Another Place

by Matthew Crow

  ‘Well, we’re here now. The only way out is through,’ I whispered, bracing myself.

  ‘ID please,’ said the bouncer on the left.

  There was a long pause during which nobody responded.

  ‘He means you,’ I said to Jacob.

  ‘You’re kidding? I’m five years older than her,’ he said. The bouncers looked at one another, then set their eyes squarely on Jacob.

  ‘We going to have any trouble tonight, soft lad?’ said the one on the right.

  Jacob rolled his eyes (a brave move, considering that each one of the bouncers’ four legs was thicker than his entire frame) before reaching into his pocket and pulling out his provisional license.

  ‘What do you think to this,’ Tweedledee asked his mate, pressing a small torch at the license before shining it in Jacob’s face. ‘Look legit to you?’

  ‘You never can tell these days,’ said Tweedledum, taking the passport and scanning Jacob with a look halfway between contempt and daring; urging him to run his mouth just once, so that he could justify some violent attempt at restraint. ‘You got anything else on you?’

  ‘I’ve got a birth certificate at home.’

  ‘Just the attitude then?’ asked Tweedledee as Tweedledum jabbed his hand towards Jacob’s chest, thrusting the small, laminated square at him with such force I saw his body jolt.

  ‘In you go,’ said Tweedledee, reluctantly. ‘But watch what you’re doing.’

  ‘We’re keeping an eye on you,’ Tweedledum warned, as we passed them and made our way into the deafening lobby and their laughter faded behind the closing doors.

  I leaned in to Jacob as it was the only way he’d ever be able to hear me and I could feel his body was rigid.

  ‘We need to drink,’ I whispered to him

  ‘Heavily,’ he mouthed back as he grabbed me by the wrist and wove me through the crowds.

  ‘What’s the end goal here, Claudette?’ he asked as we moved outside to the smoking terrace and sat on a bench.

  I swallowed hard, trying to extinguish the chemical fruit burn of the apple-sour shots I’d downed at the bar, before swilling my mouth with a beer.

  ‘I just want to see who’s about,’ I said. A woman’s leg sprawled over our laps as she reclined into her boyfriend’s embrace on the bench next to us. ‘Ross will be here. He can be a dick, but he’s harmless.’

  ‘And then what?’ he asked and I shrugged.

  ‘Then we meet up with Dan, I suppose, and get to the bottom of what he had to do with Sarah.’

  ‘Sounds watertight,’ he said and drained his beer.

  ‘Look, we’re here. We may as well make the most of it. Do you want to dance?’ I asked and Jacob shrugged.

  ‘Anything to avoid third base,’ Jacob said, gently lowering the girl’s curling leg from our laps before helping me up.

  ‘Which room?’ he asked.

  ‘Basement.’

  ‘To the underground,’ he said, as we picked our way through the bodies.

  16

  Gin Lane

  ‘I’m going to piss myself,’ Jacob said, midway through a slower song, interrupting my glorious, masturbatory trance as I swayed in the darkness to the rhythm of an unfamiliar song.

  ‘Aren’t you a little charmer,’ I said, following him towards the toilets. ‘I’ll wait here for you.’

  People came and went as I waited in the corridor for Jacob to return. Men huddled chatting in corners as groups of girls walked past like pissed Mona Lisas.

  One girl tripped on the stairs as she stared intently into the eyes of a man, who smelled so strongly of Lynx that I could taste it in my mouth from the other side of the room. He fumbled over to help her up and in that moment their eyes met and she locked her mouth to his like an Alien Facehugger, before they crab-walked up the stairs in impressive unison.

  I grimaced as a boy from the year below me walked up and leaned his head towards my shoulder.

  ‘All right,’ he said, his breath smelling of beer and cigarette ash. ‘How you doing, you OK. How are you, you doing well, yeah?’ he asked.

  ‘Great thanks,’ I said, turning away from him.

  ‘Nice to see you out, like, better, you know, you look nice tonight, like, you can’t tell there’s anything wrong with you or anything,’ he said.

  ‘Thanks,’ I said, feeling like the belle of the ball.

  ‘I’m getting a car soon, if you’re interested,’ he said, leaning further still until I was little more than a full-length crutch for the weight of his body. His hand stroked across the flies of my jeans.

  ‘You’re a God amongst men,’ I said, walking away and letting his limp body peel slowly to the floor, backed by the jeers and laughter of his friends who were standing beneath the stairwell.

  Unfortunately for the sisterhood, I’m cursed with the bladder of a camel, so I never really got in on the mutual bonding that goes on in the women’s toilet. But even though it stank of piss and the floor was smeared with stiletto scars in black liquid, it felt like a sanctuary compared to the outside world. Bow legs with red-lace shackles prodded out from beneath the stalls as in the corner two women, who worked in the same factory as my Dad, were passing a bottle of poppers beneath the nose of a younger girl in a bid to freshen her up.

  I stood in front of the mirror and soaked my wrists beneath the cold tap, careful not to make contact with the filthy ceramic of the basin. I felt the water rush across my wrists and sweet relief travel up my arms until I convinced myself that my whole body was at an acceptable temperature.

  ‘Oi, dickhead, either piss or get off the pot. I’ve half an eyelash hanging off that wants fixing,’ a woman shrieked, as I opened my eyes and realised that I’d zoned out and there was a queue forming behind me.

  ‘Sorry,’ I mumbled, making my way to the back of the bathroom where the empty condom machine had rusted fast to the wall. In the open stall at the back of the room three girls were exchanging money for the type of small, white bags that had fallen from Sarah’s stash.

  I hovered for a while, pretending to text, until two of the women left the stall, fifty quid lighter and giddy with excitement.

  ‘God,’ said the third girl in surprise, as she bumped into me on her way out of the stall. It was Emma Nolan. ‘I didn’t think you’d be here.’

  ‘Surprise,’ I said limply.

  ‘Yeah, well, you better not tell anyone you saw me,’ Emma said, pushing her way towards the sinks. ‘Not that they’d believe you anyway.’ She took a lipstick out of her handbag and crowned the thin slit of her upper lip with a lush, pink bow.

  I elbowed my way in beside to her at the mirror.

  ‘Do you make much money doing that?’

  ‘I hand out flyers,’ she said coldly, staring hard at my reflection in the mirror. ‘Like you.’

  ‘Yeah, I’m sure,’ I said.

  ‘You looking for a change in career? I thought you did Sundays at the chemist anyway,’ she said, snorting as she washed her hands.

  ‘Temporary leave of absence.’

  ‘Because you’re a nutter.’

  ‘I was overqualified for the job,’ I said and Emma snarled.

  ‘You always did think you were better than everyone, Claudette Flint. You’re nothing special, you know.’

  ‘I know,’ I said. ‘Whereas you seem to be really going places.’

  ‘Bitch,’ she mouthed with a bent head as she zipped up her bag. ‘If you tell anyone I swear to God you won’t know what’s hit you.’

  ‘Fair enough,’ I said. ‘But I want something from you first.’

  ‘You’re not having a freebie,’ she said and folded her arms.

  ‘You couldn’t pay me to take that shit. Drugs are for mugs and all that,’ I said and she hissed at me to shut up. ‘You’ve seen the way I behave sober,’ I added, and she rolled her eyes as if she’d made the dig herself. ‘I want to know how close Dan and Sarah really were.’

  Emma looked around the bathroom and when she was convinced th
e vicinity was a safe space she moved closer to me.

  ‘They got on all right at first I suppose,’ she said, cooling her wrists in the sink. ‘Dan likes the broken ones best,’ she said, raising her eyebrows at me. ‘They work harder when they’re desperate,’ she added cruelly. ‘So he started her off handing out flyers. Like you. But once she was promoted…’ she said, ‘things started going wrong. Dan wasn’t happy with her performance. Figures didn’t add up. So I took her patch after he got rid of her.’

  ‘Got rid of her?’

  She laughed. ‘Think he’d have been stupid enough to kill her? You’re even crazier than you look,’ she said. ‘And act.’

  ‘Maybe. But who’d be the best person to ask, about Sarah?’

  ‘Her and Ross were close, before she got brave. That’s all I know,’ Emma said, as she made it to the door. ‘Look, she wasn’t thick. You don’t steal from someone like Dan and expect to get away with it. Sarah was stupid but she wasn’t a complete idiot. The girl knew what she was doing. She dug her own grave.’

  ‘Nice,’ I said and Emma shrugged.

  ‘Whatever. I meant what I said, Claudette. If you tell anybody you saw me that’ll be you done. It’s not worth it. Trust me. Turn a blind eye. Some questions just aren’t worth asking.’

  ‘Where were you?’ Jacob asked angrily once he had found me outside.

  ‘You took ages, I had to pee,’ I lied. ‘You know how it is in the ladies. Then I needed some air.’

  ‘I got you this,’ he said, handing me another beer and a glass of water. I accepted the beer.

  ‘Can we go yet?’ he asked. ‘Everyone is leaving anyway.’

  ‘Not yet,’ I said as something caught my eye from over his shoulder.

  Coming through the crowds, nodding nervously the way a sober person does when greeted by drunken people, I saw Ross’s blond hair.

  ‘There’s someone I know. Come on,’ I said, dragging Jacob towards Ross.

  Ross was reclining on a back bench, beneath a broken halogen heater.

  ‘Hi,’ I said.

  ‘Evening crazy,’ he said flatly, lighting a cigarette. He looked like a husk; as if he’d been emptied and only half refilled since our last encounter. ‘This the creep with the camera?’ he tried though I could tell his heart wasn’t in it.

  ‘Ross, Jacob, Jacob, Ross,’ I said, and they nodded at one another with the stern uncertainty of two men who would normally never cross paths.

  ‘You having a good night?’ I asked, suddenly amiable with the warm rush that comes when you shift gently to the place between sober and whatever comes next.

  ‘It’s shit tonight,’ Ross said. ‘Full of oldies. Why are you here? You never come here.’

  ‘Just making the most of the town’s arts and culture scene. What about you?’

  ‘I was working.’

  ‘And now?’

  ‘And now I’m not,’ he said.

  ‘Want to hang out for a bit?’ I watched Ross look around the terrace, making certain that there was absolutely no other alternative.

  ‘Whatever. Any chance of a beer?’ he asked Jacob, who started to protest until I shot him down with a look.

  ‘Fine,’ Jacob said, heading for the bar.

  ‘Few shots would be nice, too,’ Ross yelled behind him.

  Once we were alone, Ross and I made uncertain faces at one another in lieu of actual conversation. It was Ross who eventually broke the silence.

  ‘Is he your boyfriend then?’ he asked and then blushed.

  ‘Jacob? Nah,’ I said. ‘He’s just passing through town. The type of temporary friend I need at the moment.’

  ‘I bet that’s not what he thinks.’

  ‘What he thinks isn’t really high on my list of priorities at the moment. Anyway he’s heard the rumours. I think he knows I’m a No-Go Zone right now.’

  Ross nodded and went quiet again.

  ‘What are you really doing here, Claudette?’ he asked, looking concerned. ‘You know you shouldn’t be hanging round places like this.’

  ‘Looking for answers,’ I said. ‘I’m like a dog with a bone.’

  ‘Why can’t you just leave anything alone?’

  ‘I saw Emma earlier,’ I said, ignoring his plea. ‘Hawking her wares.’

  He blushed again. ‘I’m not like her. Not like them. I do proper jobs. I clean the glasses.’

  ‘I’m not judging,’ I said.

  ‘Well you should,’ Ross said. ‘She’s vile.’

  ‘Yeah, that’s the impression she gives off. She knows Sarah, though,’ I said, and scanned Ross’s face as he winced at the mention of her name. ‘Said she was in on the flyering business, too. Pretty extensive PR campaign Dan’s got going on, eh?’

  ‘Sarah didn’t last long,’ Ross said quietly and then, realising the poignancy of his words, looked to the ground. ‘She wanted out fast and she didn’t care how many fires she left for everyone to put out behind her.’

  ‘What did she want out of?’ I urged him. ‘What was she running from?’

  Jacob came back from the bar with beer bottles and shot glasses jewelling his knuckles.

  ‘That’s your lot,’ he said to us, as he sat down.

  Now that Jacob had re-entered the fold Ross’s entire demeanour changed. Gone was any hint of remorse; gone was the vulnerability and the regret. He puffed up like an inflated balloon and grabbed his drinks.

  ‘Cheers,’ he said shortly, downing the first shot. ‘I owe you one.’

  ‘You owe me two,’ Jacob corrected him and we sat in strained silence for a moment.

  Ross and I chatted about our vaguely overlapping interests – mainly our disdain for classmates and teachers alike – and Jacob did the honourable thing by occasionally nodding as if he had any clue about what we were talking about. Every so often he’d catch my eye with a glance of longing. Not in a sexual way; not like I was the geek who had taken off her glasses and straightened her hair for the prom and suddenly we were in love. It was more a desperate urge to get the hell away from the nightclub.

  Just as we were reaching our wordless agreement to call it a night, there was a change in atmosphere as Ross’s face became a stony stare. Dan.

  ‘Ross,’ said Dan, slapping his shoulder before turning to me. ‘And my rising star,’ he said with a wink. ‘And who do we have here?’ he asked, coiling his head towards Jacob. ‘Ah, yes. From the café.’

  Dan was reasonably tall and relatively lean but he had the enormity of a person who never smiled. His hair was gelled and there was a deep, purple scar across his face – the type that only comes from glass – which curved the socket of his eye and face behind his single stud earring.

  Ross looked ruffled and he stumbled for the easiest option out.

  ‘They were just going,’ Ross said.

  ‘No. We weren’t,’ I corrected him.

  ‘All right, big lad,’ Dan said to Jacob without looking at him, before turning his attention to me. ‘I haven’t seen you here before at night, have I Claudette?’ he asked.

  ‘It’s my first time,’ I said.

  Dan breathed in the night air beneath the sharp slits of his nostrils that made a sizzling noise which grated my bones.

  ‘Fresh meat,’ he said with a smirk. ‘And look at all these people?’ he said, turning to the dwindling crowd. ‘All here because of you.’ Weighing down my shoulder with one of his arms, he took a flyer from his pocket and let it fall to the wet ground.

  ‘I’m just the messenger,’ I said. ‘It’s you they’re here for.’

  Dan thought for a moment and then nodded.

  ‘That they are,’ he said. ‘That they are.’

  On one side of me, I felt Jacob bristle, but we both resisted reacting.

  ‘Aren’t you going to invite them to the party?’ Dan asked Ross eventually. ‘There’s always room for two more.’

  ‘We were just leaving,’ Jacob said.

  ‘I wasn’t talking to you,’ Dan said coldly, turning to Jacob, befo
re bursting into a smile and slapping him on the back, jovially but with enough force to rock him backwards. ‘Only joking, big lad. Just my sense of humour. You’re welcome to join. We’re going to make the night last as long as we can.’

  ‘They were leaving. Claudette has to be getting back,’ Ross said.

  ‘We’ll come,’ I said.

  Dan terrified me the way few people did. Everything from his physicality to his deep, reptilian stare made my body and mind unite, unusually, in their desperation to run and hide. But something about me would not let it show, something inside of me wanted to get as close to the danger as possible, to stare until I was immune.

  Dan was a key that I needed to unlock whatever it was about Sarah’s life that nobody else had uncovered yet, the missing piece that I felt certain would explain why whatever had happened to her, had happened. I needed to know, the whole town needed to know, and I was not going to let my own fear get in the way of that.

  ‘Now that’s what I like,’ Dan said, wrapping his arm around me. ‘Someone who says yes to life. Come on, it’s not far,’ he said, releasing me from his grip and walking ahead.

  Ross followed closely behind him, while Jacob slowed his pace, indicating that he wanted me to do the same.

  ‘You’re not going,’ he whispered when we were at a safe enough distance as to not be heard.

  I swallowed my nerves, along with the common sense that wanted nothing more than to agree with him.

  ‘Thanks for the input,’ I said. ‘But I’ll do what I like.’ I noticed Jacob’s concern turn to genuine panic, so leant closer to him. ‘Just stay with me. We’ll be fine together,’ I whispered. Then Dan opened the doors for us and we left the club as his guests.

  There was half a bathtub in the front yard of Grey’s House.

  Grey’s was one of the huge old places that had started as some rich person’s house back when the town had been something special. After a while, when the town was a thriving holiday destination, it had morphed into a bed and breakfast. Its last incarnation was one of many bedsits that parents warned us against walking past at night. Now it was like a cross between a squat and a grunge club.