed he was carrying a bag. He put it down near the stockroom, then came back and sat down at the counter.

  “Could I please have your Happy People special blend of coffee? I could use it.”

  Two minutes later, I’d served him his coffee, then he broke the silence.

  “It didn’t take you long to decide,” he sighed.

  “I know… Olivier, please forgive me for hurting you…”

  He raised his hand and I stopped talking.

  “We were headed straight for disaster, especially me.”

  He drank his coffee in one gulp, stood up and pointed to the bag.

  “I think I found all your things…”

  “Thanks,” I whispered.

  He took a few steps towards the door then turned to look at me again. I stood stoically behind the counter. He gave me a little smile.

  “I’ll say goodbye, then. I won’t be coming back; I found another route that avoids passing by here.”

  “I’m really so, so sorry.”

  “Stop apologizing. I don’t regret having met you, or what we had together. I would have preferred a different ending… but… that’s life…”

  One last look and he was gone. Olivier was out of my life. Had I ever really loved him? I felt affection, tenderness towards him, but love… If I hadn’t seen Edward again, perhaps my feelings for him would have grown. Or, more simply, I wouldn’t have tried to sort reality out from what I was feeling. I’d never know, but what was certain was that the memories I had of him were now vague: all I could clearly see were the moments spent with Edward, the time with him and my Irish family. When I thought about them, my heart beat faster, I was finally at peace, full of a sense of completeness.

  The month that followed was exhausting and nerve-wracking. Viewings increased… but never ended in a sale. Not one offer. I was getting depressed and impatient, while the realtors were kicking up a fuss because of Felix. They blamed him for the situation. In truth, he didn’t make an effort. Yet he had assured me that he wanted to continue working at Happy People after I left. Every time a potential buyer stood in the doorway, he became unbearable, not serving the customers properly and barely replying to questions to get rid of him. The only time he spoke honestly was when he described his addiction to partying and sleeping late. I was incapable of putting him in his place; I’d never behaved like his boss and always considered him my partner. Out of the question to start now, just when I was about to abandon him. I’d hurt him enough. On the other hand, the realtors got a taste of my bad side when they asked me to remove Felix from the contract of sale. This was still my place and I intended to remain in charge right till the end. There wouldn’t be any Happy People without Felix; that was a way of keeping a foothold there, a way not to completely turn my back on it and, above all else, I wanted to keep Felix.

  That day, I was told there would be one more viewing, and it was my last chance. A few minutes beforehand, I took Felix aside.

  “Please, don’t make a scene… stop putting off the inevitable…”

  “I know, I’m nothing but a little brat…”

  He put his arms around me and held me close. He’d come back, at last. A little bit, at least. The little bell rang; Felix gave me a dark look and let go of me.

  “I’m going out for a smoke.”

  He passed the realtor and his client, mumbling a vague hello. This wasn’t over yet! I put on my brightest shopkeeper’s smile and walked over to my guests. The realtor opened his eyes wide because of Felix; I ignored him and stretched out my hand to the man waiting beside him; he was looking around the place.

  “Hello, monsieur, delighted to welcome you to Happy People.”

  He had an iron-like grip and looked me straight in the eye from behind his Clubmaster sunglasses. He was too serious, too impeccable for the bookstore, with his tailor-made suit and respectable, upper-class appearance.

  “Frederic, pleased to meet you. It’s Diane, isn’t it?”

  “Yes…”

  “Would you allow me to look around at my leisure and we can talk afterwards?”

  “Make yourself at home.”

  “I’m still only a guest, so I need your permission.”

  He walked around Happy People for nearly half an hour, ignoring the realtor who was hovering over him. He carefully examined every nook and cranny, leafed through some of the books, felt the wood on the counter, looked at the street through the window. He was still standing there when Felix decided to come back inside. They looked at each other, and my best friend took his place behind the bar. Frederic joined him, sitting down at the counter.

  “Are you the person I’ll be working with?”

  “So it seems,” my best friend said. “But I’m not in the mood to be interrogated.”

  So here we were again!

  “I have everything I need,” Frederic replied, still smiling.

  He didn’t seem shocked by Felix’s attitude; he stood up and gestured for the realtor to follow him outside. They spoke for a long time on the sidewalk.

  “I couldn’t help myself, Diane…”

  “It could have been worse; you made an effort. You avoided telling him that you sniffed coke from the counter, like you did with the last one.”

  “Did I really do that?”

  Frederic opened the door and spoke to me.

  “I know it’s not a very conventional way of doing things, but I’d like to have dinner with you tonight to discuss Happy People and get some information I need. Would this evening work? Shall I come and pick you up?”

  “Uh…”

  “Eight o’clock.”

  He glanced over at Felix and left.

  “Who is that guy?” Felix snickered. “Your Irishman wouldn’t be happy, not in the least.”

  He burst out laughing.

  “You’re not wrong. But at least he
made you laugh.”

  I described the stormy conversation with Edward by sending him a simple text: “Having dinner with a buyer; I’ll call you after.” I turned off my phone. At one minute past eight, the mysterious Frederic arrived, haughtily ignored Felix, and led me outside. We walked in silence to a restaurant on the Place du Marché-Sainte-Catherine, where he’d reserved a table. In spite of his odd attitude, I quickly felt very much at ease with him. He briefly told me about himself. He was a former managing director from La Défense who had a good amount of savings as he had no family to support. He wanted a change, but without leaving Paris, which was the only place he felt he could breathe freely. Then he wanted to know how Happy People had come about. The floodgate opened: I told him my whole life’s story, Colin and Clara, my impossible period of mourning, the exile in Ireland, Edward, what he was like, his love, my love for him and his newly found son, and my decision to leave everything behind to start all over again with them.

  “And Felix?” he suddenly cut in.

  I launched into another chapter of my life and he was even more interested. I concluded by explaining to him how much selling the bookstore and my leaving hurt Felix, without hiding the truth from him.

  “If you buy, things might be very difficult with him at first, but please, be patient, he’s wonderful, and he’s part of Happy People, he’s more the soul of the place than I am.”

  “Diane, you’re the most important woman in the world to him,” he said, looking straight at me.

  “Oh, let me stop you there; you’re wrong, Felix is gay.”

  “I know… but all the same, I still maintain you’re the one he loves, and he’s losing you. He will have had you and his mother. I know what that’s like.”

  He gave me a wry smile to confirm what I’d already understood.

  “You always end up letting go of the gay man in your life for the love of your life. And he’s never prepared for it.”

  He raised his hand to ask for the check and paid it without my being able to string two words together.

  “I’ll walk you back,” he suggested.

  I nodded, and we headed back to Happy People.

  “I promise you I’ll look after him,” he said, breaking the silence. “He’ll get over it, and come back to you, one day…”

  “Wait a minute, Frederic! What exactly are you saying?”

  “I’m going to buy your Happy People, and I’m counting on being very happy there myself… with Felix.”

  “Just a minute! You’re going to buy Happy People?”

  “That’s what I said! You’ll soon be back with your Edward and his son.”

  “But what about Felix? What do you plan to do with Felix?”

  “Seduce him…”

  My eyes opened as wide as they could.

  “I don’t doubt your ability to seduce anyone. But Felix has no concept whatsoever of monogamy.”

  “We’ll see…”

  I saw the look on his face and understood he’d succeed.

  “I’ll sort out everything with the realtors and come back to see you tomorrow. Have a good evening, Diane. Send my regards to Edward.”

  I started climbing the stairs of my building but stopped to pinch myself. The pain reassured me that tonight had really happened. When I got inside, I stretched out on the bed with my phone. As soon as he picked up, Edward barked.

  “I absolutely forbid you to do that again! Who is this guy you spent the evening with?”

  “The man who’s in love with Felix and the new owner of Happy People.”

  “What?”

  “You heard right… I’ll be coming soon… very soon… and I don’t have to worry about Felix any more…”

  Everything happened quickly after that night. Since Felix had power of attorney for the bookstore, I didn’t need to wait for the sale to be finalized, and I didn’t want to. Frederic suggested he take my place to get used to Happy People and the work, hoping to bring Felix out of his shell as well. Felix made a scene, at first, then ended up accepting the situation, feigning indifference. For the moment, he saw nothing of his future boss’s ploy. The day when it was right before his eyes, he’d find it really bizarre! Frederic was making himself indispensable. As for me, I let them size each other up and get their bearings while I prepared my big departure, the real one, the final one. I packed up all my things that would be transported to Mulranny in a few weeks; I closed my bank accounts and filled in hundreds of official documents. I spoke to Edward and Declan on the phone every day. Or rather, to Declan! For Edward, who was already not very talkative, the telephone was a form of torture…

  My last day in Paris. My flight was the next day. I’d spend my last afternoon at Happy People. In the meantime, I took the same route I’d taken every Monday for more than a year. I got out of the metro; my legs were shaking. I went into the closest florist, who knew me since I’d run away from her that first day. For the last time, I bought an armful of white roses from her and opened an account: every week, she was to place the same flowers on their grave. I gave her a friendly hug and headed for the cemetery. I took a long time to walk down the main path. Once in front of them, I got down on my knees and changed the flowers, throwing the wilted ones behind me. Then I stroked the marble gravestone.

  “Oh… my loves… you will always be my loves. I’m leaving tomorrow; it’s done… Colin, we already talked about it… You know I’ll never forget you. I haven’t replaced you with Edward… I love him, that’s all… and you, my Clara… you might have had a brother like Declan… I’m not his mother, I’m still yours. My new life is starting tomorrow in a place you don’t know, but which is now my home. I don’t know when I’ll come back to see you… but you’ll both always be with me… If you can’t find the way, ask Abby; she’ll guide you to the beach… I love you both… I’ll always love you…”

  I kissed their tombstone one last time, a long, hard kiss, then I left, without looking back.

  The afternoon sped by—customers came in one after the other. I barely had time to turn around and suddenly it was nearly seven o’clock; my last day as the owner of Happy People was coming to an end. Being busy had helped me to not think about it.

  “Dammit! I’m going to slam the door in the face of the next person who walks in!” Felix shouted.

  Frederic came in at that very moment.

  “Perhaps not, actually,” he joked.

  Frederic came over to me and kissed me on the cheek. He shook Felix’s hand over the counter.

  “I came by to wish you bon voyage.”

  “Thanks, that’s kind.”

  We had very quickly gotten past speaking to each other formally. Fortunately, since I suspected that very soon he would be joining the ranks of my weird family… In any case, that’s what I hoped.

  “Come on, let’s have a drink!” Felix suggested.

  He got some champagne out of the fridge, popped the cork, and handed me the bottle, looking straight at me.

  “Does this remind you of anything?”

  “I’ll never forget that evening, never!” I replied, my eyes full of tears.

  “Don’t worry… tonight we’ll go easy… I don’t think Edward would appreciate seeing you get off the plane tipsy.”

  I took a big swig straight from the bottle, then handed it to him. Felix nodded toward Frederic, who gestured no. Felix went over to him.

  “You want to be one of the family? Then drink and prove it.”

  They looked at each other defiantly; for a few seconds, I felt like I was the third wheel. Their relationship was going to be volatile… Frederic drank and handed the bottle to Felix who went back behind the bar. The three of us knocked it back in two rounds.

  “I’ll leave you two alone. See you tomorrow,” he said to Felix.

  I walked him out.

  “I’m entrusting them to you, both Felix and the bookstore,” was all I said.

  “They’ll be in good hands.”

  “I have faith in you.”

>   “See you soon, Diane…”

  Felix was waiting for me, sitting on the counter, holding a new bottle. I climbed up and sat next to him, leaning my head on his shoulder.

  “I can’t talk to you, Diane. It’s too hard…”

  “Don’t worry, it’s OK.”

  “On the other hand, I’m going to buy you drinks and put it on my new boss’s tab.”

  We spent the evening sitting side-by-side, emptying bottles, sometimes holding hands, smoking one cigarette after the other. Every now and then, Felix crushed me against him. And then he finally opened his mouth and asked me something that really shocked me.

  “Don’t take the photos on the board; leave them for me.”

  “They’ve always been yours. Are you going to put them in your apartment?”

  “No, they’ll stay here. I got the owner to agree: I explained that without Colin, Clara, and you, there would be no Happy People…”

  An hour and a bottle later, I was showing signs of fatigue.

  “Go to bed,” he said. “You have a big day ahead of you tomorrow; you’re going to be with your two men again. But first, there’s one last thing I have to do.”