The Doctor's Redemption (Shadow Creek, Montana)

by Victoria James

  Was he having second thoughts?

  Or maybe the poor guy was just so wiped and needed a nap. Had she forced this whole thing on him? Had she come on too strong?

  Oh, the humiliation of it all…

  …

  “We don’t want you to contact us again, Luke. We made it clear how we feel. These letters and phone calls of apology mean nothing to us. You were responsible for our daughter, for that baby, and you failed. We will never understand how you were only able to save yourself and not them. My wife can’t get out of bed most days because of depression since we lost Lisa. Your contact only makes it worse. Leave us alone.”

  Luke heard the click on the other end of the line and squeezed his eyes shut, trying to breathe, but it was more like wheezing. He tossed his phone onto the dashboard and slowly put his head on the steering wheel and squeezed his eyes shut as tears spilled from the corners.

  You should have known, Luke. Every time he’d tried to contact his former in-laws during the last five years, he had gotten the same kind of thing. The night he’d had to call them from the accident site had almost killed him. He’d stood, ambulances and police surrounding the scene of the accident. The rain had turned to sleet and he’d called, sputtering out the words that no parent should ever have to hear. Luke didn’t know what he’d expected of them, but they blamed him. They had never stopped blaming him. It had been a year since he’d contacted them, so he wasn’t quite sure what had prompted him to call them now. Well, if he was honest with himself, he did know—it was Gwen. He wanted closure, he wanted to start over, wanted their forgiveness, finally. He wanted a sign that maybe he could tell Gwen the truth and she’d forgive him too.

  You’re acting like a naïve idiot.

  He lifted his head and ran his hands down his face, knowing he should go up there and cancel on Gwen. He was in no condition to be with her tonight; he needed to be by himself with a bottle of anything. He got out of his car and crossed the road, the weight of the last five years crushing him. He had made so many attempts at change, had tried to be a better man, had tried to help as many people as possible, but none of it was good enough. None of it would ever erase that at a critical point in his life, he wasn’t good enough.

  He climbed the stairs to Gwen’s apartment, fully intending on telling her that he was too wiped from work and that he just needed to go home and sleep, but she was standing at the top of the stairs. He stopped, shaken to the core by what she was unknowingly offering him, maybe what she had always been offering him.

  Gwen was his solace; she was his redeemer.

  He wanted in on everything her warm eyes promised. He wanted in on everything she offered him. He wanted one night to be the man that she thought he was, the man he wanted to be. He wanted one night to show her what she meant to him, just how deeply she affected him.

  “You okay?” she whispered.

  He didn’t answer right away, memorizing the way she looked at him, the way she was dressed, the tilt of her full lips as she smiled. He wasn’t okay, hadn’t been okay for the last five years, but being with Gwen was the closest he’d ever get to being whole again.

  He paused, before reaching that top step so that she was at eye level. He didn’t want to think anymore, he didn’t want to acknowledge how he didn’t deserve Gwen in his life, or what would happen later. Right now, more than anything, he needed to feel again.

  “I need you,” he said, the confession a surprise to him and her. He raised his hands, slowly tangling them in her hair as he lowered his head and kissed her. “I need you more than I’ve ever needed anyone,” he whispered against her mouth. She made a small sound and then wrapped her arms around his neck and he lifted her, walking into her apartment and shutting the door with his foot. Gwen kissed him back like she needed him just as much.

  …

  Luke followed her down and covered her with his hard body. She hadn’t known exactly what would happen tonight, but never in a million years did she expect him to walk up those stairs and look at her like she was his lifeblood. And that kiss…the current kisses he was placing down her neck were more than she knew what to do with. In all her twenty-something years, she had never experienced anything as powerful as Luke.

  Her clothes fell away but he kept coming back to her mouth, kissing her slow and deep, as though he needed to savor. She tugged his shirt off and ran her hands down the sinewy length of his arms, then up his shoulders and down his chest. His skin was hot to the touch and flexed as her fingers explored him. Luke was breathtaking. Before he lowered his head to kiss her again, she caught the look in his eyes, understood the hunger, and understood the longing. Finally, she understood what it meant to want to be with someone so completely. Her body reacted to him, to every touch and kiss, as though it were desperate for him. And it was, she was. She was so desperate for everything Luke was offering, and everything he wasn’t.

  She welcomed him with everything she had, with all her doubts and insecurities, and with all the love she already had for this man. She welcomed him, surrendering the fear that this would be fleeting, that this feeling, this fire, this connection was too good to be true.

  …

  Luke stared at the dark ceiling in Gwen’s bedroom. Her naked body was wrapped around him, and the perfection of an hour ago was fading fast, replaced by an alarming amount of self-loathing. He had come here tonight, selfishly needing Gwen, selfishly taking what he needed. He’d known, from very early on how good they would be together. But he hadn’t counted on how good. Or that there would be an emotional connection that scared the crap out of him because when she found out the truth, he’d have to find a way to live without her.

  “Why do you look like you are having regrets?”

  He started, looking down at Gwen. He had no idea she’d woken up. The vulnerability in her eyes made guilt stir inside him. Regrets. Yeah. Where did he start? He didn’t want to break her heart. He didn’t want to be the ass who walked out of here, but he was going to break her heart eventually. “No regrets,” he said, then pressed a kiss to her head. The last thing he wanted her to think was that he had doubts about her. “Maybe I wish that you’d have let me in on the fact that you’ve never slept with anyone before.”

  She inhaled sharply and her eyes filled with tears. Crap. He didn’t want her to cry. “You weren’t supposed to notice.”

  He cleared his throat, knowing he was going to have to tread carefully. “I would have probably done things a little differently.”

  She blinked and her tears were gone, replaced by a smile that effectively filled his male ego, along with assuaging that part of his guilt. “I wouldn’t have wanted anything to go differently. You were the one. I mean, not the one. After you leave Shadow Creek, I will have to find more ones, but you were the first one. But don’t worry, no pressure or anything. Really, it was a matter of opportunity or lack of. I mean I was living with my parents. And I had no life for the last five years. Before that wasn’t convenient either.”

  Well, hell. He didn’t even know where to start with that one. He had come to recognize that Gwen made him feel all the things. She made him analyze his life, his emotions. She made him question all his stupid beliefs. She made it clear to him that she knew a hell of a lot more about how to live life than he did. She had this energy, this light that he wanted to share. She made him want the white picket fence, no matter how undeserving he was.

  And he wanted to be the guy, the only guy in her life, but he had no right. “Thanks. I think. Also, I’m glad I showed up at a convenient time in your schedule.”

  She placed her hand on his chest and perched her chin on top, her brown eyes sparkled and she gave him a smile that made him want to forget all the reasons he should leave. Who was he fooling? He wasn’t leaving her tonight. She must have had the same thoughts, because as he threaded his fingers through her hair, she had already met him halfway. He kissed her, memorizing every sound, every taste, every inch of her, knowing this woman had changed him forever.


  Chapter Ten

  “So, are you going to tell Gwen tonight?”

  Luke gripped the steering wheel tightly as he drove toward the Bailey’s home the next Sunday night. “Yeah, I’m planning on telling everyone at Sunday night dinner.”

  “No need for sarcasm, just wondering what your plans are. Continue to get close to this family and Gwen and then tell them? Maybe when Gwen tells you she’s in love with you and wants you to father her children. Tell her then.”

  “When did you get so sarcastic?”

  “Are you going to tell her?”

  “Yes, I’m just waiting for the right time.”

  “Omigod,” she groaned, throwing up her hands, nearly hitting him in the confined space of the SUV. “What are you waiting for? This is only going to get worse. You need to tell her.”

  “I know.”

  “You still haven’t slept with her, right?”

  “Can you stop asking me that?” He had slept with her, without telling her everything, and that was unforgivable. It put him in the biggest douche category and he didn’t know if she’d ever forgive him for that. Even after tonight he had no idea what she’d do.

  She made her trademark snorting sound. “I’m looking out for her. I think Gwen is great for you. I haven’t seen you laugh in years. You even walk around the house smiling. She makes you happy. I don’t want you to screw this up so badly that you lose her, because that would be a really douchey thing to do.”

  “Thanks.” His sister and Gwen got along great. Gwen had come by the other night and they’d ordered pizza and the two of them had forced him to watch a sappy movie. He also found out that his sister had been to Gwen’s shop a few afternoons as well. That was a good thing. Maybe.

  “Well?”

  “None of your business.”

  She inhaled dramatically. “Nooooooo. Omigod. I don’t even know what to say.”

  “Nothing. Say nothing.”

  “Okay, no need to panic. Really. Just don’t panic.”

  “Not panicking,” he said, as panic coursed through him. Dammit. His little sister was always complicating his life.

  “Maybe they are really forgiving people. Aren’t they churchy?”

  He gripped the steering wheel, trying not to let his irritation show. “I’m not sure churchy is an actual thing.”

  She ignored him. “I’m curious to meet all these people. Are they all as nice as Gwen?”

  “From what I can tell. They are kind of like the perfect family.” He loved and hated that about them. It only added to his insecurity about his past and the secrets he was keeping.

  “Great. That must make you feel better.”

  “Nothing wrong with our family,” he said, turning onto the road that led to the Bailey’s house.

  “No, I know Mom was a total saint, I just mean the rest of it. You know, the loser dad that walked out on us and left Mom broke with two small kids to raise?”

  “Can’t pick who our parents are, Haley. I’m not going to take on that burden and you shouldn’t either.” Hell, he had lots of things that were on him, a loser father wasn’t one of them. But it still didn’t help the situation because as an adult he’d made his own stupid mistakes.

  “Doesn’t it make you feel inferior though? Like when you’re dating a woman who comes from a totally normal, wonderful family?”

  “Uh, not till now. Thanks.”

  She laughed and patted his leg. “No, no, it’s fine. Totally fine. The doctor thing helps you. People love doctors.”

  He inhaled slowly, wondering why he was engaging in conversation about his love life with his sister. They pulled into the driveway and Haley sighed.

  “Even the prefect house,” she whispered. “A Georgian in Montana,” she said.

  “Apparently, Gwen’s mother lived in something like this when she was little and so Gwen’s dad had it built for her.”

  “Wow.”

  “Yeah. So on the happy note of how inferior we are to the Baileys, would you like to go inside?”

  She laughed and patted his shoulder. “It’ll all be good. I’ll keep referring to you as doctor tonight and I’ll put in a plug or two about what a great big brother you are.”

  He tried to tune out Haley’s jabbering because she only made him more nervous. He felt like a damn teenager. He couldn’t remember the last time he’d met a woman’s parents. Okay, so he’d technically already met them, but being invited to Sunday dinner was different. It was acknowledging that he was someone significant in their daughter’s life. Hell. What the hell had he done?

  Gwen opened the door, looking so beautiful, and so genuinely happy to see him, that he resolved to make this right. He’d never been a guy who ran from the truth. In fact, he’d often been told he was too blunt, but what he’d let happen between him and Gwen was so uncharacteristic of him. She had lured him in and he’d fallen hard without even realizing it until he was in too deep.

  “Hi, come on in,” she said, tugging on his hand. “Haley, how are you?” she asked, taking his sister’s jacket first.

  “Great. Feeling so much more rested,” his sister said. “My brother may be a total pain in the ass, but he’s got a good heart. The best heart,” she said, putting her arm around him in a totally uncharacteristic display of sibling loyalty.

  “I know he does,” Gwen said, laughing. She looked up at him, her eyes shining with everything she felt for him, and in that second, in that look in her brown eyes, he knew this couldn’t go on. He would have to come clean today. After dinner he’d drop Haley off at his place and then go to Gwen’s apartment.

  Pretty soon the entire front entrance was filled with Gwen’s family and introductions and small talk filled the elegant space.

  “Let’s all head to the dining room,” Gwen’s father said, extending his arm in the direction of the room on the left. “Cassie’s been cooking up a storm all morning and Gwen has a dessert surprise that I’m not allowed to eat until we’ve had dinner, so hurry up, people.”

  They all laughed and made their way into the dining room. He wasn’t hungry at all.

  “I want to sit beside Luke,” Maggie said, surprising him. He ignored the lump in his throat as he smiled down at the little girl.

  “Well, honey, I’m sure he wants to sit beside Gwen and his sister,” her father said.

  “It’s okay!” Haley said. “You sit beside him, sweetie. Tell you the truth, I need a break from my big brother for a bit.”

  Maggie apparently thought this was hilarious. “Oh, I get you. I’m sure if I get a brother one day I’ll need a break from him too.”

  They all laughed and he noticed the mischievous look between Chase and Julia. True enough, he sat down at the table, being treated like he was one of the family. Gwen was on his one side, her hand on his thigh, while Maggie was on his other side. “So, we have an announcement to make,” Chase said, right before they were about to eat.

  Gwen squeezed his hand and he heard a few gasps around the table from the women. Clearly they all had a handle on what was about to be announced, while the men all looked clueless.

  “Ahem,” Maggie said, clearing her throat theatrically for a few seconds.

  “Right. Maggie has actually asked if she could make the announcement,” Julia said, tugging on Chase’s shirt and he sat down, smiling.

  Maggie stood, looking very serious and pulled out a piece of paper from her Hello Kitty purse that was draped on the back of her chair. He made eye contact with his sister whom he could tell was getting a kick out of her like everyone else at the table. Maggie took a very long time unfolding the lined paper and then turned to slowly look at everyone in the room. “Maggs, hon, people want to eat their dinner,” Chase said, clearly struggling to not laugh.

  Maggie gave him a nod, cleared her throat, and then began reading. He could see from where he was sitting, she had taken a lot of effort and her printing was neat and in pencil. “I’m very happy today because I found out that my mom and dad—” She
paused to point to Chase and Julia even though everyone knew who they were, but he suspected she did it for dramatic effect. She was impressive. “Are going to make me the proud owner of a little brother or sister.”

  Chase choked on his wine and the room erupted into shouts of laughter and cheers. Gwen had ditched him, alternating giving hugs to Chase and Julia and Maggie and then everyone else. He stood there, beside his sister, feeling their joy. He felt it seep inside him, mingling with his shame, his sorrow. These people had been through hell, and they were here, wholeheartedly embracing joy, embracing their future. Julia had lost her child, and now she’d had the courage to move forward and try again. It was something he couldn’t understand.

  “I’m so happy for them,” Gwen said, coming back over to him as they all moved back to their seats. He awkwardly extended his congratulations as did his sister. He felt Haley’s gaze, he felt what she wanted him to do. He couldn’t do this tonight. He couldn’t do it and ruin Chase and Julia’s news. He couldn’t do it with Maggie around.

  Mrs. Bailey stood and everyone quieted. “Before we start eating, I want us to bow our heads. Lord, thank you for this food in front of us today, but thank you mostly for these new blessings you keep giving us. Thank you for these children that keep coming into our lives. Thank you for our new friends seated with us. Thank you for guiding us to the spring.”

  Jesus. Everyone started eating voraciously and he sat there, accepting platters and numbly passing them around. He had known they were a praying bunch, but this was too much. He’d caught the sniffles coming from his sister during the prayer and had avoided looking at her. Mrs. Bailey had given thanks for their new friends, him, and his sister. She had no idea that they would be her enemy.