Magic and Other Misdemeanors (The Sisters Grimm, Book 5)

by Michael Buckley

  Granny shook her head. "Not a chance."

  Mr. Canis drove faster than he ever had. He whipped the old jalopy through the empty back roads, over the wooden bridges, and across the abandoned train tracks like he was an international race-car driver. Sabrina was happy he understood the urgency of their plan, but it was times like this she wished the car had more modern safety features. She tightened the ropes that the family had installed as makeshift seat belts around her waist. Even the usually fearless Puck put his on.

  When they got to the town, Canis parked the car across from the police station and everyone got out.

  "Puck, go ahead and take your position," Granny said.

  Puck's wings spread out and flapped vigorously, lifting him into the air. "I'll wait for you at the dock," he said, and then zipped off toward the river.

  Canis nodded. "What next?"

  "Unfortunately, this plan of ours was somewhat dependent upon Jacob," Granny said. "We need to give Charming some time to find him and Baba Yaga."

  "We can't wait another second," Daphne said as she pointed to the sky. The stars seemed to have been devoured by a swirling black mass hovering high over the town. It was bigger and uglier than any Sabrina had seen before. "We've got to do this now, Granny."

  "All right," their grandmother said. "I suppose we can sneak around the back and knock a hole in the wall. At least that much of the plan could still work."

  "No, stop!" Mr. Canis said, sniffing the air. "There are men stationed on the top of the building and a large group of them at the back."

  "How many do you think?" Granny said.

  "I smell fifty of them, maybe more."

  "They knew we were coming," Sabrina said, spotting one of the playing-card soldiers peering over the edge of the jailhouse roof. She also saw the deadly broadsword he held in his hands.

  "I can take a few of them," Canis said. "But the three of you should wait here."

  "Old friend, you'll never get past them all. This isn't going to work." The old woman sighed.

  "Then what?"

  "Then we go right through the front door," Sabrina said. The family turned to her.

  "Remember our escape training?" Sabrina said. "Puck knew we would head for the woods so he didn't bother to guard the path. I bet you a million bucks Nottingham thinks the same way. He would never suspect us coming through the front door. I bet the inside isn't guarded at all!"

  Her family and friends looked at her for a long time. Their faces were filled with doubt, but suddenly Mr. Canis started across the street. "Let's do it."

  "What's the plan?" Granny asked as the rest of the family hurried to catch up to Canis.

  "Mr. Canis can just run through and make us a path to the cell. We'll follow him."

  "There's going to be a lot of dust, so stay close," the old man said, and then he bolted right through the front door. His face may have appeared old and frail, but he slammed through the offices like a powerful wrecking machine, plowing through walls, overturning desks, and making his own path to the jail cells at the back of the building. The women followed the best they could, dodging falling plaster and broken electrical lines. They held their faces under their shirts to filter out some of the debris. The blitz made a tremendous racket and would surely attract the attention of the guards outside, but Sabrina was right, Nottingham hadn't bothered to fortify the inside of the jail.

  In no time, the group had reached the back of the building.

  There they found Wilhelm locked inside a small cell. The poor man was terrified by what he had heard coming toward him. He leaped from his chair, lifted it, and waved it threateningly at the group.

  "Zur bleiben! Ich m Sie nicht verletzen!

  " Wilhelm shouted.

  "What did he say?" Sabrina asked.

  "He's frightened. He thinks we've come to hurt him," Granny explained, then turned to the man. "Wilhelm, it's us. We've come to rescue you."

  "Rescue?" Wilhelm cried. He set his chair down on the ground and shook his jail cell bars as if to remind them of their next obstacle.

  Canis reached for the bars. Using his incredible strength, he bent them apart, wrestling with them until there was an opening big enough for Wilhelm to step through.

  Just then, Sabrina heard Nottingham's angry voice. "The prisoner is escaping, you fools!" he shouted. His furious bellowing was drowned out by the approaching feet of what sounded like four dozen guards.

  "We've got to get out of here--now." Granny said.

  Canis stepped to the back wall, pulled back his fist, and slammed it into the concrete. It crumbled, shaking the rafters. A

  few cinder blocks completely collapsed, exposing the outside--and freedom--to the group. One more thump sent a spray of concrete and soot all over the room, but when the dust settled, there was a hole big enough for a seven-foot, three-hundred-pound man to step through.

  "Everyone out!" Granny cried as she helped Sabrina and Daphne through the hole. Wilhelm and the old woman followed.

  Before Mr. Canis could get through, Sabrina heard a sinister voice from inside the station.

  "You do realize that breaking a prisoner out of jail is a big no-no," Nottingham said, and then she heard Mr. Canis roar in pain. The dust billowing out of the hole prevented her from seeing what was happening, but she knew he had been hurt badly. A moment later, Nottingham's ugly form stepped through the hole.

  "I really should arrest you, Grimms, but I have a better way of solving our problem," he said as he reached for the crossbow strapped to his back. He loaded it with a steel arrow and leveled it at Wilhelm's chest. "One shot changes everything in this town, and though I know the throngs of people eager to see Wilhelm swing from the gallows will be disappointed, having their freedom will more than make up for missing the show."

  And then he pulled the trigger.

  Chapter 10

  It seemed to Sabrina that the arrow sailed across space in slow motion. She wondered what it would be like to suddenly not exist. Would they just blink into nothing, or would it feel like dying?

  But the arrow never reached its target. Instead, there was a loud, quaking thump, which knocked everyone to the ground. As they scampered to their feet and realized Wilhelm was unharmed, they were confronted by the source of the thump. Baba Yaga had arrived in her horrifying house. The old crone was leaning out of her window with a glowing ball in her hand. It lit up like a firecracker and a blast of red energy hit Nottingham in the chest as he turned to face the witch.

  "I want my wand!" she shouted.

  The witch's magic tossed Nottingham several yards and slammed him onto the ground. But a second later he still had the presence of mind to scamper behind a tree. "I don't know what you're talking about!"

  The monstrous house raced toward him. One of its legs snatched the tree out of the ground, roots and all, leaving the sheriff vulnerable and panicked.

  Wilhelm seemed quite disturbed by what he was seeing. He cried out something in German, but his message was clear. Sabrina's great-great-great-great-great-grandfather was completely freaked out.

  "Baba Yaga's not going to be fooled for very long," Charming said as he rode up on his stallion.

  Uncle Jake was right behind him, hovering on a flying carpet. "He's right. We should go."

  Daphne nodded. "I agree. That storm is coming mucho fast-o."

  "We can't leave! Mr. Canis is still in there," Sabrina said. Just then the old man stepped through the hole. He held his hand to his left eye as blood seeped down his wrist. "Old friend!" Granny gasped.

  "It is nothing," the old man said, but his voice was pained. Granny removed a handkerchief from her handbag and gave it to the old man. He held it to his wound and then ushered everyone around the building to the street. "We have to get to the boat."

  The family raced the three blocks to the town marina. There they found Puck waiting impatiently.

  "It's about time!" Puck said. "I'm dying of hunger."

  "Is the boat ready?" the old woman asked. />
  "Naturally," Puck replied as he gestured to Wilhelm's tiny rowboat. Uncle Jake helped Granny Relda into it, then the girls, Wilhelm, and finally himself.

  "You know what to do?" Uncle Jake asked the fairy boy.

  "No sweat. This is going to be simple," Puck crowed as he shot into the sky. He had barely gotten aloft when he was nearly knocked out of the sky by a cannonball.

  "They're shooting at us!" Daphne exclaimed.

  Uncle Jake took the oars and rowed with all his might. They streaked across the river right toward the ship, while more cannon shots slammed into the water around them.

  "They must think we're coming to attack," Granny said.

  Wilhelm leaped from his seat and waved at the boat. His excitement nearly capsized them, and Sabrina had to brace herself to keep from falling in the river. His wild gestures made her nervous. It seemed like he was just making them an easier target.

  There were two more shots, but then the explosions stopped altogether, giving them smooth sailing to the side of the ship. Uncle Jake and Wilhelm helped Granny aboard and then the girls scampered up on their own power.

  Once aboard, Sabrina was stunned by the people who surrounded her. Nearly everyone she had ever met from the town was there: Briar Rose; Mr. Seven and the rest of the seven dwarfs; Ms. White; Beauty and her husband, the Beast; and even some old enemies like Jack the Giant Killer and Rumpelstiltskin. She stepped in front of her family and clenched her fists, prepared to fight their way off the ship, but then it dawned on her that no one knew who they were.

  Wilhelm said something in German that seemed to calm the nerves of the passengers.

  "What did he say?" Sabrina asked.

  "He said that he is OK, but there has been an odd turn of events," Granny explained. Then she turned to the rest of the crowd. "I know many of you are confused. You set sail for America expecting to find a relatively unsettled plot of land. Well, you found America. You just didn't show up at the right time."

  "What are you talking about, old woman?" Beast growled. "And who are you?"

  "My name is Relda Grimm, and the town you see before you is Ferryport Landing. It's your home, or at least it will be. You've slipped through a tear in time. You're more than two hundred years in the future."

  Several people cried out in shock while others rushed to the sides of the ship to gawk out at the little town.

  "Wilhelm was taken against his will, but we have returned him," Granny continued.

  "Did you say your name is Grimm?" Snow White asked as she stepped from the crowd. She was as beautiful as ever.

  "Yes," Granny replied. "This is my son, Jacob, and my granddaughters, Sabrina and Daphne."

  The Everafters on the boat roared with approval. "Our savior's family lives on!" a woman said from the back of the crowd. Sabrina peered back and was stunned to find it was the Queen of Hearts cheering for her.

  "Times sure have changed," she grumbled.

  "Are we friends?" Ms. White asked the family.

  Granny smiled. "You're one of our best friends, Snow. I wish that I could explain more, but there is no time. We have to get you back where you belong."

  Suddenly, Daphne began to vibrate again. "That will be any minute now," the little girl said.

  "We need to get off this boat unless we want to join them in the past," Sabrina added.

  "Now!" Puck said, as he buzzed the boat. "Do I do it now?"

  "Just a moment, Puck," Granny said, then turned back to the passengers. "It was a pleasure to meet you all, but we really must go."

  Uncle Jacob took Briar Rose by the hand. "I'll see you in two hundred years."

  The beautiful princess looked confused, but gave him one of her goofy smiles.

  Uncle Jake led Granny back to the side of the ship and did his best to help her down. It wasn't as easy as climbing aboard.

  "Let my friends help you," Cinderella said. She took three small brown mice from her pocket and set them on the ground. Sabrina watched as they morphed into full-grown men, and once the change was complete she immediately recognized them. They were Malcolm, Alexander, and Bradford--the men who worked on her radio show. They helped the family off the ship and down into the rowboat.

  "Now?" Puck said impatiently.

  "Now!" Uncle Jake cried once they were safely rowing back toward the shore.

  Sabrina watched as Puck pulled the pins on his glop grenades and launched them onto the deck of the ship. They exploded, but not in a wave of disgusting filth like usual. These grenades were filled with a soft pink dust that covered the passengers. Sabrina recognized it as Forgetful Dust, and though she knew it was necessary to wipe the memories of everyone on the

  New Beginning so that history couldn't be altered, she still regretted the opportunity they were giving up. They had a chance to change some of the things that made life in Ferryport Landing so hard. Maybe they could have stopped the uprising that led to the barrier's construction. Maybe they could have changed the hatred so many of the Everafters felt for the Grimms. The possibilities were endless. She watched as the passengers stood on the sides of the boat, glassy eyed. The Beast and his wife, the Frog Prince, Little Bo Peep, Morgan le Fay, Cinderella and her mice assistants looked back at them, and then the ship was gone, swirling into the nothingness of the storm that hovered above. But in its wake Sabrina finally understood who had stolen the magical items.

  "I just solved the case!" she shouted, leaping up from her seat. She was so excited she fell overboard into the cold water. Uncle Jake snatched her by the sleeve and pulled her back into the boat.

  "Sabrina! Are you OK?"

  "I've solved the mystery!" she said as she wiped water out of her eyes. "I know who stole the magic items. It was Cinderella!"

  "I don't believe it!" Daphne gasped.

  "She came to our house with her husband, Tom. She must have brought her mice friends, and they snuck into the witches' bags," Sabrina said in a rush. "That's how they got into everyone's homes. They went as mice and turned into men to steal the objects. You saw them on the boat. They can shape-shift!"

  "That explains the locker at Frau Pfefferkuchenhaus's office," Daphne added. "She must have stuck her bag inside and trapped one of them in there. He turned into a man and was able to kick the door open from the inside."

  "But why? Why would Dr. Cindy need to steal this stuff?" Uncle Jake asked as he rowed the little boat to shore. "You heard her husband. The radio show is going national. They're going to be rich. They don't need to steal anything."

  "I say we ask Dr. Cindy ourselves!" Granny Relda said as they reached the dock. Mr. Canis was there, waiting to help everyone back onto shore. His handkerchief was stained through with blood from his eye injury.

  "Baba Yaga has nearly demolished the police station," Mr. Canis informed them. "It won't be long before she moves on to her next target."

  "Not to worry, old friend," Granny said as Uncle Jake helped her out of the boat. "I think we know who has her wand."

  The family rushed down the street to the radio station. On top of the building was a huge metal tower with a red light, and above that, there was another of the frightening time storms. They pushed through the doors of WFPR and headed for the stairs, where a sign read studio--3RD floor

  . But before they reached the first step, they were stopped in their tracks by a huge security guard.

  "Can I help you?" he said, though his tone sounded not at all helpful.

  "We need to talk to Dr. Cindy," Granny Relda explained. "Well, she's on the air right now, so I suggest you give her a call."

  "You don't understand," Sabrina said. "She's doing something very dangerous!"

  "Like listening to callers whine about their miserable lives?" the security guard said sarcastically. He reached down and turned a knob on a radio. Dr. Cindy was indeed on the air, trying to help a woman understand that she would never find happiness in food.

  "Now, like I said, she's busy," the security guard said roughly. He opened the door and ush
ered everyone back outside.

  "Something's going on up there," Daphne said. "I can feel it." The magic detector was nearly bouncing out of her hand.

  "Maybe Mr. Canis could eat the guard," Puck said.

  Canis shrugged as if that wasn't such a bad idea.

  "I don't think we need to eat anyone," Sabrina said, turning to Puck and studying the arsenal of glop grenades he had strapped to his chest. "Got any of those with real glop in them?"

  Puck smiled.

  Uncle Jake propped the door open just a crack. Puck pulled the pin on a grenade and Sabrina tossed it inside. A second later there was a loud splat and the security guard came running outside, covered in a funky-smelling goo.

  "I'm going to be sick," he cried, rolling around on the ground. With the guard incapacitated, the family rushed back inside the station and hurried up the steps.

  Moments later, they stormed through a door with a sign above it that flashed on air

  . Dr. Cindy was sitting at a desk with a big microphone hanging from the ceiling above her. She was wearing a pair of headphones and sipping on coffee while she talked to her caller. She looked up in shock when the group barged in, then leaned in to her mike. "Folks, I think we need to break for a commercial. We'll be right back with more of

  The Dr. Cindy Show in just a moment."

  The On Air light went dim and Dr. Cindy took off her headphones. "What's going on? I'm doing a show."

  "We know what you've been up to," Sabrina said, unconvinced by the woman's dumbfounded expression. "We know all about it."

  "I have no idea what you're talking about," Cindy said.

  "The magic items!" Daphne said. "Merlin's Wand, the Wonder Clock, the water from the Fountain of Youth. We know you stole them."

  "Stole them? I've never stolen anything in my life," Cindy exclaimed. "Relda, I don't know what's going on, but this is incredibly rude, letting your grandchildren come in here and accuse me of being a criminal."

  "Cindy, I would agree if we didn't have proof. We know you sent your assistants to break into people's homes. They snuck in as mice and then transformed back into men once they found what they were looking for."