by Jo Leigh
“Okay,” he said. “You’re right.” He walked slowly to where Bobby sat. “Listen, kid. I know you got a bum deal. I should have been there for you. I can’t change that, but I’m here now. And I want to help.”
Kate breathed again. She hadn’t realized how desperately she wanted the two of them to reconcile. She dropped into her chair again and picked up her coffee. Her hand trembled slightly and that troubled her.
“You listen, man,” Bobby said.
Kate put her cup down, her pulse instantly racing again. Maybe she’d known it couldn’t be that simple.
“You can go right to hell. You think some words will make things okay? Bullshit. You’re the one who left us. You didn’t want nothing to do with us. So stay the hell away.”
“Bobby,” T.J. said, taking a step toward him.
Bobby bolted up and shoved T.J. in the chest. “I said stay away. Where were you when he was beating the crap out of me, huh? I was a little kid! She never did nothing, except drink and pray with her beads. She was crazy and he was nuts and you left me there. There’s nothing you can say to me, man. There’s nothing I want from you.”
“You don’t understand.”
“What’s there to understand? That you were a traitor? I got that.”
“No. You don’t know why I left.”
“You left because you were yellow. Because you didn’t give a damn about anyone but yourself.”
“That’s not true.”
“Then why?”
Kate saw tears well in Bobby’s eyes and fall down his cheeks. He didn’t wipe them away. She wondered if he even knew he was crying.
“Because he would have killed you if I stayed.”
“Who?”
“Gus.”
“What are you talking about?”
“He swore he was going to kill you, just like he killed my father.”
Kate jerked to look at T.J. The silence in the room was as deep as a bombshell crater.
“What?” Bobby’s voice sounded strangled.
“Gus was with Ed the night they robbed the liquor store. It wasn’t the cops who killed him. It was Gus. I saw it. I was there.”
Bobby swayed like a drunk and for a moment, Kate thought he was going to fall. She stood, afraid for both of them.
“He shot my father right in front of me. He didn’t know I was there. Everyone thought the cops did it. He got out the back way and so did I. No one knew.”
T.J. walked to the far wall, as far as he could get away from Bobby. He slammed his hand on the side of the fridge, then turned again to face his brother.
“I was scared to death. I stayed away,” he said. “I got in trouble with the law. I stole a car and they sent me to live in juvenile hall. I hardly saw them after that.
“I never dreamed that ten years later, Gus would go after Teresa. They got married before I knew a thing. I just got a phone call that she was going to have a baby. I tried to tell her about Gus, but she wouldn’t listen.”
Bobby leaned forward and put his head in his hands. Before Kate could move, Molly was next to him, arm around his back. T.J. didn’t seem to notice.
His voice had grown quieter and somehow that seemed worse to Kate. Why hadn’t he told her? She remembered Gus’s threat at the police station and suddenly things seemed to fall into place. She’d known there were secrets. She just didn’t know how awful they were.
“I moved back to town when you were seven. Got a place on the same damn street. Gus thought it was too close. He started beating up on me then.” T.J. took a step toward Bobby. “I told him one night, what I’d seen. I threatened to turn him in. He didn’t believe me at first, but I told him where I’d been hiding, how I’d seen him tell Ed that he would cover him and then how he shot him in the back. He knew I was telling the truth. He said if I ever told anyone, he would kill you. Not me. You.”
“How could he—”
“He’s a sick bastard, Bobby. He always was. He knew I couldn’t stand to see you get hurt. And he used that to keep me in line. I’d do something he didn’t like and you’d pay for it. I couldn’t stay after that. I thought if I left, he would leave you alone.”
“Mom?”
T.J. shook his head. “She never knew. At least I don’t think so. With her, it’s hard to say.”
Bobby reached out for his chair like a blind man, waving his hand until it connected with the wooden back. He sat down, staring straight ahead.
Kate walked over to T.J. The pain on his face pierced her heart and she reached over to take him in her arms. He backed up, knocking her hand away. “Don’t you get it? That’s my family. That’s what I come from. I can’t wash it off, or wish it away. It’s who I am. It’s who I’ll always be.”
“No,” she said. “You’re not Gus. You’re not your father. You didn’t do anything wrong.”
“No? I left my kid brother. I left my mother. I ran off with my tail between my legs. I couldn’t stop him. I became a cop so I could stop him and I didn’t.”
“He’s in jail now,” she said. “He can’t hurt anyone anymore.”
“He’ll get out. Teresa will go back to him. I know she will. He’ll take it out on her, next.”
“We won’t let him.”
He laughed then. The sound made her break out in a rash of goose bumps.
“You still think people can change, huh? You think you can make it better by saying nice, comforting words. But the truth is underneath all that. It’s lying in a liquor store, shot in the back like a dog.”
“You didn’t pull the trigger.”
“I should have. I should have taken care of Gus when I had the chance.”
“No. You’re better than that. You’re not like him.”
“That’s just it. I’m afraid I am.” He moved quickly, then. So fast, she couldn’t catch him. He didn’t look back, didn’t say anything more. He just walked away.
She had the awful feeling he was leaving for good.
Chapter 15
T.J. got to his room and went right to the closet. He pulled his suitcase out and tossed it on the bed. Damn it all to hell, why had he opened his big mouth?
The zipper stuck and he nearly ripped the stupid thing before he got it open. Then he turned and yanked open the top dresser drawer and gathered his clothes with both hands. He threw them into the case and opened the next drawer.
“Where are you going?”
He jerked around to stare at Kate. She stood in his doorway looking concerned and a little bit frightened.
“Away.”
“Why?”
He laughed, although there was no humor left in him. “I’ve told you before. I don’t belong here. I should never have come.”
“Am I that easy to leave?”
He winced. “No fair hitting below the belt.”
“I can be pretty ruthless.”
“You can also be pretty smart. You don’t want me, Kate. You don’t want me at all.”
She walked toward him and as she got nearer he saw he’d been wrong a moment ago. She wasn’t frightened, she was angry.
“How dare you tell me what I want,” she said, standing right next to him, looking at him dead-on. “What am I, some kind of child that I need you to tell me what I think and feel?”
“I didn’t mean—”
“That’s exactly what you meant. You think I can’t see you. That I don’t really know who you are. That you have this dark side that will come out when I least expect it, like a werewolf during a full moon. You know what I think?”
She took one more step. Now she was close enough for him to see the fire in her eyes.
“I think you’re afraid that won’t happen. I think you’ve lived with this image of yourself for so long, it’s become your safety zone. So safe that you don’t have to love anyone but yourself. You don’t have to commit to anything but your credo. I think you’re afraid to live, Detective. Afraid that all you are is a regular guy. A guy who makes mistakes, not because it’s your destiny, but
because you’re human.
“That’s very interesting, Kate, but you don’t know what I’ve seen, what I’ve—”
“Oh, can it. I know your father’s death was awful. It was brutal and it shouldn’t have happened, but it wasn’t your fault. You did the best you could with what you had. Don’t you get it? You left Harbor Bay because you are, you’ve always been, a decent human being. You wanted to protect your brother. Your instincts were right on the money. Maybe you could have done something more effective, who knows? The point is your motivation was good. You didn’t become a cop to get back at Gus. You became a cop because you’re a good guy and you always have been.”
He shook his head, marveling at every single thing about her. Her intensity, her passion, her beauty. If only she were right. “You’re determined to find that pony, no matter what, huh?”
“That’s not the issue here.”
He reached over and took her by the arms, holding her steady. “Listen to me, Kate. When I was on that floor in the police station, struggling with Gus over the gun, I wasn’t trying to just get it away from him. I wanted to hurt him. Like he hurt me.”
“And?”
“There is no and. You’re not listening. You want me to be someone I’m not. I wish I could be, but I can’t. It’s too big a leap. People don’t change like that. It’s too fundamental a shift. Your vision is skewed because you deal with kids. I’m not a kid anymore. I’m coming on forty. Not that I like it, but it’s a fact. I’ve been Theodore J. Russo, son of Ed and Teresa Russo, with all attendant baggage for a long, long time.”
“You listen,” she said. “Listen up good. I’m not saying you have to change. You’re already there. All you have to do is recognize lit.”
He dropped his arms. For the first time since they’d become friends he felt a great distance between them, an unbridgeable chasm. He turned and went back to the dresser. “I’ve got to go find Danny,” he said.
“That’s it? End of discussion?”
“I don’t want either of us to get hurt,” he said.
“Too late.”
He faced her one more time, hoping, praying, she would believe him. “I’m sorry for that. I never meant for that to happen.”
Her back stiffened and somewhere inside her a light clicked off. “Fine. There’s no reason for you to leave, yet. Go on. Find Danny. I’ll look for him, too. I want this over with.”
“Kate—”
She turned and walked out of the bedroom. That same light went out inside him and he knew the darkness would last forever.
Kate went to her room. She didn’t want anyone to see her right now. She closed her door and went to her dresser. There was the picture of Kevin Anderson taken all those years ago. Why had she kept the damn thing? To remind her of her failure? To torture herself with her shortcomings?
She lifted the curled photo and ripped it neatly in half. Both pieces floated to the trash can as she said goodbye to him once and for all. At least that issue had been handled. Being with T.J. hadn’t been a total loss.
Would he be so easy to forget? She had the feeling that T.J.’s memory would linger a long time, maybe forever. He’d taken her heart hostage and there was no ransom to be found. This was love, real love. She’d never expected it to happen to her. The idea had always scared her and now it was clear why. It hurt.
She felt different inside, as if he’d carved the vital parts out of her and replaced them with pain. Her image in the mirror hadn’t changed and that was probably for the best. If she looked the way she felt people would run screaming.
Why? Why had he come here? Why had he taken her life and turned it inside out? It wasn’t fair. She might have been numb before, but that was better than this.
She turned and saw her whistle hanging from the hook by her door. The kids. They were surely here by now, waiting for her to come lead them on the run. Good. Being busy would be a blessing. There was no way she was going to cry about this. No way. Wasn’t she the toughest lady in town? Couldn’t she outrun, outjump, outfox anyone in the city?
Wasn’t she strong enough to say goodbye?
Just after twelve noon, T.J. got lucky. It was at Selco’s, a mom-and-pop grocery store he’d been going to since he was a little kid. Mr. Selco had always run the place and even then he’d been an old man. Now he had a stoop to his back and he’d lost all his hair, but he was the same man who’d chased him down the block countless times, yelling for him to quit stealing his fruit. T.J. had suspected more than once that Selco could have caught him if he’d wanted to.
“Do you have any idea where I could find Danny now?” T.J. asked. He was standing right next to the nectarines and he had an almost unbearable urge to slip one into his pocket.
“Not for certain,” Selco said, his thick Yiddish accent more pronounced than T.J. had remembered. “But I t’ink... you know the building mit the picture on it?”
“The mural?”
“Yeah, the picture. The one mit the dog and the horse.”
T.J. nodded. That mural was on Pine and Fourth, right by the pawnshop.
“The little bastard goes there. He hangs out mit his hoodlum friends. The music they play, so damn loud it would make my Bubba rise from the grave just to tell them to shut up.”
T.J. smiled. “I know just what you mean.”
Selco nodded. “You go by there. You see him.”
“Thank you.”
“You get him, okay? You put him behind bars. Little pisher is trying to do extortion on me. Can you believe it? The schmuck.”
“I’ll do my best.” He shook the old man’s hand and turned to leave.
“Hey, kind.”
T.J. stopped.
“Take the damn piece of fruit.”
T.J. grinned again and grabbed a nectarine from the pile. “You old softy.”
“Get the hell out of here.”
It was the best nectarine he’d ever had. He threw the pit in a garbage can once he got to Fourth. He’d parked the car behind the big metal bin behind the pawnshop so Danny wouldn’t see the Camaro.
Now he made his way carefully up the alley, making sure his jacket was unbuttoned and his holster unsnapped. There was a good possibility the whole gang could be just around the corner and he needed to be ready.
Slowing his pace and keeping his back to the wall, he tried to look everywhere at once. He’d been in situations like this before, so how come his heart was thudding like a damn bass drum in his chest? It couldn’t be because he was afraid of Danny. He could take out that punk in five seconds. So what was the deal here? He was acting like a rookie, like a rube.
Concentrate. That’s what he needed to do. Get the world down to size. Step over the brick, watch out for the nail sticking out of the wall, check to his right. Breathe, damn it.
He felt the music before he heard it. It was a slight vibration, just around his shoulders, but he recognized the feel of it from the center. Not only was Danny on the other side of the pawnshop, but he had his boom box up against the wall.
T.J. reached for his gun. The moment it was in his hand he felt better, grounded. This was what he knew.
He inched his way closer to the empty lot. Now he heard the words to the song. Something about a cop killer. How appropriate.
There was the edge, the final inch between himself and the bastard who was trying to frame his brother. Holding his breath, he stole a look. Quick and then his back was up against the wall again.
Danny wasn’t alone. Six, maybe seven guys were with him. Most were standing around a trash barrel, but some were sitting on the hood of a beat-up old car. If he turned that corner, he wouldn’t last a moment. The odds of taking Arcola out before he bought it were slim to none. Damn it, why didn’t they turn that music off?
What if he looked one more time? Fixed Danny in his sights? Memorized his position and went for the good kill? Sure he would be dead, but so would Arcola. It might just be worth it.
At the thought, his heart picked up again. The dru
m was back, beating like a son of a bitch. And right along with it, an image of Kate burst into his head. Right there. Clear as a bell. He could see every line, every curve. The picture left as quickly as it had come, but the feeling of her lingered and that’s when he knew. He knew why his heart pounded. Why this was unlike any other bust he’d ever been on.
For the first time in his life, he had something to lose.
Kate ran out the door, searching for Charley’s car. She saw him at the corner and she waved him back, even though she knew it was useless. He drove away and her thoughts went right back to her conversation with Alice Dee.
After Bobby had come from the arraignment and Charley had filled her in on the details, she’d gone to the nursery to check on Molly. Alice was playing with a baby. When Molly went out after Bobby, Kate had hung around and found herself studying Little Miss Hot Pants. Only something was different. Alice was different. She wasn’t parading around the boys or trying to suck up to her. As a matter of fact, the girl was subdued, right down to her baggy jeans and T-shirt.
The dance had been a complicated one—Kate had approached her and Alice had pretty much ignored her. One conversation after another had died on the vine, what with Alice giving those one syllable answers. Finally Molly had returned, Bobby in hand, and Kate started to leave. That’s when Alice had grabbed her arm.
“I think I know where Danny is,” she’d said.
Kate waited, fighting off the urge to grab the girl and shake the information out of her.
“I think he’s going to the Stop-N-Go. By the high school.”
“How do you know?”
Alice had looked at her feet, then. “I was with someone last night. Banger. I mean Tony Bandara. He didn’t really say. I’m probably wrong. Forget it.”
“When? When is he going to be there?”
She shrugged. “I don’t know. I’m sorry I said anything. I’m probably crazy.”
Kate had grabbed Alice then, but not to shake her. She’d given her a mighty hug. “You did the right thing, Alice.”
Then she’d run for Charley. Now that he was gone, she wasted no more time. She went back to the nursery and found Molly. Bobby wasn’t around and she assumed he was changing clothes.
