By the time Blake reached Joam's feet, massaging his arches, Joam was a boneless puddle of need. “Please,” he muttered into the pillow, arching his back and wriggling his backside like a puppy begging for attention.
He felt the bed move as Blake shifted. Then a warm hand stroked Joam's flank. “Want something?”
Joam whimpered. “Blake, please.”
Blake shifted again, so he was kneeling between Joam's legs. He gripped Joam's hips, and Joam felt the hot, blunt tip of his cock graze the crack of his ass. “God! Blake!”
Blake leaned forward more, dipping his head to brush his soft hair over Joam's back. “Hang on,” he said. He got off the bed and snagged the bottle of lotion from the bedside table, opened the drawer, and grabbed a condom.
Joam turned his head to watch. Blake's thick, blunt erection was right at eye level, jutting out from his hips in a proud curve. He licked his lips as he watched Blake ease the condom over the flared, purplish head and down his veined shaft. He grinned at Joam and slicked his cock with lotion.
He got back on the bed, where he spread Joam's ass cheeks and petted and stroked his rosebud asshole. He worked one lotion-slathered finger into the tight aperture. The feeling of being penetrated made Joam gasp, and a knot of desire sprang to life in the pit of his stomach. He sank back, impaling himself on Blake's finger.
Blake inserted a second finger and scissored them. It felt like butterflies dancing inside him, awakening his most hidden, sensitive places. Joam keened. If Blake didn't fuck him soon, it would be too late. His cock was rock hard and leaking copious amounts of precum. “B-b-blake!”
Blake pulled his fingers out of Joam with an audible pop. Joam held his breath, waiting for the hot, slick thickness of Blake's cock to breach him.
Instead, Blake nipped and bit Joam's buttocks while he reached around and fondled Joam's balls. “Are you trying to kill me?” Joam grated.
“Just drive you mad,” said Blake. He encircled Joam's balls and penis with his forefinger and thumb, creating a living vise. Joam's cock and balls pulsed with trapped blood.
At long last, Blake splayed Joam's ass cheeks with the fingers of his other hand and slowly pressed his cock against Joam's entrance. Joam panted, savoring every moment as Blake's slick, flared head gently pried him open. Somewhere in the back of his mind was the realization that this was only the third time Blake had fucked him.
Blake's cockhead slipped inside Joam with a popping sensation, and he slid the rest of the way home. Home. That was exactly how Joam felt with Blake's cock filling every nook and cranny inside him. He felt like he was home at last, cherished and claimed.
And then Blake began to move.
At last, Blake was where he wanted to be—inside Joam, caressed by his tight velvet heat, bathed by his intoxicating moans. Blake fought for control. After all this time, it was hard not to just let loose and fuck the living daylights out of him.
Blake had been waiting for so long. But at the same time, and for the same reason, he wanted to draw it out as long as possible. He forced himself to go slow, keeping a firm grip on the base of Joam's cock and balls with one hand while balancing himself with the other braced on Joam's hip. He leaned forward, savoring the long, smooth glide as he penetrated Joam to the root. His testicles brushed against Joam's, and then Blake withdrew again, taking his time, remembering to breathe.
“Please,” Joam whimpered. “Blake. I need to…”
Blake grinned. Joam was the exact opposite of the jaded tricks Blake was used to having sex with. Everything was new and wonderful to Joam. Even him. Blake's worry of the past few days that Joam was rejecting him because of his past seemed so silly now. They faced their fair share of challenges, no doubt, but one thing Blake could be certain of: Joam loved him.
And Blake loved driving Joam to the heights of ecstasy. He pulled out until just the tip of his cock rested inside his lover's hole, and paused. Joam panted and squirmed, trying to push back and get more of Blake's cock inside him again, but Blake's fingers around his cock and balls prevented it. His breathing was ragged. Sweat stood out on his back.
Blake relented and pushed back in again, slowly, wondering how long he could keep this up. His cock felt like it was on fire, and his balls were tight against his body now. Already he felt the storm clouds of imminent orgasm gathering in the pit of his stomach.
His pace increased with each stroke until he was slamming into Joam, his chest heaving like a bellows. He was just about to release his stranglehold on Joam's erection and bring him off, when suddenly, everything changed.
The body beneath him changed. The feeling was beyond description as Joam transmuted into his varnal form in midfuck. Joam's ass continued to hug him tight, but everything else shifted and re-formed—the sweat-beaded skin beneath his hand became soft, silky fur, the broad back became narrow, the thighs became haunches, and Joam's human pants and moans became a howl.
And the genitals Blake had been clutching changed too. The balls became furry, the penis longer and more slippery, its bulging head traded for a long, tapering tip.
The sudden shift might have put him off his game except for the fact that as a varnal, Joam was now bestowed with the ability to give and receive sensual pleasures beyond the realm of ordinary human experience.
Blake felt as if he made love to Joam now with every nerve ending he had. It wasn't just that his cock was about to explode with a delight almost painful in its intensity. It was all of him, from the tips of his tingling toes to the top of his reeling head.
His hands on Joam's pelt reverberated with the varnal's pleasure. Blake felt everything Joam felt. He felt himself in Joam's ass as if it were him getting fucked. He felt two orgasms mounting. His heart hammered as Joam's did, and when Joam let loose a primal howl, it seemed to come from his own throat. He could no longer tell where he began and Joam ended, as an explosion of argent light ripped through their bodies and the two of them tumbled together into the void.
Blake drifted in a place of utter peace and calm. He'd never felt so relaxed in his life, as if he had no nerves at all, no bones or muscles. He was nothing more than a vague cloud of contentment. After some time, he became aware of the aroma of coffee and the distant murmur of voices. He paid them no mind.
Joam had never felt anything like what Blake did to him, fucking him with such ruthless gentleness, all the while keeping the pressure up on the base of his balls and cock so that he couldn't come, even if he wanted to. The pleasure just got more and more intense with every thrust. Blake touched him everywhere inside, pounding his prostate over and over again. He didn't know he could feel this much pleasure and still not climax. At length, he was reduced to a gibbering, drooling pile of need, the sensations so overwhelming he just…lost control.
He didn't even know it had happened. All he was aware of was that suddenly, Blake no longer held his erection in a vise, and at the same time, as his orgasm gathered momentum, he could feel Blake. That is, he could feel everything Blake was feeling. Somewhere in his ecstasy-addled mind, he realized something was different, but there was no time. He and Blake were coming together in an orgasm so powerful, it carried them both along in a shock wave of obliteration. Afterward, Joam expected to find the two of them at the center of a crater.
Instead what he discovered was that he had fur and a tail. And Blake lay beside him on the bed, unmoving.
Chapter Six
Even as panic gripped him, there was a knock on the door. “Joam, Blake, are you boys okay?” It was Saffron.
Not bothering to change form, Joam bounded to the door and unlocked it. As if in a dream, he realized it was the first time he'd used his varnal hands for such a task.
Saffron, in human guise, stepped in, took one look at him and one look at Blake's prone form, and frowned. “Oh dear.”
Joam jumped back up on the bed and curled around Blake. He sniffed him. He was alive. His breathing was shallow. He was in a deep sleep, brought on by low energy reserves. This was his fault
. He'd drained Blake.
Joam shifted. “Help him,” he said to Saffron. “Please.”
Blake awoke from a deep, refreshing sleep. He sighed and stretched and rolled over onto his side, to find Joam asleep in a chair beside the bed. Sunlight streamed through the windows. “Joam?”
Joam's eyes flew open. There were dark circles under them, and his face looked pale and blotchy, like he'd been crying and hadn't been sleeping enough. “Blake!” He rushed to the bed. He reached out to hug Blake but stopped short and stood there, his arms at his sides. “How do you feel?”
“Incredible,” said Blake. “I can't remember the last time I slept like that. How late is it anyway?”
Joam took a step back and sat down in the chair again, shoulders drooping. “Do you remember what happened?”
Blake thought about that. Oh. Oh yeah, he remembered. “How could I forget? We were making love and you…shifted. Oh.”
“I nearly killed you.”
“What?”
“I drained your energy, and you almost didn't come back.”
Blake tried to lighten the mood. He sat up, grinning. “Well, all I can say is, what a way to go.”
It was the wrong thing to say. Joam stared at him a moment, mouth open, and then a new expression warped his features. Anger. “Fuck you!”
“Joam, I—”
He leaped from the chair. “This is a game to you? What, do you have some kind of death wish or something? Are you so disgusted with yourself that you don't care if you live or die?”
“No! I—” Blake stood up and reached for him.
Joam stepped back. “Don't touch me. And don't you dare use me like that.”
Use him? What was he talking about? The accusation, and the implication that Blake was suicidal, made his own anger stir in his belly. “What are you talking about?”
“I'm not going to let you make me your murderer. I carried that guilt for my mother's death for too long. You want to be reckless with your life, do it on your own time.”
Those words sent a chill through him. Did Joam want to sever their bond? For a moment, Blake's insecurities threatened to take the fore again, but no, he realized. This wasn't about him. “You're afraid of hurting me.”
Joam looked at him in astonishment. “Afraid of? I did. I did hurt you, Blake. You've been out for a whole day! I thought you'd never wake up again, or that you would and you'd be like Jimmy.”
Blake ran a hand through his hair. He did feel a little light-headed; it was true. And now that he was standing and the languor of sleep was receding, he felt horribly thirsty and hungry. He sat down again on the edge of the bed. “I'm okay, Joam. Don't worry.”
Joam shook his head. “This time, but it was close. We can't ever risk that again.”
“Well, okay, but as long as you remain in human form, there's no danger.” He stood up and crossed to Joam, reached out for him, but Joam skittered across the room away from him.
“I said don't touch me!”
Frustration and rejection joined forces with the anger that had barely subsided in the pit of Blake's stomach. “Oh for crying out loud, stop overreacting!”
“Overreacting?”
“If you're going to use this as another excuse why we can't have sex, then—”
“Excuse? Are you crazy? Are you stupid? Do you want to become a vegetable?”
Until now, Blake would not have believed Joam capable of speaking to him like this, of looking at him like this, with such contempt. It was impossible to reconcile with the gentle man who had comforted him just the night before. Well, two nights before, apparently. Blake shook his head. “But…” He trailed off, at a loss for words.
Joam turned from him, and it was almost a relief, but the flat tone of his voice as he stared out the window sent new chills racing down Blake's spine. “How do you know I won't shift again? I didn't mean to shift this last time. It just happened. It can happen again at any time. There's only one way for you to be safe from me, Blake.”
Uneasiness joined the mix in Blake's empty stomach, making him queasy. “What do you mean?”
Joam turned to look at him. His eyes were dull, dead-looking. It was as if someone had taken Joam away and replaced him with a mannequin. “We have to break the life bond.”
Terror and revulsion swept through Blake. “Oh, now hold on. We can't do that!”
Joam nodded, and a dark fire came to light in the depths of his eyes that frightened Blake worse than anything he'd ever witnessed, including Walsh draining his friend Randy of all life. “Yes we can. There's a way. Enid mentioned it that first day we were here, remember?”
“But she said it was dangerous. And besides, Joam, it's sorcery.”
“I don't care!”
“Well, I do! And a bond like ours can only be severed if both partners are willing. And I'm not. I won't consent to it, do you understand? It's not going to happen.” What was he doing? Why was he so dead set on staying with a man who was afraid to even touch him? Was he really this desperate for love?
Joam stared at him, nostrils flaring. “Fine. But don't you even think about coming near me again.”
Stung to the quick, Blake turned for the door. “Don't worry,” he said over his shoulder as he went out. “I won't.”
* * * * *
“Well, look who's up and around again,” said Saffron as Blake entered the kitchen. It was midafternoon, and she was just putting the finishing touches on a pot roast in the Crock-Pot. The smell should have made Blake's stomach do a pole dance around his backbone, but he couldn't feel anything around the pain that seemed to fill him from head to toe. He made a beeline for the refrigerator, but only so he could hide his face, red from barely restrained tears.
“You must be hungry,” she said. “Dinner's not for another couple of hours, but help yourself to some sandwich stuff.”
Moving as if by remote control, Blake fixed himself a ham and swiss sandwich.
“Be sure to get plenty of fluids,” said Saffron. “To replace what you lost, sleeping all that time.”
“Joam changed by accident,” said Blake.
She sighed. “Yes.”
“I thought you guys were supposed to be teaching him how to control his abilities.”
“It takes time and…Joam has a lifetime of repression to overcome. Uncontrolled shifting is rare, but it's more common among the inexperienced. It's why we encourage varnals to partner with other varnals. It's safer.”
Fresh anger conquered Blake's tears, and he turned to face her. “That's not the only reason.”
She smiled. “Well, it's true we feel that all varnals should achieve their full potential. Having a human partner tends to make them pull back from that.”
Blake took his sandwich to the table and glared at her. “You put him up to this idea about breaking the bond between us, didn't you?”
Her eyes went wide. “What? No!” She dropped her ladle and hurried to the table, where she sat down, leaning toward him. “Did Joam talk to you about trying to break the bond?”
Blake nodded. “But I told him it's too dangerous. It's sorcery. We had a big fight.”
The ticking of the kitchen clock filled the silence as she stared at the tablecloth. “You're right, of course. Sorcery is wrong no matter how dire the consequences of letting nature take its course. But I can understand why Joam feels the way he does. You didn't see him while you were unconscious. He was beside himself. I felt so sorry for him.”
“I'm fine now,” said Blake.
Saffron nodded and gave him a smile. “This time. But what if it happens again? What if the next time, you don't wake up?”
“Isn't that why we're here? So he can learn to control his abilities?”
“Like I said before, nothing is one hundred percent foolproof. In a way, all of this is much easier on you than it is on him.”
“Really. You think this is easy on me.”
“If you die, you'll go peacefully, knowing bliss, and after that, you won't know an
ything. But Joam will still be here to deal with the consequences. If you were hurt because of a slip on Joam's part, he'd never forgive himself.”
“I'm not sure he forgives himself now.” Blake hesitated. Could he trust Saffron? “He won't let me touch him.” Saying it out loud made the hurt even worse.
She gave him a sympathetic look. “Well, I think he is overreacting a bit. But it's because he loves you so much. I don't doubt that he'd give up being a varnal if he could, just for you. I don't think there's anything he wouldn't give up for your happiness.”
“I don't know,” he said. “The way he looked at me. The things he said. I think he hates me.” His face got hot, and he turned it to hide his tears.
Saffron put her hand over his. “Blake, put yourself in Joam's shoes. How would you feel, if he were the one at risk from you?”
Blake took deep breaths, letting her words soak in. She was right. If it were the other way around, he would do anything to protect Joam, even if it meant breaking his heart. “What are we going to do?”
“Only you can decide that,” she said.
Blake looked at her, trying to read her expression. Was he being selfish? Should he agree to the spell that would sunder their bond? Should he give Joam up for Joam's own good?
That night, he took a different room at the opposite end of the hall so Joam wouldn't have to worry about Blake touching him while he slept.
Joam lay awake for a long time. Already he'd become accustomed to Blake's warm body beside his in the bed. It felt wrong, banishing Blake, cutting off contact, but how else could he protect him? Still, what kind of future could they have if they couldn't even touch each other? Joam wondered how he could live with this ache inside, and what was worse was that he was certain Blake felt this way too. How could something that had seemed so simple and good become so complicated and painful overnight?
The next morning, Joam trained in the basement with Vic.
“You're fighting your own nature.”
Awakenings 2: Instinct Page 7
