by Jo Ann Brown
“But you remained my friend.”
“Johnny and I are twins, not the same person. We often had different opinions.” Her eyes rose to meet his gaze. “I’m sorry he felt he had to end your friendship. He paid a high cost for fulfilling his threat. Johnny never was able to forget what he saw as a slight. He held on to grudges, even though it only hurt him. I loved him, but I wasn’t blind to how he couldn’t turn the other cheek. He sought revenge, instead, waiting weeks or months if he had to.”
Or years? Johnny must have known for a fact that Leah would go with him to plead with him to come back from the Englisch world. Shock rushed through Ezra. Had Johnny lured his sister away, being aware that while his leaving would hurt Abram, Leah going would be even more painful for his daed...and for Ezra?
It was a heinous thought, and he should be praying for forgiveness for even allowing it to form. Yet he couldn’t help believing there was some truth in his suspicions. Maybe Johnny hadn’t made his plans to leave with such a goal in his mind, but the result had been the same.
“Being angry now is useless.” She put her hand on his bare forearm. “It’s time to let the past go.”
“I agree.” He splayed his fingers across her cheek, savoring the warmth the sun had burnished into her skin. As he touched her, confirming that she really stood in front of him, he realized how much he had harbored the fear that none of this was anything more than a dream. That she hadn’t truly come back. His own yearning to see her had created a realistic dream.
He had been thinking about their one kiss more and more often. But he was startled by how he didn’t want only to kiss her. He longed to bring her into his arms and cradle her close as he lost himself in her amazing eyes while her loosened hair fell in a golden cascade down over his hands.
The thought should have startled him even more than his doubts about her twin, but it didn’t. Since the year he turned seventeen and really started noticing girls and realizing that eventually he needed to choose one to marry, there had been only one he’d considered.
Leah Beiler.
He had taken other girls home in his courting buggy, but he’d asked each of them after Leah accepted another guy’s invitation. At the time, he’d been too worried about ruining their friendship to ask if he might court her.
What a fool he’d been!
He’d been even a greater fool her last night in Paradise Springs. If he’d told her that night how he felt, would she have stayed in Paradise Springs to be with him, or would she have run away with her brother in an effort to save Johnny from himself?
But she was home now, and perhaps if he gave her a gut reason to stay, she would remain here. As he tipped her face toward him, her lovely eyes closed in an invitation to kiss her. An invitation he would gladly accept.
Leah jumped away from him as another car approached the bridge. She grabbed her fishing pole and creel. “I should get these fish cleaned before they go bad, and I promised Mamm that I’d get the mail so she didn’t have to leave...” As her voice trailed into silence, she looked down at her creel.
She might be checking the fish in it, but he guessed she was trying to avoid revealing something she was keeping a secret. What? Something about the mail? Had Mandy received another invitation to Philadelphia? Had Leah?
“I’ll give you a ride home, if you’d like,” he said, hoping she would open up on the short journey.
She nodded and handed him her fishing equipment. As he moved to put it in the storage area behind the buggy’s cab, she climbed in by herself.
He hoped it was only because she was in a hurry to get her catch home. Thinking of the alternatives was too painful.
* * *
Leah let happiness enfold her as Ezra kept silence from filling the buggy. When he began talking about how Esther planned to have a work frolic for the scholars’ families at the school, she let him keep the conversation light and on something that was part of their present. The past was over, and she wanted to enjoy that she and Ezra were chatting with an ease she had been unsure they’d ever regain. His arm brushed hers as he drew on the reins to slow the horse before turning into the lane leading to her daed’s farm.
It was tempting to take his hand, but she didn’t want to do anything to disrupt the easy peace that had settled between them. With the birds chirping in the trees along the road and the late-afternoon sun warm on the buggy, she sent up a silent prayer of gratitude to God for the wunderbaar day He had given them.
“‘This is the day which the Lord hath made, we will rejoice and be glad in it,’” Ezra said.
She swiveled on the seat to face him. “I was thinking the same thing.”
“Great minds.”
“Or great faith.”
He sighed. “I’m working on that.”
“Me, too.”
“You? You rush in where others fear to tread without thought of what you might encounter.”
“Maybe I need to think a little bit more before I jump in.”
“Maybe you should.” His voice had a hushed roughness that sent a tingle of delight through her. Drawing back on the reins, he smiled when she asked why they were stopping. “You said you needed to get the mail on your way home.”
“I’m glad you remembered.” She used humor to cover her shock that she could have forgotten how she had told Mamm she’d collect the mail so her mamm and Mandy could remain close to Daed in case he fell again.
“Let me.” He stretched to open the mailbox. Gathering the mail inside, he handed it to her.
“Danki.” She flipped through the envelopes and paused at two thicker ones. “Oh, Mamm will be pleased. There are two of her circle letters. One from her sister and the other from mine.”
Her mamm had been writing these round-robin letters all of Leah’s life. It was a simple system where each person wrote about the new events in her life and, after taking out the page with her previous note, mailed it to the next name in the circle. Usually it took about a month for each letter to complete its circle, so some of the news was stale while other bits were very recent.
Below the envelope from her sister was another with her name typed on it. “I wonder who’s sending me a letter.”
“From where?”
She looked at the postmark. “Philadelphia.”
His shoulders straightened beside her, and tension radiated off him like heat from a stove.
Why hadn’t she thought before she blurted out the answer? Ezra seemed to react that way whenever the city was mentioned. Quickly Leah checked the return address and smiled.
“It’s from Mrs. Whittaker,” she said, “the owner of the shop where I sold my quilts in Philadelphia.” She opened the envelope and drew out the single, folded sheet inside.
“You don’t need to read the letter. I’ll tell you what it says. She’d like more of your quilts.” Ezra’s tone became more relaxed as he urged the horse forward again.
She looked up, surprised. “Ja, but how did you know?”
“I have seen your work, Leah. It’s beautiful, and I’m sure she’d like having more of your quilts to sell in her shop.”
“I doubt I could make enough to sell in her shop and also in Amos’s store.”
“You may earn more in Philadelphia because city folks seem to have more money than country folk.”
“But people come to Lancaster County to find quilts made by plain seamstresses. Oh!” she added as she continued to read. “She wants me to come to Philadelphia and teach a series of classes in quilting.”
“I am sure you would have enjoyed that. I remember you teaching Esther to love quilting.”
“Would have enjoyed? Why do you assume that I won’t go?”
Again his shoulders grew taut. “Are you considering it?”
“Her offer is generous, and I’m sure I could arran
ge to go at the same time Mandy wants to attend Isabella’s party.”
“You make it sound easy to leave.” His accusation lashed her like a fiery rope.
“What’s wrong? If I go to Philadelphia, it doesn’t mean I’ll stay there.”
“Mandy wants to, and you won’t let her stay there alone.”
“I’m her guardian. I’ll decide where she needs to be.”
“Even if she’s unhappy here? As unhappy as her daed was?”
Reaching past him, Leah tugged on the reins to stop the buggy in the middle of the lane. She jumped down and snatched her fishing rod and creel out of the back. She looked up at him as she said, “I don’t know how to answer your questions, Ezra. They plague me every night and keep me awake. I’ve been praying for guidance, but I haven’t gotten an answer yet. However, I do know that I have plenty reasons of my own for coming back.”
“What are they?”
She saw the raw vulnerability on his face, and, for a moment, she considered saying he was one of the reasons. If she did, he might ask her about the others. So all she did was thank him for the ride. She couldn’t reveal how concerned she was with Daed’s spells of dizziness and the falls that left him bruised. Mamm had asked her to keep the information to herself, and, even though she hated being caught up in more secrets, she wouldn’t break that trust.
Not again.
Chapter Eleven
Ezra finished unharnessing the mules and leaving them to graze. They deserved rest after the long day of working in the field, turning the hay so it dried evenly. Tomorrow’s work would be even harder if the hay was dry enough to bale. He always was cautious with drying the hay. If even a bit of moisture remained, the compressed bale could generate heat leading to spontaneous combustion. Almost every summer, a barn burned in Lancaster County or one of the surrounding counties because a farmer was too impatient and put his hay in green.
Had he been too impatient with Leah yesterday? He couldn’t mistake her excitement when she read the letter from the Englisch lady. She’d been pleased that she had an excuse to go back to Philadelphia with Mandy. She’d said she had reasons for coming back, but were they more important to her than her niece’s happiness?
Instantly he felt the guilt that had come in the wake of too many of his thoughts in the past few weeks. Leah should be praised for her willingness to sacrifice her life here in Paradise Springs because of her dedication to her niece.
Yet he wished she’d explained the reasons that had brought her home. He hadn’t expected her to say his name, but he’d hoped she would. Even if he were one of them, what were the others and why wouldn’t she reveal them?
“Stop it!” he grumbled. The same thoughts had chased him up and down the length of the field all day, and he hadn’t come up with a single answer.
Leah had spoken to him about how she treasured their friendship. Was he supposed to take that as a signal she was satisfied with their relationship, as she had been when they were younger?
“Stop it! Think of something you can do something about.”
He tried, focusing on the rest of the day’s chores. He went into the lower level of the barn and to the sink. Picking up the ladle from the water bucket beside the sink, he primed the pump and pushed its handle until icy water rushed out. He washed the sweat from his face.
His mouth felt as dry and dusty as the field. As he wiped his hands, he decided to go into the house and get some iced tea before he brought the cows in for milking. Maybe he could grab a couple of cookies to wolf down without Mamm warning him that he’d ruin his supper. As hard as he’d worked today and as little as he’d slept last night, he felt as if he could eat his way through the canned food in the cellar and still be hungry.
Ezra stopped by Mamm Millich’s stall and folded his arms on the door. She was on her feet and eating without any signs of discomfort. With a first calf, it was likely to come very early or very late.
“As long as it comes healthy,” he said as he ran his hand over the cow’s back. “And you stay healthy, too.”
She didn’t look at him, simply kept eating. With a chuckle, he walked through milking parlor to the outside door. He drew in deep breaths of the thick scents of animals and feed along with the faint odor of aging cheese. For years, that combination had been the sweetest perfume he could imagine.
Until Leah returned, and he drank in the aromas of her soap and shampoo. It was more intoxicating than even the beer he’d tried on his short rumspringa. Now she was talking easily of leaving again.
He didn’t bother to scold himself to think of something else. No matter how hard he tried, his thoughts found a way to wind back to her.
Ezra strode out and climbed the hill to the lane and the house on the other side of it. When he reached the top, he stopped and stared at his brothers, who were gathered in a semicircle in front of the upper barn door. All six of them were there, and each one stood with his hands clasped in front of him. They resembled a row of cornstalks on a windless day, for none of them moved a muscle as he approached.
“What’s going on?” he asked.
“We need to speak with you, Ezra,” announced Joshua in a tone that sounded like the coming of doom.
He pushed forward, trying to guess why they stood there. If something wunderbaar had happened, Esther would be there. Probably Mamm, as well.
Something bad?
Their faces were as somber as if they were on their way to Sunday services, but he didn’t see the weight of bad news heavy on their shoulders. In fact, his youngest brother’s eyes twinkled with suppressed merriment. What was going on?
As if he’d asked that question again, Amos and Micah stepped forward, and their other brothers closed up the spaces they’d left. Amos moved to Ezra’s right and Micah to his left. They grasped his arms and led him toward the barn.
“Don’t I get to know what’s going on?” he asked.
“Nope,” said Amos and Micah at the same time as they kept him moving directly toward the rest of their brothers who moved aside at the last minute. As his younger brothers steered Ezra into the barn, the others, except for Joshua, followed in silence.
Sunlight shone through the barn, making dust motes dance as they did in the sunlight cascading through the windows high under the roof. He noticed that in the second before a gleam caught his eye.
In front of him, in the very center of the space where the podium had stood for the mud sale, was an open buggy. Its single seat had room for two adults. Daed had given it to him after his sixteenth birthday, and it was one of the first buggies Joshua had built during his apprenticeship in a buggy shop near Strasburg. For years, the buggy had lurked in a back corner out of the way. Ezra had covered it with a tarp littered with bits of hay, thick dust and more spiderwebs than he could count.
Someone had pulled it out and polished it until it shone in the sunlight. Patches on the cloth seats revealed where mice had chewed holes through the fabric to make nests in the stuffing. Even without looking, he guessed the shafts had been repainted or replaced so they wouldn’t snap the first time a horse was harnessed between them.
“What is this?” he asked.
His brothers chuckled, then Daniel said, “If you can’t recognize your own courting buggy, Ezra, then it’s definitely been too long since you used it.”
“I know what it is. I’m wondering why it’s out here and polished up.”
His brothers exchanged grins, and this time Jeremiah spoke. “After watching you mope around here recently—”
“I haven’t been moping.”
“After watching you mope around here recently,” Jeremiah said again, “we talked it over.”
“Talked what over?”
“We agreed that it’s time for you to make a decision, big brother,” Micah said, trying to look serious, but a smothered la
ugh escaped.
“A decision about what?”
“About Leah Beiler.”
“What about her?”
“Don’t play dumm with us,” Amos said with a hearty chuckle. “We already know how she sets your brain to spinning like a top.”
That he couldn’t argue with. His judgment concerning Leah had been overwhelming his gut sense since before he began his rumspringa. In the ensuing years, that hadn’t changed. So many things he wanted to say to her. Like how the sunshine glowed in her eyes, making them appear even a richer purple. Or how he liked the single curl that always escaped from beneath her kapp and teased him with the thought of her lush hair loose around her shoulders.
Micah laughed as he gave the buggy’s bright blue plush velvet seat a quick swipe with a cloth and did the same to the slow-moving vehicle triangle on the back. “Maybe that’s why he can’t see what everyone else can.” Snapping the cloth toward Ezra, he laughed when his older brother jumped back. “You’ve never gotten Leah out of your head or out of your heart. It’s time to stop waffling.”
“Go and get cleaned up.” Isaiah gave him a not-so-gentle shove toward the house. “No girl likes a man to smell like a barn when he comes a-courtin’.”
Joshua reappeared, leading the buggy horse. “We’ll have everything set for you by the time you get back. We’ll take care of the milking for you this evening, so you don’t have any excuse not to go.”
“And if I don’t want to go?”
His brothers laughed as if that question was the funniest thing they’d ever heard. When Isaiah told him to make sure he washed behind his ears—a warning their mamm had always given them before they left for Sunday services—he chuckled along with them.
When Ezra emerged from the house a short time later, his brothers crowed and clapped. They teased him about combing his hair and that he’d freshly shaved. Daniel bent over laughing when he pointed to Ezra’s clean boots and unwrinkled light green shirt.
“Green like a frog,” Daniel said before singing, “Froggie going a-courtin’ and he did ride!”
