The Secrets She Kept

by Brenda Novak

  “I’ll bet,” she agreed. “I’m glad we saw you.”

  “So am I,” Nancy lied and turned her face toward the window so Keith wouldn’t be able to get a good look at her even if he tried.

  “How’s business at the flower shop?” he asked.

  She cleared her throat. “Better than ever.”

  “Who’s working today?”

  “Marlene Fillmore, a new girl. You wouldn’t know her. She moved to the island about a year ago. From Charleston.”

  “Did you train her?”

  “Didn’t need to—not really. She worked out of her house doing flowers for weddings, so she’s had plenty of experience.”

  “That’s good.”

  Why would he care? He’d left all of this behind...

  “I’m sorry about your mother,” she said to finally get that out of the way. “I...” She wasn’t sure what else to add. She knew how he’d felt about Josephine. She also knew that some of his problems revolved around the fact that he couldn’t completely hate her, couldn’t completely turn away from the woman who’d raised him.

  Or had he come to terms with cutting her off? Maybe that was why he was doing so well. “I was shocked and saddened,” she finished.

  “Thank you.”

  His response was polite, nothing that offered any clue as to how deeply he was hurting. But they’d arrived at her house. There was no need to make more conversation.

  As soon as he came to a full stop, she reached for her dog, but he spoke before she could take Simba in her arms.

  “Did my mom ever say anything to you that sounded like she might be contemplating suicide?”

  “No. I got no indication whatsoever.”

  “Would you say she was acting the same?”

  Mrs. Lazarow had been as irritable and caustic as ever. But Nancy couldn’t say that. Keith and Maisey had to be mourning, no matter how they’d felt about their mother. “I got the impression she was in good spirits. So I’m as stunned as everyone else.”

  Simba’s collar jingled as she lifted him into her lap.

  “Nancy?”

  Keith again. She waited while he turned to look directly at her.

  So much for avoiding his gaze...

  “Have you ever met Hugh Pointer?”

  She raised her eyebrows. “Who?”

  “Hugh Pointer. My mother was dating him. Did she ever bring him into the flower shop? Mention him to you?”

  “She told me she was going to Australia to see someone she was dating. Maybe that was Hugh. She asked me to complete the work schedule at the shop for the next few weeks so she could leave feeling confident that I’d be able to get by without her—having someone to take over on my days off and so on. That’s it.”

  She got the feeling that he would’ve liked to ask her more, but she didn’t give him the chance. She climbed out as gracefully as she could while cradling a sixty-five-pound dog.

  “Thanks for the ride,” she called and managed to close the door with her hip.

  Unfortunately, he got out, too—and hurried around the car. “Here, I’ll take Simba,” he said. “You go unlock the door.”

  She wished Simba would growl or refuse to be touched, but he was the friendliest Chow on the planet. Even if he hadn’t remembered Keith, he wouldn’t have balked. He lowered his ears and wagged his tail in greeting while Keith took him from her.

  Traitor. Cursing herself for ever going out of the house this morning, Nancy hurried up the walkway ahead of them—and nearly dropped her keys, she was in such a hurry to open the door.

  Several seconds later, she managed to get the key in the lock. “Go ahead and set him inside,” she said as she swung the door wide.

  As soon as Keith put Simba down, Simba limped off to curl up in his bed by the couch.

  “Thanks again.” She thought that was it, that she’d soon be able to breathe a sigh of relief and congratulate herself on not melting at the sight of her former lover. However, Keith put a hand on the door.

  “I can tell you’re not interested in hearing this, but...I’m sorry,” he said. “I never meant to hurt you. I was...I was a wrecking ball back then. I destroyed everything and everyone I came into contact with.”

  He’d been trying to destroy himself more than anything, to escape the pain he was in. She understood. But it didn’t make things any easier that she’d wanted so much more from him than he’d ever wanted from her.

  She pushed the wet hair out of her face. “You have nothing to worry about,” she said. “That was years ago. I don’t think about it anymore.”

  “Really? Because I still owe you money.”

  He withdrew his wallet, but she stopped him before he could open it. Maisey had already reimbursed her for what Keith had borrowed. Keith’s sister had made her take the money and asked her not to tell Keith she’d stepped in. They both knew he wouldn’t appreciate her getting involved in his business, especially since her actions revealed doubt that he’d ever take care of the debt himself.

  The old Keith wouldn’t have. He wouldn’t have been able to...

  “Don’t worry about that, either,” she said. “I helped out a friend. No big deal.”

  He blinked at her. “You won’t let me pay you back?”

  Shit... Considering the situation, and the fact that he now had way more money than she did, pretending wasn’t believable, wasn’t even reasonable. The amount was too great. “To be honest, your sister paid me a long time ago, Keith. So, please, give the money to her.”

  There went her promise but, short of accepting the money, which she didn’t want to do, she felt she had no other choice.

  “Oh.” He frowned as he put away his wallet.

  Eager for a shower so she could begin her day, Nancy nearly shut the door and let it go at that. She planned to forget she’d ever encountered him. But she did feel some sympathy for the loss he’d suffered. “I’m sincerely sorry about your mother. If there’s anything I can do to help out with the funeral, please let me know. I’m already doing the flowers—for free, of course.”

  He studied her through the crack she’d left between the door and its frame. “You should get paid for that.”

  “No. I’m happy to contribute. She was my employer for seven years. I learned a lot from her. I’m a much better designer thanks to...” her intense criticism “...her high standards.”

  “Okay.”

  “Enjoy your stay on the island.” No doubt she’d see him at the funeral, but she didn’t plan on speaking to him again. They’d both said all that needed to be said.

  After she closed the door, she leaned against it and forced herself to stay put instead of hurrying over to the window so she could watch him return to his car. For five years she’d been telling herself she never wanted to see him again—and yet she craved a better look, a chance to study him without his looking back at her.

  He’d changed as much as Maisey had said, she decided, picturing him in her mind instead. He’d filled out that tall, spare frame, packed a lot more muscle onto it, but he was still lean and wiry. He didn’t have a weight problem like she did. His face, once so exaggerated, so angular, had softened, as well. He no longer appeared gaunt, which suggested he was eating—something he didn’t do enough of when he was on drugs. His eyes were clearer and brighter, too, his whole bearing more confidence.

  That he was doing so well made her breathe easier. But that in itself concerned her. If she didn’t care about him anymore, why would she feel such relief?

  “Damn you,” she muttered, but she wasn’t sure if she was talking to herself, for still being so susceptible to the attraction she’d always felt, or him, for not feeling any attraction at all.

  * * *

  “Nancy’s lost weight,” Keith said over a Beatles song that was p
laying on the radio.

  The way Maisey fidgeted with her seat belt gave Keith the impression she didn’t want to discuss Nancy. “A few pounds,” she finally said.

  “She looks great.”

  His sister folded her arms as he came to a stop at the light. “She’ll never be model-thin.”

  Her comment struck him as odd. Her weight had never bothered him before; why would it bother him now? “Who says she has to be?”

  “No one. I’m just making an observation.”

  “And that is...”

  “She’s never been your type.”

  “I have a type?”

  “Yes. Skinny, blond and beautiful. More like the police chief. She’s pretty, don’t you think?”

  She was pretty, but that was beside the point. “Not everyone I date is blond—or skinny,” he said. “I was with Nancy before, wasn’t I? And she was heavier than she is now.”

  “You can’t use Nancy as an example.”

  The light turned green. He made a left, onto the main drag. “Why not?”

  “She was a divergence. Even she was surprised when you took an interest in her.”

  “That’s ridiculous.”

  “No, it’s not. You’re used to getting whoever you want. And when you can have anyone, you typically don’t choose someone who’s a few pounds overweight.”

  “She’s not that heavy!” She thought she was, and had always been self-conscious about it. The first night they’d made love, he’d had a hell of a time getting her to trust him enough to take off her clothes. But it had been worth the battle. She’d given him intimacy and warmth, someone to cling to when he had needed it most. And once she grew comfortable, there’d been plenty of physical attraction and enjoyment. He’d liked the softness of her curves and the fact that she was exactly as nature had made her. Although he wouldn’t be vulgar enough to say it, especially to his sister, she had the most beautiful breasts he’d ever seen. Her legs weren’t bad, either. She just carried a little extra weight around the waist.

  “Name one other woman you’ve dated who’s been overweight,” Maisey said.

  “Maybe I wasn’t initially attracted to Nancy, but the more I got to know her, the prettier she became.” She just couldn’t compete with the cocaine that’d kept him going back then. No one could.

  “She’s not capable of dealing with someone like you. That’s all.”

  “You remember what I was like back then, Mais. I wasn’t capable of having a relationship with anyone. Even you. But I’m clean now. Things are different.”

  “She’s still outgunned, doesn’t have nearly as much experience with men as those women you’ve been dating in LA. You need someone more...sophisticated.”

  He turned down the radio. “You mean someone who can’t get hurt because she doesn’t know how to care in the first place? Someone more like Mom?”

  “Of course not! But what you had with Nancy wasn’t a real relationship, either, so don’t try to pretend it was.”

  Keith told himself to relax so this wouldn’t explode into an argument. He understood why she might be protective of Nancy, but he didn’t need Maisey piling on. He already felt like shit because of what he’d done. “How was it not a real relationship? I liked her. A lot.”

  He’d never been around anyone less like his mother. She’d been exactly what he needed at the time. He still wasn’t sure what he would’ve done without her friendship and support. But she’d definitely given him the cold shoulder a few minutes ago. She hadn’t been happy to see him; he could tell.

  “You’ve liked plenty of women,” Maisey said as if that was meaningless.

  He shot her a scowl. “I’m not going to hurt Nancy. For your information, I just apologized to her.”

  His sister’s attitude seemed to improve. “That was nice of you.”

  “You don’t think I have a conscience?”

  “I think you can be devastating, even when you don’t mean to be.”

  He’d never live down his reputation. He’d earned it too honestly. But, in his own defense, he hadn’t been ready to settle down—with anyone—and he hadn’t presented himself in any other way.

  Regardless, there wasn’t much point in continuing the conversation. They were driving to the morgue in Charleston to view the body of their dead mother. He didn’t need to make this day any worse. “That was five years ago,” he said calmly. “I’m not the same person.”

  “You have the same gorgeous face. The same disarming smile. The same appeal to women,” she said. “I’d rather you didn’t rekindle your relationship with Nancy while you’re here. It’s not like you need her—or would ever take her seriously even if you did start seeing her again. There are too many other women out there who’d suit you better.”

  He raked his fingers through his hair. The last thing he wanted to do was hurt Nancy again. But it upset him to hear what Maisey had to say. He was used to having his younger sister on his side. They’d always banded together. They’d had to—to survive their childhood. “She’s an adult. I’m sure she can take care of herself and doesn’t need you to run interference for her. Anyway, stop worrying. I won’t be here long enough to start seeing anyone.”

  She sighed. “It’s not like I want you to leave. I’m just asking you to stay away from Nancy. As a personal favor to me.”

  Her earnest expression irritated him even more. “You’ve gotten that close to her?”

  “Yes! She’s someone I trust and confide in, someone I enjoy working with.”

  He turned toward the ferry, which would take them to the mainland. “Is that why you paid her the money I owed her?”

  The way Maisey fiddled with her purse told him she was suddenly uncomfortable. “I’m sorry if you’re mad that I got involved. But she’s never had much money. I made sure that what she lent you came back to her sooner rather than later, that’s all.”

  “I tried to pay her myself,” he said. “Less than a year after I left.”

  “I’m glad to hear that.”

  “She didn’t mention it?”

  “No.”

  “So you thought I never tried.”

  “I wasn’t worried. I’d already taken care of it.”

  “I gave her a car, too—something to make up for how I treated her. But she wouldn’t take it.”

  “You can’t be surprised she’d say no. That was an expensive present.”

  “Wow. You are defensive of Nancy.”

  Maisey reached out to squeeze his forearm. “Not really. I love you, too. It was very generous of you.”

  He pulled into the line of cars waiting to cross over. “She didn’t mention that, either? The car?”

  “We don’t talk about you. I mean, I do sometimes. But if I bring you up, she just listens. She never says anything herself.”

  He adjusted his windshield wipers to handle a fresh deluge. “She hates me that much?”

  “I wouldn’t call it hate. She’s...moved on.”

  The ferry captain approached the car in front of them. “Who’s she dating now?”

  “Some guy from Charleston.”

  “Is it serious?”

  When she didn’t answer, he looked over and found her glaring at him. “Does it matter?”

  “No, it doesn’t,” he muttered and lowered his window to pay the fare.

  * * *

  Their mother was on a gurney in the back end, where the corpses were weighed and tagged. A sheet covered her from the neck down, but her arms had been taken out from under it and folded beneath her breasts—probably Dean Gillespie’s attempt to make her appear “at peace,” for their sake.

  But there was nothing peaceful or consoling about any of this; Josephine’s death felt wrong in so many ways, beginning with the fact that she’d never looked wo
rse. Her hair fell away from her face exactly as it had dried when they’d pulled her from the tub, and dark circles underscored her closed eyes—the eyes that so many people had admired.

  As if that weren’t disconcerting enough, her skin was so waxy Keith barely recognized her. He was tempted to check the name on the tag attached to her big toe, just to be sure. His mother didn’t have age spots or wrinkles. His mother didn’t have dull, lackluster hair. But this person did.

  Her body wasn’t the same, either. Although Keith had heard his mother described as a bombshell on more than one occasion, she looked frail and insignificant under that sheet, as if she’d never been a singular beauty.

  This was what it took to finally get the better of Josephine Lazarow, Keith decided. Age alone wasn’t enough. Age conquered everyone else, but not her. Only death could win.

  “She would hate that we’re seeing her like this,” Maisey whispered.

  Keith wished he hadn’t come. She might have been his greatest stumbling block, his greatest challenge, but she’d also been a constant he could rely on—someone who stood firm in her convictions, commanded respect, lived by her own rules and made damn sure everyone around her did, too. He’d known that if he ever really needed her she might give him hell, but she’d come through in the end.

  “We’ll hire a good makeup artist for the funeral,” he said, but only to comfort his sister. Makeup wouldn’t help now. His mother had lost that vital essence that’d made her so magnificent.

  Maisey didn’t respond.

  “Her death feels so...premature,” he added.

  When Maisey put her hand over his in a show of understanding, he wished he could shrug her off. He didn’t want sympathy. He wanted answers. Who had felled their powerful mother? She must not have seen whoever it was. The person who’d killed her had to be someone she would never, in a million years, have expected to do her wrong.

  “The various funeral homes usually engage someone who specializes in hair and makeup,” Dean told them. “All you have to do is bring in a picture, and they’ll do their best to make your mother look like you remember.”