I blushed. “I don’t know. I’m a mere autodidact. I have no real musical education. Do you think I have a chance to pass any entrance test?”
Sherinia was serious now. “It is very difficult, there is a theoretical and a practical part. You have to know a lot about music theory and be able to play an instrument really well, preferably piano or violin.”
My head dropped. I could never do this. I simply hadn’t had the necessary training. Sherinia patted my hand. “Don’t give up, Jenny, there are many other options for you.”
I looked into her eyes and I again felt this strange attraction to her.
She’s so beautiful.
“And you really study music?” I asked her.
Sherinia nodded. “I have always loved to sing and thank God I began to play cello very early in my life. It was terrible at times, all that rehearsing and practicing, but now I’m really happy I didn’t give up.”
I looked at her and couldn’t help but smile. Suddenly my eyes looked at her rosy lips.
I want to kiss her.
I blushed as she caught me staring at her. She seemed to be used to people staring at her. Emilia kept watching us with an amused grin on her face.
“What are you grinning like a Cheshire cat?” I snapped.
“I enjoy listening to the both of you.”
“If you like I can help you and teach you a few things, Jenny,” Sherinia continued.
“That would be cool, thank you, Sherinia.” To my utter embarrassment I heard myself say, “Can you give me your cell phone number?”
“Certainly, Jenny, give me your phone.” Sherina smiled as she typed her number into my phone.
“Want to go to another place, guys?” Emilia asked. “It’s Friday night, we could dance and have fun.” Emilia looked at us expectantly.
Sherinia looked at me. “Are you coming with us, Jenny?”
How can I resist you if you look at me this way?
“Yes, I’d love to, but I don’t know how to get home afterwards. I cannot afford a taxi.”
“You can stay with me again, if you like,” Emilia offered and smiled. There was a sparkling in her eyes I had never realized before.
“Okay, I’m game then,” I said.
+++
“Would you like to dance with me, Jenny?” Sherinia asked. We were in another bar that had a small dance floor. The three of us had found a place at the bar counter and ordered our beers. It wasn’t long before some guys approached and asked us for a dance. While Emilia willingly accepted to dance with one of them, Sherinia and I turned them down.
We were talking about everything and anything and I couldn’t keep my eyes from her, from her wonderful eyes, her rosy lips and – her cleavage. She wore a fine silver necklace with her nameplate around her slender neck. Every now and then I noticed that she was checking me out, too.
I felt her soft and warm hand on my arm as she asked me to dance and I nearly dropped from my barstool. My heart raced like crazy and I felt a little giddy as I heard myself answer, “Oh yes, I’d love to.”
Sherinia smiled and took my hand as we were fighting our way to the dance floor, which was pretty crowded. Emilia waved her hand and smiled as she saw us. The music was loud with the bass and beat vibrating in my body. Since the dance floor was so crowded we didn’t have much space to move and Sherinia was very close. She looked at me and smiled. Her eyes sparkled and there was something in them that made my heart beat even faster and my knees weak.
She is so beautiful. I feel a strong attraction.
My eyes went to her slightly parted rosy lips.
Kiss me.
Suddenly Sherinia placed her hands on my shoulders and my hands automatically grabbed her waist. We moved together to the beat of the music. My whole body felt as if it were on fire, like in a fever. And then I realized that the distance between Sherinia and me was gone. Our bodies touched and I felt like I’d pass out in the next moment. But I didn’t. On the contrary, I enjoyed the moment. I could smell Sherinia’s shampoo and her fragrance on her soft skin. Every single cell in my body seemed to come alive and to my utmost surprise I felt my nipples stiffen.
Oh my God, what’s happening with me?
Our bodies moved in a matching rhythm to the beat of the music and it felt so good. When the song ended Sherinia broke the contact and studied my face. I could hardly look into her blue-green eyes. I felt flushed and embarrassed. Then Sherinia brought her mouth to my ear so that I could hear her over the den of the music. A shiver ran down my spine.
“Want to go back to the bar, Jenny?” Sherinia said.
I nodded and she took my hand and led me back to the bar. Emilia was already waiting for us. She seemed to study us intently and a small smile was on her lovely face.
“You two having fun, huh?” Emilia said as we climbed back on our barstools. I looked briefly at Sherinia and we both nodded. Then I ordered another three beers for us. I felt so thirsty.
“That guy I danced with was a jerk,” Emilia said. “Seems I had better dance with girls in the future. Much more fun obviously.” Emilia laughed and we started to giggle.
Time flew by and we finally decided to go home. The three of us walked back to the tram stop close to Emilia’s place. Before she entered the tram Sherinia hugged both of us and said good night. We’d see her again next Friday for the band rehearsal.
CHAPTER EIGHT – EMILIA’S WEAKNESS
Emilia and I climbed up the stairs to her apartment. She opened the door and let me in first.
“Want to use the bathroom first, Jenny? You know where to find a towel and your nightshirt from last time. It’s fresh from the laundry. I’ll make our bed in the meantime.”
I agreed, walked into the bathroom and took a brief shower. I found the green nightshirt I had worn last time and put it on. When I returned to the bedroom Emilia sat on the bed in just a black bra and black lacy panties. I held my breath for a moment when I saw her, but quickly averted my eyes to regain my composure. Emilia smiled as she noticed my obvious confusion.
“You can already get into bed, Jenny. I’ll be back right away.” She got up and went to the bathroom, while I plopped down on her bed and pulled the blanket up to my shoulders. A thousand thoughts whirled around in my head, but I didn’t have the time to reflect, because Emilia soon returned. She wore a short yellow nightshirt this time and I fought hard not to stare at her too obviously. But she had noticed it anyway. She smiled and climbed into bed next to me.
“Good night, Jenny,” Emilia said and switched off the lamp on her bedside table.
“Good night, Em,” I answered. I turned around to my side of the bed, but I could not sleep. I felt wide-awake. My heart was beating fast and my body still seemed to be on alert from earlier this evening. Emilia lay on her side of the bed and her butt was very close to my thighs. I felt the heat emanating from her body, which did not make it easier for me to fall asleep. Suddenly, Emilia turned around on her back.
“Jenny?” She whispered. “You still awake? I can’t sleep.”
“Nor can I, Emilia,” I whispered.
I turned my head to face her. The room was not completely dark even though the blinds were closed, and I could see her silhouette. Emilia turned to me and rested on her elbow.
“Sherinia seems to like you very much, Jenny,” Emilia said in a low voice.
“I like her, too,” I whispered back.
“Jenny, may I ask you something? You don’t have to answer if you don’t want to.”
“Okay, just ask me, Em,” I answered truthfully.
“Are you into girls?”
I was stunned.
Why the hell does she ask? Is it so obvious?
“Why do you ask, Emilia?”
“I’m just curious. You know, I told you that Sherinia is a lesbian and the way you looked at each other this evening… Oh shit, Jenny, please forgive me, I’m stupid.”
“No problem, Em. You’re not stupid. Frankly, I don’t know,” I whispered.
/>
“You don’t know?”
“I’ve been confused recently,” I admitted.
There was an awkward silence.
“Jenny?”
“Hmm?”
“I’m aware this may sound odd. But I like you very much I hope you know that. I have never done this before believe me. May I – may I kiss you?” Emilia’s voice sounded husky.
A heat wave shot through my body and I felt a tingling and throbbing in certain places where I shouldn’t have felt it.
This is the chance to kiss a beautiful girl like Emilia.
“Yes, Em, you may.” My voice was hardly audible.
Emilia moved closer and then her face was impossibly close. She tentatively placed her soft lips on mine and a shiver ran down my spine. Emilia retreated for a brief moment and I tentatively kissed her back. I could smell her shampoo and the soap she had used earlier. We repeated these quick and tentative kisses several times. It felt good. Suddenly, something inside me stirred, a dam broke open. I put my hand in the back of Emilia’s neck and drew her in. My tongue touched her silky lips and she opened her mouth to let my tongue in. Our tongues met and began to play. My right hand still held Emilia’s head, while my left hand moved around to her back and drew her close. My eyes fluttered shut. Suddenly I felt her breasts touch mine with just a thin piece of fabric between us, and Emilia sighed softly. Another shiver ran down my spine and I felt goose bumps on my arms. The feeling of kissing her was overwhelming. I let out a moan.
Our kiss deepened and I moved my left hand down to Emilia’s butt and squeezed her cheeks. They were firm and round. Again it felt good. Emilia slid a thigh between my legs and my body began to grind against her thigh immediately. I felt an arousal like never before in my life. My wetness dripped on Emilia’s thigh, but I didn’t care any longer. I slid my hand under Emilia’s shirt and cupped her small breast. It was soft and yet firm and her nipple was hard and erect. I squeezed it between my thumb and index finger and Emilia let out a deep moan. We were both panting with arousal. Emilia moved away for a moment and pulled her shirt over her head, while I did the same. We were completely naked now.
Emilia began to kiss my neck, my collarbone, and placed kisses further down my chest until her mouth found my nipple. She began to tentatively tease it with her tongue and after a while she became more eager and began to suck it into her mouth and gently bite it. I was flushed and heated and pearls of sweat began to run down my face. While Emilia licked and sucked my breasts my hand moved between her legs and I felt her wetness.
Geez, this is so good, I can’t believe it.
As soon as I touched her, Emilia let out a sigh of relief, like somebody who had been waiting for this moment for ages. I slid two fingers into her and began to move in and out. Emilia’s hips followed my rhythm easily, while I tilted my head back.
“Oh God, Jenny, this feels so good,” Emilia moaned. While she continued to lick and suck my nipples her hand found its target between my legs as well. As she began to rub my clit I already felt my orgasm build. At the same time I felt Emilia’s muscles clench around my fingers. We both cried out as we came at the same moment. My legs were shaking uncontrollably and for a moment I thought I might pass out as the climax fully hit me. Music was playing in my head and I banged my head on the pillow as wave after wave washed over me.
I don’t know how much time passed as we lay there on the bed, holding each other, and enjoying the closeness. Finally, I found my breath again.
“Em?”
“Yes, Jenny?”
“That was the most amazing orgasm I have ever had in my life. It was unlike anything I ever felt with guys.”
“I felt exactly the same, Jenny.”
There was silence in the room except for our breathing.
“Em?”
“Hmm?” Emilia sounded sleepy.
“Where does this leave us? Are we lesbians?”
“I don’t know, Jenny. I’m too tired and exhausted to think about it now. Good night.”
A few moments later her breathing told me that Emilia was asleep. I felt calm and relaxed, but at the same time strangely excited, even intoxicated. So this was what I had been craving for with Lena. And surprisingly, Emilia was the first woman I kissed. No, it was more than kissing we had sex. And funny enough, I now knew what I had always missed with boys. I had never had an orgasm like this and the more guys I had been with, the less fun it had been. But was I a lesbian? And what about Emilia? I had always thought Emilia was into guys only. But after tonight? Questions over questions. And then I dozed off, feeling Emilia’s soft and warm body next to mine. It was very comforting.
CHAPTER NINE – THE DAY AFTER
The familiar wave of cigarette smoke and stale air hit me as soon as I opened the door to the flat. My mother was standing in the kitchen entrance, cigarette in hand. No sign of her latest lover Thomas. She frowned as I entered the hallway with my bass guitar case in hand.
“Where are you coming from, young lady?” She barked. Her bad mood nearly hit me like a hammer.
“From the band rehearsal. It was a bit late and I slept over at a friend’s.”
“So, at a friend’s. Who is he? Do I know him? I hope you are not pregnant.”
“Mother, I stayed at Emilia’s. Remember? Our singer. She is a girl. And no, I’m not pregnant from a girl.”
“Watch out what you say, young lady.”
“I’m leaving again in a few, anyway. I have to work,” I said as I grabbed my instrument and walked to my bedroom.
I quickly changed into another pair of black jeans and a dark green sweater. When I left my room, my brother Chris stood at the entrance of his room. Behind him I saw the blond head of his Barbie girlfriend.
“Hey sis. Can I borrow 10 Euro from you?”
I exhaled deeply. I loved my brother dearly, but he had become such a jerk recently. I didn’t have much money myself and I was sure that I would never see my Euros again if I gave them to him.
“No, Chris, I don’t have much money myself. Why don’t you ask Mom?”
He glared at me. “Mom doesn’t lend me money either.”
“Sorry, but I can’t help you. I have to go.” I looked at my watch and realized I had to hurry up if I wanted to be at the wine bar on time.
Chris turned around and slammed his door shut. I could have sworn I heard the f-word. As I left I noticed my mother was sitting in the living room, cigarette in hand and she was staring at the wall. I didn’t say anything to her as I walked out the entrance door; neither did she say anything to me.
I took the bus downtown. My thoughts drifted back to Emilia and the night we had spent together. When I awoke this morning, my eyes still shut, I felt her soft and warm female body next to mine. I had this strange sensation you get when somebody is staring at you. I tentatively opened my eyes. Emilia rested on her elbow, her wonderful dark red hair a mess, her blue eyes studying me. When I opened my eyes a broad grin appeared on her beautiful face.
“Good morning, sleepyhead,” she said. In the next moment she kissed me quickly and softly on my lips. I could not help, but smile back at her.
“Good morning, Emilia.”
She let out the air she had been holding. “Thank God, you’re not mad at me.”
I looked at her in confusion. “Why should I be mad at you?”
“Uh, because of last night, I mean, you know, what we did.”
“But, Em, it was wonderful, I don’t regret it.”
Emilia sat up in bed, her arms around her knees. She looked at me again.
“I enjoyed it, too. But this should remain a secret between the two of us. Okay?”
I nodded.
“Listen Jenny. I’m not a lesbian. And I guess this was the only time we did that. Please don’t feel hurt. I like you very much, but we cannot go on with it.”
I considered this for a moment. I hadn’t even had the time to reflect about what had happened. What this meant for me, and what it could possibly mean for Em
ilia and me. But still, it hurt.
“Okay, Emilia. I understand. I had better go now.”
I swung my legs out of the bed and got up. I realized I was completely naked and grabbed the sleep shirt that lay beside the bed to cover me.
“Jenny, please, I didn’t want to hurt you. I’m sorry.”
“It’s okay, Emilia. I have to go to work.”
I turned around and wanted to go to the bathroom, but Emilia jumped out of the bed and blocked my way. She put her hands on my shoulders and looked into my eyes.
“Jenny, I like you very much, more than I can say. Please, don’t be mad. I’m so confused about the whole story. I don’t know what to say or do. Please, forgive me.”
I looked into Emilia’s pale face with her adorable freckles on her cheeks and nose, and into her blue eyes. And I forgot all my anger and sorrow. The shirt I held before my chest dropped to the floor. We stood there at the entrance to the bathroom, both naked. Our lips and tongues met again like in the previous night. I felt giddy and like passing out in the next moment. I broke the kiss for a moment to catch my breath.
“Oh my God, Emilia, you make my knees weak,” I whispered. “What time is it?”
Emilia looked at the clock on her beside table. “It’s only 8.30. When do you have to work?” She seemed to be out of breath too.
“At noon. But I need to go home to change before that. Well, I guess we have half an hour if that’s what you want,” I said tentatively.
“Okay. C’mon.” Emilia opened the door to the bathroom.
“Let’s shower together.” She took my hand and led me into the bathroom. My heart raced like crazy again and I felt flushed and heated.
Emilia went into the shower cubicle first. I followed her. The cubicle was quite small and our bodies touched. My nipples were hard like rocks. I looked at Emilia’s breasts and saw that her nipples were erect as well. And I saw the desire in her eyes. The warm water ran down over our bodies and we began to make out. It was wonderful, passionate kissing. It didn’t take long and we began to touch each other. After a while I kissed my way down Emilia’s body. I went down on my knees and after hesitating for the briefest of moments I pressed my mouth on her swollen flesh. Nothing had prepared me for the sensations I felt when I began to lick and suck Emilia’s pussy. How often had I fantasized doing this with Lena? I had no experience with girls, but I had never been so horny before. I put my hands on Emilia’s butt and drew her in. I heard Emilia moan loudly. I briefly looked up at her. Her nipples were erect and she had tilted her head back. I continued to lick and eat her pussy. I explored her ripples and folds with my tongue. I tentatively slid two fingers into her while teasing and licking her clit. Soon she arched her back, her legs began to tremble, and her knees threatened to give in. She cried out loud when I licked and sucked her clit and she came into my mouth.
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