Outlaw Country

by Davida Lynn

  “Damnit, what? I made you remember you’re a human? You remembered that in this life people work together? You’ve been a lone wolf too long, Kathleen. Maybe it served you well as Gracie’s manager, but what about you? How have you been doing the past twenty years?”

  Roger stepped closer, and Kathleen had to turn to him. She couldn’t hide the tears in her eyes, but then again, she didn’t particularly want to. His words hit so close to home that she couldn’t stand it. For twenty years, Kathleen had ignored that desire for a partner; for a teammate. When it came to Gracie’s career, Kathleen was laser focused. It allowed her to ignore the gaping hole inside of her. Roger had spotted it almost instantly.

  Gracie or me? Every time that question had come up and Kathleen’s mind, she had chosen Gracie. When her daughter showed an interest in music, Kathleen canceled the cable and Internet, so she could afford lessons. When it became clear that Gracie had a future in the music business, Kathleen made the hard choice to leave what little they had in Braselton and moved to Atlanta. Every choice had been about Gracie, even if that choice hurt Kathleen. She told herself that’s what it meant to be a parent.

  By the time Kathleen realized she had answered, it was too late. Roger went on, “Exactly. Being a manager is one thing. Being a mother is another. When you combine the two of those, it’s a recipe for disaster. Kathleen, look at me.”

  Through blurred vision, she forced her eyes to meet his.

  “It’s not a sin to think about yourself. Doing something good for you every now and then isn’t going to destroy Gracie. Like I said, say the word, and we’ll leave the tour. If that’s what you really want, I’ll do it. I just…I just hope you can see past your immediate feelings and get to what you really want.”

  Kathleen admired how well Roger had been able to read her, but he was bordering on arrogance. They were only beginning to get to know each other. Kathleen didn’t like him thinking he knew her so well. Kathleen made a decision that she thought was best for her and Gracie.

  “This is what I want.” Her words were quiet, but she pushed on. “I think it’s best for all parties involved if we go our separate ways.”

  Roger could only nod. “Snake eyes. Guess I’ll go let Colton know the bad news.” She watched him head to the door, his body sunken.

  The cold slam of the door made Kathleen reach for the drink again. She downed it in one hard swallow.

  Colton and Gracie held each other and talked for what felt like hours. They finally pulled themselves from the softness of the bed, their appetites howling. Colton poured them each a glass of champagne, and Gracie giggled when the bubbles tickled her nose.

  Every bit of her skin felt super sensitive. Colton would drag a finger down her arm, and Gracie would feel a shiver run down her spine. Endorphins seems to be coursing through her veins, causing her to smile or laugh for no reason at all. She saw a powerful look in Colton’s eyes that made her blush.

  Beside all that, she didn’t feel any different. Gracie didn’t feel like she had gone from girl to woman, and telling herself that she wasn’t a virgin anymore did nothing. The thought of losing her virginity had made her so worried and anxious, but it had all been for nothing. Colton hadn’t hurt her; quite the opposite actually. When he was with her, Gracie felt like the only woman in the world. She was strong, sexy, and she was in control. As hungry as she was, she was ready for a second roll in the hay with the sexy musician.

  After downing slice of bacon, Colton let out a laugh.

  Gracie asked, “What’s so funny?” His infectious laughter spread to her.

  “I was just thinking.” Colin shook his head. “What’s your momma gonna think?”

  The perfect, insulated moment between her and Colton deflated like a popped balloon. The world of obligations and overbearing parents barreled back to her. She knew exactly what her mother would think. “Colton, I think it might be best to keep our mouths shut about this.”

  He nodded. “Ain’t the first time a woman has kept me a secret.”

  “No, no, no.” Her muscles tensed, her stomach turned. “That’s not what I mean. Between the tour, the press, and your…let’s call it ‘persona’. I don’t think my mother would exactly take a liking to you. In fact, I can almost guarantee it.”

  “I’m jokin’. I get it. Whenever I gotta do to win over the matriarch, just say the word. I can clean up my act. I can do my best, but sometimes it feels like I take one step forward and two steps back, you know?”

  Colton felt like an addict sometimes. He wanted to do better, he really did, but he believed that nature was stronger than nurture. He’d be on a winning streak, and that just didn’t sit right with the world. Maybe it didn’t sit right with something deep inside of him, so he sabotaged himself. Colton knew that there were demons inside of him. He wrestled with them every minute of every day, but he never had motivation like Gracie Hart.

  She was better than the threat of jail time. She was better than every dollar he lost baying lawyers. She was better than anything he’d felt before. He wanted to be a better man for Gracie even more than for himself. It was a powerful feeling that was altogether new to Colton.

  The knock at the door pulled them both from their peaceful and intimate breakfast. Colton looked from the door back to his beauty. She quickly grabbed at the sides of the robe she was wearing. Alone with Colton at breakfast, she had brazenly left it untied. She stood and pulled it closed, her head snapping from side to side.

  Her voice was a guilty whisper, “I have to hide.”

  Colton nodded. He knew that if Gracie’s mother found her, it would be the end of things. She’d take her daughter as far from Colton as possible, making sure they never seen each other again. “The bathroom.” He tilted his head back towards the bedroom where they had spent the morning. She nodded and turned.

  He watched her go, his heart probably racing faster than hers. Colton was used to getting yelled at, but he couldn’t stand the thought of Gracie getting into trouble because of him.

  Once he was sure she was safe in the bathroom, he called out, “Yeah, gimme a sec.” He pushed in the second chair at the table and stuffed Gracie’s plate and glass beneath the draping cloth of the cart. It was a quick cover-up job, but it would have to do.

  Colton could feel sweat in his brow as he walked towards the door. His heart eased slightly when he looked through the peephole and saw his own manager on the other side. For a second, Colton considered telling Roger about him and Gracie. He decided against it because he wanted to spare Roger from Gracie’s mother’s wrath, too. Can’t get shit for what you don’t know.

  Unlocking the door, Colton took a step back as his manager came inside. Roger didn’t say anything. He closed the door, turned back to Colton, and pointed to the living area. Colton knew the sign of bad news. Roger had a certain way about it, and Colton had seen it more times than he could count. He wondered what he had done wrong this time.

  Roger’s shoulders were slumped. His eyes looked baggy. His clothes were a mess.. It wasn’t the normal tired that came at the end of the tour or a marathon recording session, but a kind of tired that sleep or vacation didn’t cure. It was the kind of tired that made a home for itself inside a heart. Colton’s look mirrored Rogers. Disappointment washed over him.

  “For once, I’m the one who’d fucked up. I let you down. I’m real sorry.” Roger pulled out the chair that Gracie had been sitting in not five minutes earlier. Colton was confused, but glad that Roger hadn’t noticed anything out of the ordinary.

  “Sorry about what, boss?” Did Roger know about Gracie? Was his manager there to tell them it couldn’t be? That thought was a fist around Colton’s heart, twisting and crushing it.

  When Roger could look Colton in the eye, the young singer knew it was bad; He just didn’t know what was bad. Roger’s had hung down as he spoke. “The tour, Colton. The tour’s off.”

  “The hell do you mean?” A wave of potential futures flashed in Colton’s
mind; all of them bad. What did it mean for him and Gracie? What did it mean for his career? What did it mean for the band? “You gotta gimme something here, Roger. I’m in the dark, man.”

  His boss lifted his shoulders and let them fall. Roger reminded him more of a man on death row than the powerful manager that had taken him from obscurity to rising country star. Roger had promised Colton everything. He believe in a kid when no one else did, and nobody worked harder for Colton and The Guilty Party.

  “Things just weren’t working out.”

  “Nah, that ain’t true. I think things were working out just fine. What’s really going on?” As far as Colton knew, Roger had never lied to them. Roger didn’t sugarcoat the truth, and he wasn’t afraid of bad news. That’s what scared Colton.

  “Here’s the truth. I fucked up. I wake up every morning and tell myself that this is business. I try not to take anything personal, and I don’t worry about hurting other people. The second that I start doing that, I’m no good at my job anymore. I’ve let things get personal.” Roger shook his head and tapped a finger on the table as he rambled.

  “I never had a problem with the way that you ran your life. I could handle it. I could use it to your advantage, and I could respect it, in some ways. I guess I tried to play Colton Wade for a day. It blew up in my face. I got us kicked off the tour. Didn’t have anything to do with Gracie or you. I’m sorry, Colton.”

  Colton knew hardship. He knew what it was like be kicked when things couldn’t get any worse. The first time somebody dropped a dollar at his feet while he was playing music, he swore to himself he’d never feel that again. He wasn’t going to let anybody else make him feel that way, either.

  “Get the fuck over yourself, Roger.” He waited until his manager looked up. “Whatever you did, shit happens. That’s the long and short of it. Shit happens. I’ve screwed up fifty times for every once that you have, But this isn’t you. This isn’t the man who sold a nobody to the biggest country label out there. That’s the Roger Ellery that I know. Something went wrong? You fucked up? No. I don’t buy that. I wouldn’t even take that for free. Go fix it like you always do. I’m not spinin’ a yarn when I tell you that we need this. Me, you, Kitt, and everyone else in the band.”

  “Colton, there’s no fixing this. She’s calling the label. We drop from the tour or Moonshine drops us. I’m not giving up, though.” He stood up. A tiny bit of the old Roger began to shine through. “This was a taste, and we’ll get back there. I’ll get you playing to 30,000 people a night, I promise. We don’t need Gracie Hart to do that.”

  Nothing could have been further from the truth for Colton. He couldn’t imagine doing that without her. His heart raced to keep up with his mind. The beautiful girl who he had just made his own was hidden away just in the other room, probably listening to every word. Adrenaline shot through Colton’s veins. “No!”

  “What?” Roger’s voice was full of shock.

  Colton had gotten into fights and arrested, but there was always a smile on Colton’s face when it happened. It rarely came out, but Colton could get angry. If Roger thought everything washed off of Colton like water off a duck’s back, he was dead wrong. It made the manager take a step back from the table.

  Colton’s eyes were on fire. He understood everything that was at stake. He used to say that music was the only thing he couldn’t live without. Colton could see that changing, though. There was room for two essential things in his life; music and Gracie.

  He shook his head. “The tour goes on. It has to.” He spoke loud, making sure the Gracie could hear them from the other room. Roger exhausted every possible resource before admitting defeat, Colton knew that. The more he spoke, the more defeat crept into his own voice. “It just has to. I’ll apologize to Gracie’s mother. I’ll do whatever I have to.”

  “I told you, this fuck up is on me. This is big, and I understand how pissed you are about it.”

  You have no idea, Colton thought.

  Roger went on, “If you gave me the ol’ boot in the ass, I couldn’t fault you.” The hurt was so plain in Roger’s eyes. It stunned Colton. There were tears welling in his manager’s eyes.

  That desire to go wild was growing inside of Colton. His response to problems usually involved drinking and the closest pair of tits. He’d get blackout drunk only to wake up and hear the story of his debauchery. Colton usually capped that off with a little hair of the dog. The desire was an inch and grew more by the second.

  A thought struck him: Grow the fuck up. Colton knew it was inevitable, maybe that’s why he resisted for so long. With a manager to clean up any of his spills, it was easy to stay a man-child. He didn’t have anybody to look out for, and everybody looked out for him. That all changed when sweet little Gracie Hart accepted his invitation to breakfast.

  “Horse shit. I ain’t letting you quit. Without sounding gay, you’re the best thing that’s ever happened to me.” Colton hoped he could at least get a smile out of his manager. “We’ll figure this out.”

  Roger gave Colton a quick nod. He turned to head back to his room. “Check out’s at noon.” Roger spun around and looked over the huge amount of food that Colton had ordered. “Dear God, I hope they don’t charge us for all of this shit.”

  Colton stood and watched his manager go. There wasn’t a bruise on Colton’s body, but he knew what a boxer on the losing end of a fight felt like. He heard Gracie crying even before she came out of the bathroom.

  Gracie didn’t bother to try and hold back the tears. She couldn’t have even if she tried. She stood in the bathroom listening to the whole conversation, and she was powerless to do anything about it. Once again, Gracie was fully aware that her mother was behind it. She must’ve found the story not long after Gracie did. It sounded like Colton’s manager had tried to smooth things over, but it must not have gone well for him.

  She hated her mother. She and her mother had gotten into fights before, but this was bigger. It was clear from the very beginning that Kathleen hated Colton. It wouldn’t have surprised Gracie if Kathleen had something to do with the TMZ story. Maybe she had planted it for just such an occasion. Either way, Gracie was furious. She had known for a few years that her mother would never stop interfering. Being Gracie’s manager only made things worse, but that was going to change.

  The tears were in full swing when she came out of the bathroom. As much as she wanted to be held by Colton’s big, strong arms, Gracie had something important to do. It killed her to push past him, but she had to go.

  “Babe, hold on a second,” Colton pleaded, while reaching for Gracie’s arm.

  She scrambled for her clothes. Gracie knew that if she stopped, she gets sucked in and stay. She wanted to stay, and that was the problem. Her mother was going to stand in the way of her happiness time and time again. At seventeen, Gracie might not have had a choice. At nineteen, she was a woman, and good managers were a dime a dozen.

  Colton stood by as Gracie threw her clothes on and stormed out the door. As if his heart wasn’t aching enough, he had to watch that fiery little beauty walk out of his hotel room and maybe his life.

  “What’s your deal, lately?” Kitt stared at his younger brother over the top of his large mug of root beer. Colton was on real brew number five, and the beautiful numb was starting to show itself.

  Colton shrugged the question off. “Hell of a show tonight, huh?”

  “You really think I’m gonna let you slide on a question, Colt? If you ask me, that show wasn’t all that great.”

  He didn’t want to admit it, but his brother was right. The show was good, but nothing more than good. It was just like the show before and the show before that. Colton had lost something, and it was coming through on stage. The real trouble was that Colton didn’t seem to care. As great as the other players were, he carried them. If he was off, they couldn’t do anything to pull it back together.

  “This town sucks. It’s always sucked. I can’t remember a good show here.�
�� Colton drained his glass— his sixth of the night— and shrugged. “Wait ‘til we get to Austin. It’s damn near impossible to put on a bad show there.”

  Kitt set the mug down. If the two had been in a better mood, Colton would have poked fun at the few drops of liquid dripping from Kitt’s beard. The salt-and-pepper was new, and he was still a little embarrassed about his age beginning to show. Colton knew that Kitt was more embarrassed about a bad performance, though. Colton’s older brother wasn’t about to let it go. “Fuckin’ talk to me. Don’t spew bullshit like some goddamn suit. There’s something going on inside your head. Don’t tell me this has to do with the skirt with the bitch of a mother.”

  Colton’s veins were swelling. Kitt knew he was digging deep. Maybe too deep. “Her name is Gracie, and no, that’s not what this is about.” Kitt was one stubborn son of a bitch; he wasn’t going to drop it.

  Before Kitt could press any more, a fan came up and interrupted the two of them. She was maybe twenty-five, fiery red hair, and as soon as she open her mouth the Wade brothers knew she had a personality to match. “Oh my effing God, it’s really you?!”

  He gave the rock star smile. “Is that a question or statement, darling?” Colton was tired, but that didn’t mean he could stop playing the game. He had to be friendly— overly friendly, sometimes— with his fans. They were the ones who kept the lights on at his place, and they were the ones who kept him in a record deal.

  The girl giggled. “I guess it really is you! You put on an amazing show tonight!”

  Colton gave his brother look. If the fans couldn’t tell the difference, it shouldn’t really matter all that much to Kitt. Colton’s older brother shook his head and returned to his root beer.