Beneath these Stars (Lucy Mitchell Book 2)

by Hannah Ellis

  “I didn’t know all that,” Adam said.

  “Nothing happened between us!” I needed that to be clear – mainly for Mike’s sake, since I’d be gone soon and he’d have to deal with any backlash. “I wasn’t sneaking around with him. I just needed a place to go sometimes. Somewhere to escape to. We’re falling apart, Adam, but it’s nothing to do with Mike. We don’t talk any more, not without sniping at each other. I’m so unhappy and you either don’t see it or you don’t care.”

  “Of course I care,” he said gently, taking a step towards me. “I love you so much. I couldn’t cope without you, you know?” He moved his hands to my face and kissed me softly, sending ripples of desire around my body. My head spun and the thoughts that had been so clear a few minutes earlier were suddenly jumbled and confusing. Grief, and the sudden responsibility of his nieces, had taken the happy-go-lucky man I’d fallen in love with and made him darker. He had an edge to him that he hadn’t had before – and I hated it. For that moment, as he embraced me, I felt my old Adam come back. The kind, caring person I’d thought I would spend my life with. The voice inside me told me to stay and work things out.

  When we arrived home, Ruth slipped out of the front door without a word. She gave Adam a quick hug, but didn’t mention the cut on his cheek.

  I checked on the girls and then went to Adam, who was sitting on our bed. “They’re fast asleep,” I told him. “We need to talk.”

  “I know,” he said, reaching for me. “Tomorrow.”

  “Is Mike okay?” I asked, my eyes drawn to the wound on Adam’s cheek. He’d cleaned it and it was only a small cut.

  “He probably has a black eye, and he’s pretty angry, but he’ll be fine. I’ll go and see him tomorrow and clear the air.”

  “What happened to us?” I asked drearily.

  “We’re okay,” he said confidently. “We’ll get through this. Everything will be fine.”

  I didn’t have the energy to argue. When he kissed me, every part of me responded. We made love. I clung to him and remembered how life used to be – and how much I had loved him.

  The minutes on the digital clock behind Adam ticked slowly by. I spent the night watching him sleep. At the first hint of light, I drew the curtains open a crack and opened the wardrobe. I found a duffel bag at the bottom and quickly shoved in some clothes. Then I found a smaller bag and hastily packed make-up, my few bits of jewellery, a hairbrush, perfume – anything I saw.

  “Hailey.” Gently, I nudged her awake. She blinked up at me. “I have to go away for a while.”

  “What do you mean?”

  “I’m moving out,” I said sadly.

  Her eyes snapped open and she reached for my hand. “No!”

  “I have to. I’m sorry.”

  “Please don’t.” Tears welled in her beautiful big eyes and I needed all my resolve not to change my mind.

  “Look after your sister. Give her lots of cuddles.”

  “Why are you going?” she asked.

  “Not because of you.” I wiped a tear from her cheek. “I only stayed so long because of you. I love you both so much, but I have to figure some things out and I can’t do that here.”

  “I’ll see you again, won’t I?”

  “Yes, of course.” It broke my heart that she needed to ask. “I love you. Don’t forget that.” I hugged her tightly and kissed her cheek before slipping into Emily’s room. I couldn’t wake her, couldn’t face seeing the confusion in her eyes. I laid a kiss gently on her blonde hair and went back to wake Adam.

  “Morning,” he groaned.

  “I’m sorry,” I said.

  “What’s wrong?” He sat up and looked at me before noticing my bags in the doorway. “What’s going on?”

  “I have to leave,” I said. “I’m sorry.” I kissed him and moved swiftly to the door. I picked up my bags and ran down the stairs, ignoring Hailey, who was hovering in her bedroom doorway.

  “Lucy!” Adam followed me. “What do you mean you’re leaving? You can’t just leave. I’m sorry I jumped to conclusions about Mike. I should’ve talked to you. Just stay and we can talk! We’ll sort everything out.”

  “I’m sick of waiting for you to talk to me. I can’t do it any more.”

  I managed to stay calm and cool – to the point that I felt heartless. If I didn’t move quickly – if I stopped to look around – I wouldn’t be able to leave. So I got in the car and drove away without looking back.

  Part 2

  Chapter 29

  “I would’ve been out of there long ago,” Chrissie told me. She’d had a few drinks and the wine had loosened her tongue. She and Matt had happily offered me their spare room when I turned up on their doorstep again.

  “No, you wouldn’t. You wouldn’t just leave Matt if things didn’t go to plan.”

  “I don’t think I could take on someone else’s kids – especially in such a new relationship. You and Adam had only been together for eighteen months when his sister died. I don’t think many relationships would survive that.”

  “I didn’t really have a choice,” I said, taking a sip of wine. “I couldn’t just leave him.”

  “No one would’ve blamed you.”

  “But I loved him. I couldn’t leave. And then later I couldn’t leave the girls.” Thinking of the girls made my chest feel tight. I thought that leaving Adam would be like ripping off a plaster, but now I wasn’t sure the stinging would ever go away. In the two days since I left, I’d been consumed by guilt and doubt. Should I have tried harder with Adam? Part of me knew I could have done more, but I’d lost my ability to think clearly. In the end I’d been consumed by the desire to leave. I hadn’t tried harder because I hadn’t wanted to. Maybe our relationship had been doomed from the moment Becky died.

  “So why now?” Chrissie asked.

  “Adam’s changed,” I told her, pulling my legs up under me and curling into the comfortable chair. “We’ve both changed. We were angry with each other all the time. I hated being in the house. It was stifling. Being around Adam was a constant battle. I couldn’t see any end to it.”

  “So you don’t love him any more?” She stared at me, trying to understand. I didn’t know how to answer. Did I love Adam? Not like I used to. I think I was probably just clinging on to what we used to have. The Adam I lived with didn’t seem like the Adam I’d fallen in love with.

  “No,” I told her after a pause, realising when I said it that it was the truth. “Everything is such a mess. I used to be so sure that I’d marry Adam and be with him forever … but, now when I look at him, I don’t feel anything. Nothing good, anyway.”

  “I think you did the right thing,” Chrissie said confidently. “You shouldn’t have to sacrifice your dreams for someone else’s kids. I always thought it was odd that Adam let you be the one to cut back on your work to look after the kids while he carried on as normal.”

  “I didn’t mind. Plus, it made sense. I could work part-time; he can’t. And he earns more than me. We fell into these roles and that was fine, I guess. Once the kids had been with us a while, it didn’t matter who the blood relatives were – not to me, anyway. They were my family. And, in the end, the kids weren’t the reason I left. Adam and I couldn’t communicate any more. Our relationship just wasn’t strong enough to take everything that had been thrown at us.”

  “Hmm,” Chrissie mused. She didn’t understand and I couldn’t expect her to. “It always seemed weird to me.” She finished her wine and went to pour more. I declined, not thinking it safe to drink too much in my emotional state.

  “Anyway, tell me about your wedding plans…” I prompted.

  “Don’t think I don’t know you just want to change the subject!” The wine sloshed around her glass as she laughed. “But, okay … we have a date now – the fifth of July next year. We booked the venue. I showed you pictures, didn’t I?”

  I nodded. The hotel was at the other side of Manchester, and had the most beautiful gardens.

  “Matt’s mum�
�s driving me mad with her crazy suggestions. I wish she’d just keep out if it.”

  “It’s nice that she wants to be involved.”

  “I disagree!” Her phone buzzed, and she reached for it. I listened while she chatted to Matt, and heard her agreeing to meet him. “Right…” She hung up the phone and stood up, looking at me. “Let’s get changed and go and meet the gang. Matt’s at Dylan’s pub and Ryan’s there too. Let’s go!”

  Ryan and Dylan had been on the TV show with us and we used to spend a lot of time in Dylan’s pub, the Fox and Hound. His dad, Jack, owned it really, but it was always Dylan’s pub to us.

  Normally I would have loved to catch up with the old gang but today all I felt like doing was curling up into a ball and hiding from the world.

  “I was thinking of going to bed soon,” I said. “I’m not up to a night out.”

  “Don’t be daft – it’s just a couple of drinks with the boys. It’ll be fun. You need to get your mind off everything. I’m not taking no for an answer!”

  I realised I wasn’t going to win this battle. “I’m not staying long,” I said.

  “Yes!” She grinned at me and wobbled when she left the room to get changed.

  As soon as Dylan embraced me, I was glad that Chrissie had persuaded me to go out. Dylan’s pub was so familiar, and it was good to be in the company of old friends. I spotted Jack, Dylan’s dad, and went around the bar to give him a quick hug. Jack was a sweet man and it was immediately obvious that he and Dylan were father and son: they both had a hint of red in their sandy-brown hair, and kind brown eyes. Jack greeted me warmly, as always, and I went to sit at a table in the back corner where Matt was chatting to Ryan over a pint.

  I hugged them both excitedly and felt suddenly giddy; it was good to be out with the old gang. “We don’t have privileges in the back room any more?” I asked.

  “They’re renovating,” Ryan told me. “But we actually lost privileges when we stopped being recognised.”

  “Every silver lining has a cloud, I guess.”

  “I miss the old days,” Chrissie said, taking a seat next to Matt. “We had so much fun.”

  I smiled, thinking of our brief flirtation with fame. After we’d been on A Trip to Remember, we were thrust into the media spotlight for a while. We used to hide out in the back room of the pub where we wouldn’t be hassled by members of the public.

  “We didn’t have a care in the world, did we?” I said.

  “I think those glasses might be slightly rose-tinted,” Matt said. “As I recall, you didn’t have it that easy back then. Remember how the whole world hated you?”

  “Well, apart from that!” I hadn’t been portrayed in the best light on the show, and public opinion of me was pretty low for a while.

  “That was nothing, though, was it?” Ryan commented. “Not compared to the way life slapped you around the face later … Stuck looking after someone else’s sprogs. You really don’t have the best luck, do you?”

  “It’s nice to know you’ve not changed, Ryan!” I raised an eyebrow at him and sipped at my drink. Ryan was the baby of our group. He’d only been twenty when A Trip to Remember was aired, and he was young for his age. Now, he had the same baby face as when I’d first met him, and still insisted on smothering his dark hair in gel so that it stuck straight up. He looked like he could be in a boy band.

  “What?” he asked when everyone glared at him. “I only said what everyone else was thinking.”

  “Tact never was your strong point,” I said.

  “Well, it was pretty shitty, wasn’t it? But I heard you finally came to your senses, anyway…”

  “Shut up, Ryan.” Dylan took a seat beside me and gave my hand a quick squeeze. I’d always found Dylan’s presence reassuring.

  “When’s Kelly back from Australia?” I asked. Kelly and Margaret had also been on the show with us, and Kelly was currently in Australia with Margaret, who lived there. She’d got a year’s holiday visa and had given up her waitressing job for the warmer climate.

  “I think she’s still got six months,” Chrissie said. “She’d stay longer if she could extend her visa. She says being a waitress is much more fun at a beach bar.”

  “I bet she finds herself a poor unsuspecting surfer dude to marry and stays there,” Matt said.

  “Maybe I should go out and visit them in the school holidays,” I said.

  Chrissie looked at me seriously. “You should. You’d have a great time.”

  “I’m not sure my savings would stretch to it. I’ll just spend the summer in here propping up the bar instead.” I tried not to think about the fact that I should be spending the summer with the girls. I’d have to talk to Adam and see what we could arrange.

  Dylan flashed me a smile. “Sounds good to me.”

  “Where’s …?” I searched for the name of Dylan’s girlfriend but came up blank.

  “Georgina?” Dylan said. “She’s long gone.”

  “The three of us are free and single again.” Ryan beamed at me. “We should celebrate. Get the shots in, Dylan!”

  Dylan looked hesitant until Matt and Chrissie voiced their approval.

  “I don’t want a shot,” I told him when he headed for the bar.

  “If I have to, you have to,” he told me with a grin.

  “Why do you always make me do shots?” I asked the rest of the group, but only got shrugs and grins in reply.

  “Can we get out of here?” Dylan asked after we’d downed our tequila. “I’m sick of the place.”

  “We get free drinks, though,” Ryan said.

  “Only because I pay for them!” Dylan said. “Let’s go somewhere else and you can buy me drinks for once.”

  “Go on then,” Ryan agreed. “It’s pretty dead in here, anyway.”

  I looked around the place, hesitating as the others stood. “I think I migh—”

  “No, you’re not going home,” Dylan interrupted me. “Don’t even try to wriggle away. You’re not leaving me to deal with Ryan alone.”

  “I can hear you,” Ryan said.

  “You’ve got Matt and Chrissie,” I told him.

  “Love’s young dream will be off snogging in a corner somewhere – they’re disgusting!”

  “That’s true,” Matt agreed. “Come on.”

  “I want to go somewhere we can dance,” Chrissie announced.

  “What a surprise,” Dylan said, leading us out of the door.

  Chapter 30

  The world was a horrible place when I woke, fully dressed, in Matt and Chrissie’s spare room. My brain was having a boxing match with my skull, relentlessly pounding as though it wanted out. When I realised where I was, everything came flooding back to me. My life had fallen apart and I’d ended up here, passing out drunk in my friend’s spare room. My life was terrible. Awful. Everything was bad.

  I’d apparently lost my ability to think rationally somewhere in a bottle of tequila. Now all I was left with was a head full of negativity, and my hangover attacking me – not only with a headache that threatened to kill me, and limbs that ached before I even moved, but by removing any shred of positivity from my mind. My life was a disaster. I was a horrible person. I was never going to leave the bed. I’d just stay there until I withered away – the slow painful death I deserved.

  My desire to go back to sleep and never wake up was hampered by my body, which was insisting that I go in search of water.

  Matt and Chrissie were drinking coffee in the kitchen when I walked in. I filled a glass with water and gulped it down before refilling it. “I think I lost my phone.”

  “It’s here,” Matt held it out to me. “We had to confiscate it.”

  “Why?”

  “You wanted to call Adam at 2am and we didn’t think it was a great idea.”

  “Thank you,” I said, taking the phone. “I do need to talk to him, though.”

  “No,” Chrissie said.

  “Not today,” Matt agreed. “It’ll end badly.”

  “H
ow much worse can things get? I just want to talk to him. I need to check the girls are okay.”

  “Don’t make me take your phone back,” Matt said. “Wait. Call him tomorrow.”

  “Okay.”

  “Do you want something to eat?” Chrissie asked.

  “I think I’m going to go back to bed.” Thank goodness it was Saturday and I didn’t have to be a functioning human being for another forty-eight hours.

  “Good plan,” Matt said. “Sleep it off. You’ll feel better later. The shots probably weren’t a good idea.”

  “I tell you that every time you make me drink with you.” I went back upstairs, nausea sweeping through me at the mention of alcohol. I changed into jogging bottoms and a T-shirt and collapsed back onto the bed, pinned down by my hangover and the weight of the world. I drifted in and out of sleep for a few hours and then, when my willpower had run out, reached for my phone.

  “It’s me,” I said, sounding pathetic and trying hard not to cry.

  Adam didn’t say anything.

  I don’t know what I had expected him to say, but I was suddenly lost for words myself. “How are you?”

  “Fine,” he replied flatly.

  “How are the girls?”

  “Fine.”

  “That’s good,” I said, wishing I’d taken Matt’s advice and waited until later to ring. “I’m staying at Matt and Chrissie’s place.”

  “Okay.”

  “I was wondering if I could come and see the girls sometime. I thought maybe we could talk…”

  “I don’t think there’s much to say.” His voice was cold, full of anger and bitterness. “And I think it’s better if you stay away for a while.”