“Take me to bed, Nicky,” Kat purrs in my ear.
“Fuck yes,” I groan, sweeping her off her feet and basically running down the hall as she cackles with laughter at my behavior.
The sound of her joy mixed with the beam of sunshine that’s just her, sends a warm rush right through my heart. She’s mine. I have this for the rest of my life and I’ll appreciate it every moment. I know what the blackness looks like and I’m happy to turn my back on it and walk straight into the light.
Nick
I kick the door shut on our new master bedroom at the end of a long moving weekend carrying Kat bride-style, which has been done a lot lately. We’ve been engaged a week now and life has been fan-fuckin’-tastic. Hoyt Burke was finally terminated after being held at a black site for the last few weeks. He gave the DCA all the intel he had and then he was disposed of. Thousands of girls have been traced all over the country. We succeeded in our op and we’ve excelled at life.
Kat and I had our first sonogram and doctor’s appointment this week. She’s progressing perfectly in the pregnancy and the morning sickness is getting slightly better. Seeing my baby that looked oddly like a blob was a life changing moment for me. I fought with everything I had not to cry as I watched the tiny flicker of its heart while I cradled Kat’s hand and she cried. We created that little being together in the blackness that had surrounded us for years and years. I now believe in miracles.
The boys started school this week, which was difficult because that meant they had to leave Cara for the first time. Cara’s in an accelerated home school program with multiple tutors to catch her up to where she needs to be. She’ll still be a bit behind age wise, but all the experts around us believe she’ll be able to go into her junior year of high school with the boys next year.
That girl has the same fight in her as Shanny. I have no doubt she’ll battle her way through therapy and school to get where she needs to be. In the few weeks we’ve been here, I can see her beginning to heal. While it’ll be a long and slow road, I’ll be proud to stand by her side and support her for the duration.
We haven’t heard from Jake since he went back to the farm. I knew we wouldn’t, but it’s difficult. Kat’s struggling with it more than anyone, mostly due to her pregnancy hormones. He’ll call. He’ll come home. He’ll heal. I keep reminded her, the boys, Cara and myself of this as the days pass with no word. I trust my son to follow through.
I lay Kat down in our California King dark mahogany four-poster bed gently. Kat chose all the furniture and linens and pillows and art and whatever else is in this house. My life savings has taken a hit buying the house, cars, her engagement ring and home furnishings. I don’t give a shit. Everyone I love is happy and healthy. The DCA pays me well and I made a shit load of money while I worked for Vito Mancini. We’re good.
I slowly peel Kat out of her silk pale blue robe that she put on after her shower this evening. I’m delighted to find her completely naked and ready for me as I slide the liquid material from her body.
I don’t take the same care yanking off my sweats, but I’m not really that concerned with myself right now. Once I’m naked, I cover Kat with my body diving in to devour her fat lips. She arches into me with a moan that causes my dick to twitch. She notices and runs her hand between us, pumping me with her fist as our tongues lick and lap each other.
I move away from her mouth and trail my teeth down her neck straight to her overly sensitive nipple. My dick is no longer in her grasp as my tongue softly flicks her. When her nails drag painfully over my scalp, I know she’s close. I pick up my tongue’s pace and pressure while my thumb and forefinger pull and tug in rhythm.
One more firm tweak and she’s crying out, “Nicky,” quaking from head to toe.
“Fuck that’s hot,” I murmur against her stomach as I make my way down.
“It’s only for you,” she whispers.
That little piece of information causes me to growl before kissing the womb nourishing my child. Kat hikes her legs back like I want them without a word or movement from me as I attack her pussy with my mouth. I spear my tongue in her hole as it clenches around me, quivering and begging for more.
I move to her clit and slide my middle finger in her. Her delight reverberates around the room in mewls and groans that rev me to get the job done faster. Hardening my tongue and adding a finger, I pound into her curving my fingers to hit that spot that undoes her every time.
“Nicky! Fuck!” she yells slamming her pussy against my face as she comes.
I hop up on my knees before she catches her breath, palming my dick and slowly feeding it into her. As she clutches me with her pussy, always needing a moment to accommodate my size, I reach under her arms and pull her into my lap.
Kat wraps her slender arms and legs around me before peppering my face and neck with kisses as she begins to rock against me. I help her motion, gripping her ass, moving her up and down, back and forth. I lean my forehead against hers and watch the passion that fills her blue-green-grey eyes while another orgasm builds.
If love were tangible, this would be the moment I’d be holding it. Kat in my arms, peaceful and vulnerable, giving me every piece of her.
“I love you, Nicky,” she whispers, her voice full of emotion and sex.
I tip her back down onto the mattress and power into her with long paced strokes.
“I love you, Sunshine,” I murmur into her neck.
Kat constricts her arms and legs around me, her nails scoring my back. I surge forward. Filling the room with slaps and groans of pleasure. As my spine tingles with my own orgasm threatening, Kat shudders with her own.
I capture her screams of ecstasy with my mouth, tasting and savoring the woman I love as I fill her with come. I pump and pump into her, releasing the biggest load I’ve ever had. Goosebumps cover my skin as my last shaky thrust buries me deep inside her.
“Holy shit,” I breathe out collapsing on top of Kat.
“I second that,” she gasps in exhaustion.
As our breathing evens out I feel sleep taking us over, so I roll Kat on top of me, my dick still inside her. I cover our bodies with our new duvet and kiss her hair as sleep pulls her under. I follow not a minute later.
The alarm chirps letting me know a door or window has opened. I sit up to find Kat already climbing out of bed. She wraps her silk robe around her body as I tug on my sweats. I run down the hall to be stopped at the vision of Dane carrying Cara up the stairs.
“She can’t sleep, Dad,” he whispers.
I nod and follow him into his room where he lays her down in his bed. Kat comes into the room with a groggy looking Sawyer and Cole. That is until they spot Cara. They both clap me on the back before climbing in bed.
Dane crawls behind Cara pulling her back to his front. Sawyer lies in front of her as she snuggles her head into his chest. Cole situates himself at the end of the bed before wrapping around her legs. She’s cocooned by love. Her breathing evens out almost immediately followed by the snores of my boys as Kat rests her head against my bare chest.
“You wake the boys up?” I whisper.
“She needs ’em,” she says quietly.
I nod in agreement before leading us out of the room. As we plod back to ours, I feel a grin on my lips. I have my wife in my arms, my baby safe within her and my boys caring for my cousin all under my roof. I’m at peace…almost. I need Jake home and safe for everything to be right in the world. Until that day comes, I’ll hold this moment dearly as a second best for us as a family. We didn’t get here the conventional way, but we got here all the same. Together we found unconditional love.
Jake
“Cooper?” Jase Mitchell, my future spotter, whispers from the bunk next to me.
“Yeah,” I whisper back.
“Were they really talkin’ about your parents out there today?”
“I guess so,” I reply with a shrug.
Some of the instructors were talking about past recruits today in the mess
hall at the table behind us. Apparently, Nick Cooper and Katherine Russell have left some big shoes to fill. I’m happy to have the goal and proud that everyone here knows they’re my parents.
“You think your brothers’ll come into the DCA?”
“Nah,” I say nonchalantly, knowing I’d fight them tooth and nail if they ever tried. “Sawyer’s got baseball. Cole and Dane are really smart. They’ll do the college thing for sure.”
“Your parents good with that?”
“Yeah. They just want us to be happy.”
“You happy here, Coop?”
“Happy as I’m gonna get, Mitch. Get some shuteye. They’ll be comin’ for us soon,” I order.
He’s two years older than me, but I’m definitely the leader of our team. I like being the leader of our team.
“Night, Coop,” he says, trying to get comfortable.
“Night.”
The bunks here suck. My back’s killing me and I feel like I haven’t slept in days. Probably because I haven’t slept in days. Sniper training is kicking my ass and I’m loving it. I need this to feel human at the end of the day. Coming her was the best decision for me. No matter the sorrow it caused.
Every night at the same time I feel like a warm beam is splitting through my center. I know it’s her, Cara. I know she needs me and I can feel that need burning in my soul. That’s some crazy shit to think, much less experience, but I know that’s what’s happening. I’ve never felt it before she came into my life. I’ve never felt anything like I did before she came into my life.
When the time is right, I’ll make sure she gets all of me like she deserves.
She deserves everything I can give her and the stuff I’m learning to give her while I’m here. It’s been almost three months and I feel different. Part of it is the physical training I’m going through. Part of it is the emotional turmoil the training has taken on me.
I haven’t had a nightmare since I got here. When the instructors have allowed it, I’ve had peaceful, quiet sleep in a way I didn’t know I could. My mom gave me that. Her love holds my head above water at every turn. My dad offers me the strength to push when everyone around me is crumbling and I want to lay down in defeat right along with them. I have strength and love because two people decided to have my back when no one ever has.
I miss my brothers like crazy. Those guys showed me what happy feels like. Always accepting and forgiving, they showed me that a smile can mean something. I hurt them when I left and that kills me every day I’m away. I never wanted to hurt anyone. I only wanted to heal. They get that. I promised to come home when I’m done here, but I’m not sure what done means for me. I don’t think it’ll mean training completed. I think I’ll have to spend some time in the field in order to feel ready to join the normal world with my family. If I do what’s best for me they’ll understand.
I keep trying to imagine what a normal life looks like. I can’t picture it yet. My past has clouded that vision. Now that I have the support of my family, my sight is becoming clearer. With the training the DCA is giving me, I have an outlet for the torment that makes my everyday hazy. If I can just find a way to let the past go, I can join the people I love with confidence. We’ll see what happens tomorrow when I get a glimpse of their normal. When I see my family. When I share in one of the best moments of their lives. When I escape the blackness for just a little while and step into the light.
Kat
I’m so calm. I thought I’d be a ball of nerves, but I’m completely calm. There’s no tremor in my hand. No racing heart. No need to vomit or run for the hills. I’m ready for this. I’m excited for this.
Tahiti for spring break had to be held off with Shannon’s due date looming in a few weeks. We wanted her here with us for this. I’ve bonded with her over the last few months so closely I feel like she’s my sister. Her family has taken Nick, the boys and me on like long lost cousins. I feel full to the brim with love and affection enough that my parents not being here today only stings instead of being a fatal wound to the day.
All of Shannon’s family is here with us today. Nine brothers, three fathers, two mothers, her crazy cousin and his family, her uncle Butch, Karl and even Thomas. Jess and Shane are here with us. Now that Jess is feeling better, she’s been here to help with the fast planning. Her and Shane went through with their wedding, but made it more intimate with only a small ceremony and reception. I didn’t have to wear an ugly dress either.
The wedding planner cracks the door open telling me five minutes. I turn and take a last look at myself in the full-length mirror. I asked my girls to give me these last few moments alone. I started this whole thing alone only six months ago and I wanted to have one last memory that my life is no longer empty.
My ivory silk dress clings to my body in all the right places. I have the slightest baby bump and I swear it makes the dress flow even better across my hips. The neckline plunges only hinting at my cleavage while the straps connect to a lace racer back. The lace is soft and delicate running down my spine where it connects to the dress at the base. I decided to go without a veil and have my hair swept away from my face with an antique hair clip that Shannon’s mother, Mary, lent me. It’s covered in diamonds and pearls, shining brightly in my honey curls.
My bouquet is a mix of calla lilies, orchids and irises. My bridesmaids are wearing violet dresses that match each of their body types and pregnancy bumps in the case of a few.
I’m ready to do this. I smile at myself in the mirror as the door behind me opens and the tears I’ve been promising myself I won’t shed immediately skirt my lashes at the sight of him.
“Can I take you on a short walk?” Jake asks my reflection, offering me a spectacular smile.
I drop my bouquet on the table and rush at him. I heave myself into his waiting arms and let the tears flow. That’s what waterproof mascara was made for.
Jake’s shoulders are wider and he’s taller. He looks like a man more than a teenager. I gaze up into his big brown eyes and run my fingers over his military buzzed hair. My son.
“Hi,” I whisper with a beaming smile.
“Hey,” he says through a grin.
“What are you doin’ here?” I ask the stupid question.
“I came to walk my mother down the aisle,” he says tenderly.
I nod, for fear the tears I’ve stopped will ruin his suit and my face.
“You’re the most beautiful bride I’ve ever seen,” he murmurs into my cheek before kissing it softly.
“Thank you,” I say in a whimper, fighting my emotions.
He swipes my cheeks clean with his thumbs as he studies my face.
“Normal looks better on you than any mask you’ve ever worn, Mom. I’m so happy for you.”
“Jake, you’ve gotta stop. I’ll never be able to fix my make-up,” I scold him weakly.
“Right. Let’s get you out there so I can have a mother son dance with you.”
“Not helping the tears,” I say through a sob.
“I love you,” he says as he squeezes me tightly.
“And I love you.”
We hold each other until there’s another knock from the wedding planner.
“Showtime,” he says through a broad grin.
I tentatively release him to collect my bouquet and glance at myself in the mirror. This is the best I’ve looked after crying, no contest. It’s a wedding miracle.
Jake pushes the door open and leads me down the hallway. We’re getting married at the Loose Mansion in Kansas City. It feels like getting married at home. I love the cozy atmosphere mixed with the grand architecture.
As Puccini echoes through the space while my bridesmaids make their way into the Grand Salon, I feel my parents smiling down on me. I’m not one to believe in those things, but I feel lighter in this moment holding Jake’s arm about to meet my husband.
“Trumpet Voluntary” begins and Jake leads me toward the aisle. Kieran and Quinn’s daughter, Ashling, is our flower girl and Johnny is
our ring bearer. Ashling just turned one so there aren’t a lot of flowers on the cream runner, but there are some as I step onto it. I make my way around the corner and keep my gaze on Nick’s. His gaze begins with my eyes and his breath falters when he takes in the rest of me. I do the same at the sight of him. He’s in a black suit with a black tie and I’ve never seen him look better than he looks right now. His sapphire eyes shimmering with love and adoration, making my knees knock.
Then he catches sight of Jake and the tears he’s been holding spill, one large drop falling from each eye. I look to my boys standing next to their father, all of them his best men, as they also release a few tears at their brother’s surprise. I look to Jess, Shannon, Quinn and Cara next. Jess and Quinn are crying while Shannon steels herself like only she can. Well not only her, because Cara is doing the same thing. Her green eyes are locked on Jake, but she’s calm and collected as she watches us approach.
When we come to a stop in front of the wedding officiant, Nick grabs Jake away from me and wraps him in a hug so tight I’m afraid he’s hurting my son. We’re all here. Every loved one is here to share in this moment with us. I take a breath and absorb the light and vow to myself never to run into the blackness again. I’ll bask in the glow of the light for the rest of my life.
Nick
I hold Jake so tightly I’m sure I’m crushing his ribs and I can’t bring myself to let up.
“Dad,” he mumbles against my shoulder. “You’ve got somethin’ else to do right now.”
I chortle before clapping him on the back and releasing him with a squeeze to the side of his neck.
“Love you, son.”
“Love you too.”
He moves next to me and hugs his brothers quickly while I take Kat’s hand in mine and get this wedding in gear.
She’s the most beautiful bride the world has ever seen. The glow coming off her skin is blinding in the best way. Her dress fits her like a glove and shows the tiny baby bump she now has. I run my hand along her back and find it naked other than a scrap of lace running down her spine. I stop listening to the wedding guy and take a step backward to look at her back.
Into the Blackness (Blackness Series Book 4) Page 37
