Jay's Salvation

by Rowena Dawn

  Ellen followed him, although at a certain distance because she didn't intend on putting any wrong ideas into the man's head. Jay seemed prone to take everything in a certain way.

  Jay shut the bathroom door in front of the woman and grinned mischievously. Ellen might have stepped lightly, but he had still been aware that she was behind him. There were certain things he had never shared with a woman and didn't feel like starting doing that right then.

  Jay's relationships had always been shallow and didn't go further than a night or two spent in the same bed with a particular woman. The man had taken care never to linger between a woman's bed sheets beyond dawn, and he never invited a woman into his sanctuary because he preferred to avoid complications.

  The man didn't know how he felt about Ellen's presence in his house, and the fog in his brain didn't allow him to ponder the situation more. So, he put those thoughts aside and decided to take care of more urgent business.

  Jay took a look at himself in the mirror and scowled. The range of colors and fist imprints on his face reminded him of an abstract painting. He had never been too fond of that art genre.

  He turned his head this way and that way, tightening his teeth because of the discomfort those moves brought. Then, he concluded that Bryan had been right. 'Those unbelievably disgusting steaks have done their job,' he nodded in spite of the dizziness that seized him immediately. Jay splashed his face with cold water and hissed, but then, the cold water soothed his bruises.

  'I do have to start training with Bryan. Shame on me to need a girl to save my hide,' he scolded himself while brushing his teeth. 'At least, I still have all my teeth,' he reflected, sliding his tongue over them. Luckily, only his gums had been harmed because of a well-placed fist. No teeth had been chipped or dislodged.

  When he finished with that, Jay turned to the shower stall and sighed deeply. Already exhausted, his legs shaking under his weight, he didn't feel like having a shower. 'Ellen seems capable of giving me a sponge bath if I don't take a shower,' he thought and opened the glass door of the shower stall.

  Suddenly, he stopped, tilted his head, and reflected, 'Would that be so bad? Nah... I'd better wash by myself. It's not so easy having her so close to me all the time. I'd better not invite more trouble,'' he decided and treaded purposefully into the stall.

  CHAPTER FIVE

  When Jay stepped into the kitchen, Ellen was watching pensively out of the window, a cup of coffee in her hand. She seemed to have forgotten that she was holding it. Sensing his arrival, the woman turned to him and smiled.

  "Now, you look much better," she admitted, her eyes sweeping over his still wet curly hair and the stubble covering his face.

  Ellen knew for a fact that he didn’t like to shave. She had seen him looking like that before, and his disheveled appearance wasn't just the result of his unpleasant encounter with five goons the previous night.

  "That doesn't mean that I also feel better," Jay snapped at her. Her words didn't upset him. He was just annoyed because the sunlight played with the woman's hair and put unhealthy thoughts into his head.

  The shower had invigorated him and soothed some of his aches. Now, Jay moved with more ease and the feeling that his legs had turned into spaghetti vanished.

  He headed toward the island in the kitchen and propped himself onto one of the bar stools, before which Ellen had already set a bowl with oatmeal and a cup of coffee. The man grimaced and eyed the content of the dish with suspicion.

  "I'm not a toddler," Jay made a point of saying, turning his head toward Ellen and scowling at her.

  The woman shrugged and returned to the table with supple steps, her eyes perusing the man's body with appreciation. "Indeed, you're not a toddler," she replied. "Still, you complained that you couldn't eat anything solid, so this was the only food available in the house for someone in your situation. Take it up with your bossy brother. He bought the oatmeal. I had the impression that he even wanted to give me a list of instructions last night," she couldn’t refrain from expressing her discontent with Matt, although she noticed that her comment didn’t sit well with Jay. "And besides, adults eat oatmeal in the morning all the time. Almost all coffee shops offer it in their menu," Ellen pointed out, setting her cup on the top of the counter across from Jay.

  "Well, I don't have it for breakfast," Jay replied stubbornly.

  "I imagine you’d prefer to start your mornings with a tall glass of whiskey," she pierced the man with narrowed eyes.

  "You seem to think the worst of me," Jay observed ruefully and shook his head gingerly. Dizziness hadn't left his head yet, and he didn't feel like falling with his face in the bowl with oatmeal. Still, his edginess had gone up a notch since he woke up, and the man was sick of Ellen’s constant putting down.

  Ellen just shrugged and sipped from her coffee. "I might seem to think the worst of you, but let's be honest here, Jay. You do try your best to make me think like that," she waved her hand in the man's direction.

  Jay decided to stuff his mouth with oatmeal. Apparently, he didn't do anything else but give more ammunition to the woman so that she could ambush him.

  A fleeting smile flourished on Ellen's lips, but she turned her head because she didn’t want Jay to see it.

  "Your coffee is black," she remembered and turned back to him after a couple of seconds. "Would you like some sugar or milk?" she inquired.

  Jay shook his head briefly and continued to eat the heap of oatmeal which offended his senses. He would have liked a substantial breakfast, complete with eggs, sausages, and pancakes, even though the inside of his mouth still hurt. A sudden thought crossed his mind, and he looked at Ellen speculatively.

  "Let's hear it," she tilted her head toward him. "I see you want something from me," she remarked.

  "It's not much," Jay said in a small voice.

  "Then you wouldn't hesitate to tell me what you wanted," she pointed out, raising her eyebrows in expectation.

  "Well, what I want is not a big deal," Jay confessed. "The problem is that I don't know if you would accept it."

  "All right, the suspense is killing me here," she urged him. “Spill it out.”

  "There's a nice cozy restaurant on Lower Simcoe Street. They have an amazing breakfast," Jay explained with enthusiasm. "You could go there and buy some for both of us. I'm sure this oatmeal doesn't seem very appetizing for you either. I haven't seen any bowl in the sink or on the counter, so you haven't eaten any," he pointed out. "I'll give you my debit card. It's contactless, and you can pay with it."

  Ellen watched him with suspicion for a few moments. "All right," she finally said, and Jay who was holding his breath, hoping for a positive answer, sighed with relief. "But, I don't need your card," she made a point to mention. "I can pay for the breakfast myself. However, I want your key," she presented her conditions.

  "I want to buy breakfast so I will pay," Jay said in a hard tone of voice, tapping his finger on the top of the counter. "And again, you have proved that you have an awful impression about me. Do you really think that I'm sending you to buy breakfast so that I could lock you out of my apartment?" he practically growled, hurt by Ellen's lack of trust.

  Ellen just shrugged, "I wouldn't put it past you," she replied in a cold tone of voice, without any inflection.

  "And that’s just because you saw me playing cards a few times," Jay replied with bitterness, and his anger rose. "You know what? You're nothing but a hypocrite haughty bitch," he hissed through his teeth, wanting to hurt her, the way she had offended him.

  "I haven't been calling you names," Ellen jumped off her bar stool, her fists clenched on the sides.

  "No, you haven't. You have a more subtle way of offending people," Jay replied with resentment. “I heard you passing judgment on everyone last night, and I have had enough of that. Forget about the dang breakfast. I don't need this sloppy oatmeal, either. I want you out of my flat now," he barked, getting off his chair as well and heading toward the living room, fed up with her opi
nions.

  Ellen followed him, and he turned toward her like a bull. "I said that I want you out of here now," he practically roared. "Do I have to call the front desk to remove you from the premises?" he inquired in a biting tone of voice.

  "We still need to talk," Ellen replied in a small voice.

  Jay winced inwardly when he noticed the paleness of the woman's face. He didn't know if he had frightened her with his behavior, but he didn't bother to inquire about what she felt for the moment. He felt edgy, and tension vibrated in his blood. The man needed to be left alone.

  "Some other time," he replied in a hard tone of voice. "I can't look at you right now. Maybe when you stop being such a judgmental bitch, we might have another type of conversation. For the moment, I have had enough."

  Ellen winced at his words, and feeling somewhat guilty, she turned her eyes down for a few moments. The woman admitted that she had judged the man all the time, but that wasn't something she could have changed. Judging a gambler was in her blood. She couldn't think well about a player. Gambling was an addiction, and she didn't have a soft spot for anyone who was addicted to something, regardless that it was drugs, gambling, drinking or Lord knows what else.

  In spite of Jay's harshness and her own guilt, she was determined not to yield before the man's demands, given the circumstances. She shook her head with obstinacy and said, "No, I can't leave you alone right now. You need my help. After I chased your brother away last night, telling him that I would take care of you, I simply can't leave, Jay. I am sorry, but I can't," she shook her head emphatically.

  "Yeah, I see how you see to take care of me," Jay retorted with sarcasm. "No, thank you. I'm a big boy, as you keep saying. So, I'm pretty sure that I won't wither away if I remain alone. Quite the opposite. I might continue living outside a jail. I'm afraid that I will curl my fingers around your graceful neck and smother the life out of you," he snapped at her.

  "Jay," she started saying, but the man put his hand up, stopping her words.

  "Just get the hell out of here, Ellen. I thank you for last night. Yes, you have probably saved my sorry hide, I admit that. But right now, I don't want you here," he slashed the air with a sharp gesture, all his aches temporarily forgotten.

  Ellen breathed deeply, and her fingers shook. She composed herself and schooled her features not to show anything she was feeling. Then, the woman returned to the kitchen. She took her coffee cup off the counter and brought it to the sink. She washed the dish under Jay's stunned expression, and then she left the kitchen without a word.

  Jay followed the woman out of the room and saw her picking up her bag off the coffee table, where she had left it the night before. Ellen didn't even spare a look at him. With a stone face, she just marched out of his apartment, closing the door quietly behind her.

  Jay clinched his fists and locked his teeth in frustration. He didn’t know what had come over him because it wasn’t like him to lose his temper so swiftly. He slammed his right fist into the wall, "Damn, man!"

  He swore viciously when the pain registered in his mind, and he ground his teeth. Then, the man closed his eyes for a few seconds, thinking of what he should do now that he was alone.

  After pondering all the possibilities for a few moments, he picked up his cell phone off the coffee table. He found Matt's number in his contact list and dialed it. Matt picked up at once.

  "Bring me some real breakfast," Jay ordered without bothering to greet his brother, and then he disconnected the call. He threw the phone back on the coffee table with irritation, and the phone slid and fell to the floor with a bang. Jay just shrugged. The screen had already been fissured the other night, so it didn't matter anymore. He would buy another one once he could go out into the world again.

  The man strode to the sofa slowly and laid down carefully, like an old man, run down by arthritis. He covered his eyes with his arm and berated himself for having lost his calm.

  Jay regretted throwing Ellen out of his house in such an ugly manner. Besides the fact that the woman had saved his life, he actually liked her. Maybe a bit too much, the man reckoned. He loathed the fact that he had lost the chance of getting further with her.

  CHAPTER SIX

  Jay left the apartment building with a brisk step and breathed deeply, welcoming the scented air into his lungs. He had spent some time on his balcony the last few days, watching and smelling the lake. But then, sitting on his balcony wasn't the same with walking among the people in the town. Even the air felt different, and the smells were sharper down in the street.

  After being locked inside the apartment for over two weeks, he couldn't wait to stroll along the crowded streets of Toronto. He loved the pace of the nightlife in the big metropolis and the chance to encounter various groups of people, but he also enjoyed the particular charm of the city on a Saturday morning.

  Most people who knew Jay thought that the man represented a conundrum. In spite of his profession, which invited to solitude, he was, in fact, a social person. Unlike other artists like him, who spent their days locked in their houses, drawing away on the board and plotting their stories, Jay’s greatest joy was to mingle with various groups of people. Usually, he would go out every single day. Those outings fed his creative process.

  His friends and acquaintances ranged from stiff intellectual guys, who debated metaphysical and philosophical subjects, to a band of motorcycle aficionados, who were interested in braving the road and feeling the wind in their hair.

  Jay had missed interacting with them during his recovery and was sick and tired of his self-imposed seclusion. He hadn’t dared to step out of his house but kept a low profile so that his mother wouldn't get a whiff of his sorry situation.

  Marjorie would have been all over him, and while he would have appreciated her food, and in particular her desserts, he wouldn’t have felt comfortable with her sideways looks toward his bruises and her quiet disapproval. In Jay’s twenty-nine years of life, Marjorie had mastered the art of making her kids feeling guilty without uttering one word.

  During those long, dragging days, which drove him crazy, Jay had seen mostly his brother, Becka, and Bryan.

  Matt had visited him with his wife once every other day. Still, the highest point of the couple’s visits had been the food they bought from China town for Jay.

  Otherwise, Matt had lectured him at length about his penchant for playing cards. Jay remembered with bitterness that Matt's every single visit had ended in a vocal fight, placing Nora in the role of a referee, which she loathed.

  Jay wondered when Matt had become such a stiff prick. He used to be more relaxed and indifferent in the past.

  Becka and Bryan had also passed by his place a few times, and Bryan had even taken the time to cook for him. The man was as gifted as Jay’s mother in that field, and Jay had savored every dish Bryan made for him. Neither Becka nor Bryan had lectured him, but still, their presence couldn't replace the crowds Jay enjoyed so much on a regular basis.

  Jay's mood had reached the lowest possible point the previous evening. He had spent it entirely alone, toying with the Chinese food he had ordered as a last resort.

  Matt had refused to come and see him that evening. His brother seemed to be still sulking in the aftermath of their previous squabble, so Jay had to fend for himself.

  The food wasn’t too bad, although he promised himself not to order from that particular shop in the future. But then, Jay couldn't focus either on his spicy chicken or on the film he had chosen on Netflix earlier. To his dismay, Ellen’s memory filled his mind with obstinacy.

  The man’s thoughts had returned to Ellen with alarming frequency those last few days. Still, every time, Jay had found something else to do and occupy his mind, thus chasing those disturbing thoughts away. Once he became able to stand without pains, and his vision improved, he had gone back to working on his comics.

  Jay refused to think of Ellen, although his new addition to his characters resembled strangely to her. He still hadn't forgo
tten either the woman’s judgmental behavior or veiled insults.

  Nonetheless, that didn’t mean that he wouldn’t have liked to lay his eyes on her again or listen to the sound of her voice. The woman was easy on the eyes and stirred Jay on a primal level, which frightened and thrilled him at the same time.

  The other night, Jay hadn't succeeded in his struggle to push Ellen's face somewhere at the back of his mind. The woman's hazel eyes obsessed him, and his belly fluttered whenever he recalled how her hand had felt on his forehead.

  When he realized that he couldn't shake off the thoughts of Ellen anymore, Jay had resolved that he needed a change of scenery. He had to go out and do something else so that he would stop brooding.

  The woman had been playing havoc with his system since the day he met her. Jay knew he was lying to himself when he claimed that he was happy to have thrown her out. He had actually regretted his gesture the moment the door closed behind Ellen.

  Now, the man didn’t know where to find her, and he couldn’t start searching all the police stations. People would have thought he was a lunatic. So, it was easier to convince himself to believe that it was better that she had disappeared.

  Anyway, it was definitely high time that he had left the house. His bruises had faded, and he moved easier now that his ribs had healed or almost healed. Just a twinge of pain pierced his body now and then, and that only if he made sudden moves.

  Once he had planned his next course of action, the man threw his dinner into the garbage bin with a nervous gesture and went to bed.

  ‘That’s it. I will go out tomorrow morning and have my life back. I refuse to let Ellen ruin my days.’

  Jay had decided against taking his jacket and left the building only in a polo shirt. He had drunk his first coffee of the day on the balcony and seen that the sun promised another beautiful day.

  The weather had swiftly changed since two days before. Once more, Toronto basked in a few surprising sunny summer days at the end of September.