Into the Blackness (Blackness Series Book 4)

by Norma Jeanne Karlsson

  “Sunshine, you look good after some rest,” he murmurs into my cheek before placing a kiss there.

  “I feel better. Thanks,” I say softly.

  Nick slides one powerful arm around my waist before pulling me firmly into his body.

  “We good?” he questions, a thoughtful look on his face.

  “We’re good, Nicky,” I coo leaning up on my tiptoes to kiss his cheek.

  He bends forward slightly so that I can reach my intended destination. When I drop back down, he squeezes me once before letting me go.

  “Any requests for dinner?” I ask moving toward the kitchen.

  “Somethin’ more than the sandwiches we threw together for lunch.”

  I pull on an apron and set about making lemon and rosemary pork with a chickpea salad. All of the ingredients stocked in our kitchen and pantry are organic and fresh. This I could get used to. As I prep vegetables and begin cooking Jake and Nick sporadically join me to check on the progress, both of them sweet and tender with me at all times.

  “Jake will you set the table please?” I ask on his most recent visit to my side.

  “Sure.”

  “Wine?” Nick asks standing near the door to the basement, which houses a good sized wine cellar.

  “White please,” I respond with a smile.

  Nick offers me a tip of the chin before descending the stairs. I prepare our plates and move them to the table as Nick rejoins the area, wine in hand. I doubt Nick drinks wine so I move back into the kitchen and pour him a glass of Stella.

  He smiles broadly at my return to the table. I set his beer down and take my seat, relishing how good it feels to enjoy a normal sit down family meal. The sounds that the guys make as they dig in causes a tingle inside my chest and I feel even better about our normal end to an uncomfortable day.

  Kat

  “Play nice with the other kids, dear,” I call to Jake as he climbs from my SUV on his first day at school.

  He snorts through a broad grin before swinging his legs out and fading into a mass of teenagers. He’s a braver man than I.

  I take a leisurely drive back to our house enjoying the gorgeous scenery of our new town. The rolling hills mixed with the Metacomet Ridge provide a picturesque dawdle for this newly appointed housewife. The green canopy that surrounds Maybelle will surely be breathtaking once autumn is upon us. Ambers and hues of gold mixed with the changing season will be a nice experience to have with my new family.

  I swing my BMW into the driveway curving around to our three car garage before parking. I float into the kitchen in my black high wasted trousers and sky high wedges. A crisp tailored white button down to finish off the look with my pearls and designer watch…too much shit first thing in the morning.

  I have no clue what to do with myself now. This is going to be a slow op. Slower than any op I’ve been on. I’ve been on some slow ones where I had to work hard to get close to my mark, but I was always working. In this scenario, we have to be seen and then be brought in by our marks. Seeking them out will blow us faster than just tattooing that shit on our foreheads and running naked through downtown.

  What the hell does a housewife do all day? If we had small children I’d be busy, but we have a self-sufficient teenager. I’m not associated with any committees or boards and if I want to be that’ll take time to work into. We have a gardener and a pool guy and no need for a housekeeper. What am I supposed to do all day?

  “How’d drop off go?” Nick asks striding in the room looking like a Hugo Boss ad, navy suit, white shirt unbuttoned at the neck, and shiny red-hued brown leather shoes. Sexy as hell.

  “He’s a brave man wading into that. You couldn’t pay me in orgasms to convince me to go back to high school,” I joke.

  Nick barks out a laugh before offering me a coy smile.

  “I’m glad to know what your motivations in life are.”

  “Pfft, I’ll give you a list if you want.”

  We move together to the breakfast table with fresh mugs of coffee, Nick sitting at the head of the table me at his left. These have become our spots it would seem over the last week.

  “Where are you off to today looking all dapper?” I ask over the rim of my mug.

  “Work,” he says like I should know this.

  “Oh, I didn’t know you had anything lined up already.”

  “I set up some meetings at the end of last week. Just getting my face seen in town more than anything.”

  “I have no idea what to do with myself. What do women like me do all day?” I ask with a little hurt in my voice at the idea I’ll actually be alone all day.

  “Shop? Go out with other women? Fuck, I don’t know,” he says with a grimace feeling my pain.

  “What should I shop for? This house is stocked to the gills with everything we could ever need. I’ll feel like a hoarder if I start buying more stuff.”

  “Sunshine, I don’t think it’s lost on you that I have no clue what you should shop for. I’ll hand you my credit card with a smile whenever you figure it out,” he says sweetly.

  “I don’t have my own credit cards?” I ask in shock.

  “It was a joke.” He breaks into a low chuckle.

  “Well I wasn’t sure how far your controlling caveman routine went in life.”

  “I’m not controlling or abusive so please don’t paint me with that brush,” he grunts getting irritated with me.

  “You are controlling, but no, you’re not abusive. I’m sorry if I’ve offended you.”

  “What kinda man do you want in life, Kat?”

  “I’m married now so a pool boy would suit my needs just fine,” I say through a wry smile.

  That gifts me a pointed glare.

  “I don’t date so I can’t really answer that. The last boyfriend I had was in high school. The agency recruited me the day I graduated and sent me to training a few days later. You know this job doesn’t allow for personal relationships. Any I’ve had were with marks, so they don’t count. What about you? You spent a decade on an op. Have any relationships during that time?”

  “Not anything serious. The op didn’t allow for anything beyond casual. You’re dodging my question,” he says with a raised brow.

  “I want the dream like every other woman, Nick. I’m a lot to handle so I need someone that can do that without difficulty. I want someone that takes care of me not because I need it but because he wants to. I want time and attention without feeling guilty about wanting it. I want the man that women want and men want to be. A good friend, a soft place to land at the end of the day, a kind soul, a partner and a man that would like to be a father because in this hypothetical world I’m creating at the moment I get to have kids.” I offer a slight shrug when I finish.

  “Would he be a pussy?”

  “What?” I ask horrified and annoyed at being abruptly pulled from the perfect vision I had just produced in my head.

  “Your man…would he be a pussy?”

  “No,” I scoff at the idea. I could never be with a pussy.

  “Would he be at your back in a crisis or standing in front of you, shielding you as best he could?”

  “My front.”

  “Would be weak and let people walk all over him?”

  “No.”

  “Would he speak his mind and be honest at every turn?”

  “Yes.”

  “Would he make decisions, difficult or not, with his family’s best interest in mind?”

  “Yes.”

  “Would he allow his family to act in any way that would endanger them?”

  “No.”

  “Would he love and cherish them even in the moments where tough decisions were made and crises were dealt with?”

  “Yes.”

  “Would you call this man controlling?”

  “No.”

  “I’m not controlling, Sunshine. I’m a man doin’ all the things I just said and more. Get that.”

  “Nick—”

  He cuts me off with a finge
r.

  “Controlling men tell their women what to wear, what to eat, where to be, how to live, how to breathe, and how to serve their men. I’m not that. I will never be that. I detest men like that. I am a man though, Kat. I’m the head of this family and comfortable with what that role requires. You’ve spent your adult life without the ability to count on someone offering you that support. I’m here to do that so allow yourself that comfort if just for a while. You deserve that man you created. You deserve to be a mother if that’s what you want. Don’t buy into the company line that you only get to choose one spot. You’re a field agent now, but that can change to grow with your life. You’re permitted a life beyond the DCA,” he finishes softly.

  “You’re a complete and total mindfuck,” I huff flopping back in my chair.

  “Sorry?”

  “Every time I think I’ve got you pegged you flip the script. I have no clue what to make of you. You can be a monumental ass that’s infuriating and exhausting to live with. You can also be the kindest gentlest person to share a space with. What the fuck is up with that?”

  He offers me a sly smile and a wink, no response though.

  “What do you want in a woman?” I turn the tables on him.

  “I want a woman that can take care of herself with ease and allows me to take care of the rest. A woman that needs for nothing and wants for the things that only I can give her. A woman that’s happy in sweats and no make-up because that’s how she looks the best in my eyes. I want soft and gentle to even out my rough and harsh. I want as many kids as she’ll allow herself to give me. Proud, confident, high self-esteem, a friend, an equal and above all…mine.”

  “I hope you find her someday. She’s sounds like a good woman,” I say softly.

  “I already found her but it wasn’t meant to be,” he responds staring into his empty mug.

  “I’m sorry to hear that.” I reach my hand out and wrap my fingers around his trying to convey I’m truly sorry because his face looks wounded at the mention.

  “I never had a shot because someone like me doesn’t deserve someone like her. I’m tryin’ to shed the skin of the monster I was, but that shit’ll always follow me. She deserves a world untouched by that because she’s had her own brand of awful enough in life. She also found a man that’s capable of loving her in a way I’m not certain I possess. She’s better off without me and that fuckin’ sucks. She’s still my best friend in this world and I would do anything for her…she’d do the same for me,” he whispers looking up into my face with sad eyes that I know aren’t his natural color.

  I noticed the other night that he wears colored contacts, but I haven’t mentioned it and I don’t plan to. If there’s a reason he has to hide his eyes, he can tell me when and if he’s ready. But the deep dark brown color looks horribly gloomy right now and all I want to do is make that go away for him.

  “Even DCA agents are deserving of what they want in life. This smart guy I know just told me all about it,” I tease a little, hoping to lighten the mood.

  The sadness vanishes from his face to be replaced by a small smirk.

  “I’ve gotta head out. I’ll be home this afternoon. Have a good day tryin’ to figure out what to do with yourself.”

  He stands from his chair and presses his lips to my hair before rinsing his mug and leaving the house. Home alone with money to spend and nothing to buy. This op will surely turn me into a hoarder.

  I didn’t buy anything, but I did spend the day meeting shopkeepers and a few people that were kind enough to introduce themselves to me. It was a good day even if a bit lonely. I spent a week with Nick and Jake with me at all stages of my day. That was definitely a nice departure from my norm on an op and better than spending the day walking around Maybelle.

  I look out the passenger side window to see Jake approaching with three boys that look like carbon copies of him save for variations in hair color following at his heels. I roll the window down to see what I’m in for.

  “Hey, Aunt Kay,” Jake calls with a broad smile and a huge wave. He’s so damn cute.

  “Did you have a good day?” I yell out the window forgetting that’s probably not what the other moms are doing. Oh well.

  Jake arrives at the window and leans his folded arms on the edge.

  “Is it okay if some guys come back to the house to shoot hoops for a while? They said they’d get rides home later.” He looks nervous, like he’ll get in trouble for asking a normal question. I swear I’m going to find out what happened to him someday and then I’m going to tell Nick and let him go all caveman alpha male and avenge Jake right along with me.

  “Of course, honey,” I coo.

  “All good,” he calls over his shoulder pulling the door open.

  The back door opens and the first boy gets in wearing the apparent teenage boy uniform of polo shirt, khaki shorts and flip flops, topped with shaggy hair.

  “Thanks, Missus Johnson. I’m Cole,” he says climbing all the way through before sitting behind me. Cole has blond hair and soft blue eyes. I’m going to have to use these small traits to keep the boys straight.

  “No problem. It’s nice to meet you, Cole.”

  “Hey, I’m Sawyer,” the next kid says. Sawyer has black as night hair and big brown eyes.

  “It’s nice to meet you, Sawyer.”

  The last boy with dirty blond hair and honey eyes climbs in and shuts the door.

  “Thanks for the lift, Missus Johnson. I’m Dane.”

  “It’s nice to meet you, Dane. You boys can call me Kat.”

  Every time they say Mrs. Johnson, I feel old and out of the loop, even knowing they’re just being polite and well mannered. They all nod in agreement before I turn my eyes to Jake and offer him a loving smile before pulling out of my parking space.

  “How was the first day?”

  “Sucked balls,” Dane huffs.

  “Dude!” Jake warns.

  “Oh God, I’m so sorry, Missus…uh…I mean Kat. Sorry,” he stutters his cheeks flaming red as I eye him in the rearview mirror.

  “It’s fine. My day kinda sucked balls too,” I say through a smile and a chuckle. Maybe I have more in common with teenagers than I thought.

  The three in the back chuckle at me while Jake shakes his head, a smirk on his lips.

  “Why was your day bad?”

  “Will Burke,” Cole huffs.

  “Who’s Will Burke?”

  “It’s nothing, Aunt Kay,” Jake cuts in quickly.

  Oh, now I want to know for sure.

  “Jake,” I prompt.

  “He’s a dick,” Sawyer says and turns bright red from his language slip.

  “Who was he a dick to?” I ask, ignoring Sawyer’s embarrassment. I’m not a mother. I’m sure I should scold these boys and their language, but I don’t give a shit. Have you heard my mouth?

  “Jake,” they respond in unison.

  I pull up to a stop sign at this announcement and turn my gaze to Jake with a deep scowl on my face. Yeah I may not be a mother, but I’ll be damned if anyone mistreats Jake…ever.

  “Aunt Kay, it’s not a big deal,” Jake says softly.

  “Jake, you better start talkin’ and I mean now,” I growl.

  I drive through the stop sign and wait in a silent car. Either he talks or I’ll find out on my own and he knows that’s what I’ll do.

  “He’s a senior and his ex-girlfriend mentioned she thought I was hot or some shit. He didn’t like it and got in my face,” Jake mumbles.

  “Got in your face how?”

  Again, silence.

  “Jake!” I bark.

  He closes his eyes and drops his head. My blood is boiling.

  “One of you tell me what happened…now,” I command.

  “Will slammed him into a locker and then choked him with his forearm in his throat while he said nasty shit like he always does. He let Jake go before any teachers or staff saw anything,” Cole explains.

  I grab Jake’s chin and rip it toward me at
the next stop sign looking at his throat where there’s a small bruise. I’m going home and getting my gun!

  “I’m okay,” he whispers squeezing my wrist trying to soothe me. “Just let it go.”

  “He touches you again and I’m gonna rip his fuckin’ balls off and feed ’em to him. You think about lyin’ to me about it or not tellin’ me, you and I will have problems,” I say pointedly holding his chocolate eyes long enough for my words to soak in.

  He nods and I let go of his chin, continuing the drive home in tense silence.

  When we pull into the garage, the boys pile out quickly, moving into the house, no doubt in search of sustenance.

  “I’ve got chicken nachos in the warming drawer and caramel pecan popcorn. You boys grab some seats at the table,” I instruct.

  I wasn’t expecting a house full of teenagers so I hope this is enough food to satisfy them. They look like they could eat me out of house and home. They all bolt for the table and dig in the moment the plates hit the table. It’s like they’ve never seen food.

  “Did you not eat lunch?” I ask appalled at how ravenous they seem.

  “Fight happened at lunch,” Cole says through a full mouth of…too much food.

  So not only did Will Burke bruise Jake he also ruined his lunch. My blood is back to boiling, but I play it off and move into the kitchen.

  “I’ve got a pot roast in the oven. You’re all welcome to stay for dinner if your parents don’t mind.” I know they won’t go home hungry that way.

  Dane snorts around a mouth of popcorn.

  “Our parents don’t give a shit.”

  “Maybe you should call or text to be sure,” I suggest not wanting to step on unknown parents’ toes day one of school.

  “Our parents aren’t like you, Kat. We eat alone most nights while our parents go out or aren’t even in town. They don’t care if we aren’t home,” Sawyer explains blankly and my stomach drops.