Bring Me Back

by Jessie Gussman

  Chapter 17

  Monday morning, Ben woke without an alarm. Funny how the older he got, the less he seemed to be able to sleep. Or maybe he just had more interesting things to think about. Whatever it was, he got up and showered. It had been a long afternoon with Gram yesterday. She was used to being active and didn’t make a very good patient. It wasn’t that she wasn’t allowed to move. She just wasn’t allowed to move as much as she was used to.

  That and she couldn’t eat steak. Or bacon.

  Still, Riley and the twins had come, and they’d spent most of the day on lawn chairs in the backyard until Turbo and Harris had come in the evening to relieve them.

  While sitting there in the long afternoon, he’d had an idea about something he could do in the yard here at the farmhouse. He kind of wanted to surprise Riley with it, but since it wasn’t his house, he’d probably better get permission first. Then the saying, “It’s easier to get forgiveness than permission,” ran through his head, and he figured, what could it hurt?

  Riley had mentioned a business trip next week. He’d think about doing it then.

  When he looked out the door, the eastern sky was just starting to glow, and Riley was at the rail, waiting on him.

  He hadn’t been sure she’d be there. After all, he was the one who had quit with their little early morning meetings Saturday morning when he’d been angry. Although she’s the one that said she was quitting.

  It was nice she forgave him so easily.

  Her head turned when he opened the door and stepped out still in his bare feet. Her eyes crinkled, and her smile hit him straight in the gut. Maybe he was foolish to come out and expose his heart.

  “Good morning, Ben,” she said softly.

  “Morning.” He walked slowly to her. Their eyes held as he walked to the rail beside her. He didn’t put his arms around her like he’d longed to do all night. Would she lean into him like she did at the hospital? Or like she had in Gram’s hall? He was willing to take the chance, but he didn’t want to push Riley.

  He breathed in the scent he would forever associate with sweet happiness.

  They didn’t talk a lot. The sunrise touched their faces, turning them pink then orange along with the wide expanse of sky over the low mountain bench in the distance. Somehow this morning he was aware of every breath she took, every time the slight breeze took her hair and shifted it. He wanted to touch her skin, feel her heart against his, but he reminded himself it wasn’t his right.

  He had his eyes on the sky, trying to focus on the beauty before him, his forearms resting on the banister, his hands clasped, when her fingertips touched his arm. He almost jumped out of his skin from the charge. His eyes snapped to hers, but she was looking at the flaming sky, as though in awe. Her light touch scrambled his brain and made the sunset pale in comparison to the feelings that stirred in his soul.

  Pretty sure that wasn’t part of the fake marriage bargain. Whatever was going on between them, he hoped he’d be able to stand it when it ended.

  ~~~

  “Tell me again why there’s such a rush in finishing this?” Torque thumped the brick that Jamal handed him down in the flat layer of sand. He shifted it slightly then looked at Ben.

  Ben shrugged. “You don’t have to stay.”

  “Thinking your ears need cleaning, man. Didn’t say I didn’t want to stay.” He held his hand out for the next brick that Jamal set in his hand. “I asked what the rush was.”

  Ben took the other brick Jamal handed him. He should have worn gloves. He’d already smashed the pointer finger on his left hand. It wasn’t bleeding out the cracked nail anymore, but it still throbbed.

  He set his brick before he answered Torque. “I wanted to surprise Riley and have it done before she got home.”

  “She’s not coming home until Tuesday. It’s Friday night.” Torque slid over on his knees and took another brick from Jamal.

  Ben slid in the opposite direction. They’d already made the stone fire ring. He’d welded the large three-foot-in-diameter metal inside ring together at the Coleman shop yesterday. It was installed as well. He’d prepared the ground Wednesday night after he’d visited Gram. That’s when he’d seen Torque and told him what he was doing. Torque and Jamal had just shown up tonight around seven, straight from work, since they were both just as grease-covered as he was.

  Ben knew he didn’t really need to answer Torque, but the fact that his brother knew he was working on a project and had come to lend a hand without being asked...it kind of made him feel like he actually had a real family. For the first time since his mother died.

  Not that the twins weren’t “real,” but he was more like a dad to them than a brother.

  “I can’t just sit around the house while she’s gone. I need to be busy.”

  A flash of white teeth shone in the light of the floodlights.

  Jamal laughed. “Dad’s the same way, Uncle Ben. He can’t sit still when Mom’s not home.”

  A little thrill went through him every time one of his nieces or nephews called him Uncle Ben. Jamal handed him another brick then hurried around to give another one to Torque.

  The hardest part was getting the pattern started. At this point, they were almost done, and the bricks went in easily. They would form a nice paving circle around the fire ring. Decorative and also acting as a safety ring for stray sparks.

  “You’re gonna finish this tonight. Then what’re you going to do?” Torque asked, sliding down again then slapping another brick in place.

  “I don’t know. Maybe if I’m lucky, the toilet will back up, and I’ll have to dig the septic system up.”

  Torque snorted. He looked at Jamal. “If that happens, we’re busy.”

  Jamal chuckled again. His voice was cracking a little. He was right at that point where he sounded like a little boy most of the time, with occasional flashes of the deepened man’s voice he’d have next year this time. “Whatever, Dad. All your brothers have to do is say they’re doing something, and you’re there helping.”

  Torque didn’t say anything else, but Ben felt that familiar warmth spreading in his chest. He was one of the brothers. He’d come in, after being gone for years, running away, avoiding his family because of his dad, and yet they’d accepted him without question.

  The back door slammed, and Cassidy walked out, a black-haired twin walking on either side of her.

  “Yes!” Jamal said. “She’s got drinks.”

  “I think your sisters are carrying cookies.” Torque’s eyes lingered on his wife. He looked at Cassidy the way Ben wanted to look at Riley. “I heard you pull in.”

  Ben had heard the car too, but he’d assumed it was one of the caretakers. Torque would recognize the sound of his wife’s car.

  “I set some food on the counter.” She bent down and kissed her husband before handing him a bottle of water. Torque tossed it over the fire ring, and Ben caught it.

  “Thanks.”

  He jerked his head as a twin wiggled into each arm.

  Cassidy said, “You’re welcome. This looks amazing. You guys are coming over to our house next week to put one in there, right?”

  “Maybe the next week. I think Ben’s doing some plumbing first.” One side of Torque’s mouth pulled up.

  Ben grunted.

  “Okay.” Cassidy looked between them. “Inside joke?”

  “It probably depends if Aunt Riley goes away again. Uncle Ben is the same as Dad when you aren’t home.”

  “Oh? So, he put the spice rack in alphabetical order and moved Riley’s makeup to the basement so he could put a toolbox the size of South Dakota under the bathroom sink?” Cassidy asked with a quirked brow.

  “I didn’t touch the spice rack.” Ben put both hands in the air in innocence.

  “Hmm.” Cassidy put a hand on her hip.

  “I did not put your makeup in the basement,” Torque said as the twins crawled over him.

  “That’s only because I caught you as you were coming down the stai
rs with it.”

  Torque looked over at Ben. “Don’t ever touch your wife’s makeup.”

  This probably wasn’t the time to confess that he’d never been in his wife’s bathroom. “Noted.”

  “The other day when I was talking to Riley, she said she didn’t know if you two were staying here in Pennsylvania.” Cassidy plucked a twin off Torque so he could drink his water.

  “Yeah. We’re not real sure what we’re going to do.” Ben met Cassidy’s gaze. It was the first time since the sun went down that he wished the floodlights weren’t so bright.

  “Obviously it’s up to you and what’s best for you guys, but I know your brothers would love for you to come back to PA and stay.”

  “She’s right.” Torque spoke, surprising Ben. “I guess I spent a lot of years angry that you left. We didn’t know you had a mother in Maine. After getting to know you and Riley, at the very least, we’d like to stay in touch.”

  Ben studied the cap he held between his fingers. In order for his deceit to work, he had to disappear after they’d finished their work here. When he’d made his bargain with Riley, he’d never dreamed he’d actually like his brothers or want to be part of their lives. Everything had changed.

  He looked up and met Torque’s brown eyes—eyes just like his own—across the fire ring. “I’d like that too.” It was an honest answer.

  Chapter 18

  Ben sat back on his haunches, surveying his handiwork. Finally finished. Cassidy had left shortly after she’d come, taking the twins. Torque and Jamal had headed out an hour ago when all that was left to do was spread the sand in the cracks. He would have stayed until it was completely done, but Ben had sent him home to his wife.

  He grabbed his water bottle and took a swig. It felt more like six months than three days that Riley had been gone.

  Thankfully he had a truck coming in tomorrow for a rebuild and would spend the rest of the weekend on it, working late both nights. He appreciated Torque coming because whatever he hadn’t gotten done tonight would have had to wait. But he’d finished it, so he would get to surprise Riley after all.

  Eight hours on Wednesday night. Eight last night and six tonight. The perfect circle with an inner circular steel core, outer stone sides, and a four-foot-wide brick circular floor around it was finished.

  It had been a good idea, since he wasn’t sleeping much anyway with her gone. Funny how short of a time it took for him to get used to watching the sun come up with her and eating breakfast with her and driving to work with her. Driving home. Cooking supper. Sitting on the porch swing and watching the sun go down.

  It was a little unbelievable how much he missed her. He took another swig of his water.

  Eve and Eden had decided to finish this semester of classes, at least, which was only another month or so, and come down for the summer. Now they could sit beside the stone fire ring. They could even cook supper over the fire. Gram would love it, and all the nieces and nephews would have a great time.

  He laughed to himself. He needed a swing set to make it good for the nieces and nephews.

  But he hoped Riley would love it. Maybe he should have asked before making such a drastic change to her backyard, but he’d broached the subject in a generic way, and she’d seemed open to the idea.

  A little wave of anxiety went through him. If she didn’t like it...

  He supposed he could always take it out.

  He sighed and finished off his water. Tired, but not sleepy, he knew he’d just go upstairs and toss and turn. Riley had texted him every night when she got back to her family’s house where she was staying, but she hadn’t texted tonight.

  Whether that meant she forgot, or whether that meant she was still out, he didn’t know and couldn’t think about. He’d really go crazy if he had to try to imagine what Riley might be doing running around at midnight. Now that his hands were no longer busy, it was even worse.

  He got to his feet, shoving his hands in his pockets and walking over to the side of the porch, leaning against it.

  Why hadn’t she texted?

  Crossing his arms over his chest, he stared off into the night, trying to get his mind to focus on anything other than Riley in a ditch somewhere. Riley attacked by thugs. Riley in the hospital. Riley only taking three days to forget about him when he couldn’t stop thinking about her.

  The hum reached him first. He cocked his head. Then lights shone by the house. The hum grew closer, and he knew for sure: Riley hadn’t texted because she had been on her way home. Thrilled excitement pulsed hot and prickly through his blood.

  He waited for the lights to shut off before he walked around the side of the house. Running would be unseemly, but that’s what he wanted to do. Hurry to her car door and sweep her up in a big hug and hello kiss.

  She popped the trunk, and he went straight back to get her suitcase. She might be his wife, but a hug probably wasn’t appropriate, either. Maybe she wasn’t home early because she missed him. It could be something else.

  He pulled her suitcase and shoulder bag out, slamming the trunk.

  “Oh!” Riley said from beside the car. “I wasn’t expecting you to be up.”

  He looked at her. He hadn’t even left the front porch light on since he wasn’t expecting her home, so the three-quarter moon was the only light. Did she really think he’d go to bed not having heard from her?

  “You didn’t text.”

  She smiled. “Because I was coming home.”

  Irritation sizzled up his spine. Didn’t she know he’d want to know that she was safe?

  Her smile faded. “I can get that. You don’t have to put yourself out because of me.”

  He ground his teeth together. Like he was going to let her carry the heavy suitcases when he was right here. “I’ve got them. Just get in the house.” She was in his way, and he couldn’t walk around the car.

  “I’m perfectly capable of carrying my own luggage.” She put her hands on her hips. “And maybe I don’t want to go in the house.”

  She wasn’t acting the slightest bit happy to see him. In fact, she seemed put out because he was carrying her bags. Of course, he knew she could do it. But he wouldn’t feel like a man if he stood and watched her lug her stuff in without helping her. Could she really be that dense? Maybe she was trying to make him feel worthless.

  No. Wait. This was Riley. She wasn’t mean, and she didn’t hate him. Maybe she was tired. He shoved his irritation back. It wasn’t considerate of her to not text and let him know she was okay, but it was dumb for him to get upset about it. She wasn’t one of the twins. Maybe she really didn’t realize that he wouldn’t sleep until he was sure she was fine.

  He swallowed, striving for a neutral tone. “If you don’t feel like going in the house, I did something in the backyard. You can check it out and tell me what you think.”

  She stopped with her mouth open. It closed. Her aggressive stance melted as her shoulders slumped. “I’m sorry,” she said softly. “I was acting like a child just now.”

  His hand tightened on the handles of her luggage. He breathed in. Her scent filled his lungs. He’d missed it. He’d worried. But he couldn’t tell her that. So he acted irritated instead. Then she thought he wasn’t happy to see her.

  Sometimes he was just stupid. He set her bags down and stepped forward.

  Her head jerked up. Her eyes widened as she must have realized his intent.

  He moved slow, giving her the chance to step back or to the side. To tell him to stop. But she didn’t. She took a half step forward and met him. Their eyes held as he stopped, wrapping his arms around her slim waist, feeling her heat and softness.

  It wasn’t the first time they’d embraced, but always before it had been for an audience. Except the time in Gram’s hall, with Gram being in the bedroom close by.

  This time, they were alone.

  She stiffened, and his heart cramped before she melted against him. Her arms slipped around his waist. He trembled at the soft touch. She sq
ueezed. He closed his eyes, resting his cheek on the top of her head.

  “I missed you,” he said roughly. He forced his mouth to open. “I was worried about you when you didn’t text.” His whole chest constricted, trying to keep the next words in, but they came out anyway, raw and rough. “I couldn’t figure out what you’d be doing running around Richmond at midnight. If you were hurt. If you were...with someone.”

  She froze in his arms. Then she pulled back just enough to throw her left hand in the air, twisting it so her grandmother’s ring caught the moonbeams. “I’m a married woman.” She lifted her face, staring into his eyes.

  “No one that you work with knows that,” he said around the weight in his chest.

  “I’m sorry you worried. I’m sorry I didn’t text.” She pulled her lips in, her eyes heavy with contrition. “I shoved all my meetings into the past three days because driving away from...here...was harder than I thought it would be, and every second I was gone, I longed to be back.”

  His heart beat heavy. “That’s why you’re home early?”

  “Yes.”

  “Because you missed...here?”

  “No,” she whispered. “I missed you.”

  Their gazes held. A cool breeze blew, blowing strands of her hair across his forearm. Her body felt warm and alive under his hands.

  He didn’t know what it meant or where they were going in their odd relationship. But he did know that he felt the world had been set back to rights, now that Riley was in his arms.

  He pulled her close again, loving the way she came so easily, pressing into him. He didn’t want to let her go, to try to untangle the convoluted mess of their relationship. But she had to be tired. “Let me carry your things in.” He quickly added, “I know you can do it. But it makes me feel good to do it for you.”

  She grunted. He considered that a win.

  “Then I’ll show you what I did in the backyard.”

  “Okay,” she said, her cheek still pressed against his chest, like she didn’t want to let go any more than he did.

  Again, he wasn’t sure what it meant. But he liked it.