Savage Season

by Joe R. Lansdale

  Soldier turned back to us and moved the sight of the .45 along the side of his jaw. Our eyes went to him and his gun and back to poor Chub. A gun and a dead body will hypnotize you, especially with the echo of the shot still ringing in your ears, the coppery smell of blood and shit stuffed full in your nostrils.

  “Those are special expressions you’re wearing,” Soldier said, and he smiled at Trudy and Howard. “Got your goats, didn’t I? Came in here all ready to deal, dragging prisoners along like you’re somebody tough, and now you’re all my prisoners. And I ain’t got gun one. Don’t think I can’t get ’em, now. I can. Could. But I don’t deal them much anymore. They’re a hassle. Easy to get caught. Dope’s easier. But Paco, he comes to me, says he’s got something easier than that, got some real dumbasses on the hook that I don’t got to do business with you. Just got to be here to take your money. And you know what’s best for you, we’ll get on with that part right now, because I don’t take shit. I’m like my old man. He didn’t take none of it neither. Old lady mouthed off at him, whamo.” He made backhand motion. “We kids didn’t mind, whamo. Hey, see this ear.” He turned his left ear to us. “See how it’s kind of cauliflowered. Nothing creepy, now. Not like old Paco there, but a little fucked, you know. Old man did that. Beat me within an inch of my life. Deserved it. I was disrespectful.… Look here, I’m going to take that money now. Which one of you’s carrying?”

  I looked at Trudy. She was staring without seeing. Howard looked at her, then back to Soldier. No one said anything.

  “Nobody’s talking to me here,” Soldier said. “Someone better talk to me real soon, or I’m going to have to get someone’s attention. I’ll start with the nigger, then the nigger’s pal. Paco, what’s his name?”

  “Hap,” Paco said.

  “Hap. Old Happy Kind of Guy … Listen, talk to me. I’m going to get the money anyway. I can shoot you and search you. But hey, I’m easy. I’d prefer you show a little respect here and give it over. I’m big on respect. Know what I’m saying?”

  “We want the guns,” Trudy said, and her voice was surprisingly firm.

  Soldier smiled. “What’s that? The guns? You want the guns?” He looked at Paco. “She wants the guns.” He turned back to Trudy. “Bitch, I told you, there aren’t any guns. No bang-bangs. Not even any bullets for you to throw. You see, it’s like this. You give me the money, and I don’t blow your brains out. That’s the deal, see, and that’s all the deal there is.” Soldier lifted the automatic and pointed it at Leonard. “We’ll start with the coon, he’ll be missed the least. We work up from there and end it with the woman.”

  Howard said, “We didn’t bring it with us.”

  “Say what?” Soldier said. “What’re you talking here? Got in a hurry going out the door and forgot the money? Huh? That the story? Hey, you better talk to me, asshole.”

  Howard’s Adam’s apple seemed to be plugging his vocal cords. “We don’t have the money with us.”

  Soldier put the automatic on the desk and looked at Paco. “What’s this? There some money or not?”

  “There’s money,” Paco said. “I saw it.”

  “You wouldn’t fuck with Soldier, would you?”

  “I saw the money. I told them to bring it.”

  “You told them. You didn’t see them bring it, though, right?”

  “No, but there’s money. Ballpark of four hundred thousand.”

  “All right, you … What’s your name?”

  “Howard.”

  “Right. Howard. About this money you didn’t bring with you.”

  “We … me and Trudy thought we ought not to bring it. We thought things might not work out … that we’d have to bargain. The guns might not be right, and if we didn’t have the money with us, we … well, we …”

  Soldier pointed a finger at Howard. “You’d have a lever. Am I right on that? Talk to me.”

  “That’s right,” Howard said.

  “Then,” Soldier said, picking up the automatic, “You could jack with old Soldier, and he’d say, oh gee, you don’t like this deal. Well, we’ll set it up again. Fix it to your satisfaction. Man, you must have fallen off the … What kind of hay truck am I going for here, Angel?”

  “The proverbial,” Angel said.

  “There you are. You must have fallen off the proverbial hay truck, Howard, my friend. You see, I don’t have to deal.”

  “I brought five thousand of it,” Howard said. “We thought that could be a down payment if things weren’t just right. We were trying to be cautious. We thought of it last night.”

  Soldier turned to Paco. “They thought of this last night. They didn’t tell you? I mean, you’re supposed to be one of them and they didn’t tell you?”

  Paco shook his head.

  “It was a precaution is all,” Howard said. “In case of … in case of a double cross.”

  “A double cross. Hey, I don’t like not being trusted, see. It’s disrespectful.”

  “We thought there’d be guns,” Howard said. “Just thought that we might get skimped on the number and the quality. We’d read about that kind of thing.”

  Soldier nodded his head. “Read about it, uh-huh. Well, how much you say you brought?”

  “Five thousand.”

  “That’s not piss in a bucket, Howard. Tell him, Angel.”

  “That’s not piss in a bucket,” Angel said.

  “You’d have to pay me more than that to fuck your sister if she had six feet of legs and a pussy like a velvet clam. That’s nothing. I make that in a day, Mr. Howard. You’re wasting my time. Give me the five thousand.”

  Howard dug in his jacket, came forward and gave Soldier the five thousand, went back to stand by Trudy. Soldier put the automatic on the table and thumbed through the money. “Five thousand, all right. This’ll be part of my share. That okay with you, Paco? Angel?”

  Neither answered. It wasn’t meant as a real question.

  “Now, here’s what we’re going to do,” Soldier said. “You’re going to tell me where the money is, Mr. Howard.”

  “Leonard’s place,” Howard said. “We buried it.”

  “I see, buried it,” Soldier said. “What I ought to do here is shoot the lot of you, ’cept Howard. Then you and me, Howard, we can go dig up this money.”

  “Be less messy to take everyone and go get it,” Paco said.

  “You say something, man?”

  “I don’t want to kill anybody ’less I have to,” Paco said. “I’ve done it, but just when I have to.”

  “I say you have to, Paco, you have to. You think I didn’t have to kill that asshole a while ago? That what you’re thinking? A little bloodshed could have been avoided here? I’ll tell you, that asshole had no respect. That’s the difference between you and me, Paco. I demand respect.”

  Soldier sat down on the soft drink crate and looked at us. “What about you, girlie?” he said to Trudy. “What you think about all this?”

  “I’m not giving you the money,” Trudy said.

  “I see,” Soldier said. “Spunk. Not much respect, but spunk. Just the same, I’m feeling generous as Jesus, so we’ll do this Paco’s way. We’ll go to Leonard’s … Leonard, that’s the nigger, right?”

  “Right,” Paco said.

  “We’ll go to the nigger’s place, dig up the money, take it and go our merry way, leave you holding your asses. How’s that sound? You up for that, Howard? A little digging?”

  There were tears on Howard’s cheeks. “Yes,” he said.

  “Good,” Soldier said. “Knowing you’re happy makes me happy.”

  23

  Soldier went through Chub’s pockets, took his money and the mini-van keys. He put on the porkpie and got his umbrella. We left Chub where he lay and went out into the rain.

  Soldier and Angel had a worn white Lincoln parked on the other side of the concession, and we went there first, stood in the cold rain while Soldier told us a little about respect. Paco got behind the wheel of the Lincoln. Angel sat
up front, twisted in her seat to watch Howard and Trudy in the back.

  They left ahead of us.

  Soldier made me drive the mini-van. He put Leonard beside me, and he took the backseat. “Don’t drive fast and don’t think about any stupid shit like wrecking. I can put a bullet in both of you before we wrap around a telephone pole.”

  I didn’t know which was preferable, a telephone pole or a bullet. I didn’t want either.

  I put the van in gear and started driving. When we were on the highway, Soldier tapped me on the shoulder with the automatic. “Angel. Whatda ya think of her? How she looks, I mean.”

  “She’s all right,” I said. “The gun takes away some.”

  “Those muscles bother you?”

  “No.”

  “Yeah. Well, I tell you. Climb on top of her, it’s like climbing on boulders. You can get a bruise. Stick your dick in her, you don’t know you’re getting it back. Got a bear trap for a pussy. We’re talking about getting married. Whatda ya think?”

  “You’re a match made in heaven,” I said.

  “Yeah, maybe,” he said. “But I don’t know a man ought to marry some woman can bench press more than him, know what I’m saying? It far to the nigger’s place?”

  “Reasonably far,” I said.

  “Yeah, well, drive careful. I’ve seen some bad wrecks, weather like this.”

  By the time we got there the weather had really gotten bad. There were flakes of snow mixed in with the blowing rain and ice and the sky was dark as near sunset. Last time I had eaten was early that morning, and I was famished and felt a little lightheaded.

  We went into the house, which had been left unlocked, and Angel was standing by the couch holding her gun. Paco had his automatic in his waistband and he was stacking kindling in the fireplace. Trudy and Howard sat on the couch side by side with their hands on their knees. They glanced up when we came in, then glanced away.

  Soldier shook out his umbrella on the living room floor and snapped it shut so briskly we all jumped. He smiled and propped the umbrella against the door frame.

  Angel waved me and Leonard over to the couch, made us sit with Trudy and Howard. It was a tight fit. Me, Leonard, Trudy and Howard, the four dumb assholes.

  Angel leaned on the wall next to the fireplace, held her gun against her thigh and watched us. Her eyes were dark and clueless.

  “Look around,” Soldier told Angel. “Paco, you watch things. I’m going to find the head.” He went in search of the bathroom and Angel went out the back way.

  Paco pulled the automatic out of his pants as if the act were tiring, stood by the couch and hardly looked at us at all.

  I said softly to Paco, “Guess this is what you meant by a truck going downhill.”

  “Guess so,” he said.

  “You should have robbed the World Savers,” Leonard said. “Fat boy would still be with us if you’d done that.”

  “I didn’t want that to happen,” Paco said. “But what happens happens. Soldier’s got some possibilities for me. I’m willing to gamble for the bigger score. I robbed these fools I’d have that money and that’s it.”

  “You could have set your own deals,” I said.

  “Soldier, he’s got better connections. He’s done some big deals.”

  “Drugs?” Leonard said.

  “Drugs,” Paco said.

  “But the guy’s crazy,” I said. “He may have some connections, but he’s not firing on all cylinders. He thinks he’s some kind of gangster.”

  “He is … and he’s fucked in the head. I don’t like him any, but I’ve seen the kind of dough he gets. I invest my part here, I could make millions, then I’m out of the shit for good. I’ll buy me a face and a life.”

  “You don’t have to do this,” I said.

  “Think I don’t know that?” Paco said. “I throw in with you, what do I get? Your gratitude? I can’t buy a thing with that. Guy like me, record I got, way I look. This is the end of the line, and I’m going to throw the dice for the big one this one last time.”

  Soldier came back.

  “Got a slow flush in there, nigger. Water pressure’s down.”

  Angel came in the front door.

  “How’s things?” Soldier asked her.

  She nodded.

  Paco returned the automatic to the front of his pants and placed a couple of logs on the kindling and lit the pile with one of the big matches. It smoked a little, began to catch. “I’m going to light the heaters,” he said, and he went about the house doing just that. When he came back into the room he returned to the fireplace and poked another log into the flames.

  Soldier watched him, pushed his hat back on his head and let his right hand rest on the hilt of the automatic jammed into the front of his pants. His face still had that unhealthy sheen of sweat. He worked his tongue around inside his bottom lip and said, “You going to make some sandwiches next, Paco? Get cozy, maybe have a little picnic?”

  Paco turned and said, “Look here, Soldier, don’t give me a hard time. I’m sick to death of being cold. And I ought to make a sandwich. We could all use a sandwich. None of us have eaten.”

  “You got to think about this kind of shit ahead of time. Me and Angel we ate, didn’t we, Angel?”

  Angel nodded.

  “When was it, right at noon, when you’re supposed to eat? Had some sandwiches. What was it we had, Angel?”

  “Bologna.”

  “Yeah, bologna. Listen here, now, we get through with this little deal, I’ll buy you a steak. Hey, I’ll even buy these shits a steak. Okay? Hey, you, the dick, what is it? Harry?”

  “Howard,” Angel said.

  “Come on, let’s go do some digging,” Soldier said. “Hell, all of you come. I’m going out in the shit, you’re all going. We need a shovel for this?”

  “Yes,” Howard said. “It’s in the barn.”

  “Maybe you and the girlie drew a little treasure map. Something with an X on it, you know. Says Dig Here. You do that, Howard, draw a little treasure map?”

  “We dig up the money, you’ll let us go?” Howard said.

  Soldier spread his hands. “Hey, you don’t show me the money, you got no luck. I see some money, I can get happy. Nice things might happen. Let’s go.”

  We went out to the barn. The dogs barked at us as we went by their pens. “Tell ’em to shut up,” Soldier said, “or I’ll blow their fucking heads off. I hate dogs.”

  “Quiet,” Leonard said. “Hush down.”

  The dogs softened their barks, and we went inside the barn through the side door. It was only slightly warmer inside than out. Soldier leaned on Trudy’s Volkswagen and breathed out a cloud of vapor. “Up north they heat barns. Okay, whatcher name, what’s the scoop on the money?”

  “We buried it here in the barn,” Howard said.

  Soldier folded up his umbrella neatly and put it on top of Trudy’s car. He said, “Didn’t want to be cold while you were digging, that it? Get the shovel.”

  “It won’t do any good,” Trudy said.

  “Yeah,” Soldier said. “Tell you what, cunt. Shut up! Angel, she says another word, you fix her nose a little.”

  Angel nodded.

  Howard got the shovel. He went around front of the Volkswagen and began to dig.

  “Barns in the north,” Soldier said, “they got floors. Maybe you niggers and white trash should go on and do it right. Forget the fucking walls too.”

  Howard stopped digging, got down on his hands and knees, moved his fingers in the dirt. He looked up at Soldier. “It’s … not here.”

  I thought immediately of last night and Trudy’s second walk, the clay and gravel on her pants and boots. She had moved the money somewhere near the creek. She may have hardened in her dedication, but her final trust of men hadn’t changed. She was for damn sure the one on the steed now.

  I looked at Trudy. She was staring straight ahead. Howard was looking up at her with eyes like a kicked puppy. She’d done it to him again.

>   “I see,” Soldier said. He said to Angel, “It’s gone, honey, whatda you think?”

  Angel shrugged.

  Soldier pulled his automatic out of his waistband, then put it back. He took off his hat and ran his hand through his hair. He put the hat back on and took a small packet of Kleenex out of his windbreaker pocket, carefully peeled it open, and pulled one out. He returned the packet to his pocket and used the Kleenex to clean his glasses. He put his glasses on again and dabbed his face with the Kleenex.

  “Okay,” he said. “The money isn’t there.” He tossed the used Kleenex on the ground. “Howard, give me the shovel.”

  Howard was still squatting by the hole, trying to sort things out. He used the shovel to help himself up, gave it to Soldier.

  Soldier said, “Thanks, Howard. Stand over there, will you? About there.” He looked at the hole, looked at Howard. “You’re sure you dug deep enough?”

  Howard nodded.

  Soldier got a good grip on the shovel near the top of the handle and swung it around smoothly and caught Howard above the ear with the back of the shovel blade. Howard’s head rang as if it were hollow. He fell out on his back and didn’t move. Soldier put the blade of the shovel against Howard’s neck, raised his foot to stomp it into him.

  Trudy yelled, “Leave him alone! I took the money and hid it, you cretin! You rotten sonofabitch! Leave him alone!”

  24

  Soldier took the shovel from Howard’s throat and flung it aside. It went by me, missing my head by about a foot.

  “Goddammit, Paco,” Soldier said. “You said this would be an easy score. Just wear our leotards, dance in and take the money. This hasn’t been easy. This is boring. This is bullshit!”

  “Trudy,” Paco said. “Give us the money. We’ll let you go if you do. There’s no other way.”

  “You lying double-crossing shit,” Trudy said.

  “That’s me,” Paco said. “Now give us the money. It’ll only be hard for you if you don’t.”

  “It damn sure will,” Soldier said.

  “I’m talking here,” Paco said. “You’re not the only one’s killed somebody, you know.”

  “Oh,” Soldier said, “listen to you. The goddamn creature from hell, and now you’re talking some orders. Don’t you forget, freak. I’m the one gives the orders.”