by Jo Ann Brown
Her brows rose, and she smiled again as she said, “Ezra, this is definitely an improvement from the last time I tasted your cheese.”
“Freshly turned soil would be taste better than those first attempts of mine did, so I’m not sure if you like it or not.”
“It’s gut. Very gut.”
“Danki,” he said. What else could he say? Will you let me kiss you again so I can see if our lips together are as sweet as I remember?
“Can I have another piece?”
“If you eat it all now, there won’t be any for me to take to the market this fall once the harvesting is done.” He sliced another generous piece and held it out to her. When she took it, he added, “You’ve been to the market in Philadelphia, haven’t you? Did you see anything there to help me make my cheese stand out from other vendors at the Central Market in Lancaster? If I can persuade people to buy it, I’m hopeful that they’ll come back for more, but it’s getting them to select my cheese instead of the cheese at another display.”
He realized he was babbling like a blabbermaul. His family and neighbors would be shocked to hear a man who spoke with measured words chattering like an annoyed squirrel.
“This means so much to you,” she said as she broke off a small corner of the piece he’d given her. “I’m happy you’re having a chance to make your dream come true.” She popped the morsel into her mouth, then yelped as the door opened into her back.
Mandy poked her head in and stared. “Here you are. What’s this stuff?” She stepped into the room.
“It’s where Ezra makes and stores his cheese,” Leah replied as she handed her niece half of the piece she had remaining.
“Cool!” Mandy took a bite and grinned. “This is yummy, Ezra.”
“Did you find the kittens?” he asked, wishing she’d been delayed a few minutes more before she came back to the lower level.
“I did! They’re cute, cute, cute! Do you think Grossdawdi would let me have one?”
“Ezra needs those kittens to grow up and hunt mice in the barn. We have cats at home.”
“But not kittens!”
Ezra chuckled as he looked at Leah over the little girl’s head. “You can’t argue with that.”
“I can’t wait,” Mandy went on, so excited she bounced from one foot to the other, “to tell Isabella about the cows, the kittens and Ezra’s cheese. She’s going to wish she had a chance to visit a farm, too.”
Leah’s face stiffened as her niece spoke easily of leaving Paradise Springs, and he wondered if his face was as taut. He waited for Leah to answer Mandy, to tell her they were going to stay here, but she didn’t.
All she said was a quick “danki” before she took Mandy’s hand and bade him a gut day. They were gone before he had a chance to reply.
Chapter Ten
Ezra stopped his buggy by the bridge at the edge of the village as his eye was caught by a motion on the bank of the stream below it. Chipped concrete walls showed where vehicles had struck the old bridge. The walkway on the far side of the walls had been fenced off because it was no longer safe. As for the bridge itself, there was some concern it could continue to support a fully loaded milk truck. The farms between it and Gordonville depended on that truck to take their milk to the processing plant about twenty miles to the west. That was one of the reasons he had decided to start experimenting with making his own cheese before he had more Brown Swiss cows in his herd.
Getting out, he looped the reins over the wooden slats that blocked the walkway. An easy leap over the railing dropped him down onto the grassy slope. Leah stood at the bottom on the stony shore. She was fishing patiently in the fast-moving water. An open creel basket and long-handled net sat by her bare feet. Her black sneakers and socks were safely away from the water.
“Any luck?” he called as he got closer.
With a wave, she motioned him to come down. He hadn’t been sure if she would after their conversation yesterday had ended abruptly. He half walked, half slid down toward the stream.
“Look!” She pointed at the woven willow basket. “I’ve caught three nice trout already. When Mamm said she’d like some fish, I decided to sneak away after Mandy got home from school and see what I could catch. I hope to hook one more. If I get my full limit of five, that would be gut, but four should be enough for us for supper.”
“Mind if I watch?”
Surprise blossomed in her eyes, but she said, “If you want.”
Sitting on the edge of the grass, he was quiet as she waited for a bite. He moved only when her line went taut. As she fought with the fish to bring it ashore, he picked up the net. She glanced at him and nodded. He had the net ready when she reeled the fish up out of the water. It was more than a foot long, and it must have weighed, he guessed, close to two pounds.
“Nice one,” he said as he lifted it from the net and carefully undid the hook. He placed the fish in the creel before handing the line back to her so she could continue.
When she tossed the line back into the stream close to where she’d caught the other fish, he sat again. He was quiet once more and took the time to admire how the strands of blond hair that had escaped from her kapp glistened in the sunlight. Her pretty mouth was slightly open, and a corner of her tongue peeked out as she waited eagerly for the next bite. Her dimple was only faintly visible on her left cheek. He was sure he had never seen a sight more beautiful than she was as she reveled in the game between her and the fish.
How could she ever have been happy in Philadelphia? He’d been there once many years ago, and he recalled the streets where nothing green grew except in flower boxes on the houses. Even the sun was banned on the ground around the tallest buildings. He’d gone past both the Delaware and the Schuylkill Rivers, and he hadn’t seen any place where a person could toss a line in the water in the hope of hooking a fish.
Her line tightened again quickly, and he rose to hold the net up to snag the fish as soon as it was out of the water. It was always disappointing when the fish threw the hook and escaped at the last minute.
“Danki,” she said when he released the line after unhooking the fish. She looked into the creel. “That should be enough for tonight, and I’d better head home if I want to get them cleaned and cooked for supper.”
“Next time you go fishing, ask me to come along.”
“Really?”
“I wouldn’t have said so if I didn’t mean it.” He flipped the top of the creel closed and lifted it by the shoulder strap, holding it out far enough so any water didn’t splash on his boots. “Why don’t you believe me?”
Leah didn’t give him a quick answer. Instead, she went to where she’d left her shoes and socks and, leaning her pole against the slope, pulled them on. She looked up at him.
“Forgive me, Ezra. You’ve never given me any reason to disbelieve you. I appreciate you always being honest with me.”
He was glad when she turned her attention to tying her sneakers so she didn’t see his expression. Though he tried to keep his smile in place, he knew it must look grotesque. He hadn’t always been honest with her. He had been too scared to tell her years ago that he wanted to court her to discover if friendship really could become love. What would she say now if she knew that his faith had weakened since she left? Or that he was afraid of asking a simple question—Are you staying?—because the answer could be no.
“I wish everyone would be as honest,” she continued when he didn’t answer. “Some act as if I’m hiding horrible secrets about my life while I was away.”
“It might have been easier if folks knew where you’d gone before you came back.”
She came to her feet. “They could have asked Daed. He knew.”
“He did?” He picked up her rod. “How?”
“My return address was on the letters I wrote to him almost every wee
k while we were gone.”
“You wrote to him? Every week?”
Tears glistened in her eyes. “Ja.”
Something didn’t make sense. As he walked up the slope beside her, he asked, “How did Abram keep from sharing the news of Johnny’s accident or Mandy’s birth? I’m amazed Fannie could keep from saying anything to Mamm.”
“She didn’t know about the accident or Mandy. Neither did Daed.” Her voice broke as she whispered, “He returned my letters unopened.”
Ezra mouthed the word unopened, but no sound emerged past his shock. Abram Beiler had always been a stern daed and a stubborn man. In spite of that, Ezra had never doubted that he loved his kinder. How could any man turn his back on his kinder completely? Most Amish daeds tried to locate their kinder who had jumped the fence and went to them, urging them to come home. Abram had never gone to Philadelphia as far as Ezra knew.
“Neither Daed nor Johnny could relent and admit they’d been wrong to let their anger take their quarrels so far.” Leah’s words remained hushed. “And neither of them was willing to be the first to ask for or offer forgiveness. Maybe Daed forgave Johnny, but Johnny couldn’t forgive him.” She pressed her hands to her face. “I pray that, in his final moments, Johnny found peace by granting Daed the forgiveness that God has given freely to us. I can’t stand the idea that he went to God with that burden on his soul.”
He set the creel basket and fishing rod on the grass. Slowly, knowing what he risked, he drew her quivering hands down from her face. Seeing the torment in her purple eyes was like having a knife driven into his heart.
Lord, help me find the words to help Leah. You have given me this opportunity to ease her anguish. Now please give me the words.
He took a deep breath before he said, “In spite of the fact that Johnny made plenty of bad decisions, your brother wasn’t a bad person. He was generous and a gut friend to those he counted as his friends. He cared deeply for the animals in his care, and his love for you never wavered. He wouldn’t tolerate bullies, whether they were plain or Englisch. One time, I saw him stick up for a younger boy against a couple of louts who were bigger than Johnny was. He never flinched when they threatened to beat him to a pulp. He simply stood there between them and the kind until they walked away.”
“I didn’t know that.”
“He never spoke of it after it happened. Even Abram knew that Johnny had a gut heart, though he was frustrated by your brother’s wild spirit.”
“I wish I could believe that. I haven’t heard Daed speak Johnny’s name once. It’s as if he wishes Johnny was never born.” Her voice caught. “And me.”
Lord, Ezra prayed silently, if it is Your will, help Leah and her daed. If I’m not Your instrument of change in their lives, bring someone else into her life who can open her daed’s heart so he will reveal how special she is to him.
Aloud, he said, “That’s not true. Abram was as devastated as your mamm was when you two disappeared. Even if he doesn’t let you or anyone else see it now, I witnessed his pain right after you left, and I know it was real.” As she opened her mouth to protest, he quickly added, “It doesn’t matter what we think. God knows what is in our hearts, and He judges us on that. He knows the depth of your daed’s love for his kinder—all his kinder!—and he knows the true reasons that kept Johnny from coming home.”
She blinked back tears. “Danki, Ezra. I needed that reminder of God’s love. I should have known that I could talk to you about anything, even how Daed can’t forgive me for leaving.”
He realized he really didn’t want to talk. He wanted to gaze into Leah’s shining eyes. He wanted to do more than that. If he drew her into his arms now, would she pull away again or would she come willingly? Did she guess how often she was in his thoughts?
“What about you, Ezra? Have you forgiven me for leaving?”
“Certainly.” His voice caught, and he cleared his tight throat. “Though from what you’ve said since your return, there seems to be nothing to forgive you for other than loving your brother too much.”
“Can anyone love a brother too much?”
He tilted his hat back and swiped a hand across his brow. “I don’t have an answer for that because I’ve never faced the choice you did.”
“But you believe I was silly to follow Johnny blindly.”
“I don’t think you followed him blindly. You wanted to save him from himself. Abram might have given up on him, but you never did.”
“He’s my twin.” She gulped and stared at the ground. “He was my twin.”
He cupped her chin and tipped her face up so she couldn’t hide it from him. “Johnny is still your twin. Eventually you will be reunited.” He lifted one corner of his mouth in the best smile he could manage. “I hope that isn’t for a long time to come.”
“I miss him.” Her voice broke on the few words.
“I can’t imagine what it must be like to lose a twin.”
“Is the void in my life any greater than if I lost someone else I love? I wouldn’t say greater. It’s different. More like a part of myself died along with him. He was always there, even from before I can remember.”
“Me, too.” He sighed in a mixture of sorrow and discouragement as she stepped away after stirring memories he had tried to submerge for longer than she’d been gone.
“What happened with you and Johnny?” she asked, again proving that she was privy to his thoughts even when he didn’t speak them. “One day, you were the best of friends, and then, the next, he acted as if you didn’t exist.”
“You don’t know?” He doubted there was anything she could have said that would have surprised him more. Picking up the rod and creel, he started up the slope again. “I was sure Johnny told you how he believed I’d betrayed him.”
“No. He only said that he’d been dumm to consider you a friend. He didn’t say anything else. Why would he think you betrayed him?”
Even now, the hurt Ezra had suffered burst forth, as strong as when it was fresh. “At least you didn’t ask me if I betrayed him.”
“I know both of you.” She didn’t add anything more.
Climbing over the guardrail, he leaned the rod against the side of the buggy and set the creel on the ground beside it. He turned to assist Leah over the metal rail, but she’d already managed by herself. He swallowed his disappointment, because he had been looking forward to putting his hands on her slender waist, lifting her over and bringing her down right in front of him.
“It happened a long time ago,” he said. “I’m not sure resurrecting it is a gut idea.”
“I’m not asking you to speak ill of the dead. Tell me what happened.”
He rested his arm on the buggy and watched as a car swept by and over the bridge, heading toward town at a speed too high for the winding road. The bright red car looked like the one that was often parked in the yard of the house next to his brother Joshua’s house.
“Ezra?” Leah prompted.
He couldn’t deny her the truth. “It started with plans that some of the older kids, the ones on their rumspringa, made to go to Hersheypark.”
“Lots of kids go to the amusement park during their rumspringa years.”
“And they talk about the rides and how much fun they are and the food and the other amusements.” He looked at her directly when he said, “Johnny really wanted to go. So much that when he heard the Hershberger brothers weren’t going, he decided we should.”
“But you were boys then, too young for a rumspringa trip.”
“Ja.” He sighed. “I told Johnny that, but he wouldn’t listen. He kept trying to persuade me to go with them. They believed that the van driver wouldn’t notice we were younger than the other kids because Englischers have a hard time telling us apart when we’re wearing our straw hats and shirts of the same color.”
“Them? Who else?”
“Do you remember Steven McMurray? The Englisch boy who lived on the farm about a mile down the road toward Gordonville?”
She frowned as she nodded. “He was always getting in trouble. Johnny thought he was great. Whatever happened to him?”
“He’s the police chief in Paradise Springs now.” He chuckled when she stared at him. “Who would have guessed that the same boy who talked your brother into trying to sneak off to Hersheypark would now be doing a gut job of keeping the peace? Maybe he’s always one step ahead of the kids because he always was in the middle of trouble himself growing up.”
“Johnny and Steven planned to sneak onto the van?”
“Ja, and they invited me to go with them. When I said I didn’t think their plan would work and I wanted no part of it, they told me I was a coward.”
“That is when you stopped being friends?”
In the light coming through the leaves on the trees along the road, he could see her holding her lower lip between her teeth, waiting for his answer. He would have liked to say it was, that he—rather than Johnny—had brought about the end of their friendship, but he wouldn’t lie to her.
“It was later, Leah,” he said sadly. “After their scheme was discovered, Johnny accused me of tattling on them. He believed it was my fault they got caught, even though the driver refused to let them get in the van because he saw they were too young. The driver contacted Abram and Steven’s daed, and they both came to collect their sons. I was told that by Joshua, who went on their trip.”
“I didn’t know.” She crossed her arms in front of her. “Even then, Johnny and Daed were arguing so often that I’d stopped listening to what they were quarreling about.”
“He told me I’d be sorry that I betrayed him, and he didn’t like when I turned my back on him and walked away.”
“It must have been after that when Johnny became furious that you and I were still friends.”
