Walking in Two Worlds

by Wab Kinew

  “That’s terrible.” Feng smiled nervously. “I mean, sounds fun…but there’s such an eerie feeling in here.”

  “It was fun.” Bugz shut her phone off and turned slowly to Feng, a deadly serious look on her face. “And guess what?”

  “What?” Feng sounded scared.

  “There’s the squirrel!” Bugz yelled. Feng yelped. “Your best friend!” Bugz pushed Feng out of the way and sprinted back to the front door. Feng followed closely behind her. Neither stopped running until they’d left the trailers, cleared the chain-link fence, and run a hundred yards back down the bush trail.

  CHAPTER 25

  Feng caught his breath as he and Bugz slowed to a stroll.

  “I showed you something cool,” Bugz said. “So now you have to tell me something.”

  “Okay.” Feng hesitated. “Shoot.”

  “Why are you part of Clan:LESS?”

  “Because they’re the best. Everyone wants to be a part of Clan:LESS.”

  “I don’t.”

  “But you can’t.” Feng sounded defensive.

  “Even if I could join your little boys club, I wouldn’t. It’s just a bunch of losers who try to make themselves feel big by putting other people down.”

  Feng noticed Bugz attempting to compose herself. “Everyone’s so sensitive now,” he said. “We’re just having fun.”

  “Sensitive? Meanwhile, you’re the ones who act like the biggest victims of all. As if men have it so hard. It’s gross.”

  “It is hard to be a man now,” Feng said. His shoulders felt more tense than usual.

  “Even if you believe that, why join them?” Bugz angled her head. “Clan:LESS is the worst of the worst of the neo-alt-right. You make it impossible for women to play the game. You harass us, kill our ’Versonas, say gross things about us. I only survived because I can beat you.”

  “You didn’t beat us. We’re regrouping.”

  “Oh, give it up.”

  “Clan:LESS isn’t all bad.”

  “It doesn’t even make any sense that you joined them in China.”

  “Now you’re being racist.”

  “They’re white supremacists!”

  “No, and you’re being racist for assuming someone in China can’t join this global movement.” Feng replayed in his head all the times his clanmates had said racist things to him or in front of him, while Bugz stood by him, silently. The changing light indicated the sun was past noon somewhere far beyond the trees. Feng snapped out of it. “Well, maybe some of them are racist, but that exists everywhere.”

  “No, it doesn’t.”

  “Well, that’s just a few bad apples. Our real mission is to teach men to be strong.”

  “Real strength is kindness, it’s compassion, it’s caring about how other people feel.”

  “Look at history. For a long time China was weak, but now we’re strong—the most powerful country in the world. And the West: first it was strong, but then it started apologizing for itself, and now it’s in decline. So maybe being a man, or being strong, is due for a comeback.” Feng’s appearance conveyed his conviction. “That’s what Clan:LESS is.”

  “It just seems like overcompensating. Seriously, would anyone ban women if they weren’t afraid of them?”

  Feng thought maybe Bugz didn’t actually like him that much. Or at least not the way he liked her. She was really going after him.

  “Well, talking to women has never been my strong suit.”

  They both exhaled. A crow called in the tree branches overhead.

  “You know how to talk to me.”

  “What do you mean?”

  “You know what I mean. You’re just fishing for a compliment.” Bugz paused.

  “Well?”

  “Well, grow up.” She looked away.

  “I like talking to you,” Feng said.

  “And I like it when you talk to me.” Bugz’s demeanor softened. “There.”

  “Hey.” Feng stopped and took Bugz’s hands in his own. “We’re getting caught up on the wrong thing when there’s something way more important I want to tell you.”

  “Yeah?” Bugz looked back at him expectantly.

  “Yeah.” Feng broke into a grin. “The squirrel’s still right behind us!”

  Feng took off running and Bugz gave chase for a few dozen yards. She caught up to him and gave him a good-natured push on the shoulder. They walked together.

  “So, you gonna tell me your other secret now?” Bugz asked. Feng stayed silent. “Why did you leave China if you love it so much?”

  “You want the long answer, or the version I tell everyone?”

  “Tell me whichever one is true,” Bugz said with a smile, “but make it snappy.”

  “Well, I was doing some work for the government. Volunteering, I guess. Going after people online, comment sections, you know.”

  “Sounds like real tough guy stuff.”

  Feng shrugged. “They had it coming. There are a lot of extremists where I lived in Xinjiang.”

  “Wait, is this where those children are being taken away?”

  “Yeah, well, I’m one of them. I’m Uyghur.”

  “Whoa, I had no idea.”

  “Yeah.” Feng paused before deciding to bare some of his past to Bugz. “But some people can’t let go.” He sucked his teeth. “When I was little, the government took me away from my family.” He sighed. “I went to a boarding school, got educated, and left the old ways behind.”

  Bugz was silenced. Feng heard crickets striking up a chorus. He watched her throw a stick she’d been playing with to the ground. “They did that to my great-grandparents here too. They were taken to residential boarding schools by the government.” She breathed deeply. “They hated it there.” She looked to Feng. “How do you feel about the one you went to?”

  “Honestly? It was tough.” Feng found trust in Bugz’s eyes. “But I think it was good. We had to change, get with the times of today.”

  “But it’s wrong to take kids away like that,” Bugz said. “What they did here was called genocide. Cultural genocide, they tried to destroy our identity.”

  “I know who I am.”

  “Do you?”

  “I think it’s different. You folks didn’t want it. So it was wrong. But after I learned about the majority Chinese way…I guess I chose it.”

  “What about your parents?”

  Feng shook his head silently. They could hear a cricket warming up as though preparing a song. Feng watched Bugz reach for his hand. Her touch sent a tingle running through his body. He thought of his mom. He wondered why she hadn’t reached out like this, like she used to when he was a little boy.

  “I’ll show you all you need to know about my parents.” Feng opened a video on his phone. It showed a young Feng in what appeared to be a principal’s office. Feng narrated the conversation for Bugz.

  “See, up to this point, I was resisting, telling them I wanted to go home. And this is where the headmaster explained there was no home to go back to. My mother and father didn’t want me.” The boy on the screen lowered his head to cry. “Right there, that’s when he told me my parents could’ve brought me home within a week if they’d only rejected their stupid beliefs.” He stared at the video as the corners of his mouth drew downward. “What kind of parent puts anything ahead of their kid?”

  “I’m sorry.”

  “Now you know.” Feng shook his head. “There is no ‘going back’ for me. Only forward. I saw Alpha livestreaming a few weeks after that video was taken and the rest is history.”

  The crow called out a few more times and flew off.

  “So what was the problem?” Bugz asked. “You sound like a good little boy. Believing everything the government told you.”

  “I g
uess I was. But Clan:LESS became really important to me too. At least until you got me in that first battle.” Feng chuckled and glanced at Bugz, who smiled. He continued. “Anyways, long story short, they can’t monitor you in the ’Verse like they can on other digital platforms, so they think you’re suspect. They asked me to quit Clan:LESS. I didn’t.”

  Bugz was silent. A slight breeze rustled the leaves at the edges of the clearing.

  “I guess as much as I love my country, I love Clan:LESS more. They were there for me.” Feng looked off into the woods.

  “That’s messed up.” Bugz let go of Feng’s hand. “That’s why I showed you mercy? So you could run around with people who deny my right to exist?”

  Feng had no answer. He could only watch as she walked toward the mouth of the bush trail where Waawaate had dropped them off.

  CHAPTER 26

  Bugz heard Feng’s loud footsteps behind her, seemingly crunching every twig and branch in the forest. City boy. She made no effort to slow down. Finally he caught up to her, almost out of breath.

  “Bugz, wait,” he said.

  Her gaze met his. Bugz processed the color of Feng’s eyes. Brown, though a lighter shade of brown than you might expect from someone with his shade of skin. Bugz studied the myriad amber and ocher striations that made up his irises. She thought of the massive nebulae where stars formed in the far reaches of the galaxy. She found herself thinking about her phone. She pulled it out and scrolled. “What?” Her eyes remained fixed on her device.

  “Don’t leave. I’m just trying to be honest. I figured you, out of anyone, you’d understand where I’m coming from.”

  “Anishinaabe people lost everything. It’s a miracle any of us survived. Our culture was on life support and I rebuilt it in the Floraverse, okay? And now you’re telling me you love the one thing that can actually threaten all that.”

  “Well, like I said, there’s more to Clan:LESS than that.” Feng attempted a smile. “They put me on their streams when I was first starting and help me build my followers.”

  Bugz contemplated this. Followers meant a lot to her. “I’m really sorry for what you went through as a kid, I really am. It breaks my heart.” The whirlwind of Bugz’s emotions toward Feng began to settle.

  “Thanks.”

  “You seem like a good person, Feng. But it’s a little scary who you hang out with…and you’ve got this serious look all the time that makes it tough to connect with you.” Bugz looked to her feet. “But I guess I am glad we came out here. I’m getting to know the real you.”

  Bugz looked up and found Feng’s eyes just inches from her own. He’d stepped closer. She closed her eyes, and inhaled. Feng touched her face. Bugz opened her eyes and cast them downward, slightly disappointed.

  “I know what it’s like to search for something,” Bugz sighed. “Believe me, I know.” She allowed his hand to run slowly along her cheek. Bugz struggled to match the toxic things she knew Feng was a part of online with the side he was showing her now. “But you don’t have to prove anything to me or try to be tough or anything like that.” Bugz breathed deeply, sensing Feng’s gentle touch, sensing the air filling her lungs. “Maybe everything you’re looking for is right here.” She exhaled. “And maybe what I’m looking for is here too.”

  “With me?” Feng’s hand stopped and rested on her chin.

  “Yeah, with you, genius.” Bugz smiled and stepped back. “Do you see anyone else around? Is Clan:LESS hiding in the trees?” She shook her head, still smiling. Her joke masked her true worries about Feng’s involvement with the clan, which still flowed through her thoughts like an undercurrent.

  Still, Bugz felt calmer and more comfortable with Feng. Together they walked back to the Rez in the fading light, talking to and texting each other as the day became night.

  CHAPTER 27

  Feng woke to a buzzing feeling, sort of like a hangover. VR sickness. It hit him whenever he spent a lot of time offline. He looked around and realized he was laying in dirt. As Feng stood he saw other members of Clan:LESS welding broken vehicles together and stacking pallets of ammunition. After scanning the tarmac and the helicopters they’d escaped on not long ago, Feng turned to confirm the location of Alpha’s bunker, noting the Ø painted on the building’s side. He looked to the sky—two moons. This was home base, the Clan:LESS headquarters.

  Activity pulsed across the compound: sparks flew from the salvaged vehicles and sweat poured off the soldiers running from one task to the next. Everyone rushed to get Clan:LESS back in fighting shape, or at least strong enough to defend itself should another clan raid the base. Feng found his clanmate Gym crouched beside a vehicle, tightening lug nuts.

  “Can I give you a hand?”

  “No,” Gym grunted. “I got it.” He stood and looked Feng over from top to bottom. “You been checked out a long time,” Gym said. “You ain’t been in the ’Verse since the battle.”

  “New school, new house.” Feng rubbed the back of his neck. “I’ve got a lot going on.”

  “Word is you’re on the run out there, maybe in trouble with the law.”

  “Who told you that?” Feng focused on making eye contact even as he dodged the allegation.

  “I don’t care, to be honest. As long as you carry your own in our missions, you could already be in jail in the real world for all I care.”

  This small validation filled Feng’s heart for a moment. It helped him find the nerve to pitch a cover story for his next move. “Anyways, I think I’m gonna go forage. It looks like we could use some more resources to help with the rebuild.”

  “Forage?” Gym looked at Feng like he’d just spoken Klingon. “What the heck you going to forage? Our top priorities right now are to fix the gear, find new recruits, and stockpile ammunition—in that order.”

  “I just figured we’d need more wood to build structures for the recruits to stay in and food for them when they get here. Just want to work ahead.”

  Behind Feng and across the tarmac, Alpha watched the conversation. Gym made eye contact with his leader, asking for direction. Alpha nodded his head and motioned, Let him go.

  “Well, I guess that makes sense.” Gym’s tone softened.

  “Alright, then. Thank you, brother.” Feng leaned in for a bro hug.

  Gym cringed; Feng was trying too hard. “No problem,” he offered.

  As they patted each other’s shoulders, he placed a tracking device on the back of Feng’s collar.

  In the distance, Alpha nodded his head again and walked away to inspect some more troops.

  CHAPTER 28

  From across the Floraverse, Bugz could see Feng in a small oasis miles away from the Clan:LESS base. He’d taken the precautions they’d agreed on—headed deep into the desert where they figured he couldn’t be surveilled. He dropped to a knee, his face the picture of focus.

  “I can hear you calling me.” Her voice sparkled across his voice-com. “Here. Hitch a ride.”

  Storm clouds formed overhead and a Thunderbird swept down from the heavens. It snatched Feng up in its talons and rocketed toward the edge of the virtual atmosphere. Feng suspected his clanmates would see the bird hurtling through the stratosphere, but he didn’t care. He figured even if they saw the bird, they wouldn’t think it had anything to do with him.

  The Thunderbird announced its arrival at Lake of the Torches with a scream. Bugz, Mishi-pizhiw, and the other animals gathered along the shore. The Thunderbird swooped down toward the lake and dropped Feng roughly on the ground. The bird glared at Mishi-pizhiw for a few seconds and took off.

  “They don’t like each other, do they?” Feng asked, attempting to break the ice.

  “You made it!” Bugz greeted him with a hug.

  Mishi-pizhiw dove into the lake and disappeared beneath its surface. Bugz and Feng watched the shadow of his form fade from view. It was a
dark afternoon. The sky was covered with a purple and orange haze, giving the day an eerie feel.

  “So, you want to learn how to be a Floraverse ninja?” Bugz teased. “I’ll show you around.”

  “I’ve been here, remember? Twice!”

  “Oh yeah.” Bugz grinned as she scooped up a small red flower from the ground. “Didn’t you leave with your tail between your legs?”

  “Maybe someone let me leave because she couldn’t stand the thought of living without me?”

  Bugz forced a shallow laugh. “Don’t flatter yourself. Anyways, don’t share any of this with your stupid clan, okay?”

  Feng nodded.

  “Okay, check it out.” Bugz closed her eyes, breathed deeply, and focused intensely. She held the flower up to the sky for Feng to see. The sun, emerging from behind the clouds, cast a golden light on everything around the lake. The flower turned toward the sun and back again toward Bugz. Suddenly another flower grew from the same stem, then four, then eight, then sixteen. Within a few seconds, thousands of flowers poured from Bugz’s hands. When she threw the flowers into the air their petals collapsed in on themselves and re-emerged in duplicates and triplicates. As they continued multiplying, they clumped together and formed a massive red flower two stories high. This giant flower composed of smaller flowers turned, pulsating, toward the sun. The smaller flowers ran continuously down the surface of the giant like a waterfall as the bustle of activity continued to grow and grow.

  “I prefer roses,” Feng joked. He couldn’t quite hide the impressed look on his face.

  “Shut up, you’ll make me laugh,” Bugz said, her eyes still closed. “The Floraverse is powered by an engine that is modeled on organic chemistry, right? But it’s also geometric. Everything is a reflection of smaller things. If you connect with the smallest life-forms, you can bring them together to form bigger ones.”

  Bugz opened her eyes and broke her spell. The mega-flower collapsed, sending petals down the length of the shoreline. In an instant, the two were standing on a red-flower beach.